what to do?

[Confused4life]

ok, so I have posted on here before. Best friend and I had a couple hookups in the last month. I wasn't really sure what to do because we are both involved with other people. She has a H and I have a BF. Her H knows nothing. My BF knows a little about it and seemed ok with it. Here is the problem I am having.....I can't seem to think about anything or anyone but her. I don't want to say that I am in love with her, because I don't think that is the case. I love her, she is my best friend. However I want her so bad I can't think straight. How do I let her know that I want to be with her again and again? She is the one that made the moves the other times. Since she is married, I thought it best to let the decision be hers....if she wanted to continue an affair or whatever with me. I see her everyday, and I just wish I could tell her. I don't want to complicate her life further by laying my feelings on her. She doesnt' want to hurt me. I say I am fully aware of the situation (its just sex for her) and I can protect my heart. I should also mention that this is the first Bi experience for me. I can't seem to get enough of her. I feel awful for my BF, cause right now he does nothing for me....not with her in my mind. Are these feelings going to pass? Am I ever going to be able to look at her and not want her? Not want to please her? Thats what a huge part of this is about, pleasing her...giving her a few moments in time to forget her seemingly crazy life. She thinks its dysfunctional for her to come to me when she is hurting and expect me to comfort her in that way....I say let me...I want to so badly. Does any of this make sense to anyone else? It doesn't always make sense to me. Any advice I would appreciate. I am going kinda crazy here and I am very frustrated (in all sense of the word).

Thanks
:eek:

[Mrs.F]

WOW, what a dilema! I'm going to give you my :2cents: for whatever it is worth.

You need to sit down with her and talk. Talking is the only thing that is going to let you both know what the other is needing and wanting. You need to express to her what this is making you feel like and that you can't get her out of your mind. And I don't think it's going help your relationship with your b/f if your thinking of her all the time when with him. If I were him, that would really hurt my feelings. And for her husband to not know anything of this entire situation is unfair to him. Something has to give here and in order for that to happen.......it's time to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with her. Spill your guts and feelings to her and make sure she knows where you stand on this. It's going to be hard, but whoever said things in life are easy?? :rolleyes: Communication is the only key here.

I wish you the best of luck in trying to figure this all out.
Mrs.F

[Nisse]

Well, i think you should do some more before you start talking. My advice may not be a good advice, but tell her you want more, get what you want and then maybe you realise better what you are having...and then a little bit later talk to her, and depending on what comes out of that chat, talk to your boyfriend.

Good luck and enjoy yourself!

[Confused4life]

Thanks Mrs. F. I know that I need to talk to her. It is usually not hard to talk to her. She knows everything about me and vice versa. Its just weird for me to tell her that sexually I can't get her off my mind. I don't know if it is just that this is/was my first Bi experience, or the fact that we were such close friends before this that made it so intense, but it is indeed intense. Our friendship is still the same (plus a few jokes about the hookups), which is great because neither of us wanted it to change. During the first time, we made it clear that that was the only time it would happen (thus not wanting it to end)....then a week later she showed up late one night, hurting. SHe was kinda trashed that time, I was sober (the first time, both quite drunk). The afterwards she felt guilty. Said she was selfish for expecting me to be there fullfilling her needs and wants, I told her that how is it selfish when I want it so badly? That was 2 weeks ago. I can't stop wanting her to come over late again (we have hung out several times since, and like i said before, I see her everyday). I want to call her and ask her to come over, but then I feel selfish because I need her so bad and I know what her situation at home is and how she doesn't want to hurt her marriage. So I just want her from afar. Here is a poem I wrote for her before our first time.....continues to speak to me because I know we will never have a "future" together more then friends, which is fine, but I still want her with ever fiber of my being...

Magical night
Mystical moonlight
Beautiful place
Breathtaking face
Feverish glow
Fantastic flow
Sexy heat
Sensual beat
Exciting time
Erotic mind

Touching, teasing
Tasting, pleasing
together as one
how it begun
Oh how I imagined our first
My chest is going to burst
I can't seem to breathe
I don't want you to leave
Please don't walk away
With pain you will not pay
Night after restless night
waking up I will fight
cause I want you so bad
Yet its just a dream, how sad.

[Mrs.F]

That is a really beautiful poem! It really shows your feelings. :)
I don't really have any more advice for you. I think having your first experience with her/and having feelings for her beyond friendship is really making this hard for you. All of that combined with your already confusion of your own feelings of bisexuality. You just have so much on your plate right now. Alot to sort through. Those damn feelings are always getting in the way. :rolleyes: Take is slow, think it through and in time, things will fall into place. :)
Mrs.F

[Biboz49]

I agree with Mrs.F that you need to take it slow. To add my :2cents: It sounds to me like you are infatuated and that won't last forever. Whats the hurry in talking to her? Neither one of you are going anywhere and your relationship with her isn't going to change (but it might after you talk to her). So lay low, put your feelings and desires on hold and when clearer heads prevail then decide whether you still need to talk to her.

[Confused4life]

Biboz and Mrs. F you are both right. There is no hurry. I mean, so far the only one that knows that I have feelings is me (and of course you who have read this). I know that these feelings I have are lust based. But truely I care about this woman. So for me I am trying to sort through the emotions of what I feel now. I know that there will never be a realationship beyond friendship. She will/would never leave her H for a woman. (Did I mention that she has previous Bi experiences before her marriage, and it was all purely sexual, never romantic relationships?) Anyways, I know this and I am fine with it....I just don't want the physical part to end yet. It has only happened twice, however those two times with her were more exciting, sensual, and breathtaking then they ever were with a man. Here is the thing, I really never felt attracted to women before. Sure I thought, that girl is hot, but never OMG i want to bang her type feelings. With my friend its different....I think since the day I met her, I was attracted to her, I just didn't really admit it to myself. I don't really know how to explain it....there is just something about her that got to me the minute i met her. She is extremely confident and has this certain sexy confidence about her that kinda drives me wild. We are very open about everything. Before the first time, she used to joke that I wanted her and she knew that I did the minute I met her and looked in her eyes. I always just laughed and said whatever. Then the night the first time happened, we went out and we were with some other people at the bar, then we left alone and she asked me to pull over cause she wanted to kiss me. I guess I started shaking cause she asked if I was ok....didn't I want her to kiss me? i said more then you will ever know. anyways I am sure you don't want all the details, so I will move on. THe point is, we have talked about it since the first and the second times. She is afraid to complicate her life more and of hurting me. I told her that it was something I wanted too, so let me worry about myself. I just want to please her, touch her etc. But I told her that I would not pressure her, that she knew what I wanted and if she wanted the same thing it was up to her to make the move. We still joke around though, she will ask me a question and when I answer in the affermitive, she will say....you just think that cause you want me, or your just biased because you have been with me. I guess that I just am scared that she won't ever make the move and i am going to be stuck dealing with all of these feelings alone. Since i see her everyday (a little thing called work) it gets a little frustrating being around her, wanting her, and not being able to tell her. Sorry about the long post, but I had to get some of that out.