Bisexual virgins

[robbie09]

Hi, I am a new member who has only recently come to the realisation that I am bi-sexual. I am 40+ and have been married for more than 10 years. It has been a very difficult journey for me and I have only come to this point after months of counselling and soul searching. I now identify as being bi-sexual although I have never had sex with another man. Do you think it is possible to know that you are bi-sexual without ever having sex with a member of the same sex? Are there many other bisexual virgins out there?

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Hi Robbie, and welcome. Personally, I had always known that I was Bi. Its just something one is born with, I guess..a knowledge that you are a little different than what society deems "Normal"
Meaning that you are like the rest of us, and special unto yourself. Be proud of this factor and always be who you are. ;)
Pop into chat sometimne and say hello. :}
Everybody's Cat

[nothings5d]

I knew I was bi before I'd had any sexual experience at all, same sex or opposite, so you're definitely not alone in that.

[Realist]

Yes, as we older fellows often do, I have a story that relates directly to bisexual virgins: Not more than a year ago, a friend told me she had wanted to be with another woman since she was a little girl. Raised in a strict home and never allowed freedom to explore, she had to hide her desires. Her only contact with another girl was learning how to french kiss at church camp. (She would dream of those kisses for the rest of her life)

She married at 16, transferring her "ownership" from her family to her husband with no time to transition with. For 25 years, she'd been married to a fellow who was very religious and made it known he would never tolerate "deviates".

At a 2008 New Years party, and after a few too many mixed drinks, she was standing close to me and another friend who had recently come out as gay. He and I were discussing our trials and tribulations. I didn't realize she had over heard us and when the guy left to greet others, she moved in to talk.

She was astounded to learn that I was bisexual and it was like I'd given her a great gift, when I agreed to talk to her about her own feelings. After that, we spent many hours on the phone and meeting for coffee, so she could discuss the subject with someone who understood. I moved and haven't heard from her, but I hope she found someone to love and share her passions with. I do not know if she told her husband, or not.

So, I'd advise you to find someone you can trust to talk to. Keeping things like this inside can kill you if you let it. how do you think your wife would respond, if she learned of your bi feelings?

Most of the folks here agree that you should be honest and open with your feelings with your mate. I can attest to the fact that secrets usually, can and do, come out at the worst times.

Coming here was a good move! There are those who can give you much better advice than me. Come here and talk about your desires and ask for guidance...........I'll bet you'll hear something that will help you deal with it. Don't wait like my friend did and like I did, to do something about it.

[robbie09]

Thanks for the comments and the advice.

I have told my wife that I think I am a bit homo sexual but reassured her that I love her and am predominantly homo sexual. She seemed Ok with it allthough a bit skeptical. I deliberately did not use the word "bisexual" as I think it has different meanings to different people. Is this a bit of a cop out?

[rissababynta]

I am TOTALLY bisexual and I've never been with another woman. The way I see it is if a virgin can know that they are straight, then there is no reason hy I can't know that I'm bi.

[Lonewolf76]

Hi,
I am a bisexual virgin as well. I'm 50 and I just came out last June. I've had mutual oral with a man -but have yet to go all the way. I was in the military for 24 years. I always had the attraction to both men and women since pre-puberty. I tried to push my attraction to men down iside me to fit into the NORMAL box. It didn't work and last year I finally embraced myself for what I am - Bisexual. Now I feel a lot more free. So, I would have to agree with the others - If you find yourself attracted to both (even tho you haven't done anything) you are more than likely bi. My own opinion is that you won't TOTALLY know until you have experienced it tho - that's where I am - I'm pretty sure that I am bi - but wont know until I've fully tried it. Best of luck!

[evilpanda]

I had an incident happen today when I was talking with my good friend who hasn't quite gotten used to me being bi.

I told her I never have anal sex with men because I'm just not into butt stuff. She says that doesn't make me bi. But, I do other things with guys. Do straight guys make out with each other and swap blowjobs? I didn't think so.

It's not about what you have done, it's about what you want to do. And straight people know their orientation when they are virgins, so we can to. There's no litmus test or comprehensive checklist we have to go through, just so we can fit into the straight community's very dull and quaint little categories.
:flag2:

[balancingact]

Hi,
I am a bisexual virgin as well.

[snip]

My own opinion is that you won't TOTALLY know until you have experienced it tho - that's where I am - I'm pretty sure that I am bi - but wont know until I've fully tried it. Best of luck!

Lonewolf, you and EvilPanda bring up an interesting point, which is that perhaps we all define bisexuality differently. LOnewolf, you state that you won't know your bi until you've fully tried it. I completely disagree. I think that you are bisexual by being attracted to other men. By fantasizing sexually about men. I don't agree that you have to necessarily be sexually active. Thus, EvilPanda, like you, I would disagree with your friend as well.

But, perhaps we need to change the meaning of the word "bisexual." Does one have to be sexually active to identify sexually?

