Ployamory relationships

[bipizzaguy]

Me and my wife are believers in polyamory. anyone else:three:

[Bi_Druid]

^Waves^

I believe in it. I'm in a poly relationship at the moment. It was actually my partner who openned me up to the idea, or at least the realisation I was already thinking about it with my romantic ideas of eventually ending up in a triad.

I feel, so long as all parties concerned are aware of what's going on and consenting, then there's little to no reason why it shouldn't work.

[alegrias]

I've chatted with a few here.

My hubby and I are working on developing a long-term relationship with another couple. We want to become true friends before we become sexual with them.

Other's I've encountered here are more into groups of 3.

[shybipinay]

We are also polyamorous. We are looking for a live in partner.

[PearlGirl]

I believe bipizzaguy...it just depends on the people involved.

[Realist]

I was in two great polyamory* relationships. One with a husband and wife and one with two women. In both cases we knew each other for some time, became friends and then, finally, we were sexual. Those were successful. One lasted a little over a year and one lasted about 2 years. Honesty, openness and compatibility are absolutely necessary, if there's going to be peace. I attempted a third relationship, but it was unsuccessful. It began OK, but jealousy arose it's ugly head and everything was quickly lost. It was well worth a try, though.

* Spelling?

[IanBorthwick]

*Afraid to speak up as the last several times he was tarred and feathered*

I am. Been this way all my life. For some it's something they believe in and practice, for me it was something that came naturally. I found myself in love with several simultaneously. Never acted on it, but was nevertheless in love.

I believe in it with all my heart.

[MaybeSayMaybe]

Back in ancient times, records were recorded in "mono", which meant you had to have one of everything. Then came along stereo, which freaked peopled at first because you needed two of everything. Two amplifiers, two speakers, etc. Lots of money. Then about 1972 the industry tried to sell us quadraphonic, where you needed four of everything. Four corners in the room - four speakers. Made perfect sense.

A reel-to-reel tape deck could handle four channels, and eight-track could have four channels twice vs. 2 channels 4 times. But the cassette had problems because Phillips had a requirement that any cassette must play in any machine. That meant 4 sets of two tracks on each tape, and the tape was too thin to allow alignment to the heads, so that was a problem. So cassettes were out. But somebody invented the El-cassette, which being much larger could support 8 tracks. But they were yet another hardware standard.

Then there were the records. They used something called the matrix method to encode the other two channels on the stereo. But there were overlapping matrix standards, and that caused problems. And RCA had its own 4-channel records, but they needed a decoder that was not matrix compatible.

So if you wanted to be the quadraphonic expert in the neighborhood, you needed to get rid of half the furniture to place the speakers, and buy a zillion different pieces of electronics, and set up a complicated switch network, and buy a bunch of new tape decks. Then you had the problem of finding the music in the various formats.

Beats me why, but quadraphonic went the way of the wringer washer.

You can love the music, or love the technology, or both. Or you can just rise and fall with the moment. Or listen to the birds sing.

[jem_is_bi]

Back in ancient times, records were recorded in "mono", which meant you had to have one of everything. Then came along stereo, which freaked peopled at first because you needed two of everything. Two amplifiers, two speakers, etc. Lots of money. Then about 1972 the industry tried to sell us quadraphonic, where you needed four of everything. Four corners in the room - four speakers. Made perfect sense.

A reel-to-reel tape deck could handle four channels, and eight-track could have four channels twice vs. 2 channels 4 times. But the cassette had problems because Phillips had a requirement that any cassette must play in any machine. That meant 4 sets of two tracks on each tape, and the tape was too thin to allow alignment to the heads, so that was a problem. So cassettes were out. But somebody invented the El-cassette, which being much larger could support 8 tracks. But they were yet another hardware standard.

Then there were the records. They used something called the matrix method to encode the other two channels on the stereo. But there were overlapping matrix standards, and that caused problems. And RCA had its own 4-channel records, but they needed a decoder that was not matrix compatible.

So if you wanted to be the quadraphonic expert in the neighborhood, you needed to get rid of half the furniture to place the speakers, and buy a zillion different pieces of electronics, and set up a complicated switch network, and buy a bunch of new tape decks. Then you had the problem of finding the music in the various formats.

Beats me why, but quadraphonic went the way of the wringer washer.

