my boyfriend is bi

[goodbibaby]

during a fight, my boyfriend told me he had homosexual fantasies. he told me that he considers himself bi in many ways but is to scared to act upon it. i'm REALLY upset by this and canot even sleep with him in the same bed. i don't think i can handle dating a bisexual guy. i want a hetrosexual guy. i'm only 20 and he is 25. we have been dating for a year and 3months now. i have done all kinds of peverse sexual fetishes for him but i think he might be taking everything to far. he likes to dress in drag and have me do anal play on him, he has mentioned he wants me to wear a strap on and fuck him many times. lacking that he wants to have sex with a butt plug in his butt. and all of this is centered around his smoking fetish too. i don't smoke and when i do that for him i usually end up with a severe chest cold or bronchotis or worse < i think i am allergic to cigarette smoke> i don't know if i am over reactting.
i'm really confused and need help.
theres alot to this too. one time i told him i had bisexual fantasies-which seemed harmless to me, and he got really abusive towards me, so i just ignore it and having him act the way he does towards me kills my libido anyways.
this was about 6months ago. is he still upset and just trying to get me back? i need help. :(

[bityme]

You need help. You need help moving out! You obviously are not able to adjust to the needs of your BF and you are doing a disservice to both of you by staying around. If you are not a willing participant, he should not pressure you to do something you are not comfortable with. By the same token, you should not stay around hoping that he will change and conform to what you think the relationship ought to be. You need to move on and find the hetro guy you dream about and he needs to find the lady that loves to drive a hard strap-on that gets his attention.

[red_riding_hood_27]

Just as Bityme said if you are uncomfortable then it is time for you to move. My concern is the abuse. If he is abusive at all then it is time to move on. Never take physical or emotional abuse from anyone. I too was at first disuguested at my husband bieng bi but things are starting to change for me a little. However it takes time to understand that part of him. On that note PLEASE do not stay with him if he is abusive. If you feel threaten then later if you stay it might lead to other type of abuse.

If you need to talk you may email if you like
Angela

[likalotapuss]

Having been in an abusive relationship (a 2 1/2 year marriage) GET OUT!!! Let me be the first to tell you, once an abuser, ALWAYS an abuser. After time in counseling, nights in jail, months spent in a diversion program, weeks away from his kids..... nothing helps!!! My reletionship didn't have the bisexual flip on it, but still. I definately had the abuse. Don't stick around, please!! I am begging you that if he gets physically violent with you, get a protection order and get out. Ok, enough said before I get really worked up.

Good Luck to you!!
Angie

[Brian]

I agree with everyone else. It sounds like he is abusive and there is some incompatibility in bed too. I would simply move on, and do it sooner rather than later. You are only 20 - the right guy for you is out there somewhere.

But you also might want to take some time for reflective introspection. It seems to me you describe some conflicting emotions. You say:
he told me that he considers himself bi in many ways but is to scared to act upon it. i'm REALLY upset by this and canot even sleep with him in the same bed. i don't think i can handle dating a bisexual guy. i want a hetrosexual guy. But then you also say:
one time i told him i had bisexual fantasies-which seemed harmless to me So you seem to be more open to what might be your own budding bisexuality than your partner's outright bisexuality. I think this should at least give you some pause for introspective thought - and it would probably be higher-quality thought if you did it without your current abusive bf.

My 2 cents. :2cents:

- Drew :paw:

[nick3635]

Run ... run away .. as fast as you can.

[cchalmer]

It can't be said enough...if you are in an abusive relationship get out. And do it now before some real harm comes to you. There are too many nice people in this world for you to even consider staying with someone like that.

[moonlitwish]

I agree with everyone else. It sounds like he is abusive and there is some incompatibility in bed too. I would simply move on, and do it sooner rather than later. You are only 20 - the right guy for you is out there somewhere.

But you also might want to take some time for reflective introspection. It seems to me you describe some conflicting emotions. You say: But then you also say: So you seem to be more open to what might be your own budding bisexuality than your partner's outright bisexuality. I think this should at least give you some pause for introspective thought - and it would probably be higher-quality thought if you did it without your current abusive bf.

My 2 cents. :2cents:

- Drew :paw:
VERY well said.....and I concur...
Get out and explore YOUR sexuality and fetishes....then find someone who appreciates them for what they are.....and you for who you are.... :kay:

[Gemini523]

I too agree with everyone else, as far as the abusive aspect goes. Don't stick around. However, if you do have real feelings for this person, counselling is an option. In counselling you both can air your feelings, what it is that you are both looking for from each other, and if the two of you can coexist and go forward. If there are issues that you can't get past, then it is time to call it quits. From experience, you can't make anyone change, you have to learn to live with it or move on.

Hope this, and all the other posts have been helpful.

