I COMPLETELY fucked up

[rissababynta]

The other night, my husband and I were hanging out outside with our next door neighbors drinking and having a good time. All of us, except the other wife, had WAY too much to drink. My husband and her husband were slamming down tequila like there was no tomorrow, it was ridiculous!

Anyways, one thing led to another and before I knew it she invited us inside (mainly because she wanted to mess around with me upstairs I think) and after gracefully falling in her garden, I made my way into her house with her husband and mine. The guys stayed downstairs acting stupid, we went upstairs. We were lying in bed and her husband came in. After announcing that my husband was passed out snoring on their stairs (sigh) he kind of sat back and watched us start fooling around. I have no IDEA how anything happened but before I knew it he started doing stuff to me too. She asked if he could have sex with me and I think my mindset was "ok whatever as long as I can keep doing shit to you". Who the hell knows what I was thinking. So, all that stuff started up and then his wife decided she didn't feel very comfortable with that so she asked him to stop. I think at this point he helped my husband back home or something and that was pretty much the end of it.

Well, two days later, my husband has no problems with me since he's pretty much open to that stuff anyway, and we are all still on excellent terms with the neighbors. No one is mad or upset with anyone and everything is fine...

...except me!

I have no desire to be with other men and I'm totally and completely discusted with myself that I let another man do things to me. I haven't been able to eat and I haven't been very motivated to do much of anything. I keep telling myself that everyone was open to the idea and that I was told right out by them all that I didn't do anything wrong, but I still feel horrible. None of them know how I'm battling with myself at the moment, none of them know that I am so upset that I allowed myself to drink so much so to the point where I didn't have control, none of them know how disgusting I feel. I've talked to my husband very briefly about it and he seems to think that I'm probably feeling so strongly about this at the moment because it is still so fresh in my mind, but I'm beginning to think that after two and a half days of depression, I might have to consider seeing someone.

So, what do you think (besides the obvious feelings of me being a slut...I GOT THAT PART)? Do you think that this is something that I should consider going and talking to someone about or do you think that I just need to give myself a bit of time and not worry so much only a few days after it has happened?

[Georgie_Girl]

Don't be so hard on yourself. We've all done things while drunk that we wish we wouldn't have. Take a couple of weeks and see how you feel, if you still feel the same and want to see someone, then you should. *hugs*

[darkeyes]

Georgie is rite Riss.. bein hard on yasel is pointless.. its dun.. question is..wenya did it..didya enjoy??? Hav dun such silliness wen sozzed in me life hun..an next day felt scummy.. least if me memory such as it wos told me it wos a shitty experience.. slutty?? Tartie at least...but then wot r tarts for? Wetha it wos fun or no..no matta.. jus move on.. an ifya don wanna repeat the experience..don.. jus make sure ya inhibitions(personal 1s not the freaky insecure moral 1s the world shuvs inta ya mind an soul) r kept up.. but don let it get 2 ya.. life 2 short for that..:)

[rebecca_anne89]

everyone makes mistakes. shit happens when you get drunk. just pretend like it never happened. i once got really drunk with my husband and his cousin on johnny walker red...and well some things happened and i felt like shit afterwards but eventually i didnt think about it. you'll be okay

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Rissa-honey. You are not a slut and your beating yourself up over nothing. If the neighbors are ok with it and so is hubby, then relax. If its still bothering you, go talk to the neighbors and tell them you feel it got a little out of hand and that you are feeling bad about it.
Moral of the story, dont Let yourself get so out of control when you drink. Keep your head and wits about you at all times. Just be careful above all else. :}
Big hugs and Eeggie says to tell you, "Ristha..luf luff youuf" LOL
Cat

[diB4u]

I totally agree with whats been said before, your not a slut no way about it.. These things happen...

So dont be hard on yourself, if the others arent so why are you?

[hudson9]

The hardest person to forgive is always -- ourselves. Be willing to forgive yourself. The thing about mistakes (if you feel this was one, for whatever reasons), is to learn from them and move on.

