So, what ARE we thinking??

[rissababynta]

So, I added a post to the craigslist women seeking women section quite a few weeks ago to see if I could FINALLY get somewhere with a woman. Over the course of a couple of days, I got a few replies and the one that I thought was going somewhere ended up COMPLETELY not working out (long story, I couldn't handle that crap!).

So anyway, I decided to try again a few days ago. This time I decided to put up a few pics of me. Within the first 24 hours I got SOOOO many replies, and I'm still getting a lot. It's hard to keep up with some of them and I'm thinking about taking the damn thing down. I've gotten emails from some pretty nice people, and I've gotten some from a few whackos as well, which is to be expected anyway.

This whole experience got me thinking. Even on websites like yahoo personals or eharmony and such they tell you that people are more likely to respond to an add with photos. Now, I have personally never cared about that. For me it is how you right and what kind of person you seem to be. I will not lie, it does help lol. So seriously, why do some people care more about the photos? Is it because we want to make sure you are physically to our liking first, then we'll worry about the details of personality later? Is it because people are more interested in seeing a written profile plus a pic as a whole package? What are the different reasons of why this is the case? Are any of you guilty of people the people to search for "profiles with pictures only"? If so, just think about it, and think...why?


By the way, I'm meeting this really sweet, adorable woman sometime soon and her family situation is NOT a total freak show like before so YAY.

[Laken]

I think that regardless of how many of us try and say "Oh, looks don't matter!"....looks do matter. To the majority of people, anyway. You aren't initially attracted to someone based on their personality. The first thing that draws you in is appearance. Now, after that and getting to know someone, then yes, their personality can become much more important.
Now, with personals this is a bit different. Because you really can learn a lot about someone based on what they've written in their profile (assuming it's all true, of course.) I think what makes the replies flow heavier is that you have people who are going to stop and look at the profile simply because they want to see if you're hot. Of course, once they find out you are...they want to message you!
I know that I personally wouldn't meet someone without first knowing what they looked like. And I'll be the first to admit, as shallow as it might sound, that it's because I'm vain.

[GalacticiaActual]

It's true that we all connect on many different levels, both physical and emotional. You can call it shallow, but these personals web sites have the data to support their research... most people want to see what they're getting into.

[onewhocares]

I find this question to be a double edged sword.

I personally do not normally exchange photos with people upon first meeting. I have always wanted to take the time to get to know people. I have had very much success in developing and keeping friendships by investing of my time and myself to another person.

Rissa, while I have only had experience with Craig's List as a venue, I was astounded by the response my add received. ( I will send you a copy of the ad to take a look at.) Shocked at how many men replied...my hubby was jealous. After all the time getting to know the many finalists( sorry for the crassness ....I have been lucky to meet some really nice kind and considerate men who are exactly as they portrayed themselves to be. When the time came for them to actually see what this tall chick from Boston looked like...they stayed.

On the flip side...I was sent photos of people along with their responses and frankly some of the most physically attractive people were not matches for me. Everyone is different. I guess I sort of chalk it up to what is inside that counts.

Belle

[rissababynta]

I find this question to be a double edged sword.

I personally do not normally exchange photos with people upon first meeting. I have always wanted to take the time to get to know people. I have had very much success in developing and keeping friendships by investing of my time and myself to another person.

Rissa, while I have only had experience with Craig's List as a venue, I was astounded by the response my add received. ( I will send you a copy of the ad to take a look at.) Shocked at how many men replied...my hubby was jealous. After all the time getting to know the many finalists( sorry for the crassness ....I have been lucky to meet some really nice kind and considerate men who are exactly as they portrayed themselves to be. When the time came for them to actually see what this tall chick from Boston looked like...they stayed.

On the flip side...I was sent photos of people along with their responses and frankly some of the most physically attractive people were not matches for me. Everyone is different. I guess I sort of chalk it up to what is inside that counts.

Belle

I have gotten responses from many men too. One in particular actually pissed me off. I had written my add stating that I was married to a man that was understanding of my bisexuality and desire to be with a woman, and that I was looking for just that. Posted in the women seeking women. Obviously, knowing all of these tidbits let's you know that I'm not interested in men. But this one guy emailed me with a half naked picture saying "hey, you're bisexual? You're hot. I wanna hook up with you one night and see whatcha got".

...ok...first of all duh. Secondly, could you be anymore crude? LOL I mean, really now, all I could think was "Did I imply anywhere in my add that I wanted a MAN that does't know how to speak to a lady"?

Needless to say, I did not reply back to that one...


I have also experienced your situation with some BEAUTIFUL women emailing me. At first I was actually getting mad because I thought it was a prank. I mean, I can't imagine a drop dead gorgeous girl having any kind of interest in me. But then I quickly realized that they had either no personality or a bad one, and I fully understood lol.

[**Peg**]

I NEVER post my face pic... anywhere online.

I will email it to special people, after compatibility has been established.

[FalconAngel]

Fact is that we do care about looks. But each of our personal standards is different from each other.

Not all of us demand that the person that we hook up with or have a relationship with be stunningly gorgeous, but we do want someone who we each find attractive.

Sadly, few people ever meet those expectations completely, so we accept that there are people that we like well enough to overlook the physical characteristics that fall short of our physical expectations.