How long did it take you to "figure yourself out?"

[DeShawn2]

I think there's a difference between coming out and finally being comfortable with it all, which is fine. I'd love to hear some insight on this from you all, especially if it took you longer or a lot less time than you expected.

Thanks everybody! You all make me feel very welcome here!

[PaulWaul]

Four years since I first doubted myself.

I thought I was secure with it, until I was riding home on the bus (today) and had to use all my self control to not cuddle my friend. He had a really cute haircut ><

It kind of freaked me out, never wanted to do that with anyone before.

[PolyLoveTriad]

I think there's a difference between coming out and finally being comfortable with it all, which is fine. I'd love to hear some insight on this from you all, especially if it took you longer or a lot less time than you expected.

Thanks everybody! You all make me feel very welcome here!


I had never thought of the same sex before one night when I saw my best friend change her clothes. When she took them all off to get in the shower I was like Shazaam! lol I knew right then and I was comfortable with it, but I chose to not share it with everyone due to family politics lol

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

You're very welcome DeShawn, and congrats. :}
Cat

[jem_is_bi]

I am not out and I am not comfortable with it all.
But, I am comfortable with the me and he part of it all.

[Bi-Zarro]

I'm a ridiculously complicated guy. I may never totally "figure myself out."

[Realist]

Not out, never will be out, except to those who need to know. I see no need to evangelize, or be militant with my bisexuality.

I have gone from being totally OK with it, as a early teen, to scared to death that someone would find out, to finally accepting the fact that I am about a 2, or 3, on the scale.

I've finally learned that if I connect with those who understand that I don't have to pretend to be who I'm not, things are a lot smoother.

I am lucky to have a bisexual girlfriend, who is almost the female equal to me and, since we met last year, life has been fantastically exciting and fulfilling. We both would accept a male, or female lover, but we are also happy and in love with each other, so we will do just fine alone.

[mindfinding]

I'm a ridiculously complicated guy. I may never totally "figure myself out."

That's my answer as well.

[writes at night]

I jokingly tell people that I am a work in process. Until about five years ago I didn't realize exactly how true that was. I am forever learning about who I am, what my needs are and where I need my life to go. This on going process has helped me become more assured of who I am and able to accept myself. At this point, I can honestly say that I like the person who looks back from the mirror.

I don't think that I will ever be one that willing to be open to the world about my sexuality, as I tend to be extremely private about my personal life. I don't hide it from those who are precious in my life. My current partner is well aware of who and what I am, and celebrates that with me, as he too is a very private soul, who is also bisexual.

[midwestseeker]

Great idea for a topic!

I had same-gender thoughts and fantasies all through my teens, but It wasnt until I was 20 when i finally realized for sure that I was bi. For me, I think it was being away from home and at college that did it.

I guess that means im "comfortable" with it, although no one really knows, and I still sometimes wrestle with not being as bi as I wish I was sometimes, but for the most part I'm happy.

[DeShawn2]

and I still sometimes wrestle with not being as bi as I wish I was sometimes, but for the most part I'm happy.

Wow! I genuinely thought that I was the only one like that and that it was weird. It's very relieving to hear that. I HOPE it gets easier with time.

[cutenbi]

I've never been "out" as the saying goes. But I think I've had bi tendancies probably my whole life but definately since I was a teen and trying to sneak a peek at the guy's cock at the urinal next to me. Not that I did this all the time, remember there is that whole period of denial and all. I think that in my early twenties I definately accepted that I had attractions to men's sexual parts but still kept it entirely to myself. I've always felt and preached (a little later) that you can't help what turns you on, it just does. But believe me, it took years for me to get to the point of accepting this . I wasn't dumb enough to convince myself otherwise, when all of my fantasies revolved around really nice looking hard cocks, and you know...MY mouth. I accepted it... but kept IT. Totally to myself. I definately got to a point where I had the extreme urge to have a person to share these things with and being the lucky fucker I am, I found this person. This person who is my wife now is the one person who know ALL of me and it's so freakin liberating. I get to make jokes that I can't make with anyone, I get to tell someone that I would like to give the cute guy at the gas station a blowjob and she asks " which one" I accept the things that make me hot, I don't deny them but I'm still guarded about this part of me. It's not something we share with our kids. I've wondered what it would be like to be "out" there and realize that in the end, it's probably not that big of a deal to the people who actually matter. Maybe it's denial, (i'm sure some would call it that) but I don't necissarilly think it's something I want to share with people other than those I want to have sex with. But honestly I can only speak for my own personal position and I have regrets, like everyone, but I also have my own personal triumphs as well. :cool:

[evilpanda]

i figured myself out about four years ago.

i had same sex attractions sporadically throughout my life, but kept insisting i was straight. then, i developed a huge crush on ville valo from HIM and dated a bi girl who identified me as bi, because i wanted a guy. having gotten over the initial shock of the word, it was another year before i could openly say i was bi in front of my friends and girls i dated and three more before i could say it to my family.

