wondering

[katie]

Drew thanks for the help and tips for posting a good profile....I hope folks follow your sugestions..I am new on this site and have been a little surprised how little information there is in peoples profiles.....and how few have pictures...compared to other meet ya type sites people here seem really shy....or is it something else?...it is a little creepy...perhaps people can let me know why they think this is......a certain level of anonyimity is good but come on folks lets loosen up a bit :bipride: Katie

[TrimBeardHairyBod]

Couldn't agree with you more, Katie.

The first thing I do when I log in is read the profiles of the people currently online. Drew has done a fantastic job in providing the framework but ultimately, the success of the site will be determined by its members input. The attitude 'Here I am. Now entertain me' is selfish and quite unacceptable, I'd say.

[julie]

Couldn't agree with you more, Katie.

The first thing I do when I log in is read the profiles of the people currently online. Drew has done a fantastic job in providing the framework but ultimately, the success of the site will be determined by its members input. The attitude 'Here I am. Now entertain me' is selfish and quite unacceptable, I'd say.


Yeah I'm with you too Katie. This is the first site I joined so I didn't know any different but have felt increasingly vulnerable/exposed by my information being available to all whilst the majority of profiles I choose to access, remain disabled.

Drew has put together an amazing site, I wonder if it possible to have minimum information criteria for membership?

Welcome anyway Katie and nice profile ;)

[ramboan69]

Sure it is a shame that many do not contribute, but maybe they are unsure if it is safe to come all the way out. Perhaps by example others will open up and share with us their wildess dreams and fantasies.

[Ratchick]

Sure it is a shame that many do not contribute, but maybe they are unsure if it is safe to come all the way out. Perhaps by example others will open up and share with us their wildess dreams and fantasies.
Although I agree that having lots of profiles with lots of info woudl be fun, I understand why some folks may not want to share all that info. It's important that peopel feel comfortable here. Some folks just want people to get to know them on a first hand basis too.
-RC :wiggle2:

[sonny]

I agree that its better to take it a bit slow at first,if you dont know the way of the forum.
Thanks guys and gals for a geat forum

Sonny

[softfruit]

For me, I post a reasonable amount to the forums, but the way the profiles are worded they feel a bit too much like "here's a personal ad..." when that's not what I'm here for in the main.

Some people will want to just login and read the site to get a feel that they aren't the only one, without sharing who they are or feeling ready to take part -- I think that's fair enough and we've probably all been at that stage once.

[ZenGolfer]

As someone who doesn't have their photo up in the personal and/or profile and has no intention of putting up a photo, maybe another perspective may help you understand better.

When it comes down to it, there is still a significant amount more stigma against bisexual males than against bisexual females. Let's face it, the world (in general) sees two women together as "sexy" or "naughty" or something of the ilk, whereas two men together are viewed entirely differently by the majority. Even in the increasing age of homosexual awareness and acceptance, gay men seem to be generally accepted because it is who they are and that's the way it is - "fine, you don't like women, I guess that's okay" - seems to be the prevailing school of thought. A bisexual male is an entirely different beast for the world to accept at this stage. "Why on earth would you want to have sex with a man as well as a woman? Freak."

Given the level of stigma that the world gives to bi men (essentially as weirdos, deviants, and freaks generally), many of us prefer to have a certain level of anonimity. I think that this can be understood without being viewed as "creepy."

[katie]

Thanks for the feedback and the points about stigma are well made. I think it is possible to write a profile without too much revealing “personal” information that lets the reader know some things that would help them decide if they want to get to know someone better. A bit of humor and a bit of self disclosure doesn’t identify anyone. I wouldn’t expect a life history along with names and a map to get there.

A picture is nice but I really understand why that is hard. In other sites there is the option to have the picture hidden. Only to be revealed to people that the member wants to. I don’t know if that is possible here. There is also the option of posting a picture or image that reveals something about you that isn’t a photo of you. But if I go to a profile and there is nothing except a location and a maybe cute nick name, along with a grocery list of sexual needs.... why would I be interested in making the effort to initiate contact?
Especially as that is a hard thing for me to feel safe doing. And I agree that safety is an important thing. So how do we initiate and illicit contact in a safe way?

As the saying goes “It takes two to tango” or in the case of this site...two, three, four......or...more... :grouphug: ....hmmmm.......I hope that some people aren’t only using the site to fly solo... :bounce: .... Yeh I find it creepy that I might be providing that kind of entertainment.

I guess I just don’t feel it is a very friendly place with all the empty profiles.

