Emotional needs vs. Physical attraction

[bret5668]

I recently had a lengthy converstaion with a member of this site (I won't mention his name) during which we discussed many topics. The conversation was going along nicely (no it was not a cyber conversation). Then we began discussing our thoughts of what being Bisexual entails for each of us individually. I listened closely as he stated his opinions, wants, needs, and desires, stating that he enjoys not only sexual relations with a man, but that he feels he needs the emotional perspective of a relationship with a man, as much as he needs it with a woman, followed by the rest of his thoughts on the topic. To which I replied..."That's great, I'm glad you are so open with your feelings and emotions toward both sexes." At this point he asks what being Bisexual means to me. I replied as follows..."For me personally I do not need, or desire emotional attachment with another man, for me it is strickly friendship/sex. I am only able to feel emotional attachment/love toward a female.

At this point the conversation took a turn for the worse...

He literally unloads on me about how I am NOT a "true bisexual" because for me it is just friendship/sex with a man with no "real emotion." Then proceeds to blast me calling me promiscuous and stating that he cannot understand how people like me can hold themselves out as Bisexual when we are nothing more than petty losers only looking to get off.

As he was typing these things I am literally sitting there with a dumbfounded look on my face, not believing this man would blast me because my views differed from his, especially considering this conversation had gone so well up to this point. I am not devastated by the results of this conversation in any way, I simply found it strange that this man would rip me for my views in the manner in which he did.

Needless to say I decided to end the chat at this point not wanting to be ripped to shreads by what I felt was a closed minded opinion on his part.

I would like to hear your views on this topic. Am I the one that's off base here for not being a "true bisexual?"

[12voltman59]

It does seem that those of us--whatever our personal defintion of bisexuality is----obviously are very human in that for many of us---we think that things are "our way or the highway!"

At this point Bret---my views regarding the way I approach relations with other guys is much along the lines of yours--but then again---in my life--I have had many relationships with ladies that to be honest---the sex we had was the primary focus of our relationships--it was not necessarily the way I might have preferred it to be--but that is how those particular relationships played out and that pattern is what I am finding in my relations with other guys---

I am sure that some people, including this person of whom you speak, will think I am simply a shallow, sex obessed floozy or something like that---but I think it is clear to those who know me on here and from those who come to know me in real life--I am a very nice, considerate and caring person---and while I do have my failings by "being an asshole and jerk" and many other ways too---something we all do at times since we are humans---I do try my hardest not to be such--the thing is--in those relationships----in 90 percent of the cases---if someone bertrayed the nature of the relationship that I and the other parties had agreed to when we began---it was the other parties that failed to live up to those agreements in some fashion-mostly by they being the one to be "seeing" other people if we had agreed we were going to be monogramous.

People might be judgemental about the way I have been in terms of my close relationships in my life-since they didn't fall into some sort of "normal' template---I have maybe not llked it either--I did wonder at many times why things didn't work out for me in terms of relationships like the way it works out for "everyone else."

When I was young--and before I had a greater understand of things and was locked into the mindset of mass culture that "you are supposed to find that one person--then settle down with them" was not wokring for me--I felt great emotional pain--and always felt this major disconnect from the rest of society--but then--thanks to my doing things like my explorations in "spirituality" as I have noted in other postings---I did come to understand and accept that for me---life was going to have a different trajectory than it does for others and I finally came to be at peace with that.

Now--when it comes to being with guys--I am still rather new to that --but in consideration of where I was when I first joined this site back in 2005--but I still have a long way to go---I have learned much about myself---and that is cool---discovery of the many layers that make us up can be as interesting a trip as looking at other cultures, religions or studying the workings of the universe---we human beings are much, much more than we do appear at the surface if we only care to look---I think that most people don't think there is much more to them than meets the eye as it were---or if they get a sense there is--they don't want to go very deep--they find their level of comfort and establish their notions of the parameters of their lives and of the world and then when they have reached this point--they say to themselves--"I have the way I think things are and that is that!"

When I first came to doing stuff with other guys--I had my notions of what I would do and not do--but those things have changed and either expanded or contracted depending on how my feelings on them have changed.

I sort of felt that I wasn't interested in getting "too close" emotionally with other guys but that has changed to.

