A bit of a struggle lately.

[markonetwo34]

Hi all, first time poster. I actually found this site while googling to try and find some answers. I'm 30 and a Canadian male. I have known I was bisexual for about 15 years ish. Never really had any problems with that fact but the last week or two I have been kinda struggling with it. Kinda a "Why me" approach to it. Also I would love to tell someone, finally, and can't think of a way to bring it up. I'm in business and fairly mature I guess and don't usually have troubles with much. I am about a 2.5 on the kinsey scale.


Anyone else ever go through this?

Thanks,

[_Joe_]

Open up your heart and spill it out.

It's very theraputic.

[noabody]

I've been there for about the last week. It comes and goes. The question I'd like to ask is why. This is not a question I pose to you so much as myself. Why do we want to tell the world we are Bi. We can expect what the response will be. I'm 37 but I've been asking myself this question since I was 14 or 15.

Do I want to come out, so to speak, so I can wash away certain aspects of my life and start over? Do I want some hot same sex situations? Do I just want my family to understand me?

Once you know the reasons, things will make more sense. The earth shattering revelation will probably be yours alone. That doesn't make it any less important. If you are comfortable talking with loved ones then It might be worthwhile to do so.

[Beefeater]

You might also want to ask yourself, "Why NOT me?" Relax Mark. It's just a PART of who you are as a whole person. You're a man. You could have been born a female. Instead you have a penis. Why you? Again, why NOT you?

I used to mentally beat myself up as a teenager because I didn't think I was "normal". I finally got tired of it and "gave myself permission" to be OK with who and what I was. I just accepted the fact that I was bi. Once i did that, I was, and am still happy. "FAHGET ABOUT IT!"

Beefy

[markonetwo34]

Why not is easy to answer. Because it would be easier to not be. No struggles and all that jazz. I certainly enjoy bi times and could never turn my back on it, it would just be easier not to be bisexual. I don't know why it's in mind so much lately. I had just accepted and lived with it for years.

[SWCube]

I've been there for about the last week. It comes and goes. The question I'd like to ask is why. This is not a question I pose to you so much as myself. Why do we want to tell the world we are Bi. We can expect what the response will be. I'm 37 but I've been asking myself this question since I was 14 or 15.


I've asked myself this question before and the best answer I've been able to apply to the problem is that I want people to accept me for what I am, not what they think I am. Everything else feels a little fake, like a small section in the back of your mind is saying "You wouldn't still be talking to me if you knew who I really am" while your talking to someone. That being said, I personally have not found a good way of waving the old pride flag myself. If you figure out a way to do that, let me know. In the mean time I'll just say there are worse things out there than to know what you are and not know how to express it. Like not knowing at all. XD

[hudson9]

Why not is easy to answer. Because it would be easier to not be. No struggles and all that jazz. I certainly enjoy bi times and could never turn my back on it, it would just be easier not to be bisexual. I don't know why it's in mind so much lately. I had just accepted and lived with it for years.

Yea, it would be easier to be 6'-2", blond, blue-eyed, rich, and look like Brad Pitt (and able to throw a fastball at 95 mph too, while we're at it...!). Unfortunately, we come in all kinds of sizes, shapes, and situations.

Why do we want to tell? -- For self-acceptance, acceptance/validation of who we are by those around us... Will telling accomplish this? Sometimes. Sometimes not. Not because of ourselves or any "problems" we may have, but because of the people around us and problems THEY may have. We each have to make our own calculation about the risks/benefits in our own unique situations.

For some, "coming out" bi works fine. Others of us are just really fortunate that there is a place like this to come to.

[DeShawn2]

I don't know why it's in mind so much lately. I had just accepted and lived with it for years.

Yeah these thoughts have kind of snuck up on me too. For me, I know that I'm measuring everybody else's idea of bisexuality up against the bisexual that I am, to a fault of course.

What would you say catalyzed all of your thoughts about this?

[markonetwo34]

Yeah these thoughts have kind of snuck up on me too. For me, I know that I'm measuring everybody else's idea of bisexuality up against the bisexual that I am, to a fault of course.

What would you say catalyzed all of your thoughts about this?

Not sure at all. I suppose the only sure bet is to just keep it secret, but like someone else pointed out, everything feels a bit fake. Arghhh.

[DeShawn2]

Yeah.

Which is worse? Feeling like you're lying to yourself, or others trying to convince you that you are?

Both can feel lonely, but being honest with ourselves is what makes us attractive(and powerful)!:bigrin:

[markonetwo34]

Well said. But it is still sometimes better to maybe keep it under the hat so to speak. I am so damn torn on this. I REALLY want to tell someone. Just think of who.

[DeShawn2]

Do you trust any of the people in your life to accept you?

I grew up in the conservative world of Mississippi, so I know how important it is to find people that I can trust with that.

[markonetwo34]

No, I don't trust anyone to accept. I am a very masculine male. I am quite important in local business. But that does get left at the office. I read recently that bisexuality may be caused by an overabundance of test in the womb. Therefore bi males are often very masculine. That would be me. But that being said I am also very much bisexual. I really do want to tell someone but am extremely afraid of the consequence.

[DeShawn2]

I'm not sure about the masculinity thing with bisexual males. I'm relatively effiminate. I can understand not trusting people. However, outside of social networking sites like this and finding other bisexuals in the British Columbia area, there's:

1. Counseling
2. Notoriously liberal bars and coffee shops (like those hippie/alternative religion joints)
3. Local LGBT centers in British Columbia (http://www.bcglbt.org/)

Any of this sound helpful?

[markonetwo34]

Thanks Deshawn. I may try that. It feels like it's all or nothin. Don't really know why I am whining so much lately. Never thought about it for YEARS. Now, can't stop. Perhaps it's just a cycle and it will fall into the background again. I'm not sure that is what I want though. Are you out as bi?

M

[DeShawn2]

Oh yeah. I'm happy to do anything that I can to help. People on this website have done the same thing for me when I've had questions.

Are you saying that you don't want things to cyclically fall into the background?

I'm out as bi, for about 4 years now. However, most of my friends and others admittedly think that I'm gay. I guess that's part of the whole feminine thing. And, right now, I do like guys more than girls, but I like both. So I'm out, but with constantly defending who I am, it doesn't have the impact that I want.

Have any friends or family members ever asked about your orientation?

[markonetwo34]

God no, noone has ever asked, or even thought about me. I kinda don't want it to fall into the background again, but may be forced to let it happen. FUCK!!LOL

[DeShawn2]

Oh gosh! Sorry to hear that! Add me to your buddy list. If you ever need anybody to bounce ideas off of, message me