These are just my feelings.......Katie :compuser:

[bifocalx]

Hi,

Just joined today ... and am contemplating what to say ... how to say it ... and how much to say in the profile. I'm really hoping this site will be a place where something special happens ... so ... it's a bit nervous.

It's not easy to convey yourself in a paragraph or two. For some of us ... it's absolutely agonizing. And yes ... bisexual men are less likely to show their ugly mugs than are women ... but more likely to show their little peepees ... so go figure.

So whadda ya thunk?

[gayle]

Try my dilemma on for size! I'm a str8 female with a bi male partner. Try wording the profile so that I don't offend him, don't "out him" in such a way that he'd be instantly recognized (although who here would recognize him, I don't know). Then there's the predicament of my being str8 so here we are doing a profile with one bi and one str8 in a couple; then with him thinking it'd be great to do a m/f/f scenario when I explicitly state that I am str8. How many takers do you suppose we'll get off that? LOL! The true irony is that sometimes I feel like I should be apologizing to the rest of you for being str8! At the same time, I feel like I have learned more about bi relationships and issues here than I have anywhere else. It has helped me to understand my partner better, to understand why it took him so long to come out to me as being bi, etc. Oh, I still have questions to be sure, but I'm also sure the answers will come with time.
Anyhow, posting an ad was challenging enough, how to say enough without saying too much. Then just creating the profile, especially with the Kinsey rating where I concluded my partner is a definite 4 but I'm str8.
I have just begun to share with my partner tidbits of what I have written in this forum, hoping he won't decide to go find it all on his own. He seems to have accepted that this is a place where I go to think things through, and where issues are raised that I haven't considered.
This is a great site & I really appreciate it. Of course, I am still waiting for Drew to come up with a cowgirl avatar for me! LOL!

[Elfinia]

It's good that you're wondering, and it's nice to read contributors opinions about the forum.

Like Gayle ( I really appreciate your posts BTW Gayle ) I am just dipping my toes into a totally new area as I am straight but I think my boyfriend is bi.

I am a little paranoid that he might find me here as he's a bit of a detective....but he's also a secretive and private person and I don't know what his reaction might be ( but I fear the worst ! ).

I didn't fill in my profile because I am still testing and seeing how comfortable I feel with everything......I was also worried that it might be seen as a personal ad. :bibounce: Smilies to everyone .

[Nancyboy]

Hmmmmm . . . just read a few of these messages and I can empathise with all sides of the issue. I know that it's difficult or even unsafe for some people to "out" themselves like that on the net.

When I first came onto this site a few weeks back, I filled in my profile, then disabled it because I wasn't looking for anyone at the time. But reading this thread made me realise that the profile isn't just for finding partners; people who read posts may want to know about who they're reading. So, since I'm "out" already anyway (as president of a Montreal bi group, as someone who has been on the Sex Files to talk about bisexuality and as someone who has helped establish a Safe Spaces sort of project at the college where I teach) I figure I might as well stick myself out there if it helps those who are still exploring in any way. I guess I can understand that it may be reassuring to newbies who may still be unsure about things to see real faces and info attached to the names.

So there you go; I have enabled my profile, not because I'm necessarily looking (although I'm always open) but so that people can see that I'm a real person (real being relative, of course :bigrin: )

I've removed the "what I'm looking for" stuff and just kept the basic info about me, as well as the pictures.

So . . .here I am! Welcome all bisexuals! You are not alone!!! :three:

Nancy in Montreal

[rupertbare]

Well said everyone - when I first joined I posted a profile then after a few days blocked it - but you're right - loosen up! So after posting this I'm going to post a profile!

[gayle]

Elfinia, thanks for your kind comments about my postings.
I have been most grateful to find this site. As I have admitted left and right, I am apparently clueless when it comes to issues of sexual identity. It has been good to know that I am not the only str8 woman involved with a bi male. I felt so much insecurity when I realized he might be gay. I had no clue that there was the alternate explanation that he was bi until he finally told me that he was. Of course, the insecurity finally was resolved by concluding that one's sexual orientation had nothing to do with their ability to be faithful to their partner.
I still come up with questions from time to time and am quite appreciative of the kind people at this site who are willing to share their experiences and knowledge with me.
I will have to ask my boyfriend if there is anything specific he would or would not want me revealing in our profile. I guess it'd be easier if it were just MY profile, but then again, I'm not sure the profile of a str8 female would be that interesting to everyone!
How ironic that I went from a cross dressing ex-husband to a bi boyfriend. Of course, I waited 8 years after my divorce to get involved with anyone, but then to end up with a bi boyfriend. . . I'm thinking somebody, somewhere should be getting a big chuckle out of my life. I'd always thought of myself as being very vanilla sexually, but I seem to be picking out some rather interesting flavors!
I hope everyone has a great weekend!
Gayle

[DeafF2M]

As someone who doesn't have their photo up in the personal and/or profile and has no intention of putting up a photo, maybe another perspective may help you understand better.