[Lonewolf76]

Lonewolf, you and EvilPanda bring up an interesting point, which is that perhaps we all define bisexuality differently. LOnewolf, you state that you won't know your bi until you've fully tried it. I completely disagree. I think that you are bisexual by being attracted to other men. By fantasizing sexually about men. I don't agree that you have to necessarily be sexually active. Thus, EvilPanda, like you, I would disagree with your friend as well.

But, perhaps we need to change the meaning of the word "bisexual." Does one have to be sexually active to identify sexually?

Blancingact - Thanks for the post. At the risk of sounding like a naive idiot here - I am VERY new to embracing my bisexuality and sometimes feel like a tourist in Paris - everyone around me is speaking and I don't speak a word of french! I read, and re-read your post - In retrospect I would have to agree with you 100% Whether or not I like the physical act of sex with a man only determines whether I am "sexuallly active" or not. I have always been attracted to men as well as women and actively fantasize about both. Whether I am sexually active or not - doesn't make me any less of a bisexual. Thanks for the post - you've helped clarify a little of the "french" for me. I appreciate your imput!:) LW

[elian]

I don't think you need to be sexually active to know who you are attracted to. Bear in mind that there can be differences in romantic attraction and physical attraction.

You may not REALLY know how you feel about it until you try it out. I still don't believe that sexual orientation is a choice - but people who identify as LGBT often do weigh the choices they have to make regarding personal feelings vs. the burden society places on folks who are "outside the norm". Thousands of gay teen suicide letters every year bear the mark of that weight.

Hopefully being that you are older - and wiser - and the fact that you've found a community like this site will stand you in better stead.

Used to know some straight guys that I was either romantically or physically attracted to (or both) - but there's no way I would've dared to approach them intimately because I didn't feel like seeing if I could get assaulted - still knew I liked guys.

New labels/identity can be both exciting and frightening - but remember that your sexuality is still only a PART of who you are as a person.

[chook]

Hi Robbie, If you ever want to have a chat, look us up mate :)



Cheers Chook :bigrin:

[balancingact]

Blancingact - Thanks for the post. At the risk of sounding like a naive idiot here - I am VERY new to embracing my bisexuality and sometimes feel like a tourist in Paris - everyone around me is speaking and I don't speak a word of french! I read, and re-read your post - In retrospect I would have to agree with you 100% Whether or not I like the physical act of sex with a man only determines whether I am "sexuallly active" or not. I have always been attracted to men as well as women and actively fantasize about both. Whether I am sexually active or not - doesn't make me any less of a bisexual. Thanks for the post - you've helped clarify a little of the "french" for me. I appreciate your imput!:) LW

Glad I could help. I guess I went through similar struggles. Giving myself a "label" of bisexual actually didn't happen until fairly recently in my life (say close to three years ago). What's weird is that my husband knew that I was attracted to women, and had been with women-- while he and were dating, 7 years ago. But, one day we were having a deep discussion about it (being with women in the future) and I said, "You know, I guess I'm bisexual." He laughed and asked, "Are you just now figuring this out?" I laughed too, but it was the first time I had ever really thought about a sexual orientation or distinction.

[robbie09]

The label Bisexual has helped me enourmously as I initially tried to resolve whether or not I was gay or straight. I failed to comprehend that there was this rich middle ground where you can be a bit of both.

The lable "bisexual" carries enormous baggage as it is often associated with sexual activity whereas it is really a sexual orientation ie you are what you would like to do, rather than what you have done. This is why I identify as bisexual.

[Vikkster230]

I too fit into the "later in life" bisexual virgins. I guess I am still coming to terms to it as what I what to happen. I know what I want, but I also have a husband and children to think of as well as the feelings of a potential lover(s). I've known for several years that I've been enticed and excited by women. It's been at least 4 years that I mentioned to my husband. I didn't want to be secretive because it's not that I'm lacking something with him. It's a different feeling/reason. I'm also struggling with where to find opportunities to meet women my age who aren't out for a quick no strings attached tete a tete. So until I feel 100% confidence and feel I have what I need and looking for, I stay a virgin. I was a virgin till I was 20, I still have plenty of time to find what I'm looking for. It's also nice to know I'm not the only one who is muddling around on this site... ;)

[elian]

What was it that President Clinton said .err.. "I never inhaled" ... err.. wait..that's not it... <grins>

You know sometimes it's not easy coming to terms with the idea that you could face horrible discrimination because of your sexual preference. It's a new idea for some people to know that people can hate them just for the way they are born (and a very OLD idea for others).

I know the disgruntled point above seems to be about live and let live..makes sense - there's no reason to destroy yourself simply because you love someone. If society says that's wrong I guess that's too bad for society - there are millions of silent, mostly honorable, struggling gay people whose existence is just begging to prove society wrong.

[Kermit Jagger]

Here we go again -- debating the meaning of words that have meaning only in context. We would be much better off discussing how we feel and act! For example, I fantasize about oral sex, have had great oral experiences with men and women, and am looking to expand my sexual horizons with men and couples. I've never had anal, but would consider it. Does that make me bisexual or a bisexual virgin? Frankly, I couldn't give a damn.
Kermit

[balancingact]

Here we go again -- debating the meaning of words that have meaning only in context. We would be much better off discussing how we feel and act! For example, I fantasize about oral sex, have had great oral experiences with men and women, and am looking to expand my sexual horizons with men and couples. I've never had anal, but would consider it. Does that make me bisexual or a bisexual virgin? Frankly, I couldn't give a damn.
Kermit

Ah, Kermit, but meanings of words are important when trying to understand unfamiliar territory and sexual orientation. Perhaps it's the "virgin" in the subject line that is throwing us off.

