Venting out what I've kept in silence for too many yrs

[Eevee]

There was always a part of me that knew that I was attracted to women ever since the age of 13 but I couldn't really figure it out cause I was young and there was nobody that I could talk to or confide in for all of my teenage yrs ....

I spent 7 yrs with a man which I have 3 children by and throughout all that time I knew I was not complete I wanted to have a relationship with a woman. But I just hid that part of me since he was a "Macho" kinda guy no way was I going to tell him something like that. I seperated from him and till I was in North Dakota in '05 there is where I had my 'first expierence' (somewhat) with a girl but I still really couldn't tell anybody what I was feeling and so I just repressed that in me.

By then I had 3 children and was a single mom ,full time student and full time worker so I just cont. on and I kinda made it out to be just a moment kinda thing.

In '06 I got married with someone in the Air Force as time went by... he has been the only person that I have been able to confide in with what I had been keeping a secret for all these years . He got transffered to San Antonio his hometown and here his eyes have opened to all the possibilities and oppurtunities there are and so he has chosen to roll solo from here on out.

So I now have 4 children, no family or support of any kind here in TX & BTW/ did I mention that now I am a 24yr old single homeschooling mother(that should let you know what my social calender is like LOL you got it...its EMPTY)....lonely is def. where I stand.

So here I am now finally accepting that side of me that I've kept secret...but it feels like I've come too accept it to late in my life...I 24 but my life is of an older woman at this point although I'm young my priorities are my 4 children, their education and my own as well as providing for them I have no time to go out and meet people///and telling people my age that I have 4 kids is an automatic "Gotta Go,nice talking to you" and even the idea of telling my family now after 4 children that I've always liked women but that I chose to be with men only b/c thats what I knew was expected as I grew older is extremely confusing for me!

Even on the all time famous Myspace I've met a single bi mom but she happens to be 19 and we've been talking for a few weeks everything was going good she was cool with the fact that I had 4 lil ones, was talking about meeting up with eachother , and all that ....but lately its gone from emailing back and forth all night too maybe an email every other day///and although I've asked if something is wrong she says Nothing is wrong that she is very interested in me but///I have no idea what to make of that ????///

I guess what I'm looking for is some sort of support or guidance cause the silence and not having anyone to talk to about all this is driving me crazy!!!

Thanks

[bityme]

It's hard to maintain yourself within society's "normal" standards when you have other feelings.

It's good that you have finally come to grips with your desires and are ready to act on them. But don't expect this to be easy either.

You seem to be the type of person who wants to be in a relationship (two marriages in such a short time). You might try holding back a little. Get to know yourself and like yourself for the wonderful person you are, independent of someone else. Date, have some fun, become comfortable in your sexuality.

Your new friend may be reacting to what she perceives as your desire to have a permanent relationship. Relax and enjoy yourself for a while.

With 4 children, it will take time to work out your priorities. I'm sure that you are like most parent and your children come first. Make things stable for them before you try introducing a new mate into the mix. That right person will come along, but give yourself the time to meet lots of prospects in person first. It is impossible to build a new life after just a bunch of emails.

When you have learned to like yourself and be really comfortable with yourself it will be much easier to find that new mate.

[Backandfront]

I find it so confusing to, it accepting what we are that is sometimes so difficult/ Equality and Diversity is behaving sensibly yet enjoying the safety in what we reaallt feel inside, enfolding those lovely longing feelings that some call or feel as love. As long as we do not allow it to filter outside of our relationship, not allowing any body else to be affected it is nice and not to allow violence or any form of aggression into it then we are safe too. Just be yourself whatever you deem it to be, and hope we can be accepted into a loving relation to what ever sex we are involved with