[darkeyes]

Dus we eva figure oursels out? Lil bits n pieces mayb like sexuality..but overall? Don think so..

[RockGardener]

Mine is a long and complicated road.

In retrospect, I have been bi my entire life. I was always trying to sneak peeks in the locker room and other places. I preferred Playboy over Playgirl. I enjoyed being in Rocky Horror because I got to kiss girls. My social group was always the "gay" group, high school and college. I had crushes on girls, although I didn't realize it at the time.

One turning point in my life came when I was about 30. My best friend in college, who btw was about 20, offered a 3sum with me and my husband. The thing was, I didn't want him involved. I wanted her for myself. Unbeknownst to me, she didn't want him involved either, but thought I wouldn't play without him. That made me start thinking about my wants and needs.

Skip a few years into the future. I changed jobs. I wasn't working in my little community any more, and had discovered bisexuality. Before that, the thinking was, I couldn't be a lesbian, because I also liked guys. It finally occured to be that I could like both. I had some serious crushes on some of my friends, but they never knew. Mind you, I was 40 by now. But I still never did anything about it. After my divorce, I joined a dating site. I identified as bi. That is where I met my boyfriend and a dear friend who brought me here. My boyfriend has known I am bi since we started talking, so I never had to come out to him. He is the one that has encouraged my bisexuality. He has to if he wants me to encourage his. I finally actually touched a girl in a sexual manner when I was 42.

I am not out to my local community, only a few know. But I accept myself, but know that others would not accept me.

So you see, it has been a long and complicated road to figuring myself out.

[Realist]

Have you ever wondered where we would be if we didn't have to deal with so many taboos and instilled morals, from our parents and peers? I believe in being honest, considerate, caring and a good citizen, but why have we had to suppress so many desires? Although I learned about sexual desires (with a guy first, then with a woman) at a much too early age, I would have been much better served if I had someone to mentor me in quality relationships. If it had not been for a much older bisexual lady, who took me under her wing in my early 20s, I think the guilt and confusion I suffered with, may have driven me insane.

I'm thankful for a loving relationship with a fantastic bisexual girl, who accepts me for who I am and even encourages me to enjoy my life as I feel the need to......while keeping her in the information loop.

Funny, now that I have to freedom to be with whoever I want, with her blessing, I no longer feel the need to do so! At least, I have the ability to explore, if the opportunity arises!

[tg Shannon]

I'm not really out except to a few close friends, but I knew I was bi at a very early age, cant say exactly when but it was around 10 years old, didnt really fully know I was bi until around 15 when me and a friend from school started "experimenting" I was hooked from there on

[noabody]

I agree with "realist". The question is how it all came to be. I found my dad's porno collection and had my first, very accidental, orgasm at the age of nine. I didn't have a clue why the pictures of individual women and lesbians had caused such a reaction in me.

Female bisexuality is generally accepted since it's a male dominated society. As I reached puberty and began to get a moral center I thought it extremely unfair that I should think of women and especially two women together. I thought that if I imagined two men together that it would scare me straight and remove any unreasonable expectations of a future female partner.

How funny it is to recall such a flawed point of view. You can probably guess at the outcome. Now it was either thinking of two women or two men together, or groups combined in every imaginable entanglement. Talk about unreasonable expectations in a future partner. Makes me think of Paul Simon and Kodachrome, "I know they'll never match my sweet imagination, everything looks better in black and white."

I never doubted my sexuality but male bisexuality can be hazardous. I spent hours considering a meeting with someone, trying to pick out any minute detail, something between the lines that I might have missed. I couldn't just go hit on the cute guy unless I wanted to risk being hit in the face. To this day I pick up on a lot of things my wife misses, I guess gaydar is a learned trait.