[Biguybob]

I so get what your problem is. You are a bI-sexual and are married. You are okay with having sex with another woman because she can offer things your husband just don't have. But if you want to be with a man.... well that is what your husband is for. My wife understands my MM sexual desires but will not participate in a MMF threesome because she has no desire to be with another man. That is where your guilty feeling may be coming from. Yes you completely fucked up your standards for yourself. And are justified with your feelings. The only salutation I can offer, is pass it of to being drunk. Because everyone is okay with it no discussion about the event is needed. However you should say to your husband that the event made you realize things about yourself that you didn't know. And set limits of what should be expected of you when future events should arise. One of my "rules to Live by" states "if you learn from your mistake it becomes a learning experience and therefore not a mistake... And never learn the same thing twice!"

[csrakate]

Rissa,
While I understand why you are upset with yourself, there is no reason to believe that there is anything you need to be concerned about as far as some sort of "underlying" cause WHY things went as far as they did...it just happened and luckily it ended before you did something you would have regretted even more. In all honesty, you seem to have come to terms with your sexuality in regards to being with other women and although you let go of yourself a bit that night, it is obvious that you simply cannot fathom having sex with another man other than your husband. And like you said, you were also hoping that you weren't going to have to stop where the wife was concerned so you reasoned "ohh what the hell...why not?"....You were drunk, sweetie...plain and simple...and our inhibitions as well as our normal pattern of behavior and our practical reasoning go right out the window. Don't beat yourself up too much....move ahead as best you can and try to forgive YOURSELF for letting go of control. It seems like all is well with the neighbors AND your hubby....and if anyone of them wishes to discuss it further, simply tell them that you were NOT yourself that night and you don't wish to repeat that episode. As time passes you should be able to move past this point and not recoil in shame every time you think of it.....You are being far harder on yourself than you need to be...but in the same vein, the very fact that it bothers you says a great deal about how much you love your hubby and respect what you have with him....nothing wrong with that at all!

Hugs,
Kate

[darkeyes]

Hav a wee look at "The Ethical Slut" by Dossie Easton an catherine Liszt Riss.. me an me m8s..an lotsa peeps 'ere r always callin each otha sluts..not cos its an insult..but cos we read an wer influenced by this book.. it put togetha how we lived our lives in words easily undastood....as they tell us..

".. we are proud to reclaim the word "slut" as a term of approval, even endearment. To us, a slut is a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you. A slut may choose to have sex with herself only, or with the Fifth Fleet. He may be heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual, a radical activist or a peaceful suburbanite."

We all do things mayb we shudnta..but jus cos ya make 1 ya didn expect 2.. an wud ratha hav avoided..it wos a mistake.. not a tragedy.. no 1 died.. an cosya made a lil mistake don make ya a slut in the pejorative sense.. a sense wich me has neva accepted in ne case...

[MarieDelta]

Rissa hon,


We are, all of us fallible. Especially when under the influence of alcohol or other drugs.

Take this as a lesson learned, and move on. You cant change the past, and there is no sense in making your present miserable with regrets. So look to the future and try not to make that same mistake.

Forgiveness is a hard thing to do when its ourselves that we must forgive.

All the best Rissa, and huge hugs to you. Know that no matter what happened then & there, we still care about you. You are part of this humble family of ours, if you want to be.

Love,

Marie

[still_shy]

Riss,

The first time that my husband and I were with another bi girl (my first girlfriend was a lesbian), I hated it. Seeing him with someone else made me feel horrible, to the point where they had a great time and I was miserable. I stewed over it for a couple weeks, had a long talk with my husband and have been okay ever since. I don't know what it was that made me so unhappy, it left as quickly as it came. Since then, I've been able to enjoy each and every experience that we've had. Give it time, hun. You may have just learned an important lesson about yourself.


**Hope this made sense!

[_Joe_]

http://www.crazyjoe.us/stuff/ididwhatwithmysister.jpg

[noabody]

There is certainly nothing worse than a self-imposed emotional prison. That's the only sentiment I can share. It's a downward spiral since no one knows you are there. I wonder if that is why mass shootings and suicides appear to be on the rise. I don't think that is where you are headed. Maybe it's human nature to torture ourselves just enough that some sort of revelation or resolution comes to pass.

