Experiences of homo/biphobia

[PaulWaul]

I'm trying to write a short story (that will hopefully become a novella) revolving around 2 gay men, and their struggles with a homophobic society.

The problem is, I haven't been on the receiving end of any homo/biphobia (yet) and I could probably make things up, but I think it would be truer and make the story more powerful if there was the occasional story of what actually happened to someone thrown in.

I currently have ~500 pages written, and one or two more ideas.

[PunkGRL5]

When I first started working at Target there was this girl who was kind of rude to me. I didn't do anything about it at first because it was pretty mild. Then one day I accidently bumped into her and didn't notice. She flips and called me a dyke. This is against Target policy so I reported her. They took to the office and had a talk with her. After that she punched me in the face. Even after that, it took a while for that girl to get fired.

Then there was this girl who was in two of my classes and she had been pretty friendly. While we were waiting outside the door for the previous class to end she told her friend that all gays and bis are pedophiles. I called her out on her bullshit and then said "I'm not homophobic, I have gay relatives." Until the end of the semester (I changed majors after that so I didn't see her around) she would say stuff that was supportive of gays whenever I was in earshot. But I wasn't buying it.

I don't know if that really helps but it's all I can think of right now.

[evilpanda]

i have friends of the family that are christian missionaries and i am very indebted to them because they saved my mother from suicide. i keep them in my life as friends, but, occasionally, they show their homophobic colors and it's very hard not to lash out at them.

i get e-mails from them sometimes, where they preach and bitch about how sinful hollywood is and how i shouldn't be working there. then, they sent out mass e-mails about their efforts to stop abortion, etc.

recently, they mass e-mailed again about a movie that was being made about a gay jesus. (i know there's a play like that) their e-mail was so gay-bashing it took every fiber of my body to restrain myself from firing back. they don't know i'm queer, but i would loooove to tell them.

the next day, a bunch of their recipients had responded saying that the 'gay jesus movie' was a very old myth perpetuated by christian fundamentalists to stir up anti-gay hatred. one of them connected the circulation of the myth to the death of matthew sheppard, albeit in a six degrees kind of way. they were all polite, and weren't thrilled about the idea of a gay jesus movie, but clearly taking a stand.

the good pastor's response upon learning that he was just perpetuating a gay-bashing myth amounted to, "There's no movie. Praise the Lord, we won."

[MetaSexual2]

Another example for you Paul... My aunt and her daughter, my cousin, came for a visit recently and really shocked us with their homophobia. They don't know about our bisexuality, and I haven't felt the need to tell them. They have an inlaw who is a terrific guy who I have met at family get togethers over the years. He is openly gay and has been in a long term relationship with his partner for many years. He is also a very attractive man.

We were having dinner one night during their stay and they were telling us about the inlaw's latest exploits. They were telling us about how well he is doing etc., but then they come out with their plots to set him up with a woman and break up his long term relationship. This was all a bit ridiculous and I think they honestly really care for the guy, but it was just unbelievable to me how much they wanted to interfere with his happiness because his lifestyle conflicted with their "morality". Needless to say it was a very uncomfortable visit after that point, because we strongly defended his lifestyle choices and let them know we didn't think it wasn't very caring of them to attempt to interfere in his life.

[rissababynta]

The only things I've experienced was this one time where a girl in school said that anyone even slightly gay should be locked away and I punched her in the face...

The other was with my mother in law. She said horribly hateful things one day. When my "sister in law" said "hey, I have lots of gay people in my family and they are wonerful people" she said "You are related to gay people? Ooo I'm sorry about that. I decided to pipe in and say "Yeah well, so are you. I'm very openly bi, and guess what, your son absolutely LOVES that about me."

We haven't heard a lot of gay bashing from her in a while...

[darkeyes]

Wer dus me begin..wen 5yo an heard a big boy call anotha lad a fukkin poof an threaten 2 kill im? Or this mornin wen me heard a "big boy" call anotha lad a fukkin poof an threaten 2 kik 'is head in...