When it comes down to it, there is still a significant amount more stigma against bisexual males than against bisexual females. Let's face it, the world (in general) sees two women together as "sexy" or "naughty" or something of the ilk, whereas two men together are viewed entirely differently by the majority. Even in the increasing age of homosexual awareness and acceptance, gay men seem to be generally accepted because it is who they are and that's the way it is - "fine, you don't like women, I guess that's okay" - seems to be the prevailing school of thought. A bisexual male is an entirely different beast for the world to accept at this stage. "Why on earth would you want to have sex with a man as well as a woman? Freak."

Given the level of stigma that the world gives to bi men (essentially as weirdos, deviants, and freaks generally), many of us prefer to have a certain level of anonimity. I think that this can be understood without being viewed as "creepy."

Ya can't get much "freakier" than me... I'm a transsexual man and I'm bisexual. To top it off, I like BDSM on occasion. Oh, yeah... and I'm Deaf, not that it's freaky, but in the Deaf community...Heh... But, screw it.. I believe in opening minds. If people have a problem with who I am, I just remember, it's not my problem.

I take pride in being weird. :bibounce:

[softfruit]

All of the above thread has persuaded me somewhat, so I've added a profile to my personal page doodah on here. I get what people were saying about giving a more three dimensional persona than just an age and a town. And when I stopped thinking of it in terms of the profiles I'd read, I realised it could be as far removed from a personal ad as I chose to write it :)

That said, I still stick by the right of anyone else here to have nothing more than a username if that's what feels safe for them right now.

[Sparks]

As someone who doesn't have their photo up in the personal and/or profile and has no intention of putting up a photo, maybe another perspective may help you understand better.

When it comes down to it, there is still a significant amount more stigma against bisexual males than against bisexual females. Let's face it, the world (in general) sees two women together as "sexy" or "naughty" or something of the ilk, whereas two men together are viewed entirely differently by the majority. Even in the increasing age of homosexual awareness and acceptance, gay men seem to be generally accepted because it is who they are and that's the way it is - "fine, you don't like women, I guess that's okay" - seems to be the prevailing school of thought. A bisexual male is an entirely different beast for the world to accept at this stage. "Why on earth would you want to have sex with a man as well as a woman? Freak."

Given the level of stigma that the world gives to bi men (essentially as weirdos, deviants, and freaks generally), many of us prefer to have a certain level of anonimity. I think that this can be understood without being viewed as "creepy."

Well said, Zen. Bisexuality can be terribly isolating.

[Sparks]

Try my dilemma on for size! I'm a str8 female with a bi male partner. Try wording the profile so that I don't offend him, don't "out him" in such a way that he'd be instantly recognized (although who here would recognize him, I don't know). Then there's the predicament of my being str8 so here we are doing a profile with one bi and one str8 in a couple; then with him thinking it'd be great to do a m/f/f scenario when I explicitly state that I am str8. How many takers do you suppose we'll get off that? LOL! The true irony is that sometimes I feel like I should be apologizing to the rest of you for being str8! At the same time, I feel like I have learned more about bi relationships and issues here than I have anywhere else. It has helped me to understand my partner better, to understand why it took him so long to come out to me as being bi, etc. Oh, I still have questions to be sure, but I'm also sure the answers will come with time.
Anyhow, posting an ad was challenging enough, how to say enough without saying too much. Then just creating the profile, especially with the Kinsey rating where I concluded my partner is a definite 4 but I'm str8.
I have just begun to share with my partner tidbits of what I have written in this forum, hoping he won't decide to go find it all on his own. He seems to have accepted that this is a place where I go to think things through, and where issues are raised that I haven't considered.
This is a great site & I really appreciate it. Of course, I am still waiting for Drew to come up with a cowgirl avatar for me! LOL!

Dear Gayle,
Kinsey scale notwithstanding, don't worry, or, wonder too much. The bottom line is love. You two care for each other and that is all that matters. As my dad use to say, "after the truth, everthing else is just cheap whisky".

[Mayalaen]

As far as not filling out the profile - being a newbie... I have the general concerns of not only people reading about me but also others finding out about me. Those two work together in a general paranoia about giving out any information.

