PaulWaul
Mar 2, 2009, 9:36 PM
If you want to post your coming out/realization story for others to read (and to gain personal insight on how they can handle their problems), post them here.
I don't think there's a section for this (hence the creation of the thread) and if there is, could you tell me where it is?
Realization Story
I first started having doubts about my sexuality when I was about 14. I found myself looking at guys slightly differently, and having thoughts about them. But, I didn't want to be gay; I wanted to get married, have kids, etc. More importantly, I knew that I liked women.
So, I did what most 14 year olds who aren't able to deal with something do: I back-burnered it. Due to my attraction to girls, it was relatively easy to ignore, even suppress my feelings for guys. I'd think of it every couple weeks, but I still wasn't ready to deal with it, so I'd ignore it once again.
That "happy" state of ignorance lasted until slightly less than a year ago. Some part of my brain decided that I was now able to analyze the "problem", fix it and move on. Of course, things don't work out nearly so well. I began to consciously ignore it, instead of my sub-conscience glazing it over.
There was still a back-and-forth going on inside my head, which basically surmounted to:
Body "Guys are attractive"
Mind "I don't want to be gay"
Body "Girls are attractive too"
Mind "That's good, that's what I want"
Body "But guys are still attractive"
Both "What the heck is wrong with me?"
Needless to say, this was really tearing my up inside, so I decided to do some research into things like this, and lo and behold I found about bisexuality.
After an amazingly short mental inquiry, I found that this is what is right for me.
Coming Out Story
Once I discovered what my orientation was, that I'm not alone and that there isn't anything wrong with me, I felt better. Until I ran into the thought: "Now what do I do?"
I decided that my next step would be to tell people about this, so they know me for who I really am, instead of making assumptions about me simply being straight.
The first people I came out to were a small group of friends I had made from playing and online game (Warcraft 3). This may sound odd, but to me it made sense: I don't actually know these people, I will probably never meet these people and it'd be hard for them to cause trouble in my life if they were the kind of people that hated glbt people. As it turned out, this was probably one of the wisest moves I ever made, I didn't get a single negative reaction, and this allowed me to be more comfortable with myself.
Then came the biggest step: telling my brother and his wife. My brother and I have always been close, and I got along very well with her for the brief about of time I knew her before they moved to one place and we moved to someplace else. I will refer to my brother as E and his wife as N. Now, I didn't doubt that either of them would really have a problem with my being bi, they're both very open minded. I was slightly hesitant to tell E because (as big brothers often do) he used to tease me a lot, and a large part of that was calling me gay, queer, etc. I came very close to telling N over the phone several times, but I was going to be visiting them (second visit in 6 years) soon, and I preferred to tell them face-to-face.
N was driving home from work (I had gone with her to get out of the house) when I told her. For some strange reason, I thought that she might freak out and get into a car-crash or something along those lines. As it turned out, she was completely accepting, supportive and a little surprised. She had thought that I was gay, not bi, because she had been friends with many guys who were gay, and noticed little things that I did that were similar to what they did.
Next came to telling E. For some reason, I was absolutely petrified at the thought of telling him. N was very supportive (it was the same day if I remember correctly), and told me that I should just go tell him. I did, and he was also supportive and accepting.
After having told them, I felt much, much better. And of course, always needing a challenge, I then decided to come out to several of my closest friends. The first friend I told, a girl who I like immensely, was accepting, and thought I was very brave for telling her.
The second friend I told has been my best friend for 5 years now. I kept trying to tell him over the course of about two months, I either couldn't say it, or something would happen (doctor appointment, parent giving us a ride home, etc); we don't hang out that much, and the only real 'chill time' we spend is when we walk home from school together once a week. When I finally told him, he thought that I was kidding, and asked me somewhere between 5 to 15 times if I was joking. When he realized that I wasn't, he pretty much said: that's interesting, and that was about it. We're still good friends, and he seems completely neutral about it.
The third friend I told is my 2nd best friend, and has been for about 3 years. I was really hesitant about doing so, because of two reasons. The first is that he is Christian, and many christians don't like any form of homosexuality. The second reason is that I have a pretty big crush on him. I eventually managed to tell him, and he is fairly accepting, but we don't mention it much and I suspect that the idea of it makes him uncomfortable. Note: I did not tell him that I like him.
The fourth (and last to date) friend I told is a fairy good friend of mine. We have only been friends for several months, and I had no actual intentions of telling him. He found out simply through guy talk, and I was kind of skating around some things, and he asked me "You gay or something?" to which I replied "Kinda". He has been probably the most accepting and supportive of the friends I have told; he asked me how I found out, how long I've known for, as well as numerous other questions.
I have not come out to any of my other friends, not to any other member of my family, largely because I do not feel the mental compulsion to do so.
I don't think there's a section for this (hence the creation of the thread) and if there is, could you tell me where it is?
Realization Story
I first started having doubts about my sexuality when I was about 14. I found myself looking at guys slightly differently, and having thoughts about them. But, I didn't want to be gay; I wanted to get married, have kids, etc. More importantly, I knew that I liked women.
So, I did what most 14 year olds who aren't able to deal with something do: I back-burnered it. Due to my attraction to girls, it was relatively easy to ignore, even suppress my feelings for guys. I'd think of it every couple weeks, but I still wasn't ready to deal with it, so I'd ignore it once again.
That "happy" state of ignorance lasted until slightly less than a year ago. Some part of my brain decided that I was now able to analyze the "problem", fix it and move on. Of course, things don't work out nearly so well. I began to consciously ignore it, instead of my sub-conscience glazing it over.
There was still a back-and-forth going on inside my head, which basically surmounted to:
Body "Guys are attractive"
Mind "I don't want to be gay"
Body "Girls are attractive too"
Mind "That's good, that's what I want"
Body "But guys are still attractive"
Both "What the heck is wrong with me?"
Needless to say, this was really tearing my up inside, so I decided to do some research into things like this, and lo and behold I found about bisexuality.
After an amazingly short mental inquiry, I found that this is what is right for me.
Coming Out Story
Once I discovered what my orientation was, that I'm not alone and that there isn't anything wrong with me, I felt better. Until I ran into the thought: "Now what do I do?"
I decided that my next step would be to tell people about this, so they know me for who I really am, instead of making assumptions about me simply being straight.
The first people I came out to were a small group of friends I had made from playing and online game (Warcraft 3). This may sound odd, but to me it made sense: I don't actually know these people, I will probably never meet these people and it'd be hard for them to cause trouble in my life if they were the kind of people that hated glbt people. As it turned out, this was probably one of the wisest moves I ever made, I didn't get a single negative reaction, and this allowed me to be more comfortable with myself.
Then came the biggest step: telling my brother and his wife. My brother and I have always been close, and I got along very well with her for the brief about of time I knew her before they moved to one place and we moved to someplace else. I will refer to my brother as E and his wife as N. Now, I didn't doubt that either of them would really have a problem with my being bi, they're both very open minded. I was slightly hesitant to tell E because (as big brothers often do) he used to tease me a lot, and a large part of that was calling me gay, queer, etc. I came very close to telling N over the phone several times, but I was going to be visiting them (second visit in 6 years) soon, and I preferred to tell them face-to-face.
N was driving home from work (I had gone with her to get out of the house) when I told her. For some strange reason, I thought that she might freak out and get into a car-crash or something along those lines. As it turned out, she was completely accepting, supportive and a little surprised. She had thought that I was gay, not bi, because she had been friends with many guys who were gay, and noticed little things that I did that were similar to what they did.
Next came to telling E. For some reason, I was absolutely petrified at the thought of telling him. N was very supportive (it was the same day if I remember correctly), and told me that I should just go tell him. I did, and he was also supportive and accepting.
After having told them, I felt much, much better. And of course, always needing a challenge, I then decided to come out to several of my closest friends. The first friend I told, a girl who I like immensely, was accepting, and thought I was very brave for telling her.
The second friend I told has been my best friend for 5 years now. I kept trying to tell him over the course of about two months, I either couldn't say it, or something would happen (doctor appointment, parent giving us a ride home, etc); we don't hang out that much, and the only real 'chill time' we spend is when we walk home from school together once a week. When I finally told him, he thought that I was kidding, and asked me somewhere between 5 to 15 times if I was joking. When he realized that I wasn't, he pretty much said: that's interesting, and that was about it. We're still good friends, and he seems completely neutral about it.
The third friend I told is my 2nd best friend, and has been for about 3 years. I was really hesitant about doing so, because of two reasons. The first is that he is Christian, and many christians don't like any form of homosexuality. The second reason is that I have a pretty big crush on him. I eventually managed to tell him, and he is fairly accepting, but we don't mention it much and I suspect that the idea of it makes him uncomfortable. Note: I did not tell him that I like him.
The fourth (and last to date) friend I told is a fairy good friend of mine. We have only been friends for several months, and I had no actual intentions of telling him. He found out simply through guy talk, and I was kind of skating around some things, and he asked me "You gay or something?" to which I replied "Kinda". He has been probably the most accepting and supportive of the friends I have told; he asked me how I found out, how long I've known for, as well as numerous other questions.
I have not come out to any of my other friends, not to any other member of my family, largely because I do not feel the mental compulsion to do so.