Can anyone help me?

[Georgie_Girl]

My mother in law moved in with us for a few weeks and moved out 2 years later. My husband wants her to move back in. Not to save money or anything, just because. I'm wondering if anyone knows of some links to sites that have reasons why it's a bad idea to live with your mother after marriage. I searched for a while and found only one that has mixed good and bad. He will disregard the bad and only read the good. So does anyone know of anything? Any help at all will be appreciated.

[PaulWaul]

I don't know of any sites, but I can tell you that you should get as far away from both of your parents when it comes to things like that (I'm not saying snub them or anything like that). Parents tend to insert themselves into everybody's business and make things as miserable as possible.

You should put your foot down and say no. You need to come before you husband's mother.

Just my :2cents:

[rissababynta]

Uh, I don't know about any links but I do know that if my husband ever suggested that I would have the divorce papers filed within a half an hour after THAT conversation...

[Lonewolf76]

Hey there georgie girl,

Sorry - Couldn't resist - those are song lyrics from a song in the 60's for us old folks! LOL But seriously, There must have been a reason why she moved out after 2 years - if it was because things were bad - then you need to remind hubby of that. If things were not bad and she just moved then you need to sit down and speak to him in private and tell him how you feel. You need to relay that this is the home that you and he have made and you want it to remain that way. You stated he wanted her back just because... That sounds like Mother in Law would do just fine on her own... therefore he needs to respect his wifes wishes. If his mother couldn't make it on her own etc... that would be a different story. What does Mama want - maybe she wants to be out on her own and have some privacy as well!!! The bottom line here is - it's your home - if you don't want her there living with you - he should respect that - if he doesn't - then maybe he and mommy should go get a place of their own! Just my :2cents: LW

[Georgie_Girl]

I love that song! :) She moved out because we rent from my father, and he knew how miserable I was and said he wanted her out. Anytime I would bring up her getting her own place she would launch into a [fake]crying spiel and say I hated her, and so on. He just thinks I'm being bitchy about it. She can live on her own, I think she's doing quite well, but when she got kicked out of where she was living a few years ago, she moved in with her daughter, and they moved to another state, so she ended up with us. I've tried to talk to him, every time I say "your mother..." he starts ranting about how I'm 'always bitching about her' and how nothing would get done without her. (I'm not one of those compulsive cleaners, I do it but it takes a day or two.)
Thank you all. :) It helps just to get it off my chest.
I've thought about him just living with her and being done with the whole mess, but I still love him, ya know? The heartache hasn't outweighed the good stuff. Yet.

[PaulWaul]

Ask your husband who he cares about more, you or her. If the answer is her, time for a divorce.

[FalconAngel]

Here's the best reason; Everybody Loves Raymond.

That show is the poster child for living as far from the in-laws as possible.

[rissababynta]

Here's the best reason; Everybody Loves Raymond.

That show is the poster child for living as far from the in-laws as possible.

My husbands grandmother lived across the street from us before, and I swear it was ALMOST like that show...I referenced it quite often.

[Georgie_Girl]

Ask your husband who he cares about more, you or her. If the answer is her, time for a divorce.

That's what I'm afraid of. I'm just not ready for that possibility yet. :)

[PolyLoveTriad]

You dont want to be with a guy who puts his mother over his wife. I could see if his mother needed to be 'taken care of' medical reasons or something but c'mon. Tell him that you married HIM not his mother, you need to feel that you live in YOUR home and can run around naked anytime you want, not just when she is asleep for cryin out loud Id kick my husbands ass if he suggested that lol and I LOVE his parents to death. Yes there will most likely be a day when one of them has to move in with us but thats because we both refude to allow them to be put into nursing homes.

How will her living with you affect your lifestyle as well? Id tell him look, I love you, youre my husband, but you need to think about me and how having your mom living with us will affect not only me, but affect our marriage.

If its time for a divorce, yes that'll hurt but then you can find a man who will BE a man and treat his wife like the princess she is!

[Long Duck Dong]

think of this.... can you live by the same laws you lay down

how will you react if it was your mother asking ....and think about your partners reaction, would you fight them or accept their answer......or work towards a compromise

[rissababynta]

think of this.... can you live by the same laws you lay down

how will you react if it was your mother asking ....and think about your partners reaction, would you fight them or accept their answer......or work towards a compromise

His mother isn't asking though, that's different.

[Georgie_Girl]

think of this.... can you live by the same laws you lay down

how will you react if it was your mother asking ....and think about your partners reaction, would you fight them or accept their answer......or work towards a compromise

We did live with my mother for a time. My brother lived with us for a while as well. He hated it.
If it were just me, I'd have no issue just saying fuck this I'm done, but we've got a daughter. I've seen how hard it can be on kids and I don't want to make her unhappy.

[open2both]

If she's in ill health, let her in.
If not, sayonara!

[eddy10]

Most of the time a child will grow up better adjusted when living in a loving single parent home, than one raised in a dysfunctional relationship.