As far as you are concerned Bret---from my conversations with you and from the way other people feel about you--I think I am safe to say this: you are a very kind, nice, caring, compassionate person who is not into this simply for your own ends----you do care about those you are with sexually and in general and you don't just do things sexually with other guys in an unthinking manner----you are not into this merely to "get your nuts off."

I don't know who this person is who savaged who in this fashion---but they sure as hell have you wrong and they sure as hell have no right to be so judgemental about the way you conduct your life-or at least this part of it in which you explore this aspect of yourself.

To this person--I say chill out----and keep such harsh and narrow views to yourself--you cannot comprehend how things work out in other people's lives and it is not your place to judge what is right or wrong for them!!

The way you find thigs work for you is great--but that is not the way it is for us all--open your mind a bit!!

Let me finish this rant by saying to you Bret: "I LOVE YA MAN!!!!!"

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Bret wrote "He literally unloads on me about how I am NOT a "true bisexual" because for me it is just friendship/sex with a man with no "real emotion." Then proceeds to blast me calling me promiscuous and stating that he cannot understand how people like me can hold themselves out as Bisexual when we are nothing more than petty losers only looking to get off.""

Ok looks like I too am going to be lumped into the not being a true Bisexual. I've already been told this a time or two as it is. I am not looking for an emotional relationship with a woman right now. I greatly enjoyed pleasuring a woman in many ways, but being so Bi-Select meant/means that I am very picky about what woman I play With. I'm not just hopping into bed with any woman, there has to be a trust-friendship-attraction there for me first. And, if people cannot understand this, then its Their problem not mine.
Bret-honey, if that person doesnt consider you a "True Bisexual" then its his dilemma and perception. You just be true to you, and stand up for your principals and dont worry about the opinion of other people.
Kiss to your handsome cheek..:}
Cat

[Realist]

Of the guys I have had sexual relationships with, I felt that I loved two deeply, but the rest were as you described...friends and sexual partners, nothing more. I've been in love with a few women, too, but have also conducted "business" with others in only friendly and sexual ways.

I really don't care what anyone else thinks about that, it was what it was... nothing more, nothing less.

I admit that every sensation is elevated, when love is present, but I've had some great times with friends as well. I am presently sharing a wonderful, loving relationship with a bi lady, who has a polyamory bent, and am having one of the best times of my life.

Like you, It does unnerve me when I am being open and honest with someone and they take offense, and/or go into tirades. I usually just close that "book" and move on.

[csrakate]

I don't know why other people insist on everyone approaching their sexuality on exact terms...it's just not that way. People have different needs and different urges and there is no "right or wrong" way for what is expected from anyone. I see nothing wrong with what you're feeling, Bret and I would be willing to bet that many feel the same way that you do.

I can't tell you how many times I have been told that my husband is not a true bisexual because he has chosen to remain monogamous with me throughout our marriage. Just because he has chosen to not act on his feelings does not make them go away nor does it make him any less bisexual. If he were straight, it could be compared to him not acting when he has sexual reactions towards other women. It's a personal choice he has made and just because he does act on those urges, there is no reason to suppose that they are any less real.

Bisexuality is a broad spectrum and as a supportive community, we are not here to decide what is proper and necessary to be called bisexual. I just hate that you had to be lambasted by someone in the interim....but just hold fast to your own beliefs and that's all you need to know or understand!

Hugs,
Kate

[JP1986UM]

hmmmm, hard question to answer.

It could very well be that there are many different flavors of bisexuality, but it seems that your definition of it to yourself seems to be only a "friend with benefits" and that might smack someone harshly who is bound to their sexuality as who they are and not what they do.

There seems to be a disconnect here:

Bisexual = sex with two persons not of the same sex
Bisexual = sexual and emotional intimacy of one between two persons not of the same sex

The two are distinct. One implies and can assume to be a rather promiscuous lifestyle which may or may not reflect harshly on the latter, while the latter may be more inclined toward what may be called a poly lifestyle which carries emotional and physical attachments far greater than the "Hey friend, nice to see you, wanna fuck?"

One can also assume that one's lack of a willingness to become more emotionally involved in the relationship that it means very little and to the persons who identify as bisexual for deeper relationship reasons, its an affront to them and demeans their identification.