I'm Bi and my wife is straight. From her standpoint, she can't give me what (I think) I need, at least not all the time. That means that any friendly relationship I have could be a potential threat, whether man or woman. Maybe like you, I will not have a sexual relationship with the opposite sex. I don't have a problem with a sexual relationship with the same sex. Either way I'm cheating, according to my wife.

I've gone through the entire range of emotions on that one. I'm reluctant to entice my wife into giving me anal sex or to otherwise provide what another man could. The whole thing has had a profound impact on me.

It sounds like you are in an open and loving relationship. I think you should express your feelings on the subject with your mate. Then, when you have resolution, you can find another emotional prison :bigrin:. As Kirk said, "Don't take away my pain, I need my pain."

[Hephaestion]

I wonder what a student of psychology would say to someone in your position?

warm regards

Heph.

[aslowhand]

Riss stop beating yourself up over it your husband is ok with it just chaulk it up to another one of those life experiances .

[diB4u]

I wonder what a student of psychology would say to someone in your position?

warm regards

Heph.

Well they would say that Rissa needs to stop worrying so much about things and that any form of drugs makes people act different.

[Beefeater]

You, like the rest of us, are human. You went outside your own set of self imposed "boundaries". If you'll notice, almost ALL pencils come with a little eraser on the upper end because the people who make them know that their customers are human beings also and none of us are perfect. They allow for this by including a means of erasing our mistakes and making a correction.

Use your eraser and move on. Or, as I like to say, "Don't take the world so seriously, you'll never come out of it alive".

Beefy

[Vikkster230]

I don't think I can say something that hasn't already been said. You seemed to have enjoyed being with the woman neighbor... Alcohol can make boundaries very messy... If you were non tipsy or beyond, you would have respected your own boundaries. Maybe the boundaries need to be said to the neighbors so at least he will know that there's no chance of it happening again. It's so very easy for you to beat yourself up. It's one of the most common jobs we do to ourselves. You gotta forgive yourself. Your hubby is okay with it, you need to get passed it too. Just my :2cents:, be gentle with yourself and good luck with it.

Viki

[mindfinding]

You need to come completely clean with your husband about all of it. That's the only reason I can think of that your conscience is still bugging you.

Best of luck.

[rissababynta]

You need to come completely clean with your husband about all of it. That's the only reason I can think of that your conscience is still bugging you.

Best of luck.

I did. My conscience isn't bugging me because of anything I did to him because he doesn't care, it's bugging me because I care.

[rissababynta]

I wonder what a student of psychology would say to someone in your position?

warm regards

Heph.

As a student of psychology, I know what I am feeling is pretty normal and that I did everything that I should do (speaking to my husband, clearing the air and such) but I just have to deal with my own mind issues now.


However, you all have been a big help and I'm feeling a little better. I'm trying to reason with myself that it probably wasn't as big a deal as I am making it since all parties involved...and not...have no issues what so ever and I think I'm just going to give myself some time. I think that it is a mixture of it being such a recent incident and that I dissapointed myself and now I know that peppermint shnapps is definitely NOT my friend haha. From now on, if I'm with other people especially, I will stick to the drinks and the amount that I know to be my limit and not try adding anything that I am not familiar with, since that is what really nailed me. If I had just stuck to the beer and smirnoff that I had had, I would have been fine. But, now I know.

..and I've also learned that no matter how into another woman I am, allowing myself to get that involved when we are not alone is probably not a good thing.

[Lonewolf76]

OHHHH MYYYY FUCKINGGGG GODDDDD!!! You're human!!!! I agree with all that has been said before. You aren't the first person alcohol has made stupid, or the first person that alcohol has lowered their personal standards. If everyone else is OK - then, as mentioned before - learn from it. Know you're limitations - make a deal with hbby "If I get too drunk - get me home!' Bottom line - you're still a wonderful young lady with an awesome heart, YOU ARE NOT A SLUT. Now smile damn it - don't make me come down there and kick your ass!!!! Howwwwwwllll Wolfies Backkkkk! LW

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

lol You hold her Wolfie and I'll make Eegie give her kissies! lol:eek::eek:
If that dont make smile not much else will! lol
Hugs Rissa. :}
Cat

[rissababynta]

AHHHHH Eeegie!!! *twitches and shivers*

[Long Duck Dong]

lol mmm interesting..... you have used a situation that you normally would not do, to define clearly, your feelings about your partner..... its one hell of a way to do it.... but it worked.....

