who's being selfish? him or me?

[alegrias]

Here's the scenario: I'm not interested in sex today because it's that time of the month for me. (For the first 3 days, I'm usually bloated and crampy and the flow is really heavy. Today is day 2.) Hubby understands that we won't have intercourse, but he still wants me to help him jerk off. I don't have a problem with him looking at porn and jerking himself off, but I don't feel like helping.

When he strokes my breasts or I touch his penis, it kinda makes me aroused, but I still don't want sex because of the mess and the cramps etc. So I just wind up frustrated. He is also frustrated that I don't even want to touch him.

BTW, the rest of the month, our sex life is great. We make love almost daily, sometimes 2-3 times a day.

So who is being selfish? Him or me?

[Realist]

To my way of thinking, he should realize that he's probably got a wonderful life and loving mate, most of the time, and he should show a little empathy, for your "down time".

There must be times when he doesn't want sex, too....flu, broken arm, upset stomach, jungle fever...

I think you are right; he is being a little too needy, inconsiderate and not showing enough respect for your needs. It's for such a brief time....then back to "Happy Days"!

Anyway, abstaining for a couple of days will endear himself to you a little more!

'Nuff said!

[Hephaestion]

Unless he is a vampire, why don't you ask him to give you a long oral session every single day of your menses. He does do oral, doesn't he?

Or perhaps treat him to an unlubricated / chilli lubracted strapon anal session to help him come through prostate stimulation. Remember, the bigger the phalus the better it is. By the way, don't forget to use the spikey leather outfits as you grab him tight.

I hope that the above have been constructive suggestions rather than having him labelled as an egocentric skidmark and asking why you are still there.

[Lonewolf76]

To my way of thinking, he should realize that he's probably got a wonderful life and loving mate, most of the time, and he should show a little empathy, for your "down time".

There must be times when he doesn't want sex, too....flu, broken arm, upset stomach, jungle fever...

I think you are right; he is being a little too needy, inconsiderate and not showing enough respect for your needs. It's for such a brief time....then back to "Happy Days"!

Anyway, abstaining for a couple of days will endear himself to you a little more!

'Nuff said!


Alegrias,

I think realist summed it up quite well. Relationships and sex are a TWO-WAY street - Men have hormonal ebbs and tides just like women do (but without all the added torture women endure) and sometimes we're just not in the mood. I'm sure there have been and will be times you are hot and ready for action and he's not a bit interested - it's natural. He needs to respect you and give you your down time as realist mentioned. Unless he has two hands in a cast - he can take care of himself for a couple days and let you have the time to yourself you need. My :2cents: LW

[alegrias]

LMAO. Thanks, guys. It's nice to get a little sympathy from males. I have to admit, though, that he almost always wants it when I do.

[Lonewolf76]

LMAO. Thanks, guys. It's nice to get a little sympathy from males. I have to admit, though, that he almost always wants it when I do.

Alegrias - Where in upstate? I just moved from upstate to Colorado last summer - if he gives you a hard time - I know some people......LOL - Just kidding of course!!! LW

[rissababynta]

You are SO not being selfish dear. Men just don't understand fully what our bodies and minds and emotions go through during this time. They think that we are in the mood to do anything and everything while all along we are...hello....bleeding from our damn crotches!

If you are good to go the rest of the month then I think he just needs to cut ya some slack and let you have just a few days to yourself because of this.

[Daviecurious]

I fall into the "he should be considerate" group. Nothing wrong with his being respectful of his partners needs during what is an uncomfortable time for her.

[darkeyes]

Sighhhhhh...for a cuppla days fore me curse..me 2 ratty an irritable am me insides feel begin 2 feel bloated an 'orrible an me mood changes... an bein pestered for sex jus askin for trubble..wen they start propa .. then me x hubbie an very otha bf me eva had undastood very kwikkly that demandin sex wos askin for a Fran explosion a volcanic proportions wich mite well end up wiv broken crockery pottery an heads.. wenya gets it bad..its BAD!!! Summat men only undastand if they hav hangova, food poisonin an appendicitis rolled inta 1.. lil exaggeration..but not much.. am sure they wud b receptive 2 our advances if they felt that bad...

.. me has had lotsa laffs on .com bout Cleave an picklin bits..its always been fun an a laff an meant that way..howeva.. if ne 1 pestered me for sex wen me at me worst durin me bad time...they mite find it no joke...

.. so liten up guys an ease off... hav lil compassion for misery..:(

..an in endin...all me can say...is TF me lives wiv a anotha woman...:):tong:

[rissababynta]

I agree with Fran, if anyone tried to push me for sex if I wasn't in the mood (even if I wasn't bleeding and I just didn't feel like it) I'd blow the hell up too.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

[B]Sigh..I wish men could experiance a period: A bad, icky, messy, chuck-pads bad one. A bloaty, cramps from hell, water retention, emotional-cry-at TV commercial type. The kind that would make a male scientist cry warning at other men of the terrors coming from their shorts. And I'd give almost Anything to see the type of protection They would invent for men: Maybe something that had to fit over? Or perhaps something like : "Tube-Plug for men. The lightest, skinnyest tampon for [I]those[I] kinds of days when you dont feel quite yourself. This light weight product is innovational, looks like a pipe cleaner, (fuzzies and all) and easy to use. Its stream lined(no pun intended-get it? Stream..ner'mind) shape can assure that even the Hardest of flows can be successfully staunched. Available in lubed and non lubed. Detailed instructions are on the box. If you cant quite get it in, our 24/7 female operators will be GLAD to take your call to assist, and laugh at you.

And dont forget our newest handy-dandy Cock Cozy for those days when the Boys are swollen like an over ripe plum, where the slightest Jar can send you into waves of unbelievable hurt, and they need a little cushiness. Also, New from Ronco! Available next to the new Menstral cramp product for women And men called BBG (Bitch be Gone)

God forbid they'd have tenderness and swelling, having to wear sweat pants to work, and the swelling would be noticable, Very noticable.

"Oh. Joe must on the sack today. Look how big his bulge is!"

"Yep, and he's wearin' his Sweat pants to court today. Poor Bastard"

"Ah man, I had mine last week. had to cancel my golf game and fishing weekend.."

Cat going before she gets into trouble with the men...lolB]

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Shit, I forgot to answer the question. He Is!
Cat

[darkeyes]

... as me mum is eva so fonda sayin Cat me luffly.. if men had periods, pregnancy an childbirth...they wudda found a cure...:bigrin:

[Lonewolf76]

Shit, I forgot to answer the question. He Is!
Cat

OMG!!! Cat you are an absolute treasure! I grew up in a house full of women and learned very early in life the pain and suffering that women go through and men do not. Once when I was youngand brass I made a smart ass comment about periods - and naturally as women do - the whole house was cycling together - I would've been 6'2 except for that remark and now I'm only 5'10 - I'm damn lucky they found my battered body!!!
Your commercial was toooo freakin funny! But so true! That cushy sack - does it lift and spearate too???? Kisses & Hugs! LW LMAO

[csrakate]

He's the one being selfish and it certainly wouldn't kill him to take care of his own needs for a day or two. My hubby used to like to joke that a "deep cervical massage" would be good for me....BUT he knew better than to attempt it. Matter of fact, he searched in vain for many years to find someone who would invent a miracle elixir that you could spray your wife with from across the room to mellow her in that "time of need" BEFORE she could reach you to give you hell! LOL!

Ohhh....and while we're on the subject of being selfish.....how about insensitive and full of crap??? Check THIS out!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HeAWKJSwKg&NR=1

[alegrias]

In hubby's defense, I feel I should remind everyone that he wasn't asking for intercourse. He just wanted me to help him jerk off.

[csrakate]

Oh I completely understood that alegrias.....but it's difficult to do even that during such a time and if you're like me, it's hard to "pretend" nor do I want to....I never want to be forced to pretend to enjoy something, much less perform some sort of act when I'm not in the mood or feeling well.

[allbimyself]

I thought it was quite obvious that he was being selfish.

That said, I am a little ticked at some of the women here. Every man that has replied to this thread has been supportive of alegrias. So why do you have to bash men?

If all of you have had bad experiences with men being assholes, maybe you shouldn't be looking for assholes to have relationships with. If that's too much to ask, then please stop bashing all men because you pick assholes.

[dickhand]

In my humble opinion , him .

[Vachenzo]

Unless he is a vampire, why don't you ask him to give you a long oral session every single day of your menses. He does do oral, doesn't he?

Or perhaps treat him to an unlubricated / chilli lubracted strapon anal session to help him come through prostate stimulation. Remember, the bigger the phalus the better it is. By the way, don't forget to use the spikey leather outfits as you grab him tight.

I hope that the above have been constructive suggestions rather than having him labelled as an egocentric skidmark and asking why you are still there.

Lol, I suppose it's understandable that he would want a little somethin somethin, yet at the same time, A three day abstinence really isn't that bad. My girlfriends happy time lasts a week generally. While I wouldn't recommend what Hephaestion offered, I would determinately threaten it. Haha.

[alegrias]

He ended up satisfying himself in the shower. Said it didn't take very long.

I'm starting to feel better. I should be ready to share again in a day or so.

[rissababynta]

He ended up satisfying himself in the shower. Said it didn't take very long.

I'm starting to feel better. I should be ready to share again in a day or so.

LMAO well good for him.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Allbi, Sweet Baby, we were just making light of the situation, (at least I was) to make Al laugh and to feel a bit better.
SOME men are assholes, not all, Hon. Some are inconsiderate bastards whose only concern is "Getting theirs"
Not all men are as sweet and as good as you, and the other men in this group, Are. We ladies here are very lucky to have you all here.
Kisses to both your cheelks, Sweetie.
Cat :}

[GreenEyedLady(GEL)]

Sighhhhhh...for a cuppla days fore me curse..me 2 ratty an irritable am me insides feel begin 2 feel bloated an 'orrible an me mood changes... an bein pestered for sex jus askin for trubble..wen they start propa .. then me x hubbie an very otha bf me eva had undastood very kwikkly that demandin sex wos askin for a Fran explosion a volcanic proportions wich mite well end up wiv broken crockery pottery an heads.. wenya gets it bad..its BAD!!! Summat men only undastand if they hav hangova, food poisonin an appendicitis rolled inta 1.. lil exaggeration..but not much.. am sure they wud b receptive 2 our advances if they felt that bad...

.. me has had lotsa laffs on .com bout Cleave an picklin bits..its always been fun an a laff an meant that way..howeva.. if ne 1 pestered me for sex wen me at me worst durin me bad time...they mite find it no joke...

.. so liten up guys an ease off... hav lil compassion for misery..:(

..an in endin...all me can say...is TF me lives wiv a anotha woman...:):tong:

TH is right !!!!!!! :cutelaugh . She doesn't bother me, I don't bother her. Both being super compassionate, and both dealing with super bad cramps we pamper eachother with heating pad, chocolates , advil hehe.

[alegrias]

Listen, even though all of the responses have been one-sided, don't be afraid to express a different opinion. If you feel like I'm the one who's being selfish, please say so, here in the open forum.

[onewhocares]

I think that in all relationships there has to be a two way street. There will be times when one of the partner wants, needs, desires to make love and the other for what ever reason may not wish to comply. I personally do not mind making love when I have my period and have found creative ways around it. But then again I have an understanding and giving partner in my mate as you do in yours.

Belle

[alegrias]

Apparently, Pandemicbeats and Barebackfucker, if in fact they are 2 different people, do not have the balls to express their opinions in public. Too bad. I enjoy a lively debate.

[Lonewolf76]

Apparently, Pandemicbeats and Barebackfucker, if in fact they are 2 different people, do not have the balls to express their opinions in public. Too bad. I enjoy a lively debate.

Alegrias,
You've noticed that too! I think for spouting what great lovers they are and how big their equipment is - it's a shame that the lovers in their lives didn't read the box a little closer - They would have seen the words "Balls not included". To sent out such rants and hate and then not have the balls to let you respond - I swear they are both (If there are 2) about 8 years old - Hmmmm Does Mommy & Daddy know the sites they are visiting on the internet while they are away? LOL They are both a total waste of perfectly good oxygen! LW

[innaminka]

Without bashing the poor darlings, (men) I'm joining the chorus of they really just don't understand.
just as we have no idea what ejaculation feels like, they have no idea what our orgasms - or our periods are like.
There is no pattern - we're all different. I thought you were very diplomatic in the way you handled it.
Sometimes we want sex like we want a tax audit!!! :eek::eek::eek:

for me its the second half and the 2 or 3 days after. For the first 2 days, I'm super horny. But that's me.

Was he selfish. maybe not selfish, but certainly lacked any understanding.

[sQuee]

Just to answer the original question: I think he's being selfish on a mild level. No need to throw him into the fire, yet ;)

Also, just so you know where i'm coming from with saying it's mild, i myself have an over-healthy libido (don't say my bf is lucky just yet), and i let it blind me, so when i bug my bf about going for another round while i'm some still panting from the rest, i'm not thinking "boy, he sure looks tired but i don't give a poop because my parts want more, so f*ck him". I don't know exactly what i'm trying to say, I guess i'm just trying to defend your hubby. But, he should be understanding when it's messy down low, i mean that's like you wanting it real bad while he had the case of the runs. ahahahaha, a little extreme, but that's my half cent.

[wikskul]

Sighhhhhh...for a cuppla days fore me curse..me 2 ratty an irritable am me insides feel begin 2 feel bloated an 'orrible an me mood changes... an bein pestered for sex jus askin for trubble..wen they start propa .. then me x hubbie an very otha bf me eva had undastood very kwikkly that demandin sex wos askin for a Fran explosion a volcanic proportions wich mite well end up wiv broken crockery pottery an heads.. wenya gets it bad..its BAD!!! Summat men only undastand if they hav hangova, food poisonin an appendicitis rolled inta 1.. lil exaggeration..but not much.. am sure they wud b receptive 2 our advances if they felt that bad...

.. me has had lotsa laffs on .com bout Cleave an picklin bits..its always been fun an a laff an meant that way..howeva.. if ne 1 pestered me for sex wen me at me worst durin me bad time...they mite find it no joke...

.. so liten up guys an ease off... hav lil compassion for misery..:(

..an in endin...all me can say...is TF me lives wiv a anotha woman...:):tong:

i have to totally agree with Fran here lol during that time.. i might have a moment of arousal.. but if someone tries to touch me.. i get really mean and nasty... only cause of how much pain i am in,
and yes i think he is being alittle selfish... yes a healthy sex drive is great to have... but honestly, if he can give u 3 days to finish ur cycle and deal with his needs for that short time.. he is honestly being selfish. talk to him about it... tell him that NO u are not wanting to do those things while u r on ur cycle, that u need down time and it is only for 3 days, to please respect ur wishes and once u are over u will will attack him and it will be back to normal :) or even better since u havent had anything for those days... i know after i am done... well, my man can tell when i am done, since i do really attack him lol and he never complains..he compares it to make up sex lol