Fantasy versus reality

[totchune]

Is anyone else, male or female, experiencing intense and on going bi fantasies while being disappointed by actual encounters?...

I can think about a man's cock and get really turned on...I can even look at, touch (etc) a man's cock and be quite turned on...but after a few minutes (way before climax) it all goes away, the desire, the excitement...it all feels pointless. With anyone so far (I have been with 5 guys, all very different)...

Anyone else in the same situation? And any idea why?

[Long Duck Dong]

false expectations.... you prime yourself using undiluted thoughts desires and intentions.....

in english.... your desire is pure.... same with your thoughts.... but the actual event is different to what you percieve... it is common amongst mental sexuals or people that are mentally stimulated more than being action stimulated.....

mental sexuals can find that masturbation for them is more intense and enjoyable than sexual contact with other people

[Realist]

A girlfriend used to have the most magnificent orgasms, while we discussed her fantasy of interacting sexually with another lady, or a couple. Over a period of about a year, her interest became extreme and she admitted that she really would like to experience sex with another woman; it was no longer a fantasy in her mind, but a sincere desire. She ended up meeting a bisexual married woman and they spent a weekend together in a condo.

Afterwards, she told me exactly the same thing................that her actual experience was nothing like she'd imagined. She admitted that they were both able to share orgasms, but she did not want to try again. Her fantasies were ruined and she never wanted to use them during our love-making again.

I know there are those who are solidly heterosexual, as there are those who are bi and gay. I wondered if my GF had been with a different girl, if she would have enjoyed her weekend better. But, I guess that's a moot thought, as she never ventured into that area again.

I, on the other hand, have remained bisexual since my first sexual encounter with another male, many years ago.

[Orlando157]

Reality and fantasy are two different things ... don't give up - You can rehearse a fantasy in your head over and over - Reality takes involvement and participation - Reality is a lot better

[AshMash]

personally, i think you just need to find the right person. i know how you feel though. I had mrs. right... but she's gone. never been satisfied since. but all is not lost, keep searching!

[bimarried40m]

I would have to say that I have had similar experiences. I havn't had many, but most were about the same as your situation. However, I found one guy that was extremely fun and it was all I could do to not ejaculate too quickly. After a lot of thinking about what made this one different I discovered that it was an attraction thing, just as it is with women. It was after this that I understood what I desired in a man for sexual pleasure and now that attraction must be there before I consider sex with a man.

[someotherguy]

Fantasy is your brain's way of ignoring reality in order to have a good time. The mistake you're making is in letting the fantasy be pushed aside by what you are actually experiencing. With practice you can learn to maintain the fantasy the whole time, as long as your partner doesn't talk too much.

[innaminka]

Fanatasy is just that - fantasy.
Its the kick-starter.
If reality were the same as fantasy .... how would we fanticise???? (Philosophy 101!!)

Also, put yourself in the shoes of the other person in the encounter.
Thay have fantasies too. Have you disapponted them???

Everyone has hairy backs, small dicks, saggy boobs, bald patches, cellilite, pimply bottoms, etc etc.

We're human beings, not super heroes!!!

Enjoy the reality of the encounter and let your fanatasies stay just that!

[luvseed]

I really enjoy cyber sex and very happy with it. I may in the future do the deed hopefully with a friend

[biwestpalm]

I can understand since I have had several experiences with men but I can fantasize and it brings me pleasure too. I can work it out so to speak without acting on it all the time. Kind of nice this way since I don't sleep around.

Keep it simple and it makes it fun sometimes.

[cumbychance]

I had a few experiences with men several years ago. The first one was the most satisfying, close to what I was fantasizing. The other three didn't fit in to the mold I had created. One guy smelt pretty bad, one was into his needs and didn't care about mine. The last one didn't really get going as I just wasn't attracted to him at all. The fact was that he was a smoker didn't help. The last couple of years I have returned to fantasizing, even thinking about the time with the first guy when I have sex with my new wife. I still think that I would like the real thing again but possibly for me, it is best that I stick with the fantasy.

[Biboz49]

It's all about the guy. Some I've had fun with and really got into it, very enjoyable and satisfying. Later the fantasies were great too. But there were some I've met and didn't have the desire to even get started. I just couldn't get that feeling. The anticipation of meeting and the fantasizing was good but when we met the feeling just wasn't there.

[darkeyes]

Reality dusn often match the fantasy.. but jus sumtimes.. like the evenin a few years go wen it wos much much MUCH betta.. 2 tiddly gals finally gettin it togetha.. an 'ere we r.. still livin the fantasy... wiv a few lil spats long the way.. but even then... makin up is anotha reality much betta than the fantasy..:bigrin::female::female:

[ben_butterman]

i was wondering where i was going to put this

[barejerr]

Maybe your putting too much into the fantasy and what reality really is.. meaning the way it all plays out.. the fantasy part is easy.. just think about whatever situation you choose and bang it is all wonderful.. then In real life, the other person didn;t act or say something relative to your fantasy. and "blows" (not in a good way) the whole fantasy of it. Stop having it be a place or person... non specific... just because Harrison Ford, whoever is sexy, doesn;t mean he is going to be a stud in bed... He may push you off him, call you a pig and leave without saying another word

[swans]

I have been lucky enough to act out many of my bi fantasies (some quite extreme- latex/rubber/breathplay fetish etc) and they have ALWAYS been far better and more exciting than I could ever of imagined.

[shybipinay]

false expectations.... you prime yourself using undiluted thoughts desires and intentions.....

in english.... your desire is pure.... same with your thoughts.... but the actual event is different to what you percieve... it is common amongst mental sexuals or people that are mentally stimulated more than being action stimulated.....

mental sexuals can find that masturbation for them is more intense and enjoyable than sexual contact with other people

Thanks, this makes alot of sense to us. We've also found putting certain expectations into a meeting with someone always ruins it. Creates tension, nerves, etc.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Dont "Expect" anything, love. Because the expectation is always going to be more than the actual event. And in the end (no pun intended) you can always be disappointed because it wasnt what you anticipated. Just go into anything with a sense of adventure and take it as it is. No expectations, no heartaches, and disappointment later. ;)
Have fun and be safe.
Cat

[indenver_indenver]

I have found that reality can be as good as or even exceed fantasy IF I have a long term relationship with the guy. My blow-and-go guys are a bore. I don't pick blow-and-go guys. They tell me they aren't. But they turn out to be. I think they are screwed up and fear getting too close.

The three regular guys I have had really began to get into it. They felt more and more free to tell me what turned them on. They became more vocal which got us both hot.

For example, one guy loved to wear pantyhose when I sucked him off. He didn't feel free tell me until he got to trust me. From then on it was very hot. Another guy loved to have me straddle his chest and fuck his mouth hard but didn't let me know until a few visits later. We both went nuts over this.

Another guy got to where he loved to talk sexy over the phone before we met. "I'm going to come over and keep my cock in your mouth all weekend." "I'm going to fuck your mouth hard!" Etc. All this made our sex very hot.

So, yes, bi-sex can be hotter than fantasy with a guy you get to know. Good luck finding one.