[bret5668]

Thank You all for your input. Honestly I could care less what this paticular individual thinks of me, like I stated in my initial post, it just struck me as strange how a person goes from appearing so sensitive, and kind, to just thrashing me simply cause I think differently than he does. I do fully undrstand that all people are different, that's all well and good, it would be a dull dull world if we all thought alike. I'm just rather disgusted at how people choose to rip on another individual simply cause they don't see things the same.

Thank You Volty, and Cat for your kind words, you are both super people.

I'm looking forward to reading all the opinions this topic draws. Thanks for taking the time to respond.

[rissababynta]

I've been told many times that I can't be bi, just bi-curious because I've never actually slept with a woman yet...

First of all, I know what I like and want. Last time I checked it was ME who was most aware of mybody and mind...so if I say hat I know something about myself... then anyone who is NOT me should get off my ass about me being wrong...

Second, I have a friend who is straight and is saving herself for her wedding night next year. I have NEVER insisted that she is straight-curious because she is a virgin. Do I not deserve the same respect and logical?

Anyway, everyones gotan opinion andthat's ok...but as soon as someones opinion is pushed on someone or is used to make someone else feel bad, it is no longer ok. I think that unless someone has a serious relationship with both sexes someone will always be around to critisize...and eventhen I'm sure you'll findaperson bitching anyway...

[Stroker90803]

I've never quite thought about it. I know I could never fall in love with a guy. That goes too far. And I avoid anybody who even hints in that direction.

Sometimes you just need to "unload" to somebody, or they to you, in a way that a woman would not understand. In a sense, that could be emotional support. (I suppose the same is true for women vis-a-vis men.)

Being friends with somebody does not mean you're emotionally involve. And because your not ordon't become friends doesn't mean you're promiscuous. Getting to know somebody is like a test drive. You won't know if you want to see them again unless you take the "car around the block" the first time. I find that most of the time, it's not what I anticipated and that's that. At other times, it may be worht a second shot --- or more.

No, you can be bisexual without some intense emotional need being involved. In fact, it is probably better, because needy people -- well, they're needy and want to take more form it that the other peron is willing to give --- in bisexual, straight, gay. The guy who started the angry exchange here is probably very needy and best be avoided unless you're looking in the same direction.

The narrow "emotional" definition is wrong.

[Intimate_Light]

Bret,

Good thread, and I agree that if one is a decent human being overall, how one experiences and expresses oneself with others is our own business. At some point, I may share what I'm going through on this issue (I'm more of a newbie of sorts in letting my bi-leanings surface late in life though there have been a sprinkle of experiences over my life time).

But for now I'll just plop in some quotations I like.

"People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost." ~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

"Moralities, ethics, laws, customs, beliefs, doctrines - these are of trifling import. All that matters is that the miraculous become the norm." ~ Henry Miller

"Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love. The real miracle is the love that inspires them. In this sense everything that comes from love is a miracle." ~ Marianne Williamson

"There is no need for temples;
no need for complicated philosophy.
Our own brain, our own heart is our temple;
my philosophy is kindness." ~ The Dalai Lama

My take:

Love and its miracles (moments of joy, caring, connection) can sashay in many forms according to how we are wired as souls. Just because there is sexual enjoyment in a friendship doesn't make it inferior or superior to any form of connection or shared activity.

As long as there is open communication, caring, honesty and respect, it is a loving relationship. A friends-with-benefits is just as honorable as any other connection with another human being as long as the operative word is friend.

Conversely, one doesn't have to have a throbbing penis or vagina within the dance of a connection to still mis/using people just for benefits. In short, it's all about integrity and intention of connection, not its form.

Or to paraphrase something I read, "A kind-hearted hedonist radiates more love than a miserable monk."

All that said, all of the above is only my chosen point of view colored by my life road and how I'm wired, as is anyone by theirs.