Words and definitions are important. But, it could just be my postmodernist self coming out. :bigrin:

[Kermit Jagger]

Dear Balancing Act,
I'm so old that I'm a premodernist. I agree that words are important when they are used to express feelings and emotions. Feelings and emotions are personal and so must be the meanings of the words we use to express them. I think it's much better for me to tell you that I love oral sex with men women, and couples and would consider anal in the right situation then for me to tell you I'm bisexual.
One more thing, why is it that everytime I get an interesting reply its from someone so far from NJ that I have no hope of ever getting to know them?
Kermit

[balancingact]

Dear Balancing Act,
I'm so old that I'm a premodernist. I agree that words are important when they are used to express feelings and emotions. Feelings and emotions are personal and so must be the meanings of the words we use to express them. I think it's much better for me to tell you that I love oral sex with men women, and couples and would consider anal in the right situation then for me to tell you I'm bisexual.
One more thing, why is it that everytime I get an interesting reply its from someone so far from NJ that I have no hope of ever getting to know them?
Kermit

Yes, we can discuss how we feel and act. But from one bisexual to another, I understand that if you tell me you are bisexual, that you enjoy sexual activity with people of both genders. (Not that I want to get into the discussion of gender-- the argument has been made that there are more than two genders, esp. when we use the term transgender, but alas . . .) Even if you are not sexually active, and haven't been with a person of your own sex, the fact that you desire it, feel it, want it, I understand you to be bisexual. I guess that's what I was saying to the OP. I had crushes on other women (girls) when I was a child. I didn't understand it, didn't understand "bisexuality" as a useful term until adulthood. And it is useful. It is how I came to identify myself-- it is how I came to dispel with confusion over my sexuality. Society tried to put me into one category or another, and I went along because I didn't understand that there are more than two categories.

Perhaps too, the level of conversation depends on who we're having a conversation with. I am not going to tell my friends, or my mother, that I enjoy the touch of a woman's skin, feeling the silkiness of her breasts, and having my head between her creamy thighs. Nor am I going to tell my friends or my mother (!) how I like being on top when my husband is really hard. :eek:

Perhaps we are discussing specificity more than anything. I wonder too, if we are discussing the usefulness of labels. Labels are problematic in and of themselves; however, labels work in most circumstances.

And Kermit (I have the desire to call you Kermie, as Miss Piggy used), if I could move from the hills of Tennessee to a more culturally aware and accepting place I would. Not just yet-- I have to actually earn the Ph.D. first!

LOL on the age. And if you know what that means, my dear, you're a young buck still. ;)

[Kermit Jagger]

Dear Balancing Act,

Bisexual and virgin are labels, and labels like bumper stickers describe stereotypes. I use stereotypes when I don't want to deal with a person as an individual. When it comes to sexuality or gender, I want to deal with the person, the full human being with a mind, a emotions, and a body. It's impossible for me to have a relationship, let alone a great sexual experience, with a stereotype or with someone else who sees me as a stereotype.

I'm flattered that you want to call my Kermie unless you're stereotyping me as a short, skinny green guy with bulging eyes and a squeeky voice. (I'll skip any bad pun about liking flies.)

Kermie

[balancingact]

Dear Balancing Act,

Bisexual and virgin are labels, and labels like bumper stickers describe stereotypes. I use stereotypes when I don't want to deal with a person as an individual. When it comes to sexuality or gender, I want to deal with the person, the full human being with a mind, a emotions, and a body. It's impossible for me to have a relationship, let alone a great sexual experience, with a stereotype or with someone else who sees me as a stereotype.

I'm flattered that you want to call my Kermie unless you're stereotyping me as a short, skinny green guy with bulging eyes and a squeeky voice. (I'll skip any bad pun about liking flies.)

Kermie

Dear Kermie,

I guess that I was using the labels because I don't see the stereotypes anymore-- there is such a range of sexuality. But, I understand what you're saying.

I do not think of you as green, with bulging eyes, squeaky voice OR eating flies. I remember Kermie being rather intelligent and able to carry on a meaningful conversation. I could easily change my moniker to Miss Piggy, but then people would assume you and I are a couple, and I don't want to be accused of alternating between fawning over you and abusing you. People also might think I resemble a pig, wearing jewelry and lipstick. I don't.

Balancing Act

[BreeIsMe]

This is so true. One's innate sexual preferences are part of ones being and not true because of experiences.


I am TOTALLY bisexual and I've never been with another woman. The way I see it is if a virgin can know that they are straight, then there is no reason hy I can't know that I'm bi.

[centralpamale]

bisexual really shouldn't be a label period- I was recently outted because i was found to have a ad on a popular site- Now my boss thinks that i have something wrong in my mind . And feels that she must fix me - she feels being bi/gay is something not right - i just think she comes from the old school of life back when people didn't really talk about liking the same sex or both sexes.. I wasn't around for "flower power , woodstock" so i wouldn't know how things were in those days-


I just think that some people should just stay out of others way- if i wanted to be "fixed" i certainly wouldn't be here and there's certainly no fix for being bi or gay. I'm still considered a virgin basically because i've only had oral with 1 guy couple times and never done anything else- So that make me 1/2 a bisexual?lol i think not . but when the time comes and i feel ready and can actually find someone who isn't stereotyping body types then maybe one day i may explore more of my bisexuality .


good day .
centralpamale

[Jezexploring]

I have recently thought more about my attraction to women. I wouldn't say I recently discovered I'm bi :P. I don't think it works that way. To me I knew at the back of my mind since I was younger that I was attracted to women but I pushed it back and never focused on it much. I personally don't like labels much although at the moment I identify myself as being bisexual, I believe that I am capable of loving anyone that I am attracted to. Love and attraction transcends gender, sex, religion, race, etc.

I come from a very strict and religious community and family. It is so hard to find anyone who understands or are even willing to listen to your thoughts and opinions on sexuality. Being in a hetero relationship with a guy while discovering and exploring all this makes it all harder. I'm not even very experienced sexually having only been with one man my whole life. Not a single experience with a woman. I still know I am attracted to women.

[jem_is_bi]

Once, when I was 5 yrs old I had oral sex with another 5 yr old boy (I was the instigator). But, I never had sex with a man until I was 58 yrs old. In, the intervening years, I have always been 100% sure that I was bisexual even though I only had sex with females. It never occurred to me that I should believe that I was straight just because I did not have sex with men.
I come from a religious family that will never understand my sexual orientation. That is one of the reasons for not having sex until I was 58. But, then, I realized that I was closer to the end of life than the beginning and horrified by the thought of never having sex with a man. Now, I will have a smile on my face at the end as I think back and leave without regrets.

[parkerbi]

i know i was bi for years. but never have sex with man.

[Tenri]

I knew I was bisexual before I had any sexual experiences with another woman, even though my boyfriend at the time was always telling me I was only bi-curious, which really quite annoyed me.

But I'm with a girl now, and I'm really happy, so you -can- know before you've tried anything sexual with the same sex, I think. :)

[TunaSalad]

I haven't had any sexual experience with men or women but I think I'm attracted to both... I used to be boy crazy but always found other girls attractive...now I tend to find guys physically attractive but I always want more with girls....idk I guess i'm still confused...O well time will tell :)

[Bi-Zarro]

OK, here's a question. How many of you went through childhood, puberty, early adulthood thinking you were straight -- honestly not having any real desire to explore same-sex sex -- and then, one day, something changed?

I ask because it seems that everyone here says that they "always knew." I can't honestly say that about myself.

[robbie09]

I spent the first 40 years of my life thinking that I was straight. I do not think that something has changed but rather that I have finally recognised something that was always there. Looking in retrospect there were some obvious signs and patterns of behavior which indicated that I wasn't straight but I never recognised the under lying theme.

[Doggie_Wood]

The label Bisexual has helped me enourmously as I initially tried to resolve whether or not I was gay or straight. I failed to comprehend that there was this rich middle ground where you can be a bit of both.

The lable "bisexual" carries enormous baggage as it is often associated with sexual activity whereas it is really a sexual orientation ie you are what you would like to do, rather than what you have done. This is why I identify as bisexual.

Some may use the term "bisexual" as a label and some don't.
To me, placing a label on someone or something catagorizes and as a human being, I am much more fluid and dynamic and therefore cannot be catagorized.
For myself, the identity of being bisexual is, if not at least, a statement of actuality or fact - a state of being.

Just my :2cents:

Doggie :doggie:

[allbimyself]

The problem is saying that "bisexual" (or any other word like black, white, straight, gay, etc, etc,) is anything other than a word. Once you call that word a "label" you give it more meaning than it has. "Bisexual" is just a word that states sexual orientation. Nothing more. Only once people hang stereotypes on a word and apply that to all people that the word applies to does it become a "label."

When telling someone you are bisexual and they reply with "Does that mean..?" if you say yes to anything other than "Does that mean that gender doesn't matter when considering having sex with someone?" is helping to create the label. Even if what they say applies to you, you cannot reply "yes" if it isn't strictly defined by the word "bisexual."

People want to categorize. AND they like to keep the categories simple. So if you are the only bisexual they know, they take what they know, or think they know, about you and apply it to all bisexuals. That's not fair to other bisexuals, but there it is.

So we all need to keep that in mind when dealing with monosexuals. Don't let them assume that you are representative of all bisexuals. Be very careful when answering questions that might give the impression that your behavior, beliefs, desires, etc apply to all of us.

[DeShawn2]

I think that you can definitely know what you like. In all honesty, though, sometimes, things really just don't add up until later. Growing up, I always liked girls. Guys weren't bad, but they really weren't on my radar in the same way. Then, things flipped and guys had the power. Now, I'm realizing that I'm more into the people than the genders. What will happen in the future? I have no idea.

It's definitely a learning thing. Like I say in my profile, I've been out for 3 years and still feel like a fish out of water.

[Robert C]

Do you think it is possible to know that you are bi-sexual without ever having sex with a member of the same sex? Are there many other bisexual virgins out there?
Oh, absolutely it's possible to know without sex. If you have a burning desire for someone of your gender and can't stop thinking about them, if the very sight of them gives you a throbbing erection, absolutely.

I'm in a long hetero relationship, also, and it's very difficult to struggle with.

[Robert C]

OK, here's a question. How many of you went through childhood, puberty, early adulthood thinking you were straight -- honestly not having any real desire to explore same-sex sex -- and then, one day, something changed?

I ask because it seems that everyone here says that they "always knew." I can't honestly say that about myself.
(Waving arms madly in the air.)

But it wasn't something that dawned on me all at once. It was a gradual process, like when I noticed that I was meeting and seeing more and more young guys with whom I wanted to make love.

Now it's amounting to an unbearable obsession and I finds myself getting more smoking hot over young guys than women.

[centillini]

Hello all, curious and virgin here. I seen a movie years ago of biporn, where a lady watched two guys suck one another. Ever since have thought about it, and love shemales, transexuals. I don't think I am attracted to men, but find a hard cock hot.

[boca.openminded]

Do you think it is possible to know that you are bi-sexual without ever having sex with a member of the same sex? Are there many other bisexual virgins out there?

Can a person be bi without any experience? - In the beginning I asked this same question hundreds of times. How can a person say he or she is bi without actually performing the act? What if they do not like it? Lets say they try it again but again do not like it. Are they still bi?

I think its one of those questions that we will never get a clear answer. I guess it depends on the individual. I am too a late bloomer. I was always in a relationship with a woman and never once had any fantasies or desires to be with another man. Then I dated someone and her fantasy was for me to be with another man. At first I said no but the more we talked the more I was open to it. Trust me it took many many discussions before I was open to it. We broke up before anything happened but it definitely has left a void.

I still say I am bi curious due to the lack of experience. A friend of mine told me she considers me bi because it is something I seek & get turned on by.

So, theres 2 people (me & her) that have 2 different views...

[grxclaus]

Hello Robbie,

For the longest time I was curious about having a same sex relationship. I never found men attractive but found myself spending time looking at nude pictures of men and getting aroused.

At this point I have never been with another guy but often fantasize about it. I don't know if I am truly bisexual or not. If I am ever given the opportunity to be with another man, I am somewhat certain the experience would be the same as with a woman and maybe better in some ways.

[old dog]

OK, here's a question. How many of you went through childhood, puberty, early adulthood thinking you were straight -- honestly not having any real desire to explore same-sex sex -- and then, one day, something changed?

I ask because it seems that everyone here says that they "always knew." I can't honestly say that about myself.

I have not had any experiences since I was about 11 or 12 years old. I just
know I want to orally have a penis in my mouth. I am looking for a male 60-70
years old. I also like going down on women. I would rather give than receive...
I like both men and women. I am more interested in giving head to a man but also will go down on a female. I am happy with the female in my life but really
want oral sex with a guy.

[old dog]

I am very interested in oral sex with a guy 60-70 years old. I will go down on
women but I really want a man's penis in my mouth. I am happy with the female in my life...I really want discreet oral sex with a man around my age.
I am in my mid-60's.

[tellmebaby]

I never realized there were so many bi virgins. When I had come to the realization that I was sexually attracted to women, I immediately acted on it and lost my bivirginity. I couldn't stand the curiosity. I was 19 at the time. I had been promiscuous and having sex with men for 6 years. When I married my husband at 22, I found that I am completely turned on by both men and women, sexually, but when it comes to emotionally, women are just too complicated for me. That's when I knew I fell into some grey area between hetero and homo. And I think that is something that only another bisexual can understand.

[paddington]

Hi, i would put myself in the "i thought i was straight" bracket,i've been married for a long,long time and faithful untill i had a affair with my friend,which i ended.
now i'm trying to work out if there were things,signs i've blocked or been trying to ignore. i do feel very confused at times,wonder if i am a lesbian.
i very rarely fantasize about men,it's always women since the affair.
what i do know is that i love my husband, i can't see my life without him.

[m&ms1]

Today is my first day on this site. I have been fighting myself for the last 11 years wondering if something was wrong w/ me for being attracted to women while I am also attracted to men. I am married to a great guy, however, he does not meet my needs. I find that I am becoming more attracted to women. I have never been w/ a woman.
Help! I need advice.:(

[curious7980]

Hi, I am a new member who has only recently come to the realisation that I am bi-sexual. I am 40+ and have been married for more than 10 years. It has been a very difficult journey for me and I have only come to this point after months of counselling and soul searching. I now identify as being bi-sexual although I have never had sex with another man. Do you think it is possible to know that you are bi-sexual without ever having sex with a member of the same sex? Are there many other bisexual virgins out there?