[darkeyes]

Always depends wotya MIL is like tho even wiv the best of 'em reckon havin 'em livin wivya is nev a gud idea.. in me own case me MIL didn liv wiv us but she sure wos round a hell of a lot tellin 'im how me shud b an tellin me same thing only more nastily an ridiculin mosta the things me sed an ideas me had.. bad move.. fraid the clash wos 2 much an 'e nev sided wiv me eva an that mong otha things doomed the whole marriage.. did grin a bear it for a gud wile hopin things wud get betta but afraid in end the Fran tempa got betta of 'er..an afta a few rite set 2's things jus got worse...then me became the devil's daughter in 'er eyes an outa 'er gob.. ifya let em in an show weakness then they will reely go 2 town an make ya life a misery.. did that for 2 long till in end it wos jus war.. didn like it but if 'e had jus had the bottle 2 support 'is wife now an then we mite not hav survived as a relationship but at least we mita made more of a go of it then we did, an me wudda had more respect for 'im than me had...

.. funny thing is..only now a few years afta the divorce.. the daft bugga is finally showin 'is mum that 'e isn all doormat... an gud luk 2 'im..long may it remain so..

.. an liv wiv my mum? Naaa don think so.. part from the fact she dead happy wiv me dad.. its a non starter..cos howev much me MIL an me wer at loggerheads... she wos a bloody amateur wen it cums 2 bein critical a urs truly an wile me luffs 'er 2 bits.. an wudn won ne otha mum in me life.. fraid the 2 of us livin unda same roof afta so long is tantamount 2 invitin WW3 2 break out in me own home..an besides.. 'er an Naggy get on 2 well an havin the 2 of 'em on me case is moren a girl cud bear...:tong:

[CuddlyKate]

Always depends wotya MIL is like tho even wiv the best of 'em reckon havin 'em livin wivya is nev a gud idea.. in me own case me MIL didn liv wiv us but she sure wos round a hell of a lot tellin 'im how me shud b an tellin me same thing only more nastily an ridiculin mosta the things me sed an ideas me had.. bad move.. fraid the clash wos 2 much an 'e nev sided wiv me eva an that mong otha things doomed the whole marriage.. did grin a bear it for a gud wile hopin things wud get betta but afraid in end the Fran tempa got betta of 'er..an afta a few rite set 2's things jus got worse...then me became the devil's daughter in 'er eyes an outa 'er gob.. ifya let em in an show weakness then they will reely go 2 town an make ya life a misery.. did that for 2 long till in end it wos jus war.. didn like it but if 'e had jus had the bottle 2 support 'is wife now an then we mite not hav survived as a relationship but at least we mita made more of a go of it then we did, an me wudda had more respect for 'im than me had...

.. funny thing is..only now a few years afta the divorce.. the daft bugga is finally showin 'is mum that 'e isn all doormat... an gud luk 2 'im..long may it remain so..

.. an liv wiv my mum? Naaa don think so.. part from the fact she dead happy wiv me dad.. its a non starter..cos howev much me MIL an me wer at loggerheads... she wos a bloody amateur wen it cums 2 bein critical a urs truly an wile me luffs 'er 2 bits.. an wudn won ne otha mum in me life.. fraid the 2 of us livin unda same roof afta so long is tantamount 2 invitin WW3 2 break out in me own home..an besides.. 'er an Naggy get on 2 well an havin the 2 of 'em on me case is moren a girl cud bear...:tong:

I wonder why my little prickly one?:) Your mother has always shown eminently good taste and is remarkably perceptive.;)

I don't suppose any of it had to do with your hyper sensitivity now would it?:rolleyes:

[darkeyes]

I wonder why my little prickly one?:) Your mother has always shown eminently good taste and is remarkably perceptive.;)

I don't suppose any of it had to do with your hyper sensitivity now would it?:rolleyes:

..an talkin a takin umbrage....:eek::(

[_Joe_]

The only reason a mother or father should move back in with their kids, in my opinion is:
1.) He/Shes alone & incapable of living alone
3.) He/Shes dying and as any normal person, doesn't want to leave the world with strangers around.

I know folks may say "but theres rest homes for that", but after watching 60 minutes and other investigation shows, and seeing the treatment to my grandmother first hand, I could not live with myself putting them at that much risk. If you go that route, you damn well better visit a lot to make sure they aren't being treated like an old turned out horse in teh field.

[rissababynta]

The only reason a mother or father should move back in with their kids, in my opinion is:
1.) He/Shes alone & incapable of living alone
3.) He/Shes dying and as any normal person, doesn't want to leave the world with strangers around.

I know folks may say "but theres rest homes for that", but after watching 60 minutes and other investigation shows, and seeing the treatment to my grandmother first hand, I could not live with myself putting them at that much risk. If you go that route, you damn well better visit a lot to make sure they aren't being treated like an old turned out horse in teh field.

Well, my mother in law could know for a fact that she had a week to live and that woman would still never spend one night in our house. Considering that her other kids are not thrilled with the idea of taking her in someday either, chances are she might end up going to a home.

Guess that's what happens when you are an evil bitch and you treat your own family like scum. It comes right back at you one day.

Ok, I feel better now...:)

[Georgie_Girl]

Thanks everyone. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who's had to deal with this sort of thing. His sister and her husband are coming up at the end of the month (he's going to Afghanistan :() and after their visit I'm going to sit him down and we'll talk. I'm not quite sure what I'll say, but we'll have a nice long discussion. :)