So anyone ever lose a best friend?

[_Joe_]

Even though I am married, my wife doesn't like to talk much about my gay side. With good reason of course, it's another layer of worry on top of "oh he's going ot leave me for another woman" now compounded with "man" and etc etc.

Well, it was years ago that this was as so, and at that time I became good friends with a co-volunteer on a gaming website. We talked almost every day, and after talking business for so long we talked more personal. Over time, I needed to open up to someone, so I took the risk and opened up to her. She didnt run off screaming, which I didn't expect honeslty, but we did become over time best friends. I could tell her anything, and did so to quite an extent. I was totally transparent with her which mentally and spirtually was a relief of so much stress. and it was two way, we did what good friends do to one another .

Well, half a year ago she cold turkey quit the internet stuff. Something about having to save her marriage with her husband, and we haven't talked but twice since. From talking every day - to twice in 6 months was an emotional rip-the-heart-out experience.

Well, so yesterday I was driving 8 hours up and down Texas and I realized, sadly, that I'm finally over her. Which also means I'm back to bottling up all my things I can't really tell anyone. Talk about a mixture of emotions, as I'm feeling "stable". But I cant help but feel Guilty that quite simply I'm over losing my best friend.

* sigh *

And that sounds rotten, dont it.

Anyone else ever been in this situation, which I know strikes a great resemblance to losing a lover... but see, this wasn't one. Just a friend, well, a best friend. And then some...

[alegrias]

Wow, Joe, you have a serious side.

That sort of happened to me once, but we were in a different sort of chat room and I wasn't as close to my friend as you were to your friend. But it did feel like a loss when this friend suddenly disappeared from my life.

I feel for you Joe. You really need to find somebody that you can open up too. Too bad that can't be your wife.

[_Joe_]

Wow, Joe, you have a serious side.

By law, I have to bring it out once in a while. And looking at the yearplanner, it was time.

[BrotherJack]

Yes............................................... ..............

[Lonewolf76]

I had friend like that once. I could really open up and share things with him. He became closer than a brother. Then He snuck around my back and had an affair with my wife. I lost two of my best friends in that one! But I moved on and now I'm stronger for it. I grieved for awhile - but then realized niether of them were really my friends or they wouldn't have done that to me behind my back. The really sucky thing is - I was attracted to him and loved him as well as my wife - we could've all been happy together! Except I knew him pretty well and he was totally straight. What a shame! Lw

[talking2trees]

Oh, I can most definitely feel you on this one. I had a best friend, female (which is extremely rare for me, since most of my friends are male), that I lost about 4 months ago, and my heart is still ripped out over it. We met when our kids started playing together at a play group, and every day since then we ended up seeing each other every day. We'd even spend the night at each other's houses because we just couldn't bear to end the conversation we were having. Well, she had been having problems with her husband, and I was the only one she really had to confess all her thoughts about it. And, when I realized that it was really an abusive marriage, I did what I would want any good friend to do for me...I told her exactly what I saw. Well, she became furious that I was "attacking" her family and hasn't spoken a word to me ever since. I felt this huge betrayal, confusion, and hurt. We were practically sharing the same thoughts, and I felt that the time we had invested in each other's friendship was worth more than just this quick, hurting goodbye.

It's very rare to find someone you can become completely "safe" with, and it hurts worse than anything to lose it. But I'm finding that it hurts a bit less every day, even though I will always remain a bit sad about what could have been.

Blessings,
Cristi

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

I have never lost anyone in that manner, Joe...but I have lost friends that I allowed inside of my personal boundries and I got hurt..badly. And it taught me to close off this old cold heart once again. I am very careful who I let in now, and who I let get very close to me because of these things.
Please know that you have friends here too, Hon. ok? ;)
Hugs Sweetie
Cat

[wanderingrichard]

gosh, glad to see i'm not the only person who's gone thru this.. we'll all live, just have big holes where our friends used to be.

i've lost 4 , maybe 5 that have really hurt.

one, a lady, i was all set to marry, i got sent away by the army on the day of the wedding, fell into depression, and then tried to drink my way out of it.. 8 years, many quickie relationships and a very busted marriage later i finally sobered up. i never saw Kyong again.

two men, well one i've mentioned in a thread here years ago,, the other, most recent, Cat can verify, i lost to the most recent war. GEO was a great lover and a hell of a man,, he went away, and after almost 16 months i heard from him only one time, he was in a hospital in baghdad recovering from wounds from a roadside bomb...after that, never ever heard from him again.

recently, i'd been head over heels with a transgendered lady, we'd known each other 3 or so years, started dating.. then, last october, she just stopped talking to me at all... don't know why, wont return IM's, email, text, nothing.. not even a phone call gets answered. sadly this one, i had started planning the rest of my li9fe around.. then, BOOF! the big sucking void.

from all these experiences, my best offer of advice is to find a place like this, find friends whom you can get to trust enough that you know won't blather your life all over the place drama queen style, and use them as sounding boards. otherwise, things get too bottled up, and next thing we know, we got -JOE- making negative front page headlines and Nazi Grace on headline news splattering your name all over the airwaves.

[void()]

Grew up with a guy like this. We thought as brothers, my brothers were his and his mine. From kindergarten up we got squared off together.

Attended Mennonite summer bible school camp two weeks a year with him from five to eighteen years old. Into high school where lots of the berating centered on our closeness. "Look at the queers."

He didn't know at the time about the bisexual his brother had been all of his life. So, the berating was met with a little anger from him. Only made it worse on him. "See, you're defending your little bitch."

His brother, not me, actually suspected my differences but as brotherly love and respect had it, kept quiet. I had given lots of hints, either subtle or direct. My friend bless him, just never got the clue. It took me getting ready to move away to get married, and coming out point blank and telling him.

We remained friends afterward. But we drifted apart due to life taking us in separate directions. Got a phone call from him yesterday, surprisingly. He was on about his new job, making twice what I make for less real work. And he had to sell some birds. He has this thing, rabbits, birds, etc he gets caught up in schemes to either keep bunches or to raise and sell them. Well, his doctor diagnosed him with asthma, the birds had to go.

He was married to a lovely gal, one that I really had no interest in getting to know better, but knew she and I would have been good if I did take a notion. Now, she's simply the 'ex', her name forgotten. Odd how ten to fifteen years affects people differently. I'm still married to my lovely gal, no kids, only a few cats out a huge pride left.

Guess she and I will probably continue to 'walk in high cotton' best we can. I'm just bored with living to live presently. But they say you hold on to the fight when the fight is all you have. Tired of life being a fight. One thing that changed with me over the past ten to fifteen years, I no longer identify with any religion, not even atheism really. I am godless, that includes goddesses.

And no I don't feel a need for religion to return to fill some gaping wound. It wouldn't help the depression one bit, nor did it cause. I'm intelligent and analyze situations, systems, etc rather quickly and thoroughly. Then I get bored. It becomes mechanics, 'going through the motions'.

No wonder I tend to drift away from friends and foes alike. I get lost with disinterest in things quick, and then common ground slips away. No pill for that either, have already asked, figured that was the answer too. <chuckle>

But, yeah I've lost a friend like that.

[darkeyes]

Sevral times..1ce wen me wos a lil girl..she moved... 1ce cos the tart nicked me bf...the cow!!.. an 1ce cos she thot me nicked er bf... wich me mite say ere...me didn... tho had she finished wiv im an 'e wos available... me mite justa thot bout it wiv im... but neva did... she still won speak 2 me... 12 years a long time 2 hold a grudge for summat me didn do...:(

[lilbitsva]

Hey there I wanted to respond to this. I am so sorry that your friend just quick cold turkey on you like that. I hope that one of these days that everything will once be like it was you can never lose faith in your friends. I bet that this friends knows how much you mean to me. I'm not trying to one up you or nothing like that. But I had a wonderful best friend she was my every thing. I loved her so much. I just couldn't image life without my best friend. Then one day i got this call. And I thought that I was going to die but the only thing that I had was a Panic attack. Her father called me and told me that my best friend who shared everything with me had hung herself. He knew how close we where and wanted to let me know. He was really choked up. You could tell in his voice that he had been crying most of the day and everything. I never thought that that would happen to her. I knew her i knew her is what i kept telling myself. I just couldn't understand what the hell was going on. well might get that message that you want one day when you don't want it. Just never give up atleast that might person might come back. Not trying to be mean or nothign like that I just wanted to let you know that i could be worst you know. I have come to expect what my friend did. I know that she did this for something that had nothing to do with me. Well I hope that you are doing good today. And hope that you get a message from this friend. lil bit