A bit jealous...

[its430am]

I was reading the thread on snowballing and got a bit jealous. My husband is straight but was raped by a man when he was eighteen. It has taken me years to get him to relax enough during oral sex that he can actually have an orgasm. If he is sleeping and I try to playfully wake him up for some fun, he will nearly jump out of his skin until he realizes it me. He never had any counseling after the rape and I believe I'm the only one he's ever told. If I ever tried to kiss him with his cum in my mouth he would freak out. Ah, well, poor guy...

Any other fun ideas that don't involve traumatizing my guy?


Soph

[csrakate]

If your husband is indeed traumatized, he needs to seek counseling so that he can put this behind him once and for all. As with any victim of rape, sexual encounters can drum up bad memories for them and it can affect him in more ways than I am sure he realizes. I feel for him, but not sure that any suggestions from this board about playful antics is really what he needs right now.

Please be patient with him and try not to feel jealousy when you read threads about things the two of you aren't capable of doing right now....I am sure it's not by choice that he reacts the way that he does.

My best to you both,
Kate

[its430am]

I understand what you are saying completely, but it has been over 20 years since the rape. It happened way before I met him, and I am not sure a suggestion that he seek counseling would be helpful at this point. He balks up at having to go to the dentist--a counselor would be way over the top. You are right, though, he's never really worked through it, obviously. I've found that the best thing for me to do is to find ways to help him relax and trust--and be patient. And he's usually game for a novel idea, just wouldn't appreciate his semen back in his mouth.

Soph

[hedonic]

I can imagine how difficult it is for your husband, that is one boundary that probably will take a lot to be broken, only because I went through a rape at age 14 by a trusted mate of the family and my thing is "keep hands off my nipples". During the rape my nipples were tweaked till they bled. He weighed 130 kilos. Now Im a hands off my tits kind of guy, I actually flinch whenever anyone tries to go near them. However as of late, I have had gentler lovers to show me how erotic it really is. I wish you luck . cheers, tp

[elian]

The fact that you loving and patient an inspiration. Some wounds are deeper than skin - I will keep both of you in my thoughts and prayers.

[Bi Exploring]

Hmm. Well, I can understand your concern. Because of that fear both you and he are not able to enjoy oral sex as much as you might. I think you can get him over it without counseling. Here's is what I would suggest: First, don't wake him up with oral. Because he is asleep he doesn't know what's happening and that triggers his negative reactions. What you might try is after engaging in regular intercourse for awhile, but before he has cum, get off of his cock. Then, while you continue to look into his eyes, take his penis in your mouth and finish him off and swallow. Then kiss him while you have still have his cum taste in your mouth. If he enjoys that, the next time you can do the same thing but have a little more cum left in you mouth each time. After a couple of times, I bet he will enjoy a full swap. After all, you are just returning it to its rightful owner, lol. Hope it works for you. You are obviously a sensitive and caring partner.:):male:

[graytwo]

I was reading the thread on snowballing and got a bit jealous. My husband is straight but was raped by a man when he was eighteen. It has taken me years to get him to relax enough during oral sex that he can actually have an orgasm. If he is sleeping and I try to playfully wake him up for some fun, he will nearly jump out of his skin until he realizes it me. He never had any counseling after the rape and I believe I'm the only one he's ever told. If I ever tried to kiss him with his cum in my mouth he would freak out. Ah, well, poor guy...

Any other fun ideas that don't involve traumatizing my guy?


Soph

Not sure about traumatizing or anything like that. Here's my story. My lady was never traumatized sexually, that I know of. She loves for me to enjoy and bring her off orally. She loves when I go down on her after we've made love and generally gets off again. She has no problem kissing me after she has brought me off orally and expects, rightfully so, that I do the same for her. Seems great, eh?

No so. If I enter her, all oral for her to me is totally out of the question, if I go down on her, all kissing is totally out. She basically won't kiss me after I go down on her. She loves me to go down on her cum filled pussy, my cum. Loves to kiss after taking an oral load, my cum. Both in fact gets her hotter.

I shouldn't complain, which I'm not! I just do not understand why a lady will like the cum stuff yet be turned off by any pussy play before.

This is an honest response and additional wondering to your post.