I hear you saying that you got a lil bit wobbly and a lil carried away..... and you accept that.... but that you are struggling with the way you * failed * your partner cos you care so much about him and never wanted to *put him aside *

rissa, you are a wonderful person... but I do challenge you to think of other ways to step outside of the norm, in order to define your feelings and understandings towards and about your partner.... we all say that we love our partners and that we care about them.... and now you can see it with even more conviction cos you have stepped outside of the norm and given yourself the chance to experience your love from a new viewpoint

a shaman would tell you that any experience that we miss the chance to experience, is a lost chance to further increase our understanding of ourselves and who we are, that sets us apart from each other

thats not to say that you now need to go bang everybody you can, in order to experience every experience that you can...... but embrace what you understand now ......that your love and caring is more than just a expression of emotions and feelings..... its you as a person....and that is what makes you rissa.... and not long duck dong.....

as for drinking too much.... well you now know what happens when rissa becomes a plonker :tong:... and again... that is wisdom gained......but it is wisdom that could not be gained by not drinking so much

hell be proud of youself, your hubby and your relationship.... and stop being hard on rissa the person that got shitfaced and laid.... and embrace rissa the wiser and more deeply loving and caring partner.... that is human....

[Lonewolf76]

Wow! VERY well put long duck. Rissa Sista - Listen Up!!!!! Love, Wolfie.

[vittoria]

Unfortunately I cant see what half of yas said...

But this I WILL say...

Sucks cheating on yourself doesnt it? ;)

[Realist]

Rissa, the way I look at it, you just experienced a learning situation:

1. (and correct me if I'm wrong) You have experienced your first intimate encounter with another lady and, although your brain was somewhat fogged up, you discovered that it will probably be something you will want to become more familiar with.

2. When you drink too much, you do not have control of your ability to reason, your inhibitions are lowered, and things you don't want to happen, may happen. You gotta know your limits.

3. There's truth in the old saying, "That which does not kill you, makes you stronger".

4. Your love for your husband isn't shaken, nor his for you. He allows for a mistake and still loves you. That's a remarkable gift!

It's obvious that you're a conscientious, intelligent lady and you just found out that you can make mistakes, but survive and even grow, regardless.

Good luck to you in the future .........and don't let one slip get you down.

I, for one, think you'll do just fine!

[tutunono]

I agree with the biguy on this one rissa, I think cuz you are a bi-married woman ,that why you feel so bad. It's okay baby, you have to answer to know one but your hubby and he's okay with it. But if you must have some closure on the situation,go talk to the neighbors about it,tell them how you feel,and make sure you let them know that it was just the alcohol and you don't normally roll like that.:bipride:

[Doggie_Wood]

Rissa sweetie - the affects of alcohol (or any other drug) will allow you to do things you normally would not do. I am not going to do a long explanation of what you did, how you did it, the results of ........ on and on and on ..........
What I am going to say is - this was a life experience or yours - learn from it and move on .......... this to shall pass.

Love ya hon

Doggie :doggie:

[GalacticiaActual]

I would just chalk it up as "lesson learned" and move forward...

[Intimate_Light]

I agree with the biguy on this one rissa, I think cuz you are a bi-married woman ,that why you feel so bad. It's okay baby, you have to answer to know one but your hubby and he's okay with it. But if you must have some closure on the situation,go talk to the neighbors about it,tell them how you feel,and make sure you let them know that it was just the alcohol and you don't normally roll like that.:bipride:

Rissa,

I second this and line up with the majority of what others have said. I'd also add that the fact that you do care is a sign of how decent a person you are.

But self-crucifixion leads nowhere. Trust me, I've been an expert at this in the past. So talk about it, get it out, and the emotional/moral charge will dissipate. Somewhere down the line, some insight may sashay in that may pleasantly surprise you.

"Of all our infirmities, the most savage is to despise our being."
~ Michel Eyquem de Montaigne