"Real Men"......my rantings!

[Nikki Vandom]

I dislike the term "REAL MEN".It comes as a statement designed to produce conformity."Real Men" don't cry or you are a sissy."Real Men"don't show their feelings,except of course the MANLY ones such as anger,jealousy, greed,lust,ect.."Real Men"do not show affection but they are permitted violence.Is it possible for a man to be "manly" and possess a tender side aswell or does one cancell the other?For so many years growing up I heard the litany:"Real Men....fill in the blanks.Some I agreed with such as :Real men don't abuse women.Others I fell short of.Real men don't cry?Physical pain I could handle aswell as the next guy but leta woman break my heart and I cried like a baby.Not on the street corner but in my bedroom.I sucked at sports,Uhoh.I was the weird artsey hippy kid.Learned about my body by experimenting w/ the other neighborhood boys in the treehouse.Experimenting was one thing...I enjoyed it,it felt good(GASP!).Went to cosmetology school( my wife loves that!)to meet girls,met gay guys.had more fun! :tongue: But I did'nt want to be gay.Sex w/ a guy was fun,kinky sex.Sex w/ a woman was a cosmic almost spiritual thing.Women were beautiful men were not,not fair!But a wise woman taught me mother nature had her daughters in mind when she created the man.Every part of him was designed for the womans pleasure.His mind,his hands ,fingers,mouth,toungue,arms, legs and yes THAT too!A RealMan learns how to use his whole body to take his woman to paradise,not just his dick!Foreplay is the maincourse,intercourse is dessert.Men are't ugly brown birds after all.A man can be pretty and its ok to be pretty.A real man can be strong as steel when the situation demands,protect,provide ,preserve the woman.Hounour her.A real man can be warm and tender,affectionate,sentimental,romantic,vulnerabl e w/o his masculinity being in question.My wife says Im the best "girlfriend" she ever had.I do hairstyles and colours on her and manicures,pedicures,facials,makeup,lots of fun things!I openly talk about everthing w/ her and she w/ me.I am able to be transparent to her.She really digs me being bi even though she is st8.Her only rule:Only when she is present to watch(safe sex is understood).I can have fun giving my bf a BJ or letting him take me.Then my wife gets to have her fun!Wink,wink,nudge,nudge,say no more!And when I take a shower,Oh! Look!Im a real man after all!Ok,well,right.I feel better now,that was fun.Reply as you will girls and guys.Thanx 4 letting me post!I love this website!Blessings to all who read my post!N.V.

[Diddybidaddy]

Dude:
Here's the scoop! REAL MEN... have... are you ready for this....? An X chromosome and a Y chromosome. That's about it. And those that don't, i.e. transgendered persons, are still REAL MEN,they are just slightly configured otherwise. The expression "REAL MEN" is just useful to control and manipulate people and their behaviour to act and maybe look a certain way. Anytime some one says: "REAL men do this or REAL men do that" they are saying this to discount the REAL men who do differently. And why? In order to get them to conform to THEIR ideals of how a man SHOULD be. And what are they doing when they do that? They are trying to control them.

[ambi53mm]

WOW...very heartfelt post..It's a good day to rant!
Very heartfelt post Nikki!!...In retrospect I can see my own struggles both within and without against my concepts of "being a man" in a society/culture where male behavior is so well defined and at the same time so ambiguous. I feel I’ve lived a life of duality as these concepts of being a” real man” have played themselves out in various roles I’ve played at one time or another.
My first introduction to sex was with other males, was as a boy scout. There was nothing feminine about our behavior.
”Boys will be boys.” We would tease and ridicule one another during the day about sucking each other’s dicks in the ultimate humiliating fashion that we as boys all grew up with..and then secretly perform the act on each other under sworn secrecy at night beneath the tent flaps. The next morning there was never any mention and the teasing would start all over again as though what took place the prior evening never happened.
Long hair became the fashion during the mid 60’s. I sucked at team sports as far as being on a team went but learned to play and loved playing the backyard version. Playing rock and roll in the garage “with stars in our eyes”, we dreamed of becoming rock stars. Growing our hair long in our small town led to being whistled at, chased and beat up on a few occasions and called girls especially by the local rednecks..and back then all the” real men” were rednecks. It wasn’t until a few years later when most of the good-looking women convinced there redneck boyfriends to grow there hair long that the abuse finally subsided. Looking like a girl with long hair at the time is what gave me the popularity and boost I needed to finally discover the wonderful world of sex with the opposite sex. Back then the hottest girls loved guys that had long hair and could play guitar. Still a few out there that still do.
During my teen years there were many times I was called or singled out for possibly being gay. Mainly because my hair at the time was long as mentioned before, however I was giving the “gay test” by one of the school councilors after being sent to the office after a letter to Pat was intercepted professing a strong attraction. There just happened to be a guy named Pat in my class so it was assumed that the letter was intended for him and not for my girlfriend of the moment Patrica who sat two rows over.
I was beginning to have some serious identity issues about my own masculinity by this time and being hit on by as many males as females didn’t help. My next move to become a real man by joining the Army and served from 67-70 I went gung-ho and became a paratrooper do further define my manliness…however there was the glitch of also being a medic…in the Army that was honorable..but as I worked through college in hospitals it was was of those hmmmm questionable jobs for a male…fortunately for me the sensitive male concept was in full swing..so now I was a long hair, guitar playing, sensitive male working in a basically female dominated profession that “real men” being prepped for various operations would occasionally ask me if I were Greek..I suppose it was the long black hair..never quite figured that one out but the question did arise on occasion as I was shoving a plastic tube up them to clean them out for certain medical procedures, or having to shave their pubes for the hernia operation.
I was determined to get out of the medical profession for a more manly job..and after switching majors in college finally wound up in Theatre…honestly it was the only course of study I could by-pass the math requirements with..but again..a questionable choice of profession from a manly sense…
I’m in the construction field..I’m a father..a husband..a weekend warrior to the extreme….and I’m bi. :)

[rumple4skin]

Thanks for the post. I am sure many guys out there do not fit the perfect "real man" stereotype but are not "manly" enought to say that is not the path they want to walk. I have a penis. That makes me male. Being a man for me is being able to decide for myself what I like and do not like without someone telling me I should not like this or I should like that. I ride a harley but that does not make me a real man - it just means i ride a harley - when I am on a long ride and get caught in heavy rain i am afraid to do something stupid and lay the bike down - does that mean I am less of a man becasue i experience fear? not in my opinion (and that should be the one that matters most to me :) ). I think that the "real man" ideal was something that was made up as a means of controlling people - and probably a means of people trying to cover up the things they do not like about themselves but could not face up to. There is no universal "real man" ideal - It is totaly a cultural thing I bet if we compared other cultures we would find places where ideals overlapped and places where they diverged. So i decided that this man will choose his own path. I do not think that men are the only ones who have to deal with childish stereotypes either. I think all of us have heard somethink being refered to as "unladylike". So the women have to deal with that bs too. There, now I have ranted too. I am not even going to proofread this becasue I am too manly to worry about what someone might think of me if I have made a bunch of typos ( really that is just laziness :) )

[OralBradley]

"She really digs me being bi even though she is st8. Her only rule: Only when she is present to watch (safe sex is understood). I can have fun giving my bf a BJ or letting him take me."

:flag2: :male: Your sounds like a pretty ideal situation to me. My wife is understanding and willing to talk about my bisexuality, but doesn't wish to be a part of it by participating (my first choice) or watching me with a guy. She won't even watch porno flicks andy more and they used to make her drippy wet. Because I cannot risk bringing home a disease, I cannot get physically involved with another man except for a very rare mutual JO. Basically, I am limited to what interaction I get from the the chatroom here and a few e-male friends.

[Nikki Vandom]

Hi guys! thanks for the kind replies!I have been busy the last few days and been anxious to see if there were any reply posts.After I logged off I was somewhat nervous,maybe I had revealed too much personal stuff,justa kinda "ink" in my gut.I am glad to see others feel the way I do and experienced some of the same things I went threw.WOW! That comment about women being "unladylike",I never thought of that! I assumed they did'nt have to deal w/ all this BS,but they do aswell.I hope things get better for you OralBradley,I am very fortunate in my circumstances.My wife is very openminded.She's had some Bi experiences and has indicated she may consider more.Maybe she's not quite st8 afterall! :tongue: Rumple and Ambi 53,I hope to get to chat w/ you two more!It does my heart good to know I'm not a onezie,as it were!Peace&Love,N.V.

[rumple4skin]

N.V.
I think it is cool that your wife is so understanding. I hope to meet a woman that open-minded someday. Hope to get to chat with you more in the future also. On other thing I wanted to mention. You spoke about real men being able to be pretty and lessons from Mother Nature. There are alot of examples in the natural world where the male of the species is more decorated or "prettier" than the female. The peacock comes to mind with it's fancy plumage (not because it has the word cock in it's name ;) ) , and the lion with it's large mane. I think the male mallard duck is more decorated than the female as well. I am sure there are other examples but those are all that I can think about off the top of my head. Just goes to show that the “natural” world loves diversity. I think we should too :) .

[Nikki Vandom]

Hey Rumple!I have often thought on that!When I was very young(just discovered girls but never done anything w/ one),my friend & I saw a really cute girl walking w/ her ugly BF.We were giggling about it,what did she see in him?Well,Victor said men and women both have brains that look alike( he saw a picture in a science book) and we only think differently b/c we are taught to.(Are'nt 11 y.o. boys sharp!)So, tomorrow,we won't look at girls,we'll check out guys(very discreetly of course!).Since we have the same brains, we can scientifically discover what girls see in guys.Next day @ the bus stop we implemented our plan.We had our answer b4 the bus got there.We found girls much more attractive than guys, therefore guys are all ugly (incuding ourselves).That's where I came up w/ the ugly brown bird comment.I often mused on mother natures' cruel joke on reversing the trend when it came to humans.That skewed up experiment really made it hard for me to talk to girls for a long time!Well,There were older boys and they sure seemed to think I was pretty(it was the late 70's and I had long hair aswell).I've looked at pictures from back then and hell's bells,I looked like a pretty girl,no wonder!So when they came around, and they did,it made me feel wanted,as it were.Later,girlfriends helped me see my flawed thinking! :rolleyes: Ah, the troubles we put ourselves through! Peace & Love,N.V.