You can love the music, or love the technology, or both. Or you can just rise and fall with the moment. Or listen to the birds sing.

I have a one-track mind so I don't think I could ever get an 8-track relationship to work out. But, I do have some old 8-track tape cassettes.

[IanBorthwick]

"Polyamory" is nothing but having an open relationship and it's a nice way of saying that you fuck/swing with other people, and people who have to call themselves poly/polyamorous are just lying to themselves about having an open relationship and lying that polyamory is nothing but an open relationship

Poly-amorous, new age rhetoric and it's english translations....

Poly phrase: "It's all about love!"

English translation: "Please have sex with me!"

Poly phrase: "People should learn about being poly and be able to love freely!"

English phrase: "Have an open relationship with me so we can just have sex with others without working on our own relationship and taking it seriously, and let's have an orgy with strangers!"

Poly phrase: "I don't use primary/secondary terminology, since I don't see my relationships as hierarchical."

English translation: "You're a secondary."

Poly phrase: "For me sex is about energy, so breathing and heart connection are more important than ejaculation."

English translation: "I'm more sophisticated than the guy over there, please sleep with me instead."

Poly phrase: "I see polyamory as being more about relationships and intimacy, while swinging is just about sex, and sex without intimacy is just not where I'm at right now."

English translation: "I'm more sophisticated than the person over there, please sleep with me instead!"

Poly phrase: "I'm not about sex, I'm about much more than sex and I'm not centered on it."

English translation: "I'm theoretically all about sex as much of it as I can get with whoever, and won't you please sleep with me?"

Poly phrase: "The most important thing to me is keeping agreements."

English translation: "If you start seeing someone else and I'd feel unsophisticated just saying that I'm jealous, then I'll reinterpret one of our agreements until I'm able to say you broke it."

Poly phrase: "Even secondary relationships for me aren't just about sex."

English translation: "Secondary relationships for me are just about sex."

Poly phrase: "Right now the most important things to me are building poly family and intentional community."

English translation: "I'm getting concerned that I won't always be able to easily find new partners, plus I'm tired of driving from place to place, and oh yeah, I'm more sophisticated than the guy over there, so please sleep with me instead."

Poly phrase: "In our household the most important things are open communication and open process."

English translation: "Expect to be abused with passive-aggressive 'I' statements."

Poly phrase- Our family has spent considerable amount of time working through jealousy issues. No drama or competition here!

English translation- We are well entrenched in our particular form of disfunction, but I give the best head of the bunch so sleep with me instead!

Poly phrase: "I don't feel that we communicate on the same level, and that you aren't supporting me emotionally."

English translation: "I'm tired of you but it would make me seem less sophisticated and hence reduce my opportunities for further sexual relationships in this community to actually say that so bluntly, so I'll make his about vague failings on your part instead."

Poly phrase: "I think we should each have veto power."

English translation: "I want to reserve the right to veto each of your partners, no matter how much they respect our existing relationships, so that you're de facto limited to monogamy while I play the field."

Poly phrase: "I think that we should focus on each other for a while."

English translation: "I'm having more trouble finding partners than you are, time to clip your wings!"

Poly phrase: "I want you to always feel OK telling me what's really going on in your life, and asking for what you need in this relationship."

English translation: "Ask for what you need, and express hurt feelings, at your peril."

Poly phrase: "I'm not angry at you, I'm angry at myself, for not having recognized sooner that we weren't right for each other."

English translation: "I'm angry at you for not making my life perfect, but rather than taking responsibility for setting and meeting my own goals I find it more satisfying to shift the blame to you while superficially appearing to do the opposite."

Poly phrase: "Out of respect for our primary bond, we normally only see other people together."

English translation: "MAYBE THIS TIME I'LL FINALLY GET TO HAVE SEX WITH TWO PEOPLE AT ONCE OMG OMG OMG THAT WOULD BE L33T!!!!! "

Poly phrase: "I think we need to process the end of our relationship and get closure."

English translation: "I'd like to kick you while you're down."

Poly phrase: "We obviously need to work on our relationship."

English translation: "We're through, I just want to vent a little more so that I can feel a little more self-righteous once you know it's over too, OK?"

Poly phrase: "The idea of line marriage has always appealed to me."

