Man Crush

[Alice Green]

I have my first crush on a friend who everyone thinks is gay but says he is strait I’ve asked him if he’s gay or not but he says he is strait but he has no girl friend and he is a great catch I want him but don’t know how to proceed because he is my first man crush he smart and sweet and we have the same interest and I’m head over heals with him, but he is the first I’ve felt this way is there any advice to how I should proceed?

[DeShawn2]

I would say have boundaries and prepare for friendship.

If he asks about you or mentions anything sexual, don't try to lie to blend in. Just be honest about who you are. Be honest about everything.

I tried to play mind games with my first man crush, pretending I wasn't in to him at all but pretending to be interested in hanging out with him fairly often(basically, I tried to ride the cusp), and it didn't end all that well at all.

[DeShawn2]

Oh, and please use periods to separate your sentences. Thanks!

[Alice Green]

Thanks about the advice and sorry about the periods I’ve had a few too many drinks tonight sorry I’m pretty good about punctuation.

[DeShawn2]

Thanks about the advice and sorry about the periods I’ve had a few too many drinks tonight sorry I’m pretty good about punctuation.

:) You're fine. I've been sending drunken emails from my blackberry so, glass houses. haha

[M. Wolfe]

Do not take this the wrong way but how old are you? Are you still in highschool?
He's 24 according to the profile.

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Back to Green.
Hey buddy, I know the feeling. I've had a man crush on one of my friends for years. He IS strait so my desires are futile and you might be in the same boat. If his is strait, you are going to learn how to swallow your feelings and deal with them in private. You'll want to loose them, you'll wish you didn't feel that way but it wont get better for a long time... trust me.

Anyway I think the best thing you can do is confide in him - if you are good friends anyway. Tell him, and only him. Knowing there is someone he knows well, a friend, who has those feelings will make him consider confiding in you if he feels similarly.

The worst case scenario is you stay right where you are in terms of your relationship and you have a supporting friend.

[BrotherJack]

Find someone else.

If your friend is heterosexual or straight like he told you that he is, he's not going to have sex with you or want sex with you, when he has told you that he's straight.

Do not broach the subject with him by flat out asking if he wants sex, if he's really gay/bi, or by flirting with him as it's insulting and you already know that he's not interested in you and he's not going to have sex with you since he's straight.

By all means do come out to him and tell him about yourself, but do not expect that by doing this that he's going to somehow magically want sex with you or that he will do anything more than hopefully just be a supportive friend.

Sorry it does not work like it does in gay porn.

There are a lot of heterosexual men who do not have girlfriends and yet they are still heterosexual. It's called being single.

I know guys who are heterosexual who many people think are gay just because they are swishy and femmey like my ex boss who spent a lot of time in the UK but these men actually are straight, married to women and open about it, and they do not want sex with other men at all.

I was not sure what a man crush is besides just the idea of lusting over a guy and wanting him sexually and/or romantically, and I have heard straight male friends talk about having them much to my puzzlement, so I looked it up and here is what I found:

A man crush is apparently a strong and extremely complicated positive emotion that a straight male feels towards another male.

A 'man crush' can basically be described as not a homosexual lust, but envy over a guy or jealousy over who he is.

Do not take this the wrong way but how old are you? Are you still in highschool?

You know, this was extremely good advice. So I don't have too much to add. I too, wondered if Alice Green might be quite young, but even much older people can appear, in there writings, or alas, behaviour much younger. Is Alice even bisexual? As you point out, adults and that will go for females, as well as males, can develop a ''crush,'' on someone of the same sex and this can be caused by envy, jealousy and admiration for just who the person is and how they behave towards their fellow humans. It is also possible to be so fond of a best friend that the feelings can be akin to being in love. I guess it means one can be ''in love,'' with every aspect of that person's personality and therefore similar to a crush.

Really I do think that you said it all and gave good advice. Though tell me...and you made me laugh....what does living in the UK have to do with your ex boss being a bit femmey and swishy. I'm trying to puzzle that one out. :bigrin:

But, as I said...good advice :)

[BrotherJack]

He's 24 according to the profile.

----

Back to Green.
Hey buddy, I know the feeling. I've had a man crush on one of my friends for years. He IS strait so my desires are futile and you might be in the same boat. If his is strait, you are going to learn how to swallow your feelings and deal with them in private. You'll want to loose them, you'll wish you didn't feel that way but it wont get better for a long time... trust me.

Anyway I think the best thing you can do is confide in him - if you are good friends anyway. Tell him, and only him. Knowing there is someone he knows well, a friend, who has those feelings will make him consider confiding in you if he feels similarly.

The worst case scenario is you stay right where you are in terms of your relationship and you have a supporting friend.

I really don't think that it would be a good idea for Alice Green to tell his friend that there is someone holding a candle for him....AND come out as bisexual (if he actually is), at the same time!

I think that OK, if he has not already told his friends about his sexuality and he wants to, then fine, tell who he thinks he can trust the most, but not both.

If his friend is heterosexual, he may not like the idea, of another man, especially a friend, hankering after him. Alice Green might lose a friend and maybe, even get a thump on the nose!

That would be a totally disastrous end, to what may have been a good friendship! Keep the friend and try to work past the fixation on him, is what I would advise!

[M. Wolfe]

I really don't think that it would be a good idea for Alice Green to tell his friend that there is someone holding a candle for him....AND come out as bisexual (if he actually is), at the same time!

I never said that - I suppose I shoulda clarified.

Tell him about the bi thing - and that's it. Don't he's "holding a candle" for the friend.

Introduce the info about the bisexuality to the relationship and wait and see what happens. Leave it to settle.

[BrotherJack]

I never said that - I suppose I shoulda clarified.

Tell him about the bi thing - and that's it. Don't he's "holding a candle" for the friend.

Introduce the info about the bisexuality to the relationship and wait and see what happens. Leave it to settle.

Gee whizz! I read your post again......reads that way to me......unless you are trying to say, that you mean someone being interested in the friend, male or female. If Green tries that....it won't work....too obvious. Best to let sleeping dogs lie, for there are many fish in the sea....many friends to be made and lovers to find.

I still think that the post prior to your's, gave the best advice, because it is best to keep a friend....not lose one.

[M. Wolfe]

Gee whizz! I read your post again......reads that way to me

Yeah my bad.

All I was trying to say was he ought come out to his friend(s) and then leave it. Let the friend have free reign over the direction of the relationship - if he is genuinely strait then nothings gunna happen.