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allbimyself
May 5, 2005, 9:42 PM
Thought I'd post a few things (OK, a LOT of things) about myself as a form of introduction. No questions really but thought I'd tell my (sexual) life story... just need to talk to some like minded people.

My sexual journey started like most guys, a little fooling around with a friend. Didn't do much really, a little fondling, etc. That all came to an abrupt end when I was spending the night at a (different) friend's house. I was 12 or 13. We were asleep when my friend's older brother came home with his friend. They were 17 or 18. The two of them each took a turn raping me while the other pushed my face into the carpet. My "friend" pretended to sleep through it. I'm not going to dwell on the details, there's no point.

Fortunately, my family moved a long way away from that town the following summer. I spent my teen years fairly normally, except my experience made me quite homophobic, compounded by my undeniable bisexual urges. I blamed The Rape for my fantasies about guys... obviously I was quite confused. I had my first heterosexual experience when I was 17. The girl in question and I were quite active for a couple of years until we broke up.

During that time and the following few years I was quite happy sexually. My fantasies about men disappeared and I was immensely satisfied with sex with women. I was straight and all was right with the world.

When I was about 22 I started fantasizing about men again. This time I was able to be less emotional about it. I realized that The Rape had nothing to do with my sexuality (except causing me to repress it when I was younger). I realized I was (probably) bi and was surprisingly content.

I didn't act on my desires for a couple years. I wasn't sure if the reality would be as good as the fantasy. Nor did I know how I would initiate sex with a man. A high school buddy was living with a wonderful woman that we'll call "Jo." Jo and I had become very good friends. One evening her, "Rick" and I had been hanging out, having a drink and basically enjoying each other's company. It was late and Rick had had a bit much to drink so he headed off to bed. Jo and I continued to talk for awhile. I was closer to Jo then I had ever been to anyone in my life, including my lovers. I decided to come out to her. She only smiled and said "So am I." It was the first time she'd told anyone, too. I also told her that night about The Rape. She was also the first person I ever told about that. After that night, Jo and I were best friends.

Over the following years I eventually had sex with a man and I came out to some other friends. I was surprised to learn that not a few of them were bi as well. One particular couple we'll call "Dave" and "Elle." Elle is a very sexy woman. Attractive but not incredibly so. Just one of those women that is very comfortable with her sexuality and it shows. She's decidedly NOT bi. Dave is a very handsome man, green eyes with long lashes. I don't quite get it myself, but he's the type of guy that women throw themselves at. Dave is very bi and he and Elle have an open marriage. After I came out to them, Dave and I had a few private encounters. One evening a few years later, the three of us were spending an evening together. We were watching a movie on VHS and Elle fell asleep. After the movie was over the tape continued and went into a porn that Dave had recorded. We didn't have to watch that very long before he and I began to have sex. After a few minutes I realized that Elle had awakened and was watching us while still pretending to sleep. After a few more minutes I realized she had begun to masturbate. That was the most incredible turn on I had ever experienced. Knowing that Elle was turned on by watching Dave and I. When I heard Elle have her orgasm I joined her. Afterwards Elle continued to pretend to sleep as if we hadn't noticed. I kidded her about it the next day but she denied everything and seemed quite embarrassed which was quite unlike her.

At any rate, I'd discovered something new about myself. I had always kept my two sexual sides seperate. Don't get my wrong, my female lovers all knew I was bi (I won't have sex with a woman until I've told her) and my male lovers knew as well and that I preferred women, that I'd never enter into a more than casual relationship with a man. But I'd never considered sex with both a man and a woman simultaneously. That seems terribly odd now. I'd never even watched "bi porn" only straight or gay. My feeling on bi porn was that it was for bi guys that were uncomfortable with their sexuality. That a MMF scene was ok, it wasn't gay.

At any rate, MMF sex became a priority for me. I wanted to recapture the feeling I had that night when Elle watched us. Unfortuntely, Elle was very uncomfortable with the whole thing and that avenue was out. I never was presented with another opportunity.