Also, I didn't realize that the profiles were read by people just to find out about others. I thought they were strictly for "finding" someone - an ad. That being said... I'm off to check it out :)

Oh, BTW - Hi everyone! *Waves*

[katie]

WARNING RANT....... :soapbox:

hmmmm.......sorry to bring this to the front again.....I continually get pounced on in the chat room by people wanting to chat in private with me and when I go to see their profile to see if I can get an idea of who I am talking to....and yes you guessed it....there is nothing there....and here is this person wanting to get real close and personal.....why the hell should I when there is so little forth coming....the only impression I have at this point is TROLL.......so I am putting this plea again....folks please put some consideration into your profile...post a joke...tell us something about yourself....none of it has to be identifying material.....a picture would be nice.....if not of you then of something you love...your cat....your motor bike whatever.....and oh yeah.....dick pics?....hmmmm......beginning to all look the same to me... :bowdown: :bounce: .....lol.........

[Bi-ten]

Hi there Katie,

I have to agree, it would be nice to know a little more about people. Personally I have not posted my picture yet because I am not yet out to my wife, and well...its a small world. I would hate to have her find out second hand...I think that would be cruel. Otherwise though just a little personality in the profile would be greatly appreciated, especially new people. Bi the way... I love yours!

Hugs

[bgall2777]

When I just joined (this evening), I was hesitant to reveal to much in my profile for privacy's sake. Even the county I'm in. There's to much info revealed on the web anyway and I'm not sure if I want to reveal all of mine just yet :). I'm basically just using this site for research purposes for my personal self and to answer a few questions that I have, so as far as profiles go, the less info, the better :).

[chook]

I dont see what all the fuss is about profiles, if truth be known I engaged a gentleman for conversation going on his profile and he turned out to be a dirty big arsehole quite the opposite to his lovely sounding resume.

Anyway I've been coming here for over 3 years now and I've never needed a "profile" to chat with anybody, and anyone that knows me knows I'm not a TROLL or have two heads. And DONT forget it wasnt that long ago that "profiles" didnt exist in the chatroom and you spoke with people on a get to know level, and I still say a "profile" is an advertisment which I for one wont be using..................But hey if its you thing ...........Go for it And BTW I still dont look at profiles and decide on wether I want to talk to the person or not, I just take people as they come.....Thank You :) Its just my :2cents:

Cheers Chook :bigrin:

[gina42]

hi katie,
well i am still new to the room and i am alittle shy and quite at first untill i get to know a person but i agree with you a profile dise give you a little idear about the person you are chatting with.
yesterday with some help from arana she walked me threw the steps in making my profile ,so i now have one posted as well... :)

[codybear3]

I have read and can clearly see both sides of this thread. But in the end, "To Profile or Not To Profile..." That is the question to be answered by each of us as individuals. :2cents:

[csrakate]

Hi Katie,
I am one of those who doesn't post a profile. My excuse?...Just not sure that i am ready to share my inner most feelings with the general public and the trolls that do so often visit this site. I feel that the best way for everyone to get to know me is through my visits in the chat room. I feel most comfortable there and the truer me comes through much more clearly than the one I might attempt to portray in a paragraph. If you like what you see in chat then fine....and if you pm me and I don't know you and haven't gotten to know you in chat, then I don't have to respond.

It all has to do with comfort levels and a lot of us are taking that comfort level to the maximum by just being here. So it is no surprise that many of us choose to remain somewhat anonymous. Be patient and give this site some time. As time goes by, you will meet people that catch your attention and some that turn your stomach, but the good news if that you don't have to worry that your profile will divulge so much that you won't be able to feel comfortable enough to come back and try again.

[lynn n jim]

Hi, I'm new to this site. I have to agree with Katie here, that people should make atleast some effort to complete their profiles, stating some interesting facts about themselves, without having to reveal any personal information. A variety of interests can be given, without revealing a person's identity. I can understand that some people prefer to remain anonymous, until they feel comfortable enough to reveal certain personal information, including pics. But, there does need to be enough information about a person to spark interest in someone else so they will send a message of interest. When I see bare profiles, I move on, as I believe that if there is no substance to their profile, chances are they're not seeking substance in a relationship either. Because I live in a "small community", I personally prefer to stay low key, until there is interest from a lady to chat. But at the same time, I give enough information about myself and my partner to create some interest.



Lynn :)
When was the last time you did something for the first time? ;)

[Fresia]

Bump it up!