Do openly bisexual Black men really exist?

[AfroerotiK]

I'm only interested in openly bisexual Black men as partners. I'm not attracted to bi men who are DL, the ones who can't admit that they are physically or emotionally attracted to other men. I'm not looking for a super freaky threesome either. The last reason I'm looking for a bisexual man is sexual. I'm interested in openly bisexual Black men for many reasons, primarily because I'm attracted to men who have let go of absurd notions of gender and masculinity. I’m interested in bisexual men who can acknowledge that their manhood and masculinity aren't defined by how they experience pleasure. I'm only attracted to men who can distance themselves from the misogynist, patriarchal, sexist, oppressive notions of what it is to be man and how society tells men to relate to women. Men who have redefined their notions of top and bottom and see themselves as sexual beings without labels arouse me. I'm attracted to bisexual men for a host of socio-political reasons but I can't seem to find a bisexual man who is interested in forming a relationship with me. They either prefer men or they find some excuse to display knee jerk homophobia in front of other people. I desire an openly bisexual man. That doesn't mean that he has to wear a t-shirt in public saying "I like Dick," but he at least has to speak up when people say antiquated, homophobic comments. He can't pretend to be straight around people and then only admit his sexual attraction to men behind closed doors. We are so distorted and warped as a people; our sexuality is so unhealthy and dysfunctional that I'm beginning to think that openly bisexual men don't exist.

[Intimate_Light]

I hear your frustration, and while I'm a skinny-assed white guy I am relatively well-informed in terms of socio-religious history, incl. some of the black community, mainly in the U.S.

And so I agree that you are most likely right. But truth is, being openly bi whatever one's biosuit color is still risky, and far more so in the black community.

I'm a very no-nonsense, take-no-b.s. kind of guy, but as far my sexuality, I'm not out except to those I trust implicitly. In other words:

-- I can't demand that the world or even others accept my leanings. All I can do is to own my own, find those who are on the same page and respect those of others (incl. those who just can't deal with anything but hetero). And choose very, very wisely to whom I tell what.

IMO, the world is going to change at its own pace, and while there are a lot of problems and double standards, etc. around, things are shifting. I.e. did you know that there going to be a...

...U.N. the Charter of Human Rights for LGBT?

Granted, it won't solve your dilemma, my suggestion is that you simply be at peace with who YOU are and forget the rest of society, black or white or whatever. What you need is to find that one, absolutely cool guy with whom you can share a universe of closeness and pleasures.

Sometimes we can get a bit too identified with our sexual orientation and have some need to prove ourselves or "just accept me as I am, dammit" (or in the opposite, disapprove/ridicule/persecute that of others) and lose the point.

In my case, I support in spirit all "road less traveled" people, but I leave the activism to others and simply life my own life. If some guy I really cared for and connected with wanted to keep our intimacy private-only, I'd accommodate that. We all have our insecurities and fears.

It's what happens in the heart that really matters most -- be we clothed in black, brown, white, red, pink, purple, blue, green, yellow, or whatever skin :)

Just my long-winded 2 cents.

[Intimate_Light]

In case you haven't seen this: a thoughtful article (and member comments) here about the broader issue of revealing one's bi-identity that may be of interest to you:

To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual? (http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1720)

[Realist]

I agree, Intimate, your comments reflect mine feelings, exactly.

[softfruit]

I was at a black community LGBT event yesterday and... I hate saying it but it felt like the answer was 'no', as people owned almost any label but the "b" word ("I love... people" etc). Sensibly I know that's just a small and random sample of people; and as bi folks regardless of race or gender there can be lots of social pressures not to identify as bi - particularly for the boys.

[DeShawn2]

I think that openly bisexual black men exist. Exhibit A. But, I think that it's difficult for them to be acknowledged as such. Perhaps this is true for all bisexual men, though.

From my personal experiences as an African American male bisexual, I encounter a lot of "marginal receptiveness" about it. Quite frankly, regardless of what I say, most people treat me as if they've already assigned my sexual orientation to myself and that there's nothing that I can do or say about it.

So, what's the point of being openly bisexual if people aggressively refuse to acknowledge it? Depending on the situation, it's worlds easier to identify as gay and stay in the closet, or identify as straight and stay in the closet. I don't agree with this or uphold this in my own life, but I get it.

[Lateralus]

There's a few out there. I don't fit your description, considering that i'm only out to a few people, but I'm trying to get there. As much as I would like to just go screaming my sexuality in the streets, realistically, I have to take into consideration how drastically that will change my life and I have to mentally prepare to lose my attachments to friends i've had for over 10 years, some even before I had a sexuality. While I don't pretend to be straight, I don't bring my sexuality up either. If flat out asked I wouldn't lie about it, and I'm quite outspoken against homophobia. Also, I would be upfront about it to anyone I may get into a relationship with. But I do have internal struggles.

[mistymockingbird]

My boyfriend is black and openly bi.