Someone please tell me it gets better

[Georgie_Girl]

I've realized I'm a lesbian. Waited for about 6 months to be sure, and told my husband. He knew I was bi. He's leaving me, I kind of figured he would. Has anyone else been through this?

[littlerayofsunshine]

I personally haven't been through it, but hun it does it better. You'll begin living the authentic you. You'll mourn through this transition, But in the end you will have what you need/desire.

[SaraSaurus]

I've never been in a situation like this but I wanted to offer what comfort and support I could. In times like these I always think of the Jewish saying, "This too shall pass". It hurts now but it will get better and when it does you will be stronger for it. Mourn for the part of your life that is ending but do not despair. Know that a new chapter of your life is waiting for you, one which will be better if for no other reason than you will be able to live it freely, as you truly are. I also want to tell you that I admire your bravery in being completely honest with your husband, not everyone would strong enough to do so in your place.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Good luck to you in no matter what you wish to do, Honey. :}Cat

[AlternatingRed]

Kinda!
Hello hon.
I have always considered myself to bi, but have increasing problems actually finding guys I like. I am still attracted to them, but really now consider myself for relationship purposes as a lesbian. Guys are eye candy, but thats about it!
I dunno whether it relates to you at all, but if you want pm me and we can chat

:female::female::female::female::female::female:

[onewhocares]

Georgie,

I have been in your shoes but reversed. There is no person on this earth whom I love more than my husband...he is my soul mate, my friend, my best friend...but like you, he has come to the realization in his life that not only is he bi....he leans more to gay. Was I hurt, devastated, disillusions, mad, angry, and any range of emotions that I could possibly express......YES and I mean YES. Did I think that my whole life had crumbled as quickly as it was built..yes. I can only share with you my own personal experiance..but do you the most amazing thing happened. Not only was I surprised that I had in fact not withered away..or melted into mush. I had in fact, become stronger, more self confident and in a wild and weird abstract..more alluring to the man I love....and he more to me.

Now perhaps that your husband shall never accept you to be the beautiful person that you are, or perhaps he is insecure in his own persona, but I am sorry that he can not share that very special part of you, the whole person that you are, to want to share his life with. Do not fret...you will cry, you shall be sad, you will think that it can not get worse than it is now...but it will. Not only will it get better, I shall lay odds that you shall thrive for you shall come into your own and be the person that you were meant to be. A proud, honorable, alluring and smart woman.

Perhaps one day, when you least expect it...a special man shall enter your life, and accept that you are more interested in women, and may not be the typical heterosexual woman , but he shall love you....the PERSON with in and want to share your life. I am somewhat personal in this matter...but know what...it does not matter how a person loves you, be it for the twinkle in your eye, the humor of your wit, the tenacity of your worth ethic...but he loves YOU and will want to share you love of a woman with you like I love to share the man that I love with another..ah such joy.

Belle

[texasman6172003]

Hey Georgie,I hope things do get better for you. At least you were able too come out too him. Unlike my situation because of family pressure's i am unable too come out. Good luck too you...

[codybear3]

Have not been in a situation like yours, but like all things, it will get better with time... Good luck to you and may lots of happiness come your way in a hurry... :paw::paw:

[Georgie_Girl]

Thank you all :)

[innaminka]

You are not alone. Be assured.
And also, be assured you are exactly the same person you were. Coming out does not change the YOU in you.

I can add support to your situation - as you may have read in a post about a month ago, my husband and I decided to separate after just on 21 years.
A mutual and amicable decision.
The marriage had "run its course" and we decided for everyone's sake - ours, our daughter's and our extended families, that separation now was better than letting something that wasn't working on many levels just fester and grow pestilential, causing anger and venom to surface.

My being Bi was definitely a factor in this marriage decay. No doubt, even though for the best part of 14-15 years we sort of worked through it. But it was always there in the background.
Like you, I am realising that as time has passed, I am becoming more and more attracted to women.
I do not want another man in my life. My husband Dean will be the last man I ever make love to.
I know in my inner-self what I am - but this comes to the second part of your question.
Will it get better???

