My Wife's Concern....

[biguy3113]

Greetings Everyone,

So as some may know I came out to my wife 2-3 months ago. She is cool with it and is allowing me to go find friends and go from there. We weretalking last night as we always do, about this and she brought up a big concern of hers. I have not been with a man since I was a teen and even then there was no intercorse just oral. I want to be sooooo bad, and my wife is worried that once I find the one I will run off with him and leave her and my family behind. I have explained to her that I love women and men both but not equally and then she brought up a good point. She asked how do you know that, you have never had a relatioinship with a man. How do I know that? I mean I know I love women, there is no doubt about that and I also like men. I guess there is no easy answer to this question is there? Is experimentaion the next move?

Thx,

Biguy3113

[Polyamerious Phoenix]

I understand your wife's concern. I think the very best thing honestly for you both would be to do this together. I mean you like men she likes men.

Have you spoken with her about "Sharing" someone?

She just wants to feel secure that you still love her and that your not going to leave her. Doing it together will help with that IMHO. I have been there. I have done this. I have seen it fail and seen it work.

I think that if you do it together it will not only work out better but will strengthen your current relationship with her.

Its just a thought.. I guess for me it goes along with the lines of fairness as well. Why should you get someone "new" and she has to sit at home and be lone...

Just a point of view from a Wife.. :tongue:

[Long Duck Dong]

tell your wife, its a two way street..... in your eyes, she is mrs right and in her eyes, you are mr right.....and that you too have concerns at times that she may meet a person that takes her breath away..... but it doesn't mean that she will walk away....and you are the same....

admit to her, its about sexual release in a way that you can not share with her..... but you love her even more for understanding that you are bisexual.... but cos of the concerns.... what would help you two both build a stronger relationship together....

talk about you both meeting potential partners.... that way your partner can know * thy foe *...and talk with you about concerns or feelings.... that way she feels like a equal and like her voice matters to you, even in a area where she is not able to be as equal as she would like

your wife needs to know that you value the freedom she is allowing, and that you respect that so much.. that you want her to stand beside you as your wife, as you both check out the men that could be a part of your bisexual experiences

[boca.openminded]

Greetings Everyone,

So as some may know I came out to my wife 2-3 months ago. She is cool with it and is allowing me to go find friends and go from there. We weretalking last night as we always do, about this and she brought up a big concern of hers. I have not been with a man since I was a teen and even then there was no intercorse just oral. I want to be sooooo bad, and my wife is worried that once I find the one I will run off with him and leave her and my family behind. I have explained to her that I love women and men both but not equally and then she brought up a good point. She asked how do you know that, you have never had a relatioinship with a man. How do I know that? I mean I know I love women, there is no doubt about that and I also like men. I guess there is no easy answer to this question is there? Is experimentaion the next move?

Thx,

Biguy3113

A friend (female) of mine said roughly the same thing to me about the guy she was dating. He had some (in her opinion) bi tendencies in the bedroom so she asked him if he was bi or curious. He told her no but she did not totally believe him it laid heavily on her mind for a long time.

She is the only one that knows I am "open minded" so we shared alot. What really bothered her was if her bf was bi or curious it was something that she could not compete with. Meaning, the guy has a penis and if he is interested in having sex with another penis, well being a female that is something that she cannot do. How would he know that he would not fall in love with another guy or like sex with him more then sex with her? Yes, there are strapons but its not the same thing. She was worried that even though she'd be able to satisfy him that he'd always be seeking a penis.

so I do understand your wife's concerns. I'm sorry that I can't help but I am very curious to see how this matter unfolds. It sounds awful like how my friend feels..

[robbie09]

What really bothered her was if her bf was bi or curious it was something that she could not compete with. Meaning, the guy has a penis and if he is interested in having sex with another penis, well being a female that is something that she cannot do.

Like you I love women but like men also. I came out to my wife only yesterday as "a little bit homosexual". She expressed similar concerns to the freind mentioned above saying how can I compete with that!

Maybe the solution is to asks our wives to join us rather than go it alone, hence there is not that same sense of competition.

[clovermoon]

She likes men but hasn't run off.....
Look if it were me and she has issues with it and I loved her. I'd stay home. I loved my woman and honestly fucking someone else regardles of sex is cheating. Is this worth it to you. Sex has been the number source of all my problems in life, all my issues can be tied to my love life. So if you love her and don't want her hurt think it through.

[JP1986UM]

welcome to the out of the closet tribe Robbie. Its no as stuffy out here as it was in there.

First things first guys, get some counseling with your gf, spouse, lover, whatever you are in. Solidfy the relationship you are in, not the one you will eventually be seeking.

After I came out, my wife and I ran to counseling. Our marriage has never been stronger. Second, seek out a counselor who is LGBT friendly and may have experience dealing with mixed orientation relationships. That will help get things started on the right foot, as opposed to the counselor who says, "Ok, so what we need to do is prepare for divorce/separation."

That's complete bullshit to me. I might be very bi (yes I am), but it means I love my wife and I need a male relationship to feel whole and complete. I love sex with her a lot, but I love having sex with my partner too. Its different and unique.

Talk for 30 minutes on these issues every day. Turn off the TV, just sit at the dinner table and talk to her about it. That is the only way to grow together, learn about each other, and make your relationship stable.:flag3:

[JP1986UM]

She likes men but hasn't run off.....
Look if it were me and she has issues with it and I loved her. I'd stay home. I loved my woman and honestly fucking someone else regardles of sex is cheating. Is this worth it to you. Sex has been the number source of all my problems in life, all my issues can be tied to my love life. So if you love her and don't want her hurt think it through.


This cheating aspect is complete bullshit. Western Culture is the only one where monogamy is a preset standard from cultural norms. It's not even religiously based. Throughout history, women were nothing but property. Concubines were expected of the male to have to get frequent sex.

Chinese provinces exist where marriage as a word doesn't even exist! The males have lovers, they sleep over, but children are cared for by the females family.

I've renegotiated my marriage so having a lover who is male and my wife is not cheating. Its allowed because we agreed to it.

[sprite]

I am the wife of a bi-sexual male; we have been working on this for a year now, and have since been able to make all of this work. First, and foremost, talk, re-assure, talk some more, re-assure some more. Our sex life has always been great, but there is still and always will be a sense of 'competition' and fear of replacement. What you need to do is to re-assure her that you have no interest in replacing her. Secondly, you should read the book 'Opening Up'; it is an excellent 'guideline' for creating an open marriage, which was necessary for him to be able to fulfill his bi side. I had to re-train my brain regarding monogamy and in fact, open goes both ways, so I too date now as well. Yes, there is still a part of me that misses being his 'one and only' however, we are closer than we ever thought we could be. I am happy to talk more about my side if your wife needs someone to talk with; I completely understand where she is coming from. Best of luck to you. You will find that you are a happier, less frustrated person.