[Lonewolf76]

First - I just gotta ask - I gotta.... What the blazing hell is a "True" Bisexual?? Here we go with idiotic labeling again. If it's not a neat and tidy little box - then it's just wrong!!! Get real. I am a 51 y/o biexual. I am cuurently involved with a man - but it may or may not last. I personally love the emotional conection - doesn't matter to me if it's male or female. I love the emotional connection when dating, making love etc. However, having said that - my experience has shown me a myriad of different scenarios. I've found (only in MY experience - don't expect it to be the same for everyone) that most guys out there aren't looking for that deep emotional attachment - they want a meet, greet, fuck and see ya! It was something I had to deal with, but it didn't make it "wrong". I finally went with the flow and just met for the sex. There was an old addage that I heard from the time I was young. Men make love with their groins - Women make love with their minds - for the most part my experience has shown thats very true. I haven't met too many women that just want a quick fuck and see ya - I'm sure they're out there - but women are just deeper than that by nature. Having lived on both sides of the fence, so to speak... I don't see where neat tidy little boxes and labels help. If you meet someone (doesn't matter what sex) and you both agree you are just in it for the physical pleasure - then meet, greet, fuck and move on. If you want something deeper - wait for it and nurture it. But don't under ANY circumstances belittle or codemn someone just because they aren't looking for what you are looking for. That just shows the emotional immaturity of the individual you talked to. Move on, do what you and your partners (for a moment or a lifetime) agree on and be happy and be safe. You did nothing wrong and if you ever find out what a "true" bisexual is - please, I emplore you.......will let us all know?? LOL Fun and happiness to you! LW

[12voltman59]

Good point about what is a "true" bisexual---like a lot of things--I suppose a that finding a true bisexual is in the "eye of the beholder!!"

[elian]

For the most part I am more emotionally/romantically attracted to guys, I know some males who are really just interested in physical pleasure. Hey, no problem - like others have said people have all manner of complexities going on when it comes to sex and relationships.

I can understand that, just don't take it personally when I don't immediately return the favor.

[red_rose129]

First - I just gotta ask - I gotta.... What the blazing hell is a "True" Bisexual?? Here we go with idiotic labeling again. If it's not a neat and tidy little box - then it's just wrong!!! Get real. I am a 51 y/o biexual. I am cuurently involved with a man - but it may or may not last. I personally love the emotional conection - doesn't matter to me if it's male or female. I love the emotional connection when dating, making love etc. However, having said that - my experience has shown me a myriad of different scenarios. I've found (only in MY experience - don't expect it to be the same for everyone) that most guys out there aren't looking for that deep emotional attachment - they want a meet, greet, fuck and see ya! It was something I had to deal with, but it didn't make it "wrong". I finally went with the flow and just met for the sex. There was an old addage that I heard from the time I was young. Men make love with their groins - Women make love with their minds - for the most part my experience has shown thats very true. I haven't met too many women that just want a quick fuck and see ya - I'm sure they're out there - but women are just deeper than that by nature. Having lived on both sides of the fence, so to speak... I don't see where neat tidy little boxes and labels help. If you meet someone (doesn't matter what sex) and you both agree you are just in it for the physical pleasure - then meet, greet, fuck and move on. If you want something deeper - wait for it and nurture it. But don't under ANY circumstances belittle or codemn someone just because they aren't looking for what you are looking for. That just shows the emotional immaturity of the individual you talked to. Move on, do what you and your partners (for a moment or a lifetime) agree on and be happy and be safe. You did nothing wrong and if you ever find out what a "true" bisexual is - please, I emplore you.......will let us all know?? LOL Fun and happiness to you! LW

I totally agree!!!! what in the world is a "true" bisexual??? is there such a think as a false bisexual??? did they flunk a test? or maybe they were pretending to like both sexes. pass judgement upon urSELF...and leave everyone else OUT of it! jee zoo!!

[red_rose129]

I've been told many times that I can't be bi, just bi-curious because I've never actually slept with a woman yet...

First of all, I know what I like and want. Last time I checked it was ME who was most aware of mybody and mind...so if I say hat I know something about myself... then anyone who is NOT me should get off my ass about me being wrong...

Second, I have a friend who is straight and is saving herself for her wedding night next year. I have NEVER insisted that she is straight-curious because she is a virgin. Do I not deserve the same respect and logical?