Quite simply, that is up to you. You may and probably will have both support and counselling, but putting your new you into "practice" is something that only you can do.

Personally, I feel a huge fuzzy cloud that has been on my shoulders for a few years has been lifted. I feel relief, a sense of dynamism and purpose now that I've/we've made the decision we have.

But I know that the future is now me by myself - with friends.

[bityme]

I've realized I'm a lesbian. Waited for about 6 months to be sure, and told my husband. He knew I was bi. He's leaving me, I kind of figured he would. Has anyone else been through this?

Question: If he knew you were bi and seemed to be OK with it, why tell him you decided you were a lesbian? Unless, of course, that was your way of telling him that you wanted to end the relationship.

If you didn't want to end the marriage and were content to continue your love life with your husband, wouldn't that mean that you were still bi?


Now perhaps that your husband shall never accept you to be the beautiful person that you are, or perhaps he is insecure in his own persona, but I am sorry that he can not share that very special part of you, the whole person that you are, to want to share his life with. Do not fret...you will cry, you shall be sad, you will think that it can not get worse than it is now...but it will. Not only will it get better, I shall lay odds that you shall thrive for you shall come into your own and be the person that you were meant to be. A proud, honorable, alluring and smart woman.

Perhaps one day, when you least expect it...a special man shall enter your life, and accept that you are more interested in women, and may not be the typical heterosexual woman , but he shall love you....the PERSON with in and want to share your life. I am somewhat personal in this matter...but know what...it does not matter how a person loves you, be it for the twinkle in your eye, the humor of your wit, the tenacity of your worth ethic...but he loves YOU and will want to share you love of a woman with you like I love to share the man that I love with another..ah such joy.Belle

Did I miss something? Didn't she say she had decided she was a lesbian. Presumably that means no sex with men. I would not think that anyone would want their spouse to feel good about being told that they no longer want to have a sexual relationship with them. And I certainly would not think she would be looking for a special man to enter her life.

[rissababynta]

Question: If he knew you were bi and seemed to be OK with it, why tell him you decided you were a lesbian? Unless, of course, that was your way of telling him that you wanted to end the relationship.

If you didn't want to end the marriage and were content to continue your love life with your husband, wouldn't that mean that you were still bi?





No...it can just mean that she loves her husband and still wants to be with him, but she is more attracted to women. There are such things as people wanting to be with someone because of the person they are, not because of the desire to have a sexual relationship with them anymore.

I know a gay man and a lesbian woman who are married because they find the best friendship that they have ever had in each other. They don't have a sexual relationship, but they have shown me that a marriage can be so much more than that. And they are quite happy and content with their lives.

[Georgie_Girl]

Question: If he knew you were bi and seemed to be OK with it, why tell him you decided you were a lesbian?

I said realized, not decided... I was sick of living a lie.


No...it can just mean that she loves her husband and still wants to be with him, but she is more attracted to women. There are such things as people wanting to be with someone because of the person they are, not because of the desire to have a sexual relationship with them anymore.

Yes, thank you, Rissababynta. :)

[bityme]

I said realized, not decided... I was sick of living a lie.

Sorry if I misquoted you. My question is still what you expected the relationship to be like after that conversation. Did telling him that you came to the realization mean that you no longer wanted a sexual relationship with him or that there would be a substantial change in the sexual relationship?

It would seem that since he knew you were bi and hadn't left that this new information somehow pushed him out the door.

I know that Rissa gave an example of a successful, non-sexual relationship between a gay and a lesbian. Is that what you were telling him that you now wanted?

If he understood that the sexual portion of your relationship was to be terminated and he left because he was not agreeable to that drastic a change in the relationship, his departure is understandable.

I appreciate that you could not live a lie. But everything we do has consequences. For every decision we make there is something we have to give up. Since it was more important to you to disclose your feelings, you have to accept the consequences of that decision.

Will things get better? Of course they will, but it may take a while and you may go through some heartache.