Same old, same old?

[lelila15]

Ahh, here goes.

Hi there! So, if someone asked me what my sexual orientation was right at this moment, I'd have to say that I'm a bisexual. However, I am so incredibly new to this idea that I wouldn't know where to go from there. So, how do I know? or why do I think this way?

Well, let's start with the obvious, shall we? I'm female, I'm 25 and have only had one boyfriend, meaning, only ONE sexual partner...ever. I've have opportunities to sleep with other men, and I've never taken them. Fooled around a little, sure, but nothing further. I'm not really looking for a relationship with a woman, but then again, I'm not sure of what exactly I AM looking for. Do I want to explore? Maybe. Do I want something serious? Not really. Do I want another boyfriend? Again, maybe. So, what DO I want? That's the thing! I have no idea!

I feel I have a guy's mind, you know? I like geeky stuff, like video games and comics, sci-fi and fantasy, yet I'm constantly concerned about my appearance and what others think when they look at and/or just talk to me. Then again, there is this voice in the back of my head that tells me I really shouldn't care, and yet, I do care.

Plus, I have a harder time talking to other women than I do men. I tend to get rather nervous when I talk to women because I feel I can relate to men better than I can to women. I don't know, I just feel like women judge me more harshly, but why should that matter at all? I'm more concerned about saying something stupid in front of women and I can't figure out why. Furthermore, why do I even care?

Now, when it comes to sex, once again, totally unsure. Really, at this point, all I can do is make assumptions about myself. I've never experimented with someone of the same sex, and yet, I'm not too thrilled about having sex with someone of the opposite sex either. Now, that's not to say I consider it a turn-off, I just don't know what I really want right now. I suppose the way to find out what I do want would be to just try out the same sex thing and see where it goes, but you know what? I'm afraid to.

I can't say exactly why. Is it because I'm afraid of being judged? How will my family feel if they found out? What about my friends? How will my life change if I discover that being with someone of the same sex makes me happier? What if it doesn't? What do I have to lose? ... What do I have to gain?

I realize I've gone on for far too long, and I'm sure this is nothing new. I have to admit, I am extremely grateful for at least finding a community where these kinds of thoughts aren't so outlandish and have been spoken before (and probably on many occasions). But, if you don't mind, if you've been where I'm currently at or are currently there, could you let me know what you think, and what advice you would offer?

Anything you have to say or recommend I do would be greatly appreciated. Trust me, you have no idea how appreciative I would be. Heh, then again, maybe you would. :)

[PaulWaul]

Well, the things with relating to people really isn't something to worry about. What you like, and who you relate to is really affected by what you grew up with. Girls who grow up with multiple older brothers are usually more likely to be tomboys than they are to be girly-girls. I find myself that I have trouble relating to people in general, and I'm always worried about saying something stupid, doesn't matter who I'm talking to. I can also sympathize with women more easily than I can with men, but not always.

Being unsure of your like/dislikes is normal as well. I have yet to have an experience with either a man or a woman, and I don't know which I'd prefer over the other or anything along those lines.

The best thing I can think of is to find someone who has gone through what your going through and talk to them about it. You can also find a woman (through this site or others) and arrange a meeting, and just go with it to see what happens. The only real way your going to know is if you get out there and experiment.

I hope that this is slightly helpful.

[totchune]

Please don't take this as judgment or criticism, because it is not, only a question: are you in touch with your feelings? (not just your emotions, but sensual feelings as well?)

From your post, you seem to be operating from your head, a little out of touch with yourself.

Get out of your head and into your body and especially your heart. That's where you will find who and what (in terms of sexual drives) you are.

Guaranteed!

Good luck!

By the way bisexuality is totally normal, natural, and valid as a sexual identity...our psyches are both male and female, and that's where gender is determined or explored, not just between our legs. Human consciousness is more flexible and creative than we commonly believe.

[darkeyes]

Wy r we brunettes, blondes or red heads? Wy blue eyes or green or brown? Wy we tall or lil, rounded or str8 up an down? Wy we hav gud legs an nice bum or no? Wy we like fish an chips or spaghetti or Ice cream? Wy we prefer red plonk 2 wite, cognac 2 whisky? Wy we like clubbin or stayin at 'ome? Wy city 2 countryside? Wy football 2 cricket or rugby? Wy swimmin 2 runnin? Wy socialist 2 capitalist?

Alla these an otha questions r all very interestin an important in ther own way.. an is nice 2 know wy.. but mosly we accept 'em as who we r.. so wy not our sexuality? Str8 peeps do.. so wy not the rest of us..me dus..:)

[void()]

totchune presented quite a diplomatic response, as well as a damn fine bit of advice. I second it. On revision, nothing further to add.

[FalconAngel]

You are entering what is, for you, new territory. Treat it like you would doing anything new. Be safe and cautious enough to stay out of trouble, but otherwise, explore.

Seek out new experiences and adventures. Boldly go where you've never gone before (is that a little to "Trekky"?).:bigrin: Both emotionally and physically. See what you like and don't like. And don't be afraid to say yes or no, depending on what you are feeling at the time.

And heed the advice of Darkeyes and Tochune. They are right on this.

Welcome to the community.

[GreenEyedLady(GEL)]

Hi and welcome to the site.

I think I can speak for a lot of people when I say that at one time or another we've been in your shoes. It seems as if your at least wanting to explore so just leave it at that. The only real way your going to find yourself, your likes and dislikes is to try it out :) Get out and do some casual dating. If you are single, and able to do as you please then enjoy your life, and try not to be boggled down with worry. It really does save a lot of time and anguish if you omit the worry lol The sky is the limit for you. Live your life hon. Good luck to you !