Anyway, everyones gotan opinion andthat's ok...but as soon as someones opinion is pushed on someone or is used to make someone else feel bad, it is no longer ok. I think that unless someone has a serious relationship with both sexes someone will always be around to critisize...and eventhen I'm sure you'll findaperson bitching anyway...


excellent point!! I have only had 1 experience with a woman yeeeeaaaarrrrrssss ago (when I was in highschool) and none since. but I know that I have always been attracted to women.... because I haven't been with one doesn't mean I wouldn't have one or that I really dont think/desire them sexually. my situation is my own....period! I respect everyone's opinion....as I believe every should respect everyone else's opinion/life/lifestyle. I am a FIRM believer a person should speak from experience!... that is.....use the words... "I" and "my life" and If you have never been in the SAME situation and had the SAME EXACT feelings...at the SAME time in your life....with the SAME circumstances...AND EVERYTHING IS THE SAME....and even if you did....you can't read someone's mind...therefore YOU DONT HAVE A RIGHT TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT ANYONE ELSE...BECAUSE YOU ARE SPEAKING WITH IGNORANCE!!!!!

in MY opinion.

red

[biblaqman]

One can only define bisexuality for him/herself. There are no set rules.

That's a parallel opinion from some in the gay world. Bisexuals don't exist. Ridiculous.

I discovered my bisexual side when I learned a 'woman' I was attracted to was in actuality a pre-op transsexual.

The rest is history:tongue: Now, did I think that I was still heterosexual by rationalizing the fact I was initially attracted to a female presence?

Naw, I didn't play that game with myself. I have not been in a relationship with a man who DID NOT wear a dress. I find myself becoming more and more attracted to pre-op transsexuals along with my attraction to women.

I've yet to pursue a relationship with a regular looking guy. Sort of speak.

Now, what does that make me? I never knew that I could get off performing fellatio. Albeit with a chick with a dick hiking up her skirt giving me access.

I can see myself getting emotional needs from an attractive passable pre-op transsexual. I still like the feminine imagery. But I have a physical need for cock too.

I'm sure some people may feel that I am not a true bisexual after reading this post.
True Bisexual.

Who owns that label?

[trubipoly]

We always want our neighbors to understand us but rarely try and understand our neighbors.. everyones definition of Bisexual is so different and as long as your beliefs are not hurting anyone intentionally then good for you. I dont always agree with how others handle thier bisexuality but its thier life and situations. good luck to everyone . Love Freely Scott

[bret5668]

Honestly...I haven't a clue what the heck a "true bisexual" is...thus the reason I put that term in quotes in my initial post. I thought it was totally ridiculous on his part to even use that term.

[writes at night]

Hello, my name is Writes, and I am NOT a true bisexual....


It seems that I too, fall into that definition. I had one experience with an ex and his current girlfriend, in an attempt to accept who I was on my own terms, instead of at my partner's whims and fantasies. It was completely non-emotional and less than satisfying. According to Brett's corrispondant, that makes it a not completely bisexual experience.

I also have had an experience with a wonderful woman who was one of the most special people in my world. I adored her, and yes, loved her. It was short lived, as she moved to forward her career, but it is something that touched my life to this day. Does this experience define when I was truly bisexual?

No, not each experience will be the "love of your life", but that does not make us any less bisexual. Is the heterosexual or homosexual who has sex for sheer sexual pleasure any less "straight" or "gay"?

[justSomeDude]

All these things are just words. Someone doesn't necessarily fall into "straight" "gay" or "bisexual".

If asked, I would not call myself "bisexual" even though I would like to have sex with my male friends. I can only feel an emotional connection beyond friendship with girls, believe me I have looked. I also notice hot and attractive girls, whereas I don't actively notice guys. However I still think that sex with a male could be lots of fun, and I pursue sex with male friends much more than I pursue sex with a female outside of a relationship specifically BECAUSE there are no romantic feelings and fewer complications associated with it for me.

Am I totally straight? Perhaps not, in that I have directly attempted to find male friends who would be up for sex. I'm not romantically bisexual though. I avoid labels in general if possible.