English translation: "The idea of having sex with people younger than me has always appealed to me."

Poly phrase: "So, which conventions do you like to attend, what kind of books do you like to read, what are your spiritual beliefs, and what is your ideal occupation?"

English translation: "Which science fiction conventions do you like to attend, who is your favorite fantasy author, what form of neo-paganism do you ascribe do, and where in the computer industry would you like to work?"

Poly phrase: "I'm needing to do some inner work, and instead of dating anyone would rather just work on my relationship with myself."

English translation: "I'm tired of you, but since I don't have anyone else lined up right now I might as well get some mileage out of the personal growth angle."

Poly phrase: "Well, I'm only theoretically poly, but I already have plenty of firmly-held beliefs about how it could be done in real life!"

English translation: "Hi, I'm an idiot."

Poly phrase: "Swinging would be way too crass for me, I'm more about relationships and emotional intimacy."

English translation: "I've always wanted to go to New Horizons swingers club (see here: http://www.horizonsclub.com/), could someone give me a ride there and guest me in, as long as I don't have to ask publicly?"

Poly phrase: "All of my partners are equally important to me, and they're all primary."

English translation: "I'd rather not explicitly spell out what the hierarchy is, but trust me - you'll know when you run into it."

Poly phrase: "Our friendship is more important than anything else."

English translation: "Once you've told me that we're done fucking, you'll never hear a word from me again."

Poly phrase: "I'm willing to take this slow as well."

English translation: "I intend to act like a SNAG (Sensitive New Age Guy) and put as much pressure on you to put out as possible."

Poly phrase: "I've had to do a lot of work on that issue myself in my other relationships, and I'd be glad to help you with it if you want."

English translation: "I've tried blaming all my other partners for my shit and they won't put up with it anymore."

Poly phrase: "I really admire the way you are able to speak up for your boundaries in your relationships."

English translation: "If I'm going to get you to sleep with me, I'll have to be a cagey, manipulative bastard."

Poly phrase: "My other partners and I share a lot of interests but we do a lot of things separately, too."

English translation: "None of my current partners will let me have anal sex with them; will you?"

Poly phrase: "My partners and I follow our own unique spiritual path."

English translation: "Please join our cult."

Poly phrase: "I've learned so much from all of my relationships."

English addendum: "...so I know not to tell you about my OSOs/mental illness/contagious diseases until after you're emotionally involved with me."

Poly phrase: "I expect and give honest communication."

English translation: "I will bludgeon you with my opinions whenever I feel like it and if you can't take it then you must have a problem with 'honesty.'"

Poly phrase: "I wish we could all just get along."

English translation: "Give me what I want and no one gets hurt."

Poly phrase: "Have you read "The Ethical Slut"?

English translation: "If you don't have sex with me, you're a prude and aren't evolved."

Poly phrase: "Age is just a number."

English translation: "I will not fuck women or men who are my age or older."

Poly phrase: "Do you do Tantra?"

English translation: "If you don't have sex with me, you're a prude and aren't evolved."

Poly phrase: "Poly people are more evolved than mono people."

English translation: "I'm a virgin."

Poly speak: "It's a shame you're limiting yourself and your love."

English translation: "Why won't you fuck me?"

Poly phrase: I've told my poly partner about you and she's very excited to meet you so we'd like to have you over for dinner soon. Would you like to join the two of us for that?

English translation: Due to how hot I said you were my poly partner feels very threatened in her status as my primary, and she is obsessively compelled to check you out in person so she can look for some ammunition with which to veto any potential relationship you and I could have. Would you mind bringing a body guard?

Poly phrase: I've told my poly partner all about you and he is so excited to meet you that we are both hoping you'll have dinner with us soon.

English translation: I've told my poly partner how attractive you are and we both hope to eat you for dinner soon.

Poly phrase: Being poly has made our sex lives even more WONDERFUL because while my primary partner and I REALLY love playing with each other, we also WELCOME the opportunity to meet interesting new people, and open to the presence of other special lovers in our lives!

English translation: Being poly has given my partner and I a very WELCOME excuse to have sex with new people which is WONDERFUL because we're REALLY sick of each other!

Poly phrase: Our relationship could be characterized as a primary polyamorous connection which will organically evolve over time. Both of us are too sophisticated, open, level-headed, and rational to tolerate putting any limits on other people or ourselves.