At that time I was about 30. I'm now 39 and this fantasy is consumming me. I was, until recently, in a committed relationship. My ex was well aware that I was bi. In fact, before we had became a couple, she had told me she had a very strong fantasy of being with/watching 2 guys. However, we decided to postpone that until we were more stable as we both wanted a serious relationship. Unfortunately, by that time, some events had occured in her life that caused some serious mental problems. She was not in any shape emotionally to experiment sexually. In fact, sex became an infrequent event at best and a quite difficult subject. I loved "Jade" dearly (still do for that matter) and stuck by her and was completely faithful. She became addicted to a prescription drug, and tried twice to kick the habit. She quit her job, eventually got SS disability. When she started back on the drugs after the second time quitting, I'd finally had enough.

We still keep in touch though and according to her family she is off again. I wish her well.

So, here I am. It's been a year since Jade and I broke up. Somehow, middle age crept up on me while I was with her. I'm scared to death. I had to move away from Jade, but couldn't move back to where my friends were due to my career. I have no close friends where I live now, no one I would feel comfortable coming out to at any rate. Hell, I'd gotten so used to being monogamous, it was only recently that I started looking at other people sexually.

I've lost contact with almost everyone in my life outside of family over the years (I really hate that, especially considering that I promised myself I wouldn't let it happen).

Dammit, now I've gone and depressed myself, and alcohol doesn't help that anymore...

Well, thanks for letting me ramble. I needed to express this somehow and I hope I wasn't too graphic for the group.

gayle
May 10, 2005, 1:37 PM
Welcome to the community!
Let me express my sympathies for you on the subject of having been raped. Having been there, I know how difficult it can be to work through the feelings that come from the experience. It sounds like perhaps you have worked thru some of the feelings from that.
It sounds like you have had a reasonably satisfying love life and I hope that continues to be true for you. Anyhow, I just wanted to welcome you to the group! Best wishes!
Gayle

bifocalx
May 10, 2005, 2:39 PM
Hi Allbi,

Thanks for posting this ... I enjoyed reading about yourself and its nice to better know someone who I occassionally run into on the chat board.

Sounds like we have had similar backgrounds and experiences. I was molested by a stepfather at about age 8 ... several times actually ... so had similar difficulties getting through my teens.

Take care ...

DeafF2M
May 16, 2005, 6:40 PM
Thank you for sharing that... I admire your openness.

m.in.heels&hose
May 17, 2005, 5:31 PM
hello allbimyself
i have read your history, and i could not beleive how much hurt and anguish you have had in your life, especially when you are so jovial in the chat room! infact i really enjoy myself when you are there, i feel i have a "connection" to you, we both have the same sense of humor!
i too was "forced" in bi~sexuallity, but it was not as harsh as yours by anymeans, and after i was being forced, i wanted more, and i was very comfortable as to labelling my self as bi, (but i kept this to myself for years)
i felt that if i told any of my friends (high school) that they would never talk to me again, and ruin years and years of good friendships and fun we had together, and i still feel this way today, and as far as woman go my life has been a struggle, i too have told every woman that i had slept with that i was bi, and at first they were not bothered by this, until they realized that i was interested in having sex with another man, and then i was a "sick perverted,dicusting man" and a sorry excuse for one as well (according to them)
i truly hope to be more of a friend to you in the future!
you seem like a genuine nice guy, and i feel you dont deserve to be feeling the way you do!
your friend m.in.heels&hose!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :flag4:

bigregory
May 17, 2005, 10:14 PM
Kisses Allbi..
and lots of huggs too...

arana
May 18, 2005, 6:07 AM
Oh Allbi, you are such a wonderful man and friend, it breaks my heart that you had to go through all this and are so sad. You always have such a great attitude and so very friendly it's hard to imagine anyone treating you so badly. I know it's not quite the same as the physical friendships, but I hope that we here can be surrogates till life starts treating you the way it should. You deserve nothing less than perfection sweetheart.

