fear

[missK]

uhmm... i dont know exactly whatto write, i dont want to ofend anyone but im afraid some people might not like or understand what im feeling

my fiancee confessed to me yesterday that he was bisexual, or at least that he had fancied guys in the past.
Hed told me before, but i hadnt reacted very well (i almost broke into tears and said he was kinda disgusting) so he took it back.

He told me though, finally, and i felt fear and confusion go through every molecule in my body. I wished so hard i couldve just said oh, thats cool, or oh i understand but all i felt was dissapointment and fear.
I just couldnt understand how a guy could be in a relationship with another guy, it didnt make sense in my head. Strangely enough the idea of a guy having sex with another guy was ok, i could take that, but the idea of him cuddling and being affectionate with another guy well, it kinda disgusted me.

I made an effort not to hurt his feelings this time though, i didnt say anything nasty , i just asked quietly what would happen if he felt like sleeping with guys or if he fell in love with one of his pals, with his best mate?`
He said it wouldnt happen, that he was with me, i was his soulmate and he didnt feel like having sex with guys anyways, that gay guys turned his stomach. i was like uhu? well , ehm aren you like half-gay? he said no.

I feel so hurt even though hes done nothing, i feel so dissapointed in him even though hes done nothing, how can i put 100% into a relationship if im gonna be thinking that hes going to fall for a guy or check guys out and decide somehow my body isnt as attractive as a guys.

Can he really really love me? Or would he want me to be a bit masculine?
I wish i had a bisexual friend that would explain things to me and make me be less prejudiced.

[OralBradley]

You are both going through a difficult time. Presuming that he was being honest, telling you was a frightening and risky task for him, but he felt that being hoinest was worth the risk of losing you. You are understandibly hurt and confused at this point and worry that he will desert you for a guy, but that he told you about his bisexuality indicates that he cares for you and wants to find a solution.
I cannot predict how you will work your fears together; all I can do is say that others have been successful. My wife and I have been married for almost 30 years and I came out (to myself and others) as bisexual before I met her. Even so, there was an ititial misunderstanding because I assumed that she knew and didn't say anything, and she was naive enough that she didn't pick it up from my friends.
We even tried for some time to find another bisexual man to share as a live-in lover to us both. For many reasons that never happened. When AIDS reared its ugly head, we made the MUTUAL decision that monogamy was the only safe course to follow. That has not always been easy and there have been some minor (mututal masturbation) slips, but we have stayed together and our marriage has grown closer over the years.
I wish you both happiness--whatever that may be.

[meteast chick]

OralBradley is right in that this is difficult for both of you. My husband is straight, but I found myself being attracted to other women well before we got married. I have never slept with another woman but do feel that certain pull. If my husband wasn't supportive, I may have cheated on him. That might sound funny, but just the fact that he seems to understand somehow lessens that lust. Love can conquer all things, and there are absolutely no guarantees in love or life. There's no guarantee that if you dumped him and hooked up with another guy that 20 years down the line HE wouldn't leave you for another man. There's really no guarantee that you won't find women attractive later and leave him for a woman. Do you understand what I am saying? If you can't put in 100% of your love and trust, you're dooming this relationship from the get-go. He's being open and honest and you need to trust him. Good luck!

[Mrs.F]

MissK,
I was in your shoes just a few short months ago. I know your fears, I know your pain and I can probably guess everything that is going through your mind. It's hard, very hard. But just relax and try and think clearly. I had to force myself to sit back and look at the situation, look at my past with my husband and look towards the future. Once I got through the intitial shock, I realized that he was still the same guy I feel inlove with over 15 yrs. ago.

He doesn't want to hurt you, but not telling you was going to hurt you also. You have to give him credit for coming clean. He did the right thing.

In time things will get better for you. I know that, am living proof of it. Sure, I still have bad days and still cry once inwhile thinking about it all. But I know deep down he's being honest with me when he says that he loves me, only me and will never leave me. What he wants with a man is purely sex and that's it. I am his wife and will always be the biggest part of his life besides his son. He had to tell me that many, many times but it finally sank in and I understood and believed it.

It will take time, your not going to feel better about this in just a few weeks. But you will be ok. It's so confusing and torturous right now. It's raw and cuts to the bone. But you need to be there for each other right now. Talk to each other and be open and honest about it. Communication is the only way you will be able to heal and deal with it.

Take care MissK...there's always someone here to help you when you need it. Just ask! :) Mrs.F

[olesp]

I am on the other side of the street.

I told recently to my girlfriend that I feel some physical atraction for men sometimes, since a few time ago. She was very comprehensive with me, and told me that I was not doing anything wrong, after all, she also likes men, and she can understand me.
It may sound funny, but it helped me a lot.

What I can tell you, is that despite that attraction, she means everything to me right, and I would never do anything that may hurt her with a man or a woman. I just wanted to tell you, that it is possible to feel some kind of attraction, but real love is absolutely over that.
We have never been with other man, but that may, or may not happen.
But after all, I feel closer to her, and I love more and more, everyday.
In conclusion, of course your boyfriend can love you.
My advise, just try to asimilate this and see it as being tall, short, funny, serious, etc. once you have done it, you will understand that he loves you and that you may break up with him, but not for being bisexual.

Please, let us know how things are going.