I was always myself, going through life believeing that I was "normal", until I graduated High School and realized that all that time I spent with my best friend was really us flirting and I really liked women. Then the light came on and I realized I was bi. We had kissed and touched one night, that was it. So, I'm certain that would make me a virgin too since we didnt go "all the way".

[curious7980]

Today is my first day on this site. I have been fighting myself for the last 11 years wondering if something was wrong w/ me for being attracted to women while I am also attracted to men. I am married to a great guy, however, he does not meet my needs. I find that I am becoming more attracted to women. I have never been w/ a woman.
Help! I need advice.:(

I understand and feel the same way. I had a gf in hs and we kissed but that was about it. So I had always wondered if it was just her or if I was bi. I finally figured out that it was bi, but I am married to a great guy and we share a "no share" policy. I am not sure if the fact that I cant be with a woman is causing me to want it more and more and pushing him aside. Dont know, but I know where you are and how you feel. We go to the strip club so that I can kinda curb my "fix" of wanting a womans touch. Since we go on a somewhat reg basis, there are a few i have as favs and they tend to give a little extra attention to me. That might help you.
Erin

[Papelucho]

OK, here's a question. How many of you went through childhood, puberty, early adulthood thinking you were straight -- honestly not having any real desire to explore same-sex sex -- and then, one day, something changed?

I ask because it seems that everyone here says that they "always knew." I can't honestly say that about myself.

I'm with you. I was straight until I was about 22. Then something changed. Definitely completely straight.

In regards to the other discussion, I think that the best explanation of it is communicated in Klein's sexual orientation grid. It really expresses the nuance of sexuality, and does more than a conversation ever could. I recommend that everyone fills one out for themselves, then we would all have a much better vocabulary to talk about this with. Also, thanks for the posts, which are great.

[m&ms1]

I understand and feel the same way. I had a gf in hs and we kissed but that was about it. So I had always wondered if it was just her or if I was bi. I finally figured out that it was bi, but I am married to a great guy and we share a "no share" policy. I am not sure if the fact that I cant be with a woman is causing me to want it more and more and pushing him aside. Dont know, but I know where you are and how you feel. We go to the strip club so that I can kinda curb my "fix" of wanting a womans touch. Since we go on a somewhat reg basis, there are a few i have as favs and they tend to give a little extra attention to me. That might help you.
Erin

Thank you for the advice Erin. "No share". Does that mean that he does not want you to be w/ another woman and only him?

[SaraSaurus]

I spent the first 40 years of my life thinking that I was straight. I do not think that something has changed but rather that I have finally recognised something that was always there. Looking in retrospect there were some obvious signs and patterns of behavior which indicated that I wasn't straight but I never recognised the under lying theme.

That's how it was for me. Up until a few months ago I was totally sure I was straight and then one day it was like blinders were lifted from my eyes and I suddenly saw myself in a different light. It wasn't so much than anything had changed, more that for the first time I completely understood myself. Does that make any sense? Going back and looking at my life I can see that I've always been bi, hell, I can remember the first time I was sexually attracted to a girl (which was around the same time I first started noticing boys as well and let me tell you it freaked me out a good deal), but before recently I was completely blind to the signs.

I feel pretty ridiculous now, having never noticed it, especially when I think back to high school when my parents were convinced I was gay. :tong:

[genera101.2]

I didn’t always know what the term was but I realized at an early age I was very sexual and did want to engage in “sexual” activities with my male friends. And some I did ;) I think I was in the 4th grade when I realized I was different, a “fag” as some called me. Though my younger experiences were to see what it was like to be “with” girls, I liked being with the guys too. I think I was in high school when I learned of the word bisexual and realized it applied to me. In high school was when I experimented a couple times with guys. However, I realized through non-sexual “intimacy” with guys that I was bi. Did I use enough “quotation” marks in this reply?? So yes you can realize you are bi without actually needing to have sex with the same gender. I’m sure many heterosexuals and homosexuals realized they were hetero or homo before they had sex, right?

[Polyamerious Phoenix]

In answer to the first post yes I think you can be Bi or even gay and never had activity related to this.

In my experience I am not Bi or at least I do not see my self as Bi. I have had 3somes with FMF and I was not interested in her much..just him.. I do have to say I LOVE a nice set of tits tho.. LOL I guess if the "right" girl came along I might change my opinion on that but its not happen thus far. I see my self as Female friendly. LOL..

My Husband on the other hand.. and I hope that someone out there can draw from this and it it will help them... When we got together it was under "strange" circumstances. Needless to say I "THOUGHT" he was straight. I think he did too... Over time we got close and he opened up to me and I began to see an emerging theme even if he denied it. At first I had my hang ups over it but I KNEW that I loved him more then anything that was bothering me. Its taken time but I have gotten over it and in fact embraced it whole heatedly and well. I guess its sort of my thing now too. LOL....

Guess What I am saying is that people as a whole are ever evolving and some times its all about the baby steps.. after many many relationships I find its best to do things together and be up front and Honest about them.

[SaraOntario]

I've never had sex and actually, I don't ever want to have sex. The whole mechanics of it, just grosses me out. I think, yes, you can know if your bi-sexual without having sex.

[mooon]

OK, here's a question. How many of you went through childhood, puberty, early adulthood thinking you were straight -- honestly not having any real desire to explore same-sex sex -- and then, one day, something changed?

I ask because it seems that everyone here says that they "always knew." I can't honestly say that about myself.

I've been there.
While I was always a bit curious, I always thought and acted as a very straight guy.
Somewhere about 40 years old, I started to have the occasional fantasy of sex with a man.
Over the years, it happened more often. Eventually, at 56, I knew I had try it. I have, and now I can say that I own being bi.
One of my fears was that I might lose interest in my wife and become fully gay, as has happened with some other guys that came out late in life. It has been long enough now that I know I will never lose my interest in women, or my wife.

This late-life exploration seems to not be an uncommmon thing these days. As others have observed, discovering and exploring this new kind of sexuallity is a bit like being a teenager, all over again.

[dallasfun]

I know the feeling. I havent been with a guy yet. Been curious for awhile and like to play with toys. Watching vids or live cams is fun. I have C2C with a couple guys before.

[12voltman59]

OK, here's a question. How many of you went through childhood, puberty, early adulthood thinking you were straight -- honestly not having any real desire to explore same-sex sex -- and then, one day, something changed?

I ask because it seems that everyone here says that they "always knew." I can't honestly say that about myself.

It was not till rather recently that I came to consider myself as being "bi."

For most of my life I had considered myself "straight" even though oddly enough--my earliest and first sexual experiences were with other guys and while I was involved with a series of relationships with women over the years---began to wonder what it would be like to have sex with other men.

Those feeling began to increase till I reached the point I had to know what that was all about--so here I am now.

[Realist]

Just today, a friend who is 58, told me that he's never, EVER, been attracted to another man, even when he was a kid, he never fooled around with another boy. But, beginning to get feelings that he'd consider having sex with a man.

He was worried what I'd say, but we've had some controversial conversations before and I've never given him a reason to feel that I couldn't accept "beyond the norm" discussions. I told him I'd be happy to share my own feelings with him about the subject. He does not know that I'm bisexual, but I may tell him tomorrow.

He's coming over for coffee, in the morning, and said he wants to discuss it some more. I'm glad he feels safe to share his thoughts with me and the meeting sounds interesting.

It's strange; I'm a little surprised, since he was a big football hero in school, married to a beautiful woman, who died two years ago, raised two kids, who are both successful.

But, here I am; no one who knows me would ever suspect that I was bisexual. I guess I have no BIDAR, as I never saw this coming!

[robbie09]

I've been there.
One of my fears was that I might lose interest in my wife and become fully gay, as has happened with some other guys that came out late in life. It has been long enough now that I know I will never lose my interest in women, or my wife.

This I is my fear. I know that I will enjoy having sex with another man. I am worried that I will love it and lose interest in having sex with my wife. I am sure that is something that she would worry about too.

It is reassuring to know that others have not lost interest.

[MisterG]

I am a bisexual virgin. I have not yet had an experience with a man..yet I've been wanting to for quite awhile now. I am in my early 30's and I am married. I would like to try it atleast once, and right now I have the opportunity. I'm hoping that someone will see my post and attempt to contact me.. I'm pretty nervous, but a little excited and anxious at the same time.

[texasman6172003]

WElcome to the club,Hope you enjoy the site also.Good Luck!!

[Kermit Jagger]

Many bisexuals, virgins and otherwise, seem to share a sense of confusion who we are and how to live with our being attracted to men and women. I certainly fit in this mold. It took me a long time to come to terms with being bisexual and after 40 years I am still confused about how to live being attracted to both genders. I have learned that my bisexuality is at the very core of who I am and working to sort out the confusion has been well worth the effort. Being a member has helped as its given me an important outlet to express feelings that I had repressed for too long.
Love to all,
Kermit

[scooter6749]

I have been bisexual I guess since the day I was born. I had oral with two friends in high school. Then got married. I thought all the bisexual feelings were gone. Was I ever wrong. I am wanting to make out and have oral with a man again so much. Even the thought of it is so hot! I am new on here but I will answer all messages. I dont feel like a virgin just because I haven't had anal. But I am still kinda new to this.

[cupidbradley]

I am TOTALLY bisexual and I've never been with another woman. The way I see it is if a virgin can know that they are straight, then there is no reason hy I can't know that I'm bi.


COULDNT HAVE SAID THAT BETTER MYSELF!

[texasman6172003]

So true Cupid!!

[tellmebaby]

I have learned that my bisexuality is at the very core of who I am and working to sort out the confusion has been well worth the effort.

Hey, some days I'm in the mood for a hot dog and some days I'm in the mood for a burger. I have an impulsive nature and I'm comfortable knowing that I have a choice.

[Ratchet]

Guess I'm still in this catagory too as I've never had any kind of sexual contact or relationship with another man, (unless you count cybersex....) and I'm definately Bi.

