Cherokee_Mountaincat
Jan 26, 2009, 3:10 PM
BANNED FROM WAL-MART...
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on
her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I
found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she
loved to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from
the local Wal-Mart:
Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing
quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this
behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the
store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below
and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put
them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go
off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor
leading to the women's restroom.
4 July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an
official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right
away.'
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a
bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign
to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and
told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would
bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him
he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people
just leave me alone?'
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants
were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while
loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his
'Madonna look' by using different sizes of
funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when
people browsed through yelled, 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the
loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed,
'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least...
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey!
There's no toilet paper in here!'
Sincerely,
Wal-Mart
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on
her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I
found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she
loved to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from
the local Wal-Mart:
Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing
quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this
behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the
store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below
and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put
them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go
off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor
leading to the women's restroom.
4 July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an
official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right
away.'
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a
bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign
to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and
told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would
bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him
he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people
just leave me alone?'
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants
were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while
loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his
'Madonna look' by using different sizes of
funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when
people browsed through yelled, 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the
loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed,
'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least...
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey!
There's no toilet paper in here!'
Sincerely,
Wal-Mart