Big Hugs

rupertbare
May 18, 2005, 12:58 PM
Allbi, mate (British for buddy), your forum entry is just amazing! Such brave honesty - just like your profile. You have been so kind and welcoming to me on this site and understanding on my use of the chat room through my naivety that I wonder how such terrible things in your life have left you so loving. And hey man - I went through a divorce that broke my heart and I ended up an alcoholic - booze ani't the answer - do contact me anytime and I really hope to God (or whatever) that something lovely and loving happens to you real soon. With love and hugs RupeXXX :)

Sparks
May 21, 2005, 8:43 AM
I understand your life history very well, my friend. I, too, was taken advantage of at a very early age, first by a neighbor. I emotionally started acting out, so my parents sent me to Military School. The older boys there (and some of the staff) routinely had their way with the younger boys, including me.

And, like you, the love of my life for the past ten years wants to move on. Karen and I were both married once before. And when we met, it was love at first sight. First time in our lives, we knew the depth of love. I pray that this is just a phase that she's going through for I truely feel her as my soul mate.
So, again like you, I'm all by myself. She has been and always will be my best friend.

Hang in there buddy. I know how deep the pain and hurt can be.

Freddy (aka Sparks)

DareMe
May 21, 2005, 6:06 PM
WOW,

So much hurt, so much honesty, so much ourage.

I really hope things turn around for you.

Hugs....

DM

ladydelanie
May 22, 2005, 2:05 AM
Allbi,
I just read your post. I must say I can relate to your painful heartbreak. From what I know of you, I find you an upbeat,fun, friendly person. Trust me when my life settles down a bit I will return.......lol..... I hate that any human being has to go through so much pain in their lives. I do believe that was does not kill us makes us stronger. We may not see it in a week or a year, but 10 yrs after my divorce I can look back and say "I am a better person" and I would change a thing. I am where I am because of my past pain. You will become a survivor, not a victim, and what a wonderful thing to be able to say. I promise you in time, a time that is not yours to choose you will find that special person that takes all of your pain away. I wish I could tell you that you will never experience any "flashbacks", but you will know you are loved unconditionally. I do hope this for not only you but for all the wonderful people I have come to adore in the chat room. I have been so welcome there and I have no plans of leaving. Being the "straight" girl hasnt effect the way people have treated me at all. I am so happy to say I am not judged, just as I dont judge those that I have befriended!!
May all of your hopes and dreams come true. May you find peace in your heart and in your soul. Love and Peace..........Ladyd

allbimyself
May 22, 2005, 1:15 PM
Thanks for the kind words everyone. I appreciate them all.

wellred
May 22, 2005, 7:54 PM
Your posting has moved to the core of many of us. Your writing and the interactions that we have had with you online, speak to the path of healing that you have taken.

I came across two quotes, today, that seem applicable to this situation. I share them with you for your reflection.

"We are disturbed not by what happens to us, but by our thoughts about what happens." - Epictetus

"The more clearly you understand yourself and your emotions, the more you become a lover of what is." - Baruch Spinoza

I wish you continued courage in your journey and offer you respite in the warmth of a gentle heart.

- Red

gina42
Aug 29, 2005, 1:05 PM
hi albi,
i just read your posting,
you have gone threw alot my friend,it was nice getting to know you better bye your posting,so much hurt and honsty in your posting...i just want you to know that you are a wouderful person and better days are comming your way hon....and know if you ever need a friend im here...take care,gina42

BiCpl69
Aug 30, 2005, 4:53 PM
I am pleased to see your openess and ability to express your bisexuality after such rough abuse by those guys.

I also understand you enjoyment of having a woman there, especially one who loves watching guys having sex. My wife adores bisexual men, loves watching (and masturbating), and loves threesomes. She feels bisexuals are better lovers. Good Luck finding the right person(s) to share this.

csrakate
Aug 31, 2005, 1:18 AM
Allbi,
As much as we clown around in chat, I have to say that I knew very little about you other than what you divulge about yourself at times and the paragraph that you posted in your profile. You have been through some very rough times and I can't even imagine how difficult it must have been for you at the time. But as bad as it may have been, you have emerged as a funny, intelligent and insightful individual who has a lot to offer to others. And as far as feeling as though you have no one else outside of your family, I hope you realize that you have your friends here to rely on. It may not be the same as having friends to do things with and go places with, but please know that we are all here for you, even for your jokes!

Getting to know you has been a pleasure and I hope that you one day find the happiness you so richly deserve.

Kate