[Mrs.F]

Being that you are only 20, you have plenty of time to find a guy who loves you. A guy that is not abusive, and does not pressure you into things you are not comfortable with. If his actions are killing your libido then what's the point? Sounds like the whole relationship is about him and him only. You need to get out and get on with your life. There is no one more important in your life than YOU! Somewhere out there is your soul mate and someday he will appear. You must think of yourself and your needs first.

Think about how deeply your feelings go for this guy. If you really love him and feel that maybe some counseling would help, then try it. Otherwise, hit the road jack and don't look back!

Be careful and good luck.. :)
Mrs.F

[Apleasureseeker]

Um, can I just ask--what did you mean by "abusive"?

There's been a lot of response to this post, but mostly just to that on single word. I often use the word when someone gets arguementative & rude with me. That word means different things to different people.

If he's genuinely abusive & dangerous, obviously don't stick around.

And I'm totally confuse by all the gender confusion in this realtionship. You're not heterosexual, so why is it so bad if your guy isn't either?

[APMountianMan]

during a fight, my boyfriend told me he had homosexual fantasies. he told me that he considers himself bi in many ways but is to scared to act upon it. i'm REALLY upset by this and canot even sleep with him in the same bed. i don't think i can handle dating a bisexual guy. i want a hetrosexual guy. i'm only 20 and he is 25. we have been dating for a year and 3months now. i have done all kinds of peverse sexual fetishes for him but i think he might be taking everything to far. he likes to dress in drag and have me do anal play on him, he has mentioned he wants me to wear a strap on and fuck him many times. lacking that he wants to have sex with a butt plug in his butt. and all of this is centered around his smoking fetish too. i don't smoke and when i do that for him i usually end up with a severe chest cold or bronchotis or worse < i think i am allergic to cigarette smoke> i don't know if i am over reactting.
i'm really confused and need help.
theres alot to this too. one time i told him i had bisexual fantasies-which seemed harmless to me, and he got really abusive towards me, so i just ignore it and having him act the way he does towards me kills my libido anyways.
this was about 6months ago. is he still upset and just trying to get me back? i need help. :(

This does not sound like a good situation no matter how you cut it. It seems that you both have issues you need to deal with but probably maybe not together. Like the last writer, I don't know why it is OK for you to be bisexual and him not. This is a lack of sensitivity on your part. However, as with others, I don't think being abusive towards you is OK either. This show immaturity and lack of sensitivity to your feelings. If you both can't talk openly about your feelings this is not going to work. Ignoring the problem will not make it go away. Counseling may be in order. Short of that, it may be time to separate.

:cool:

[inthewoods]

It's very clear that your BF has zero respect for you or himself. Do not put up with this mental and physical abuse. Yes, this is abuse no matter how it is looked at. Just the little you wrote is a clear indication that your BF needs a professional to talk to. I hope you are at least half way out the door.

[PeterH]

i don't think i can handle dating a bisexual guy. i want a hetrosexual guy. i'm only 20 and he is 25. we have been dating for a year and 3months now. i have done all kinds of peverse sexual fetishes for him but i think he might be taking everything to far. and all of this is centered around his smoking fetish too. i don't smoke and when i do that for him i usually end up with a severe chest cold or bronchotis or worse < i think i am allergic to cigarette smoke> i don't know if i am over reactting.
i'm really confused and need help.
theres alot to this too. one time i told him i had bisexual fantasies-which seemed harmless to me, and he got really abusive towards me, so i just ignore it and having him act the way he does towards me kills my libido anyways. this was about 6months ago. is he still upset and just trying to get me back? i need help. :(
Hello goodbibaby,

you're definitely not overreacting (see all above posts). Perhaps there's nothing wrong with his fantasies per se, but it is awful of him to force them on you.
You want a great partner whose age is close to yours, someone who's straight, someone who loves and respects you, who is happy for you to be a non-smoker and who has fantasies that are compatible with yours (plus some other things you may wish).
I'm sure you're able to get some-one like that, and definitely someone who's much better than your ex-boyfriend.
You can do it!

Is he trying to get you back? maybe, but why should you want him back, why would you even want te be friends with him?

I don't think you'd easily find a straight guy here, but hey, there are other places :) !!! And if you should decide that your bi-fantasies are a bit more than just fantasies, you now know a safe place to explore them a bit further

Good luck and have a great life!

PeterH

[jo69guy]

Sounds to me like everyone is giving you good advice thus far. As for me, I would also add that it sounds like you two have way to many differences to ever be a happy couple. Why live in misery? You are only 20, so go find someone more compatible, who makes you happy. :2cents: :bibounce:

[Sparks]

Get out as fast as you can!!! If you stay, It will only get worse. Be kind to yourself and get away from him, for your own safety. :2cents: