evilpanda
Mar 20, 2009, 1:30 AM
OK, a few weeks ago i think i posted about a screenplay that i was working on that i wanted to be queer themed. i made a little progress and came up with an outline with characters and a story with a beginning middle and end. just no dialogue.
This is based on an actual incident. I worked on a reality show (I cannot name it because of my confidentiality agreement), where this idiot made out with a girl... and was cheating on her on national television. I always wondered how she reacted when she watched the episode on TV.
The story:
My short film takes place in one evening at the apartment of an arrogant, obnoxious actor named Marcus and his long-suffering bisexual girlfriend Leanna, whose best friend Zoe is secretly in love with her. He gathers his friends for a party to watch his reality show debut, then realizes they have edited in a scene where he cheats on his girlfriend in a hot tub.
Shenanigans and hilarity ensues as Marcus tries to distract his girlfriend from the TV. He repeatedly embarrasses himself on and off the screen the entire night, eventually forcing his girlfriend to realize she is slumming it with this loser. The entire party falls apart, much to Marcus's grave humiliation.
The entire story was built around a single scene at the end, in which Leanna is crying in front of the apartment in the rain. Her timid and shy friend Zoe tries to tell her that she deserves better than a mooching loser, but isn't very good at words. Leanna's self esteem is horrible and Zoe's "I love you" attempts have been mistaken for a best friend's words for so long. Zoe closes her eyes, puckers up, and leans forward, which is the absolute worst attempt at a kiss ever. (It's based on the awful pucker my ex used to do to me that made me want to rip off a ball.)
Leanna makes a weird face and withdraws. She asks, "what are you doing?! Are you trying to kiss me?" Zoe pauses forever, then stammers, "Yeah." Leanna and Zoe stare at each other tensely for a long silent moment.
"Well... don't do it like THAT!" Leanna finally snickers. She mocks Zoe's pucker a bit, then shows her how a first kiss is really supposed to go. And, if the actors do their jobs the way I hope they will, Leanna and Zoe will go from 'just friends' to 'soulmates for life' in the middle of that kiss.
Twist ending: Flashbacks reveal that Zoe is actually a casting assistant working for a production company. She was the one pulling strings to get Marcus a spot on a reality show, knowing he would do something stupid on television. She worked her way up to a story producer position to write the show scripts around his character. The entire time, the sneaky girl was working her ass off, just to free Leanna from her loser boyfriend.
Thoughts? Constructive criticism?
More importantly, Romantic-Comedy-Watchers, does the ending work for you? Could you imagine watching this ending and being happy with it?
I usually write horror and documentaries. I've never written a rom-com before and never a queer script either. I'm going more for genuinely sweet, not overtly sexy. And it's not an "Oh, I'm coming out of the closet" drama, the bi aspect being a non-issue.
Oh, the inevitable question "Why girls?" The answer is simple: The characters are based on real people. Marcus is based on a wanker I worked with once. Leanna is based on an FHM model/oceanographer I dated once (...only once, :(:(:( x infinity), and Zoe is based on my old assistant, both of whom are bi in real life.
Thanks for your input. Be kind, I'm coming out of a long period of writer's block. ;)
This is based on an actual incident. I worked on a reality show (I cannot name it because of my confidentiality agreement), where this idiot made out with a girl... and was cheating on her on national television. I always wondered how she reacted when she watched the episode on TV.
The story:
My short film takes place in one evening at the apartment of an arrogant, obnoxious actor named Marcus and his long-suffering bisexual girlfriend Leanna, whose best friend Zoe is secretly in love with her. He gathers his friends for a party to watch his reality show debut, then realizes they have edited in a scene where he cheats on his girlfriend in a hot tub.
Shenanigans and hilarity ensues as Marcus tries to distract his girlfriend from the TV. He repeatedly embarrasses himself on and off the screen the entire night, eventually forcing his girlfriend to realize she is slumming it with this loser. The entire party falls apart, much to Marcus's grave humiliation.
The entire story was built around a single scene at the end, in which Leanna is crying in front of the apartment in the rain. Her timid and shy friend Zoe tries to tell her that she deserves better than a mooching loser, but isn't very good at words. Leanna's self esteem is horrible and Zoe's "I love you" attempts have been mistaken for a best friend's words for so long. Zoe closes her eyes, puckers up, and leans forward, which is the absolute worst attempt at a kiss ever. (It's based on the awful pucker my ex used to do to me that made me want to rip off a ball.)
Leanna makes a weird face and withdraws. She asks, "what are you doing?! Are you trying to kiss me?" Zoe pauses forever, then stammers, "Yeah." Leanna and Zoe stare at each other tensely for a long silent moment.
"Well... don't do it like THAT!" Leanna finally snickers. She mocks Zoe's pucker a bit, then shows her how a first kiss is really supposed to go. And, if the actors do their jobs the way I hope they will, Leanna and Zoe will go from 'just friends' to 'soulmates for life' in the middle of that kiss.
Twist ending: Flashbacks reveal that Zoe is actually a casting assistant working for a production company. She was the one pulling strings to get Marcus a spot on a reality show, knowing he would do something stupid on television. She worked her way up to a story producer position to write the show scripts around his character. The entire time, the sneaky girl was working her ass off, just to free Leanna from her loser boyfriend.
Thoughts? Constructive criticism?
More importantly, Romantic-Comedy-Watchers, does the ending work for you? Could you imagine watching this ending and being happy with it?
I usually write horror and documentaries. I've never written a rom-com before and never a queer script either. I'm going more for genuinely sweet, not overtly sexy. And it's not an "Oh, I'm coming out of the closet" drama, the bi aspect being a non-issue.
Oh, the inevitable question "Why girls?" The answer is simple: The characters are based on real people. Marcus is based on a wanker I worked with once. Leanna is based on an FHM model/oceanographer I dated once (...only once, :(:(:( x infinity), and Zoe is based on my old assistant, both of whom are bi in real life.
Thanks for your input. Be kind, I'm coming out of a long period of writer's block. ;)