Slightly Confused

[Vachenzo]

Soooo I'm not exactly sure what to think... My girlfriend Jen and I spent maybe forty minutes discussing bisexuality, how she feels about her self and about how I feel about myself. I must admit while the thought of sexual encounters with men does turn me on, and while I can sort of see myself in relationship with a man, I don't really see it ever happening. Last year Jen wanted to explore her own bisexuality on a lesbian friend of hers, and I kindof flipped my shit on her because I didn't want to lose her. Then over the course of the next year I discovered my own bisexuality... So tonight we're talking and she tells me that she is ok if I experiment with other men... I find myself conflicted between my devotion to her and my urge to explore. I was brought up in an unorthodox catholic household so monogamy is something i hold close to my morals and values, but at the same time, she gave me what amounts to a get out of jail free card... I don't know what to think about this. Then there's the issue of who I would want to try it with. There is a gay guy down the hall in my dorm, but I don't see anything happening with him... and the one guy I could see it with is possibly bi, but in a relationship with a friend of mine, and he lives on the Vermont New Hampshire border whereas Im on the other side of the state. I guess I just don't know what to think or do for now. any thoughts?

[Humanlove]

Exploration is better than the actual journey of definition.
Don't concern yourself so much with the outcome it has on other people, unless you feel your limits are set by others. If you have a strong attraction to another person, it will stay with you until you get it out of your system, however getting something out of your system which involves sexual urges is easier said than done for so many people.

You have an opportunity to do what your desires ask of you without consequence for your current relationship, or do you? There are times what our partners say is either a message for you that they want to do their own thing and/or they don't want to hold you back from enjoying yourself.

If you are questioning whether you should do it or not, then, the time will come that you will act on it, it is inevitable. Some can fight the urges, other have to act, but once those urges are there, they rarely go away.

This adventure will turn out one of three ways, 1. you will enjoy it and continue to have encounters, 2. you will not enjoy it(is that possible?)and most likely make every effort to never encounter again(the thoughts and urges may remain from time to time) 3. you may try to fend of those urges, but from time to time, you will find yourself seeking out the comapny of a man just to get that fix, and subsequently, you will feel a combination of guilt and pleasure afterwards, but you will get over it because in the end you will realize that life is worth living on your own terms and not the rules other set for you.

After all, you have one life, it really is just sex.. enjoy yourself. you won't always be able to, and you can't take it with you.

[Lonewolf76]

Exploration is better than the actual journey of definition.
Don't concern yourself so much with the outcome it has on other people, unless you feel your limits are set by others. If you have a strong attraction to another person, it will stay with you until you get it out of your system, however getting something out of your system which involves sexual urges is easier said than done for so many people.

You have an opportunity to do what your desires ask of you without consequence for your current relationship, or do you? There are times what our partners say is either a message for you that they want to do their own thing and/or they don't want to hold you back from enjoying yourself.

If you are questioning whether you should do it or not, then, the time will come that you will act on it, it is inevitable. Some can fight the urges, other have to act, but once those urges are there, they rarely go away.

This adventure will turn out one of three ways, 1. you will enjoy it and continue to have encounters, 2. you will not enjoy it(is that possible?)and most likely make every effort to never encounter again(the thoughts and urges may remain from time to time) 3. you may try to fend of those urges, but from time to time, you will find yourself seeking out the comapny of a man just to get that fix, and subsequently, you will feel a combination of guilt and pleasure afterwards, but you will get over it because in the end you will realize that life is worth living on your own terms and not the rules other set for you.

After all, you have one life, it really is just sex.. enjoy yourself. you won't always be able to, and you can't take it with you.

I think shiveringman said it very well! I fought those "urges" all my life (they didn't go away - in fact each time they resurfaced they were stronger than before) . I only came out last year at the age of 50! You're young with a great deal of life ahead of you. If it is who you are - it's who you are. You have to take care of yourself and your own needs first. As mentioned by shivering. Live by YOUR rules - NOT anyone elses. Take your time - sort through things...Don't rush into anything - but don't subvert your honest inner feelings either. It will happen in time. You and your lady are definitely on the right track - you're openly communicating thats 98% of the battle. If she is bi and you are bi and you can get past the "Programming" on mainsytream religion and just be yourselves - you may be in for a very beautiful ride!!! Just my :2cents: LW