Tibolticus
May 14, 2009, 2:47 PM
I am a 25 year old guy currently making steps into realising my bisexual identity. My journey to understanding that I am indeed bisexual has been a long and painful one and indeed it is still very much ongoing. Since my teen years I have had an interest in muscle but I have displaced this fantasy in its male form by taking an interest in muscular women. I have also fantasised to a higher degree about busty women, the very stereotypes of womanliness. It is only in very recent times with an understanding that in order to live happily I need to stop repressing my thoughts, that I have begun to appreciate that I have a sexual interest in men.
It is only in the past three years that I have begun to make the journey towards realising that I am in fact bisexual and in fact only in recent weeks that I am starting to get over the denial. It has been very difficult to do so because of my own past conviction that you are either gay or straight and perhaps even because of some form of internalised homophobia. I identify so much with comments I have read elsewhere that this journey is lonely and isolated- I (at least with friends) fit into the category of closeted bi-sexual, given time I might be happy to change that but because I move in almost exclusively hetero circles it is possible I may never build the wish or confidence to.
But I have a specific problem I would like to share. I am in a long term relationship with a woman and I have been in this same relationship for nearly four years. I am very committed to this girl, she is beautiful, sexy, kind and very understanding. This journey has been extremely difficult at times and she has supported me throughout being (almost) totally aware as I have swung between perceiving myself as straight, gay and finally now, as it begins to settle down, into an acceptance of bisexuality. She is very liberally minded, having experimented with girls in her past. Indeed I find that she may be more comfortable and confident and aware of the form of my sexuality than I am sometimes!
As you may have picked up, this relationship is a year longer than my journey into realising my bisexuality. Because I believe very much in being faithful irrespective of gender I have therefore never had any kind of sexual experience with a man. I wouldn’t mind being able to experiment to some small degree with men and to understand a bit more about the extent of my interest in the same sex but I don’t want to do anything to jeopardise my loving and stable relationship. In a sense I almost feel trapped, yet at the same time in love, this contradiction is causing me much anxiety and heartache.
I am hoping that, because I am only just making these steps into accepting my bi-ness that with time I will be able to accept it properly through viewing porn etc, doing things which do not involve actual contact and will not jeopardise my relationship. I think a main factor is that I have finally found something which resembles a community in which I can feel a connection to people who have experienced similar struggles. I would love to hear stories of growing to accept bisexuality and coping with it in hetero relationhips from anyone else who is doing fine and totally committed to their lady. It would be super great to get some kind of person to person dialogue going at this time.
Tibo
It is only in the past three years that I have begun to make the journey towards realising that I am in fact bisexual and in fact only in recent weeks that I am starting to get over the denial. It has been very difficult to do so because of my own past conviction that you are either gay or straight and perhaps even because of some form of internalised homophobia. I identify so much with comments I have read elsewhere that this journey is lonely and isolated- I (at least with friends) fit into the category of closeted bi-sexual, given time I might be happy to change that but because I move in almost exclusively hetero circles it is possible I may never build the wish or confidence to.
But I have a specific problem I would like to share. I am in a long term relationship with a woman and I have been in this same relationship for nearly four years. I am very committed to this girl, she is beautiful, sexy, kind and very understanding. This journey has been extremely difficult at times and she has supported me throughout being (almost) totally aware as I have swung between perceiving myself as straight, gay and finally now, as it begins to settle down, into an acceptance of bisexuality. She is very liberally minded, having experimented with girls in her past. Indeed I find that she may be more comfortable and confident and aware of the form of my sexuality than I am sometimes!
As you may have picked up, this relationship is a year longer than my journey into realising my bisexuality. Because I believe very much in being faithful irrespective of gender I have therefore never had any kind of sexual experience with a man. I wouldn’t mind being able to experiment to some small degree with men and to understand a bit more about the extent of my interest in the same sex but I don’t want to do anything to jeopardise my loving and stable relationship. In a sense I almost feel trapped, yet at the same time in love, this contradiction is causing me much anxiety and heartache.
I am hoping that, because I am only just making these steps into accepting my bi-ness that with time I will be able to accept it properly through viewing porn etc, doing things which do not involve actual contact and will not jeopardise my relationship. I think a main factor is that I have finally found something which resembles a community in which I can feel a connection to people who have experienced similar struggles. I would love to hear stories of growing to accept bisexuality and coping with it in hetero relationhips from anyone else who is doing fine and totally committed to their lady. It would be super great to get some kind of person to person dialogue going at this time.
Tibo