[tutunono]

Well, what in the hell is a "true bisexual"? I didnt know that there was a test to pass! I am "ME"! Bisexual,straight,gay,lesbian,black,blue,white,... whatever! You love who you love. I haven't been alive as long as some of my friends on this site and I may have a lot to learn about certains things like,life and whatever else but, my emotional attraction and physical attraction to the opposite sex has always been equal. Im only attracted to "some" men as I am only attracted to "some" women. As far as the "emotional" aspect of it, its not always there at first. It takes time. Atleast for me it does. Who knows what will happen? Whoever that person was who said these things to you, tell him that I said "to keeps his close minded ass opinions to himself! Before they get him in trouble!" How dare he talk to you like that! Obviously, he doesn't know you. Or he might have had a little crush on you and hearing your opinion burst his bubble. LOL!

Whoo! I'm calm now. Anyway baby, I've said once and I'll say it again, "just be yourself,the rest of the world has to adapt!" Big kisses!:bipride:

[NJ Mac]

Bret, sorry you had that unpleasant experience with that guy. I call it getting sucker punched.

For what it's worth, I'll give you my personal take on the emotional/physical thing. For many years my daydreaming fantasies about being with a guy were strictly physical in nature. "I want some cock," to use a simple shorthand. That's what it was all about when I was a teenager. Love and passion and kissing and holding hands - those were things reserved for girls/women, not that I had a lot of luck with females back then. But the guy I used to fool around with? It was just about sex, period. We didn't really even kiss unless we were very drunk, which was most of the time but never mind. It kind of grossed me out, to be honest, especially if he hadn't shaved. Kiss his dick, yes. His mouth? Eww. And forget about hand-holding. That's just so...queer?

Fast forward to now. I wouldn't be with a guy who is grossed out by kissing me. No way, no how. It's part of the deal for me now. And, just as I sometimes now check out guys on the street (though I still mostly do that with women), I also now find myself thinking that yeah, I could be in a relationship with a guy, have a boyfriend to put it that way. Be intimate with, romantic, walk on the beach, cuddle by the fire, all that shit. Never mind for a moment that I can't stand the heat and I'm allergic to bearskin and my knees don't hold up so well well in a crouching-by-the-fire position, and that on most of the beaches in New Jersey or the rest of America or the world we'd get our asses kicked in by the ass-kicking homophobic neanderthal assholes. The point is, my own feelings about the physical vs. emotional stuff with guys has changed over the years.

But that doesn't give me, or anyone, the right to be giving YOU a hard time about what YOU want/need/desire, and what you don't. What business is it of mine? None. It's yours and no one else's. There's no Commissar of Bisexuality authorized to inspect our credentials as "True Bisexual."

We are what we are, our desires are our own. We don't need to justify ourselves to the unappeasable. As long as no one is getting hurt, it (to paraphrase Fats Waller) ain't nobody's business if we do, or do not.

My guess is the guy who laid into you felt exposed and vulnerable, and was attacking from a defensive position. Doesn't excuse his behavior, but maybe explains it some.

[rissababynta]

I have a friend who is only into women but he does not desire a relationship because he likes being single, however being a strong and healthy man he still wants sex. Guess I have to deliver the bad news to him that he is not truly straight.

Poor dear will be DEVESTATED...

[12voltman59]

I have a friend who is only into women but he does not desire a relationship because he likes being single, however being a strong and healthy man he still wants sex. Guess I have to deliver the bad news to him that he is not truly straight.

Poor dear will be DEVESTATED...

Good one Rissa---I am Rolling On The Floor, Laughing My Ass Off!!!!:bigrin::bigrin::bigrin:

[ErosUrge]