English translation: We're each other's booby prize. Both of us are too selfish, poorly groomed, dysfunctional and crazy to find any other people to tolerate us.

Poly phrase: I don't know if our connection has each and every quality necessary for a successful primary relationship, however I would like to explore this further because I do care about you very much and really cherish our friendship.

English translation: I know I'd love to have sex and explore how orally talented you are right now because I'm very horny, however I don't like you enough to really spend much time with you.

Poly phrase: I am seriously interested in working out our secondary relationship in such a way that would make both of us happy. I'm wondering if we could both try to create more room in our lives for each other? I'm hoping you're thinking something similar.

English translation: It was fun being fuck buddies. Maybe we'll do it again in a few months? Or not.

Poly phrase: My primary partner and I have totally worked out our jealousy issues regarding the play parties we attend. I get thoroughly wet when I watch him share pleasure with other people! Loving communication and listening are our life's priorities.

English translation: My partner makes me feel totally psycho at every play party. I thoroughly punish him with my sublimated rage later when we're at home! Passive-aggressive behaviors and messages are our favorite pastime.

Poly phrase: "I'm very happy you're in a relationship and have found love, but to only express love for one person, I feel is not the "Way of Soul". "

English translation: "I could care less if you are in a relationship. I have an uncontrollable compulsion to shamelessly flirt, play games and have my kind of "fun" regardless of anyone else's feelings, and I can totally justify my behavior with spiritual rhetoric."



And as sure as I am that ice is COLD, here we have the very reason I do not usually open my mouth. The intolerance is stunning. Do these people wait to see some talk of Polyamory and then create a drone account just to make these comments?

[MarieDelta]

I am poly too :D

[jfra18]

me and my wife are currently in a polly amorous relationship with another woman

[alegrias]

I've been thinking about saying more about polyamory, so why not say it in this thread?

From what I've been reading and hearing, there are a lot of different ways for people to be polyamorous. Some people equate being poly with cheating. I disagree, although I'm sure that there are poly people who do cheat.

I think it's important if you are in a long-term relationship with another person for you to be honest and open about what you are looking for in your relationships. If the people in your LTR share your relationship goals and you only engage in activities that they feel comfortable with, I don't see how that could be considered cheating.

What bothers me is that some people here, who are not poly, seem to be passing judgment on those of us that are. They assume, I think, that all people who are poly are into having casual sex with multiple partners. Or maybe they've been in a relationship that they thought was monogamous (which is what they wanted) only to find out that their partner was not. I can certainly see why they were unhappy about that.

I believe that I am poly, but I could never see myself having casual relationships with multiple people. What I want is for my hubby and me (my primary LTR) to have a LTR with another bi couple that we first get to know as friends. As this relationship develops, it will be with the understanding that my hubby will always come first. If he doesn't feel comfortable with something, I won't do it, and he feels the same way.

[Germanicus]

And as sure as I am that ice is COLD, here we have the very reason I do not usually open my mouth. The intolerance is stunning. Do these people wait to see some talk of Polyamory and then create a drone account just to make these comments?

... Laughs to self ...

Perhaps their only crime was to have their fingers burnt. But seriously, in the now not so recent past I was in a poly relationship and was on the receiving end of something similar to "honest communication" line.

The problem is not (and never was) not the idea or the concept, but, like so much of life, it lies with the implementation of the idea. And no, previous experience it hasn't put me off the idea of poly, but made me much more cautious about getting involved with the ideological wing of the movement.

[frikidiki]

And as sure as I am that ice is COLD, here we have the very reason I do not usually open my mouth. The intolerance is stunning. Do these people wait to see some talk of Polyamory and then create a drone account just to make these comments?

Sorry, but I must defend the post you have taken issue with, and thankfully preserved, for the entertainment and enlightenment it offers. If this is one of our trolls at work and it was deleted for this reason, then so be it, but the troll has almost got his game down. If this had been presented properly as the joke veiling a list of cautions that I took it for, it wouldn't have gotten deleted.