If we observant enuff ther r examples we can c everyday... not forgettin the beatin me got a few years go wen me wos sukked in by a kid-on les an 'er m8s... an the guys who wanna fuk ya cos they wanna show ya wot a reel man is an stopya bein silly... its gettin betta but its still everywer 2 b seen...

[rissababynta]

Wer dus me begin..wen 5yo an heard a big boy call anotha lad a fukkin poof an threaten 2 kill im? Or this mornin wen me heard a "big boy" call anotha lad a fukkin poof an threaten 2 kik 'is head in...

If we observant enuff ther r examples we can c everyday... not forgettin the beatin me got a few years go wen me wos sukked in by a kid-on les an 'er m8s... an the guys who wanna fuk ya cos they wanna show ya wot a reel man is an stopya bein silly... its gettin betta but its still everywer 2 b seen...

Yeah, ya know, what is it with some guys wanting to fuck a lesbian just for the fact that theywant to show how manly they are...I had a guy start up with that crap with ME once and I said "Helloooo, I have a man, believe me you are nothing even close to special to me".

Stupid testosterone sometmes...

[FalconAngel]

i have friends of the family that are christian missionaries and i am very indebted to them because they saved my mother from suicide. i keep them in my life as friends, but, occasionally, they show their homophobic colors and it's very hard not to lash out at them.

i get e-mails from them sometimes, where they preach and bitch about how sinful hollywood is and how i shouldn't be working there. then, they sent out mass e-mails about their efforts to stop abortion, etc.

recently, they mass e-mailed again about a movie that was being made about a gay jesus. (i know there's a play like that) their e-mail was so gay-bashing it took every fiber of my body to restrain myself from firing back. they don't know i'm queer, but i would loooove to tell them.

the next day, a bunch of their recipients had responded saying that the 'gay jesus movie' was a very old myth perpetuated by christian fundamentalists to stir up anti-gay hatred. one of them connected the circulation of the myth to the death of matthew sheppard, albeit in a six degrees kind of way. they were all polite, and weren't thrilled about the idea of a gay jesus movie, but clearly taking a stand.

the good pastor's response upon learning that he was just perpetuating a gay-bashing myth amounted to, "There's no movie. Praise the Lord, we won."

One should never sit idly by when people are wrong about such an issue.

When you do sit back and say nothing, then you are enabling their prejudice and hatred.

Even if you have to lie and say "I know because I have known a few from work and growing up", then do it. Of course, if you are out of the closet, then you need not lie about it.

And on the pedophile thing, FBI statistics point to less than 1 half of 1% of pedophiles being BI or Gay. They are almost exclusively straight. Just point that one out and see what they have to say. After all, it's coming from the Police, not some study that was commissioned by one group or another.

A good response to a homophobe that uses the "child molester" argument is "I am Gay/Bi and I think about sex with children less than you do. Perhaps you are the molester."
I know that it's inflamatory, but what do you think they are doing with their idiotic statements?

[Georgie_Girl]

When I was 15 the family I lived with at the time went to a kind of cookout/party and there were kids ranging from 2 or 3 to 17. There was a gay guy there, he was the nicest one I'd ever met (at that point in my life) and he sat in the shed talking the whole time. Never went near the kids, didn't even LIKE kids. Well, one of the little boys (5 maybe) came up to his dad after playing and his fly was down. The dad tackled the gay guy (onto cement, ouch!) and started screaming at him, something to the effect of "did you touch my son, you pervert?" Took 3 guys to get him off the poor guy, and eventually he apologized for over reacting once it was pointed out that they guy never went near the kid, and sometimes flys just come down through innocent means, or maybe the kid forgot to put it up. The guy was ok, thankfully. :)

[rissababynta]

When I was 15 the family I lived with at the time went to a kind of cookout/party and there were kids ranging from 2 or 3 to 17. There was a gay guy there, he was the nicest one I'd ever met (at that point in my life) and he sat in the shed talking the whole time. Never went near the kids, didn't even LIKE kids. Well, one of the little boys (5 maybe) came up to his dad after playing and his fly was down. The dad tackled the gay guy (onto cement, ouch!) and started screaming at him, something to the effect of "did you touch my son, you pervert?" Took 3 guys to get him off the poor guy, and eventually he apologized for over reacting once it was pointed out that they guy never went near the kid, and sometimes flys just come down through innocent means, or maybe the kid forgot to put it up. The guy was ok, thankfully. :)

THAT...is SO messed up. If that was a party that anyone of my friends or family was throwing the guy wouldn't have had a chance to apologize because he would have been held down somewhere until the cops came.

[darkeyes]

Wosn goin 2 mention this but for all the prejudice me has encountered ova the years the prejudice a sum 1 who wos..an is v dear 2 me is the prejudice wich hurts most.. for years he an I nev spoke much cept 2 row an it wos awful.. hav cried ev so many tears bout 'im since we fell out an it has torn me 2 shreds at times..it began wen me came out as a kid an wos shocked wen 'e showed so much horror an began 2 turn rite nasty.. an it wosn jus me who got hurt by it.. as 'e grew up 'e became a gay bater an basher an me h8ed 'im for it.. the rows me had wiv otha peeps ova how 'e wos all don bear thinkin bout.. an the rows we had wiv each otha an the things we sed 2 each otha cant b unsed an we both liv wiv wot wos wen we wer kids an the wasted oft viscious years..

Years past an me finally found out wy 'e reacted as 'e did an became wot 'e wos an still is 2 sum extent.. gay 2 'im spesh gay male meant paedophile cos 'e had been abused wen 'e wos yung.. summat me hadn a clue bout till relatively recently.. fact that the abuser wos str8 didn matta.. it wos a man an hadta b gay..

We hav ova las year or so began 2 sort things out.. 'e is goin through counsellin an therapy, is a memba of a pretty gud support group an is learnin wot homosexuality an paedophila reely r an that the 2 hav no correlation.. an the many reasons wy peeps becum paedophiles.. me is ther for 'im now.. 'e dusn go batin or bashin ne more tho the whole thing still fuks up 'is head an it will take time.. it will always affect 'im an 'e will nev b free off it entirely but 'e has lotsa peeps that luff 'im helpin 'im through an a wife who is a lil gem.. 'is kids will nev b abused.. we don talk bout it every time we c each otha but ther r times afta all these years a mutual loathin e' feels the need 2 talk 2 'is lil sista bout how 'e feels an times me needs 2 talk 2 'im bout life the universe an everythin.. an me missed that ev so badly ova last 15 years.. 'e is cummin 2 terms wiv the world an at last e' is beginnin 2 undastand me.. an me 'im..:)

[rissababynta]

Wosn goin 2 mention this but for all the prejudice me has encountered ova the years the prejudice a sum 1 who wos..an is v dear 2 me is the prejudice wich hurts most.. for years he an I nev spoke much cept 2 row an it wos awful.. hav cried ev so many tears bout 'im since we fell out an it has torn me 2 shreds at times..it began wen me came out as a kid an wos shocked wen 'e showed so much horror an began 2 turn rite nasty.. an it wosn jus me who got hurt by it.. as 'e grew up 'e became a gay bater an basher an me h8ed 'im for it.. the rows me had wiv otha peeps ova how 'e wos all don bear thinkin bout.. an the rows we had wiv each otha an the things we sed 2 each otha cant b unsed an we both liv wiv wot wos wen we wer kids an the wasted oft viscious years..

Years past an me finally found out wy 'e reacted as 'e did an became wot 'e wos an still is 2 sum extent.. gay 2 'im spesh gay male meant paedophile cos 'e had been abused wen 'e wos yung.. summat me hadn a clue bout till relatively recently.. fact that the abuser wos str8 didn matta.. it wos a man an hadta b gay..

We hav ova las year or so began 2 sort things out.. 'e is goin through counsellin an therapy, is a memba of a pretty gud support group an is learnin wot homosexuality an paedophila reely r an that the 2 hav no correlation.. an the many reasons wy peeps becum paedophiles.. me is ther for 'im now.. 'e dusn go batin or bashin ne more tho the whole thing still fuks up 'is head an it will take time.. it will always affect 'im an 'e will nev b free off it entirely but 'e has lotsa peeps that luff 'im helpin 'im through an a wife who is a lil gem.. 'is kids will nev b abused.. we don talk bout it every time we c each otha but ther r times afta all these years a mutual loathin e' feels the need 2 talk 2 'is lil sista bout how 'e feels an times me needs 2 talk 2 'im bout life the universe an everythin.. an me missed that ev so badly ova last 15 years.. 'e is cummin 2 terms wiv the world an at last e' is beginnin 2 undastand me.. an me 'im..:)

That is great that you two could bounce back like that. You are a much bigger person than me, I would have just moved on with my life, thinking that I don't need that behavior around me.

[evilpanda]

good point. maybe next time, i'll nail their asses to the wall.


One should never sit idly by when people are wrong about such an issue.

When you do sit back and say nothing, then you are enabling their prejudice and hatred.

Even if you have to lie and say "I know because I have known a few from work and growing up", then do it. Of course, if you are out of the closet, then you need not lie about it.

And on the pedophile thing, FBI statistics point to less than 1 half of 1% of pedophiles being BI or Gay. They are almost exclusively straight. Just point that one out and see what they have to say. After all, it's coming from the Police, not some study that was commissioned by one group or another.

A good response to a homophobe that uses the "child molester" argument is "I am Gay/Bi and I think about sex with children less than you do. Perhaps you are the molester."
I know that it's inflamatory, but what do you think they are doing with their idiotic statements?

[FalconAngel]

good point. maybe next time, i'll nail their asses to the wall.

Nail em to a tree. It's more poetic that way. :bigrin:

[darkeyes]

That is great that you two could bounce back like that. You are a much bigger person than me, I would have just moved on with my life, thinking that I don't need that behavior around me.Not at all.. not way me treated 'im ova so long.. fact me knew nowt didn matta..didn wanna kno..an didn ask..an didn care..an didn lissen..'e wos jus a bastard who 1ce wos me big bruvva an 1 time protector..:(

[tutunono]

When I was 16,this boy who liked me asked me to go to this dance with him and I said no,because he was a known bad boy ya know....dope dealer,slacker,bully etc.... Anyway, he asked me why not and I told him that I was a tomboy(I still am)and wasnt in to those kinda things. He got mad,call me a f-ing dyke and pushed me into the lockers. Needless to say this f-ing dyke had been taking kickboxing lessons since she was 5! I whooped his ass all up and down the hallway! And the following month I hooked up with his sister!:bibounce::bipride::bigrin:

[Realist]

Cool story!

Years ago I used to box a little and thought I could handle myself. One night in Germany, when I was in the Army, I got into a scrape with a bigger dude and he proceeded to whip my butt. My GF, who was 6 foot tall and weighed about 200, came to my rescue. She hit that sucker right behind his ear and he went out like a flash! Her father had been a Kreigs Marine and since he didn't have a son to practice with, he spared with her. She was the most demure, sweet-natured girl and actually timid.........you'd never suspect of knowing any martial arts, but believe me, I was very pleased to have her take over for me! My buddies used to tease me about her helping me out, but none of them ever challenged her!

[noabody]

That which hurts the most is sometimes self inflicted. I know a man that never stood up for himself or his beliefs because the fear of homo/biphobia was too great. Looking at the world from a third person trying to understand how it all went so wrong. Remembering a time before confusion, the naivete of youth. Shutting people out, living a lie to try to be normal.

My coworker just can't understand homosexuality or bisexuality. I can't tell him anything, just nod and agree. Which is worse?

It's all very dramatic and morose, I've been waiting to write about it myself. It's much safer hiding behind words. You can envision the scene, it doesn't even have to be true because nobody will believe it anyway.

Sorry, I don't know what I was trying to say anymore. It just flowed out. I could backspace but there is something important there.

[TaylorMade]

I've experienced biphobia from lesbians. One girl talking about the "cum on my breath".

Look up some of Dan Savage's old columns. (http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=2859)


As a gay male who's been playing the field for 20 years, I have to say that bi/married men just plain suck. They sneak out on wifey at home, then look for quick fixes with men, paranoid about being caught stiff-dicked with a guy. They want a straight life and its perks, and a cock when they can manage to squeeze it in (if you'll pardon the expression). The bi guy's "boyfriend" is always the disposable one.

Fag for Fags

Thanks for sharing your prejudices and fears with my readers, Fag for Fags. Your bigotry is as transparent as it is offensive, FFF, and you ought to be ashamed of yourself. But for what it's worth -- and it's not much -- I agree with every word you wrote


And before angry bisexuals start pounding away at their keyboards, consider this: My current position on bisexuals winding up with opposite-sex partners (you're mostly straight) is a hell of a lot more charitable than my previous position (you're cowards, liars, cheats, etc.).


If you want what biphobia in print looks like (more Dan Savage (http://www.melted-dreams.net/definition/2006/04/26/dan-savage-cant-count/),)... look also at Craigslist W4W forums. They are adamantly biphobic...even if the woman is single, they want no part of it.

*Taylor*

[Bi-Zarro]

The only things I've experienced was this one time where a girl in school said that anyone even slightly gay should be locked away and I punched her in the face...

I love you. <3 <3 <3

[izzfan]

Luckily, I haven't really experienced much in the way of biphobia, probably because I didn't really discover my gay side until I was about 17 (although it must have been there in a repressed form for a lot longer, as I was never as interested in women as many of my friends were when I was younger). I have had the occasional time when people have tried to "convince" me that I am "completely gay" - I might be far more gay than straight but the idea of ignoring my straight side is unthinkable. I really didn't have that many issues with my bi side (my TG side is something completely different).


As for Dan Savage and his comments about bi people ... what an idiot!

[miamiuu]

there is tons of biphobia with gays. I overheard this gay guy commenting that this bi guy should already pick what he wants. Gays seem to think if you are bi you are gay. But then if you are gay you dont like women so i dont know how that works. Anyway thats why I dont get into my preference with other people.

[texasman6172003]

i have friends of the family that are christian missionaries and i am very indebted to them because they saved my mother from suicide. i keep them in my life as friends, but, occasionally, they show their homophobic colors and it's very hard not to lash out at them.

i get e-mails from them sometimes, where they preach and bitch about how sinful hollywood is and how i shouldn't be working there. then, they sent out mass e-mails about their efforts to stop abortion, etc.

recently, they mass e-mailed again about a movie that was being made about a gay jesus. (i know there's a play like that) their e-mail was so gay-bashing it took every fiber of my body to restrain myself from firing back. they don't know i'm queer, but i would loooove to tell them.

the next day, a bunch of their recipients had responded saying that the 'gay jesus movie' was a very old myth perpetuated by christian fundamentalists to stir up anti-gay hatred. one of them connected the circulation of the myth to the death of matthew sheppard, albeit in a six degrees kind of way. they were all polite, and weren't thrilled about the idea of a gay jesus movie, but clearly taking a stand.

the good pastor's response upon learning that he was just perpetuating a gay-bashing myth amounted to, "There's no movie. Praise the Lord, we won."

Hey Y'ALL,Try dealing with the Homophobic Shit,like i do from BOTH sides of my Family. Talk about a KICK TO THE GUT every time i hear them spout there bigotry towards all things homophobic,it's sickening y'all.

[jem_is_bi]

Hey Y'ALL,Try dealing with the Homophobic Shit,like i do from BOTH sides of my Family. Talk about a KICK TO THE GUT every time i hear them spout there bigotry towards all things homophobic,it's sickening y'all.

I am not out for much the same reason. But, I have less to lose than you. So, I have less incentive to hide my sexuality. Therefore, I will probably be found out someday and lose love and contact with some of my family. But, life is full of trade-offs. I just try to make smart choices about who knows what. My lover would lose much more so I do need to protect him if and when I am discovered.
Many heterosexuals consider us a serious threat to their desire for their family to be 100 percent heterosexual. Further, they receive great support in their views from churches they attend.
So, I just try to avoid doing something not worth the cost of it being known that: Yes, I really love to do that.