What can I possibly add to this that has not been thoroughly covered? Hmm...oh yes.
I am pretty much the same as you Brett; emotional/friendship/sexual with women and sexual mostly with men with the ocassional friendship/sexual relations with men....it's always been that way for me. Yes, I am one of those who can play with just a physical thing and absolutely nothing else but the physical as in casual sex and mostly with men since men are more that way than women are generally speaking. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with this. Call it promiscuous if you will and most do. Risky it can be and naturally one must pay attention to the risks involved...
But I do think that those of us who do play when we are not involved with anyone and have several partners are more often than not judged for that behaviour...often looked upon as scum and dirty.
Every encounter I have I treat with absolute decency and respect though there's no emotional involvement whatsoever. It's simply the release and the reaching towards a sexual ecstasy. Though it may not fulfill in the way of an emotional/love relationship, there is a certain joyful aspect to it even if it is just getting one's "nuts off". Yes, there are all kinds of dangers involved with that too; sexual addiction and once again, disease, etc etc....
Yet, there's a way to enjoy it for just the physical; that, and nothing else and it can be absolutely delightful. It's a balancing act to say the least.
I feel that if one can stay true to who and what we are and know what that means and live it without harming others, then celebrate it.
Don't misunderstand; I think love and romance with the erotic and sensual are amazingly beautiful gifts when we connect with that certain someone in that manner, male or female. It's just that for those of us who are not there and are single and enjoying the moment for just the sexual ecstasy of it should not be judged or treated as lepers.
So, with men, I am not interested in the emotional aspect of it as in being in an involved relationship as I too feel that with women only. So, let those who want to judge that as not being a true bisexual say what they will about it.
I think my main reason for wanting to add to this since so many have covered so much about the topic already was to add something about the "promiscuity" part of it...it can never be as fulfilling as being in love and involved in a great relationship, but it should not be labeled as something negative unless it is doing harm to others or to ourselves as an escape....otherwise, ENJOY.

[ErosUrge]

By the way 12Voltman59, your entry here was extraordinarily far reaching and so broad in its spectrum. All that you brought forth and expressed offered so very much. Thank you.

[HelloToYou]

When I was on the forum of asexulity.org, they made a distinction between sexual interest and romantic interest. For example, if a man was romantically interested in women, they would be hetero-romantic, regardless of who they were sexually attracted to. They would refer to you as bisexual, but hetero-romantic. I think the labels are all sort of silly, but as far as responding to the person who blasted you, I think they're out of line. There's nothing wrong with being interested in men in only a sexual way as long as you don't hurt anyone by having sexual relations with someone who's looking for something more. It's not how you feel that's wrong, it's what you do about how you feel that has the potential to be wrong.

[bigguy69]

Hi, I am with you. I could be great friends with a man, and have fantastic sex with him on a regular basis, but could never be emotionally involved at all. I think most guys feel this way, especially the married ones. I personally feel, that if I could fall in love with a man, I would no longer be Bi, but would in fact be gay.I could be wrong, but just don't think so., Chuck

[Kermit Jagger]

I agree with everyone who has replied thus far about each individual defining bisexuality for themselves. Why haven't we heard any dissenting opinions? Is the unnamed invidual the only one who links sexuality with emotional attraction?

Kermit

[Realist]

I've read about and talked to others, who have often had impulsive sex just for sex's sake.

Some have been with strangers; people met on the street, in restrooms and in other places where nameless people pass every day........... a brief hello, stimulation, cum, then go...........men, mostly. Not many women do that, but I have known a few who liked the mystery and danger.

But, for me, personally, I can't get aroused and want to be sexual with anyone who I do not know well, and trust completely. I HAVE to get to know them and knew what their interests and desires are, before I can even think about sex with them.

I know, weird ain't it?

[Holmes]

Enough with the labels. I am still new to the whole bi thing and I am learning my way through it all. First thing I have always been emotionally invovlved/ vested with my friends and have never been sexua with any of them. My ex started as friend and then developed to a sexual relationship. As I go through my journey I have found that physical attraction is playing a part with the emotional , but I can have a physical attraction with no emotional and vice versa. We are all who and what we are, what is right by me may not be right for you. We all have a common ground together and that is what makes us bisexuals. How we define ourselves from that point is up to us

[12voltman59]

I've read about and talked to others, who have often had impulsive sex just for sex's sake.

Some have been with strangers; people met on the street, in restrooms and in other places where nameless people pass every day........... a brief hello, stimulation, cum, then go...........men, mostly. Not many women do that, but I have known a few who liked the mystery and danger.

But, for me, personally, I can't get aroused and want to be sexual with anyone who I do not know well, and trust completely. I HAVE to get to know them and knew what their interests and desires are, before I can even think about sex with them.

I know, weird ain't it?

Nope, not at all--but as with what Bret said--we are all different--- we have different desires, needs, wants, philosophies, etc.--to each their own--and let us also enjoy our diversity--even among those of us who call ourselves "bisexuals."

My critique of the person Brett spoke of was not being critical of the person for his views on this----I was being critical of him for taking Brett to task for the way Brett views bisexuality and how bisexuality works in his life.