Without the acceptance of my wife, it was too complicated to try to pursue any bisexual relationships. Eventually I lost the ability to hold up a sexual relationship of any type.

Pretty bleak and melodramatic. We keep breathing though, and moving on. I imagine there are more that a few complicated people out there that have had some trouble with it. Psychoanalysis is great, but can you really fix some of the problems with all the taboos as mentioned before. Don't know.

[12voltman59]

Wow! I genuinely thought that I was the only one like that and that it was weird. It's very relieving to hear that. I HOPE it gets easier with time.


If it ever does get easier-please---let us know!!! I don't think it ever does!!:eek::bigrin:

[jem_is_bi]

If it ever does get easier-please---let us know!!! I don't think it ever does!!:eek::bigrin:

Hi 12voltman
I have not seen you post too much lately.
So, I am happy to know your are still with us.
I never seem to have time for chat, if that is where you have been.

Who needs it easy?
I might even lose interest if it was easy.
Going against the tide of self-doubt and mores of society make it so much more exciting sometimes. Besides, if your getting what lights your fire on a regular basis why let the rest of it become more than any other problem that we all deal with every day. Overall, you just have to be thankful for how lucky you are to have something wonderful to smile about.

[boca.openminded]

hmmm, tough to answer..

I've always been in a relationship and never once had a bi thought or fantasy. I wasn't totally naive because I had friends that were gay and that never bothered me nor did it bother them that I was straight.

Then one day I met this gal online and we dated for about a year. She was very openminded where I was stuck to what I liked. One night we were talking about one of her fantasies where she wanted to watch 2 guys play. I was very turned off by it at first so we left it alone.

We tried other fantasies of hers (anal play) and I really enjoyed it so of course when she brought up her guy on guy fantasy again I was opening up. Worst case is if I do not like it then I never do it again.

We broke up before anything further happened but since then its left me with a void.

My only experience is playing with a guy in a xxx store but he wanted more and I wasn't going to do more without a condom. That void is still there....lol

I'm not going to say I will or will not like it but its definitely something I want to try. The tough part is finding someone that is trustworthy and where there is a mutual attraction.

I've met 2 guys in person but there was no chemistry so thats what brings me to this site... Only time will tell...

[totchune]

I think there's a difference between coming out and finally being comfortable with it all, which is fine. I'd love to hear some insight on this from you all, especially if it took you longer or a lot less time than you expected.

Thanks everybody! You all make me feel very welcome here!

I think may be all we can do is accept ourselves, and because we are not made of granite but always changing and expanding, ultimately the only thing we can embrace is change, or the impermanence of all life, including who or what we think we are.

So the least we define ourselves, or try to figure ourselves out, the more we can accept ourselves, because in truth we are like water, in a state of flux, not like stone.

[robbie09]

I have to agree with Totchune. Sexuality is fluid. Our current state is imperminent. As soon as we think we have figured ourselves out things change.

I have spent a year or so trying to figure myself out including weekly counselling sessions and whist I understand myself better and am more accepting of myself, I have not figure myself out.

[DeShawn2]

I have spent a year or so trying to figure myself out including weekly counselling sessions and whist I understand myself better and am more accepting of myself, I have not figure myself out.

I'm going down the counseling road now. The first time I went down that road, it was just because I was interested in guys. Now, it's to see how to navigate these feelings. I feel like I'm deadlocking/setting up a wall with both genders at this point.

[Papelucho]

There's a lot to figure out, and sometimes the progress I've made is pretty encouraging. Bisexual people really explore sexuality, I am constantly calibrating myself in order to feel like things are "right". I think that it gets easier, and especially in our lifetimes it will get a lot easier, and we'll become valued members of society because of our sexual orientation.

[Lolane]

I think there's a difference between coming out and finally being comfortable with it all, which is fine. I'd love to hear some insight on this from you all, especially if it took you longer or a lot less time than you expected.

Thanks everybody! You all make me feel very welcome here!

What difference the gender as long as there is love?:bipride:

[oldcalhippie]

Im sorry...Im 55 and I still haven't figured myself out. Can't say I ever will.

[JohniBi]

I was 12 when I first started having sexual fantasies. 14 when I first became confused about it. Like "why do I sometimes think about guys like that? does that mean I'm gay?" It wasn't until I was about 17 that I got it.