Allow me to explain the joke as I see it. Too many people pat themselves on the back for "being" (translation: "appearing") open-minded, introspective, willing to work on the relationship, and whatever else got lampooned in that list. We are also emotionally and motivationally complex creatures, often beyond our control or awareness, and often to the detriment of ourselves and others; etc., etc. Lists like this should be seen as opportunities to "check your head." If you can't or won't do this, then it's your loss when you screw up something good & spicy (that some people will only ever get to dream about) with manipulation, jealousy, passive-aggressive behavior, and other such nasty things. Sometimes it seems that more energy is spent in these lifetimes covering up the truth with lies than it would take to actually be honest and fix the problem(s) in the first place.

I'm not saying that all pollies fit these translations, but let's be honest about something. No amount of couching ugly truth or sinister motives in pseudointellectual justification, political correctness, and nice-nice will bring us peace, love, & happiness in the end. Many of us pollies or wannabes are, were, or will be, according to this list, guilty as charged at some point in our lives.

Speaking for myself... "Hi, I'm an idiot!" Rofl! Seriously, I've only ever given it lots of thought and done a lot of soul searching in light of polyamory and its implications. I'm cool with it all and confident I could do it, allowing for a little fear and jealousy acknowledged and kept under control, but I'm in no particular hurry to be a part of a polyamorous arrangement; and I find the terms used, like all terms, merely convenient, and not defining. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels the way I do, and I'm confident that I'm better off even if I'm not actually better than anyone. Meanwhile, the fact remains that there are people to whom this list applies. I've met a few, and it's no stretch of the imagination to say that the rest have some validity.

So I say to the person who posted that list, if you are a troll, try presenting yourself as a comedian instead; otherwise, boy, was that a good one!

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

And its always the ones who knows Least about a subject that has to have the most strenuous out look on it.
In the Veterans community they have a saying that I think applies here "If you aint been there, shut yer mouth"

Unless you are In a Poly situation, unless you personally Know of people within the Poly life, then you have no real experiance in which to make a valid observation, other then the one where all you know how to do is run someone down for living an open honest Sex Positive life. Obviously something you arent capable of doing, or fathoming, so kiss off, Troll brain.
Cat

[nothings5d]

And its always the ones who knows Least about a subject that has to have the most strenuous out look on it.
In the Veterans community they have a saying that I think applies here "If you aint been there, shut yer mouth"

Unless you are In a Poly situation, unless you personally Know of people within the Poly life, then you have no real experiance in which to make a valid observation, other then the one where all you know how to do is run someone down for living an open honest Sex Positive life. Obviously something you arent capable of doing, or fathoming, so kiss off, Troll brain.
Cat

Don't bother replying to him. You only give him more incentive to come back.

[Mr. Magick]

Black, Poly is life choice. Nothing more or less. To hear you say these words nearly brings me to tears. Homophobes say things such as this. When was the last time you were angry because someone spoke in a derogatory way about your interacial, homosexual relationship. Don't judge until you've seen down anothers path and know the difficulties that lie ahead for them. That is ,of course, unless you enjoy being a hypocryte.

[Mr. Magick]

Ok now that I have vented at the closed minded, i'd like to do what i should have done in the first place...Ignore him and address the orginator of the thread.
I for one believe in a pollyamorous relationship. Just to be sure we're on the same page though, In my mind a polyamorous realationship is not open love. It is a real loving and supportive realationship between multiple partners. It is not swinging. A Poly family includes 3 or more adults who, contrary to popular belief, are together for the same love and support you would find in any monogamous realationship. IT IS NOT JUST ABOUT SEX. It's about allowing yourself and your partner to fall in love again. How many marriges fall apart because someone falls for another and has to make a choice. Poly says that you don't have to give up the one you have loved for so long to be with the one you've come to love.
Oh Boy there i go again, preaching LOL.
It was a simply put question here's a simply put answer. I believe that a new love should be welcomed into a family. I am Poly in spirit though I'm not currently in a realationship of any kind.

[trubipoly]

IanBorthWick, I think they do set up BS accounts everytime they see anything to do with Polamory. I had that same bullshit sent to my email repeatedly the last time i mentioned Poly. and this time I didnt even respond yet and they sent it to me which shows they looked for anything Poly and sent out thier BS theory. I am Polyamorous and could care less if anyone else agrees with it. It doesnt hurt anyone else . I think the person sending that crap out was hurt in a Poly relationship by someone that claimed to be Poly themselves but were only out to get laid,:yikes2: yes like anything else there are a few that fuck it up. ( to the person that got hurt, let it go already and dont let that one persons actions make you so full of hate)

[trubipoly]

whether you agree with someones view or not and choose to "discuss" them in the forums then I see nothing wrong with that but to attack others beliefs because you dont agree with them is just hateful and to send out hate emails to anyone who dares mention something you dont agree withis rediculous. I dont agree with your beliefs and thats ok. on the other hand FU

[Bunni23]

I am in a unique situation that I beleive is very similar to a polyamory relationship, but I am unsure of whether it is or not. I've tried to understand it for some time, but the reality is it doesn't matter to me at this time whether it is or isn't. But perhaps if others have had a similar experience as mine, you could offer your thoughts on the type of relationship.

I have a wonderful boyfriend who I have been together with for over two years now. He has known since the beginning of our relationship that I am bisexual and it is a part of my life he has willingly accepted. Included in that, has been a very long sexual relationship with my best friend (female).

That's the complicated part to me as I try to define my situation. My best friend has been my best friend my whole life. Our mother's were best friends since from high school, so it was natural for us to be close, too. But we began exploring our bodies and sexualities together at a very young age. We were each other's first sexual partners and have continued that type of relationship until this day.

Our relationship is definitely not only physical, in fact of sexual relationships that I've had, my relationship with her is probably the least physical given everything else we enjoying doing together.

I've always had trouble trying to understand if she and I are just best friends or if there is something else there. It's hard for me becuz I'm not a very emotional person and I try to keep emotions under control. With boyfriends, it's always been the same way and "boyfriend" has been a title I've freely slapped to relationships that I have chosen to because I have wanted to. That title has just never been applied to a girl by me, but perhaps it could have been to Stacy if we weren't "best friends".

The point being, I'm involved in two wonderful and consistent physical relationships with two very special people. One is my boyfriend and the other is my best friend in the whole world. They get along great and at one point early on, we shared our sexualities together. But now, because of the choice by my best friend, she doesn't particpate with my boyfriend and I. That hasn't changed our interpersonal relationships at all.

I consider myself very lucky and in a unique situation. If it's a polyamorous relationship, I don't know. But it is what it is and I am happy.

[FalconAngel]

Well, we are not poly, but we do know a few poly folks.

What we have seen is the opposite of what was in the post that Ianborthwick was commenting on.

The person that made the offending post clearly is stuck in the 1950's (black and white social tv with bad reception and a "leave it to Beaver" set of values that they cannot see beyond and insist that others "must" comply with). How very Dominion Christian of them.

However, life is never that simple. If it were, then this subject would never come up.

Or to put it more succinctly; IDIC (Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations).

We are a very diverse society and made up of some extremely diverse people. This kind of thing used to be effectively outlawed up until just a few decades ago.

Things and people are changing and, as a society, those that do not accept that people are different, with different needs and wants, are going to fall by the wayside.

It is the nature of things and cannot be changed by human influence, no matter how hard humans try.

Scientists call it "social evolution".

[darkeyes]

God me jus don Ployamory...me ploys alla the time 2 get wot me wonts or get me own way... jus a lil spoilt..:tong: but am luffly reely...:bigrin:;)

...ana certain unnamed person is 2 bloody gud at ployin alla the time 2 stop me....:eek::(

[NakedInSeattle]

Well, I can speak with some authority about polyamory because I was in a polyamorous relationship and it didn't work out. At the risk of sounding like a sexist, I feel that if it's a MFF poly relationship, it has a better chance of working out. But in my case (MFM) it didn't because I couldn't accept a subordinate husband role. I felt the need to be equal to the "real" husband in matters of the relationship but was told that HE was the "real" husband and had much superior rights, privileges, and inputs.

It had its good moments, for sure, but just couldn't last in the long term.

And as in all else, "if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger." I'm a better man and now husband for the experience.

[Mr. Magick]

I felt the need to be equal to the "real" husband in matters of the relationship but was told that HE was the "real" husband and had much superior rights, privileges, and inputs.

Just my :2cents: But if they refered to him as the "Real" husband then they weren't true believers in Poly. If it happened that way to me I would probably feel like sex toy and end up leaving.