This is mainly because I thought I was straight until maybe 5 years ago, and I sort of repressed it until recently, originally because i was in a relationship but also because I was afraid what might happen if i told anyone (still am tbh:( )

Its only really in the last few months I've become comfortable with the fact I'm bisexual though I'm still very much in the closet in "real life" (yeah i know...)

[bigdaddyden59]

OK, here's a question. How many of you went through childhood, puberty, early adulthood thinking you were straight -- honestly not having any real desire to explore same-sex sex -- and then, one day, something changed?

I ask because it seems that everyone here says that they "always knew." I can't honestly say that about myself.

Raising my hand on this one. I had both gay & straight friends in high school, played in bands with both gay & straight men, had both gay & straight men in my wedding party etc...etc...

What I'm saying is I was exposed to the gay side of life for years and years and never even contemplated having a same sex experience. It was only after I was married for about ten years and I happened to read a Penthouse Forum letter about two guys sucking each other off that I became "curious" and the more I read the more curious I became.

That was over 20 years ago. I've had one experience, it was ok, I'd like to do it again under more relaxed circumstances...I was nervous as a cat in the dog pound.

So my bi curiosity didn't bloom until I was well into my 20's...late 20's.

[danaindy]

I am realize that I am bi sexual, but have never had a smae sex experience. I do want that to change and am starting to "put myself out there".

If anyone is in N.W. Ohio let me know if you might be able to "help" me, (LOL).

[tenni]

If you see yourself as bisexual, then you are. If you have never had same sex experience and see yourself as a bisexual, then you are. If you have seen yourself as straight and begin to recognize same sex attraction, maybe you are bisexual and maybe you are not. That is up to you to decide whether you decide to have same sex experiences or not.

However, I am inclined to believe that unless those who begin to discover same sex attraction when they only had opposite sex attraction before actually have same sex experience, you may not be. You may be only curious which is different from having a strong same sex attraction and opposite sex attraction for a long time (the virgins who never cross the line for whatever reason). If you do not have opposite sex attraction, you may be gay whether you act on it or not.
It doesn't matter. It is how you perceive yourself unless you are having a ton of same sex experiences and still perceive yourself as "straight"....lol That is probably denial....lol

You may be gay for most of your life and begin to develop opposite sex attraction as well. It is possible but not often. Does that mean that you are bisexual and not gay? Not necessarily. We are what we perceive ourselves to be at the core of our being. Explore at you own pace. Learn to be comfortable within yourself and ignore those who want to label you.

[Long Duck Dong]

If you see yourself as bisexual, then you are. If you have never had same sex experience and see yourself as a bisexual, then you are. If you have seen yourself as straight and begin to recognize same sex attraction, maybe you are bisexual and maybe you are not. That is up to you to decide whether you decide to have same sex experiences or not.

However, I am inclined to believe that unless those who begin to discover same sex attraction when they only had opposite sex attraction before actually have same sex experience, you may not be. You may be only curious which is different from having a strong same sex attraction and opposite sex attraction for a long time (the virgins who never cross the line for whatever reason). If you do not have opposite sex attraction, you may be gay whether you act on it or not.
It doesn't matter. It is how you perceive yourself unless you are having a ton of same sex experiences and still perceive yourself as "straight"....lol That is probably denial....lol

You may be gay for most of your life and begin to develop opposite sex attraction as well. It is possible but not often. Does that mean that you are bisexual and not gay? Not necessarily. We are what we perceive ourselves to be at the core of our being. Explore at you own pace. Learn to be comfortable within yourself and ignore those who want to label you.

I fully agree

I was drawn to males and females long before i heard the term bisexual or bicurious.... to me I felt normal, I thought that attraction to males and females was what everybody felt, and my first sexual encounter with a male, felt normal.... however my first sexual encounter with a female...was boring and I wondered what the fuss was about......

over the years I learnt how to become a better lover, for males and females.... but never really worried about the label as to me labels never mattered, you were one of the crowd and we all looked after each other..... then aids became a bigger issue.... and the looks started..... I have gained many friends and I am lost many friends.... and buried some people that are a loss to the community.....

to me they were never a sexuality, they were my friends and loved ones....
hardly anybody came *out * as they didn't need to.... they just kissed and hugged and slept with the ones they wanted to..... and we knew what they were but it was just accepted....

it is a lost generation for me now..... the pressure to come out and wear a label, be defined, etc has become the norm..... and so I use a label for the benefit of others....

[tenni]

"the pressure to come out and wear a label, be defined, etc has become the norm..... and so I use a label for the benefit of others...."
_______

I don't know about that. Maybe, I'm wrong and only wishful thinking but I find people under say 25 more open to not labelling or being as concerned about whether someone is straight, gay or bi? Or at least willing to try and not put a taboo on same sex. If they like it, fine. If not, well it isn't for me attitude.

[BLCHGK777]

The way I see determining sexual orientation is not sex but more feeling so there are bisexual virgins. What confuses most people I think is the sex part in each orientation. Some people tend to believe that if you haven't been physical that you wouldn't know anyway else ruling out emotional and mental parts of relationships and reasoning to make such difficult decisions all due the to the word sex in orientations. But that's just my :2cents: