Does polyamourous=bisexual?

[Apleasureseeker]

Too much lingo!

Was recently talking to a guy I know, who likes to tell women he's polyamourous, since he always has several girlfriends at one time. I mentioned it to a woman I know, who said she was surprised he'd admit he's bisexual. I told her he's not, he just likes a lot of women. She insists poly means bisexual. He insists it doesn't. What do you guys think?

[alegrias]

Too much lingo!

Was recently talking to a guy I know, who likes to tell women he's polyamourous, since he always has several girlfriends at one time. I mentioned it to a woman I know, who said she was surprised he'd admit he's bisexual. I told her he's not, he just likes a lot of women. She insists poly means bisexual. He insists it doesn't. What do you guys think?

My understanding is that polyamorous does not equal bisexual. There's a link to a list of definitions somewhere on this web-site, but I couldn't find it just now.

Anyway, people who are poly believe that you can love multiple people. Polyamorous literally means "many love".

As you know, being bisexual means that you are sexually attracted to both males and females.

There are bisexual people who are poly and bisexuals who are not. Just as there are straights and gays who are poly and those who are not.

[Starra]

Polyamory is defined as the act of having multiple loving and/or sexual relationships. This has absolutely nothing to do with being bisexual, though quite a few people who are bisexual are also polyamorous. Your friend is 100% utterly and completely wrong.

[FalconAngel]

Starra is absolutely correct. The two words have completely different definitions. I would agree with having your friend look up the definitions before she tries to convince someone else that she's right on those two things.

While there are a good number of Poly folks who are BI, there are also a great number that are not.

What she said is akin to saying that all Gay men are flaming and all Lesbians look like long haul truckers.

[vittoria]

Too much lingo!

Was recently talking to a guy I know, who likes to tell women he's polyamourous, since he always has several girlfriends at one time. I mentioned it to a woman I know, who said she was surprised he'd admit he's bisexual. I told her he's not, he just likes a lot of women. She insists poly means bisexual. He insists it doesn't. What do you guys think?


In my opinion, bisexuality is the ability to have a relationship with either men or women even in a sexual manner ( tho sex isnt the all important--depending on who you are LOL :tong:)To be able to go out in public without a problem and be in a loving ( even friendly) relationship. One can be with one, or the other, and if in a relationship that offers a bit of swinging, would have NO PROBLEM with same gender MMFF grouping.

It doesnt necessitate that one is automatically "poly". That, too, is a lifestyle choice. There are bisexual people that are in monogamous relationships.

[BiBear4U]

If you are polyamourous you are not a swinger, you may be straight, gay, Bi, or Trans.

Poly means you have committed loving relationships with multiple partners with the knoweldge and permission of the partners.

If all the girls don't know about each other he's not poly he's cheating or swinging or playing the field. But if they all know of each other and permit him to be with others then he is Poly.

There are many forms of Poly relationships, Primary Partners that each, or one of them, have their own secondaries, Triads - 3 people having a relationshp together (appealing to many bisexuals) and Quads (typically two couples that live together or all share each other).

I happen to be a married bisexual man with a straight wife and we are seeking a poly relationship with another bisexual man. We would like to find the right guy to be our cohabitating partner/husband.

Each Poly Relationship has it's own sexual identity, and interpersonal dynamics which are almost always more complicated than a traditional couple, but can be very rewarding. :2cents:

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Poly does not mean Bisexual. It means that a couple has an relationship with another couple, almost like a 4 sided marriage, or a couple has a "wife or Husband" that's single.
Poly means multipal. I have several friends in my Lifestyle that are part of Poly relationships. :}
Hope that helps a little.
Cat

[Bi_Druid]

polyamory, as already stated, is many loves, be that str8 gay lesbian bi or what ever

being bi does NOT equal being poly AS WELL, just as being poly does not equal being bi.

you et poly bis, you get monogamous bis, just as you get poly str8s/gays/lesbians as well as monogamous str8s/gays/lesbians.

the two lifestyles can be partnered up, where applicable to the individual person, but totally different in their meanings.

So you're male friend maybe fancies himself a little harem, that makes him poly, but not immediately bi AS WELL.

[trubipoly]

although it is true that alot of beisexual people are polyamorous it does not mean because you are polyamorous that you are bisexual. I think she may understand the bisexual meaning but doesnt understand polyamory at all.so many people form opionions without doing any research or talking someone about thingsand sometimes it is just closed minds,same thing happens with bisexuality being called just gay. the best thing you can do in this situation is give your views on the subject and educate them rather than try and debate it.


Love Freely Scott

[coyotedude]

I think if nothing else she needs to look at a dictionary! LMAO

But most of the posts here explain the differences better than I could. Nothing wrong with being bi in a poly relationship, but they are very different conceptually.

But then, we bisexuals can't even agree on a common definition of bisexuality! So perhaps we should cut her a little bit slack.... (Just a little, though.)

Peace

[Starra]

I'm seeing a hell of a lot of poly-phobic posts here. Tut tut...judging a minority when you yourselves are part of one. Truly saddening but something i've come to expect of this place. Not exactly friendly is it?!

[trubipoly]

People love differently its that simple. We sit around as bisexual People and can not figure out why Gay/straight people don't understand or accept us , why can't they open thier minds and accept that because we don't love the same way they do doesn't make it wrong. Yet "WE" sit here and dismiss the way they love as wrong. I think alot of it has to to with the bad apples of any way of life. We want our neighbors to understand us yet we don't try and understand our neighbors.

I cant figure out why someone here felt the need to send that long closed minded poly/english translation garbage to my email when it is repeated here numerous times. Slap me in the face with it? i dont know.

[csrakate]

I'm seeing a hell of a lot of poly-phobic posts here. Tut tut...judging a minority when you yourselves are part of one. Truly saddening but something i've come to expect of this place. Not exactly friendly is it?!

Do not pay attention to those posts that are so vehemently anti-poly....those posts are coming from our old pal THE TROLL....who was very busy last night with MANY new names....

[csrakate]

Need I say more? The name may change but the person involved is the same....and incredibly determined to get their point across this time! Please do not respond and by no means should you allow him/her/it another platform by including any part their post in your reply.

[FalconAngel]

I'm seeing a hell of a lot of poly-phobic posts here. Tut tut...judging a minority when you yourselves are part of one. Truly saddening but something i've come to expect of this place. Not exactly friendly is it?!

I'm still trying to figure out how it's poly-phobic to define the difference between poly and Bi. We have friends who are poly and we have no phobias about it. No one has posted any negatively about polyamory as their own beliefs.

Maybe you need to actually read what is being said instead of basing your post on what the original poster was told by one uninformed flake that they know.

Just a thought.:2cents:

[csrakate]

I'm still trying to figure out how it's poly-phobic to define the difference between poly and Bi. We have friends who are poly and we have no phobias about it. No one has posted any negatively about polyamory as their own beliefs.

Maybe you need to actually read what is being said instead of basing your post on what the original poster was told by one uninformed flake that they know.

Just a thought.:2cents:

I am not sure, but I do believe Starra may have been responding to the many posts that were made by our old friend the troll. Drew not only deleted those posts, but he also erased any reminder that they even existed. So...in Starra's defense, THAT may be what fueled her response.

[Apleasureseeker]

Huh? Are you calling me a troll? I only have one membership on this list, and I've never posted by any other name. And unless I missed a particularly hostile reply, I didn't see anything on this thread that was hateful, or "phobic" as you say, in any way. It just came up the other day, and I thought it would make interesting chat. Now, I'm poly and bisexual, so I like both. I'm not crazy about being associated with someone else's hostile postings on some other thread, especially when I don't know waht they are, or being called names. That's not something decent people do. If you had any issues woith whoever you think me to be you ought to have the class to email me privately.

[csrakate]

Huh? Are you calling me a troll? I only have one membership on this list, and I've never posted by any other name. And unless I missed a particularly hostile reply, I didn't see anything on this thread that was hateful, or "phobic" as you say, in any way. It just came up the other day, and I thought it would make interesting chat. Now, I'm poly and bisexual, so I like both. I'm not crazy about being associated with someone else's hostile postings on some other thread, especially when I don't know waht they are, or being called names. That's not something decent people do. If you had any issues woith whoever you think me to be you ought to have the class to email me privately.

OMG Apleasureseeker....I think you have greatly misunderstood what I was saying!!! Nooo...Noooo..I am not calling YOU anything!! There were several posts made to this very thread yesterday and last night by a person using a variety of names....names that fall into the same pattern of a troll that has visited the forums over the past. They were deleted and any sign of them has been removed. They were long and nasty posts that slammed polyamory and it's the same thing he has posted over and over in the past. They seemed to have upset Starra enough for her to comment about this site being less than friendly and I was merely trying to let her know that the comments that were so offensive to her were made by the troll and did not reflect the attitude of those of us who frequent this site. I guess since they are no longer on this thread made it hard to follow what I was saying. I was not talking about you nor would I ever speak so ill of someone in a public forum. I am sorry if you misunderstood...but by no means was I talking about you. Your post was fine...and I have no issues with anything you have said. Unfortunately, the fact that Drew made the comments from the troll disappear completely make many of the comments here sound unusual now and even caused Falcon to wonder what was making Starra so upset. My post to him was just an effort to clarify things but I guess it just made things look even worse. DAMN.....so much for smoothing things over!

[Apleasureseeker]

OMG Apleasureseeker....I think you have greatly misunderstood what I was saying!!! Nooo...Noooo..I am not calling YOU anything!! There were several posts made to this very thread yesterday and last night by a person using a variety of names....names that fall into the same pattern of a troll that has visited the forums over the past. DAMN.....so much for smoothing things over!

Well, what's a chatlist for if not for the occasional misunderstanding!:eek:
I think I responded to the best of my understanding in my post. I just had no idea what the name-calling was about and didn't want to be dragged into someone else's arguements. No hard feelings on my end. seems like you clarified it all pretty well here. Hope there are no had feelings on your end. Peace!

[csrakate]

Well, what's a chatlist for if not for the occasional misunderstanding!:eek:
I think I responded to the best of my understanding in my post. I just had no idea what the name-calling was about and didn't want to be dragged into someone else's arguements. No hard feelings on my end. seems like you clarified it all pretty well here. Hope there are no had feelings on your end. Peace!

Believe me, I can understand how you could think I was talking about you after I realized how silly the entire thread looked after Drew deleted the offending posts. You had no way of knowing what the hell I was talking about since they were no longer visible and I can see how it might have looked as though I was directing my comments at you. I appreciate you taking another look and realizing the mistake. I would hate for you to think that I could be that nasty. No hard feelings here at all...just a great sense of relief that you no longer believe I was attacking you! LOL!:bigrin:

[Starra]

I am not sure, but I do believe Starra may have been responding to the many posts that were made by our old friend the troll. Drew not only deleted those posts, but he also erased any reminder that they even existed. So...in Starra's defense, THAT may be what fueled her response.

Thanks for that. yes i was indeed referring to the posts by someone i now know was a troll. So, forget i said anything about poly-phobic comments as that 'person' has had their posts removed. Apologies to anyone who might have misunderstood what i said. :bigrin:

[Sarasvati]

As you know, being bisexual means that you are sexually attracted to both males and females. There are bisexual people who are poly and bisexuals who are not.

There have been a whole series of threads in the past that clearly establish the case that people on this site can not agree a definition for bisexuality. And I'm sure there will be many on this site who do not recognise themselves in the definition you have given.

What fun, hey?

[Sarasvati]

"Polyamory" is nothing but having an open relationship and it's a nice way of saying that you fuck/swing with other people, and people who have to call themselves poly/polyamorous are just lying to themselves about having an open relationship and lying that polyamory is nothing but an open relationship

Poly-amorous, new age rhetoric and it's english translations....

Poly phrase: "It's all about love!"

English translation: "Please have sex with me!"

Poly phrase: "People should learn about being poly and be able to love freely!"

English phrase: "Have an open relationship with me so we can just have sex with others without working on our own relationship and taking it seriously, and let's have an orgy with strangers!"

Poly phrase: "I don't use primary/secondary terminology, since I don't see my relationships as hierarchical."

English translation: "You're a secondary."

Poly phrase: "For me sex is about energy, so breathing and heart connection are more important than ejaculation."

English translation: "I'm more sophisticated than the guy over there, please sleep with me instead."

Poly phrase: "I see polyamory as being more about relationships and intimacy, while swinging is just about sex, and sex without intimacy is just not where I'm at right now."

English translation: "I'm more sophisticated than the person over there, please sleep with me instead!"

Poly phrase: "I'm not about sex, I'm about much more than sex and I'm not centered on it."

English translation: "I'm theoretically all about sex as much of it as I can get with whoever, and won't you please sleep with me?"

Poly phrase: "The most important thing to me is keeping agreements."

English translation: "If you start seeing someone else and I'd feel unsophisticated just saying that I'm jealous, then I'll reinterpret one of our agreements until I'm able to say you broke it."

Poly phrase: "Even secondary relationships for me aren't just about sex."

English translation: "Secondary relationships for me are just about sex."

Poly phrase: "Right now the most important things to me are building poly family and intentional community."

English translation: "I'm getting concerned that I won't always be able to easily find new partners, plus I'm tired of driving from place to place, and oh yeah, I'm more sophisticated than the guy over there, so please sleep with me instead."

Poly phrase: "In our household the most important things are open communication and open process."

English translation: "Expect to be abused with passive-aggressive 'I' statements."

Poly phrase- Our family has spent considerable amount of time working through jealousy issues. No drama or competition here!

English translation- We are well entrenched in our particular form of disfunction, but I give the best head of the bunch so sleep with me instead!

Poly phrase: "I don't feel that we communicate on the same level, and that you aren't supporting me emotionally."

English translation: "I'm tired of you but it would make me seem less sophisticated and hence reduce my opportunities for further sexual relationships in this community to actually say that so bluntly, so I'll make his about vague failings on your part instead."

Poly phrase: "I think we should each have veto power."

English translation: "I want to reserve the right to veto each of your partners, no matter how much they respect our existing relationships, so that you're de facto limited to monogamy while I play the field."

Poly phrase: "I think that we should focus on each other for a while."

English translation: "I'm having more trouble finding partners than you are, time to clip your wings!"

Poly phrase: "I want you to always feel OK telling me what's really going on in your life, and asking for what you need in this relationship."

English translation: "Ask for what you need, and express hurt feelings, at your peril."

Poly phrase: "I'm not angry at you, I'm angry at myself, for not having recognized sooner that we weren't right for each other."

English translation: "I'm angry at you for not making my life perfect, but rather than taking responsibility for setting and meeting my own goals I find it more satisfying to shift the blame to you while superficially appearing to do the opposite."

Poly phrase: "Out of respect for our primary bond, we normally only see other people together."

English translation: "MAYBE THIS TIME I'LL FINALLY GET TO HAVE SEX WITH TWO PEOPLE AT ONCE OMG OMG OMG THAT WOULD BE L33T!!!!! "

Poly phrase: "I think we need to process the end of our relationship and get closure."

English translation: "I'd like to kick you while you're down."

Poly phrase: "We obviously need to work on our relationship."

English translation: "We're through, I just want to vent a little more so that I can feel a little more self-righteous once you know it's over too, OK?"

Poly phrase: "The idea of line marriage has always appealed to me."

English translation: "The idea of having sex with people younger than me has always appealed to me."

Poly phrase: "So, which conventions do you like to attend, what kind of books do you like to read, what are your spiritual beliefs, and what is your ideal occupation?"

English translation: "Which science fiction conventions do you like to attend, who is your favorite fantasy author, what form of neo-paganism do you ascribe do, and where in the computer industry would you like to work?"

Poly phrase: "I'm needing to do some inner work, and instead of dating anyone would rather just work on my relationship with myself."

English translation: "I'm tired of you, but since I don't have anyone else lined up right now I might as well get some mileage out of the personal growth angle."

Poly phrase: "Well, I'm only theoretically poly, but I already have plenty of firmly-held beliefs about how it could be done in real life!"

English translation: "Hi, I'm an idiot."

Poly phrase: "Swinging would be way too crass for me, I'm more about relationships and emotional intimacy."

English translation: "I've always wanted to go to New Horizons swingers club (see here: http://www.horizonsclub.com/), could someone give me a ride there and guest me in, as long as I don't have to ask publicly?"

Poly phrase: "All of my partners are equally important to me, and they're all primary."

English translation: "I'd rather not explicitly spell out what the hierarchy is, but trust me - you'll know when you run into it."

Poly phrase: "Our friendship is more important than anything else."

English translation: "Once you've told me that we're done fucking, you'll never hear a word from me again."

Poly phrase: "I'm willing to take this slow as well."

English translation: "I intend to act like a SNAG (Sensitive New Age Guy) and put as much pressure on you to put out as possible."

Poly phrase: "I've had to do a lot of work on that issue myself in my other relationships, and I'd be glad to help you with it if you want."

English translation: "I've tried blaming all my other partners for my shit and they won't put up with it anymore."

Poly phrase: "I really admire the way you are able to speak up for your boundaries in your relationships."

English translation: "If I'm going to get you to sleep with me, I'll have to be a cagey, manipulative bastard."

Poly phrase: "My other partners and I share a lot of interests but we do a lot of things separately, too."

English translation: "None of my current partners will let me have anal sex with them; will you?"

Poly phrase: "My partners and I follow our own unique spiritual path."

English translation: "Please join our cult."

Poly phrase: "I've learned so much from all of my relationships."

English addendum: "...so I know not to tell you about my OSOs/mental illness/contagious diseases until after you're emotionally involved with me."

Poly phrase: "I expect and give honest communication."

English translation: "I will bludgeon you with my opinions whenever I feel like it and if you can't take it then you must have a problem with 'honesty.'"

Poly phrase: "I wish we could all just get along."

English translation: "Give me what I want and no one gets hurt."

Poly phrase: "Have you read "The Ethical Slut"?

English translation: "If you don't have sex with me, you're a prude and aren't evolved."

Poly phrase: "Age is just a number."

English translation: "I will not fuck women or men who are my age or older."

Poly phrase: "Do you do Tantra?"

English translation: "If you don't have sex with me, you're a prude and aren't evolved."

Poly phrase: "Poly people are more evolved than mono people."

English translation: "I'm a virgin."

Poly speak: "It's a shame you're limiting yourself and your love."

English translation: "Why won't you fuck me?"

Poly phrase: I've told my poly partner about you and she's very excited to meet you so we'd like to have you over for dinner soon. Would you like to join the two of us for that?

English translation: Due to how hot I said you were my poly partner feels very threatened in her status as my primary, and she is obsessively compelled to check you out in person so she can look for some ammunition with which to veto any potential relationship you and I could have. Would you mind bringing a body guard?

Poly phrase: I've told my poly partner all about you and he is so excited to meet you that we are both hoping you'll have dinner with us soon.

English translation: I've told my poly partner how attractive you are and we both hope to eat you for dinner soon.

Poly phrase: Being poly has made our sex lives even more WONDERFUL because while my primary partner and I REALLY love playing with each other, we also WELCOME the opportunity to meet interesting new people, and open to the presence of other special lovers in our lives!

English translation: Being poly has given my partner and I a very WELCOME excuse to have sex with new people which is WONDERFUL because we're REALLY sick of each other!

Poly phrase: Our relationship could be characterized as a primary polyamorous connection which will organically evolve over time. Both of us are too sophisticated, open, level-headed, and rational to tolerate putting any limits on other people or ourselves.

English translation: We're each other's booby prize. Both of us are too selfish, poorly groomed, dysfunctional and crazy to find any other people to tolerate us.

Poly phrase: I don't know if our connection has each and every quality necessary for a successful primary relationship, however I would like to explore this further because I do care about you very much and really cherish our friendship.

English translation: I know I'd love to have sex and explore how orally talented you are right now because I'm very horny, however I don't like you enough to really spend much time with you.

Poly phrase: I am seriously interested in working out our secondary relationship in such a way that would make both of us happy. I'm wondering if we could both try to create more room in our lives for each other? I'm hoping you're thinking something similar.

English translation: It was fun being fuck buddies. Maybe we'll do it again in a few months? Or not.

Poly phrase: My primary partner and I have totally worked out our jealousy issues regarding the play parties we attend. I get thoroughly wet when I watch him share pleasure with other people! Loving communication and listening are our life's priorities.

English translation: My partner makes me feel totally psycho at every play party. I thoroughly punish him with my sublimated rage later when we're at home! Passive-aggressive behaviors and messages are our favorite pastime.

Poly phrase: "I'm very happy you're in a relationship and have found love, but to only express love for one person, I feel is not the "Way of Soul". "

English translation: "I could care less if you are in a relationship. I have an uncontrollable compulsion to shamelessly flirt, play games and have my kind of "fun" regardless of anyone else's feelings, and I can totally justify my behavior with spiritual rhetoric."

This is absolutely brilliant. Love Machine you must contribute more often with quality like this.

And by the way, Love Machine, can I sleep with you, even though I'm not as sophisticated as the other guy.

[drawingboard3]

I think your friend may have just confused polyamorous with PANsexual, which basically means bisexual.

[Apleasureseeker]

Brilliant, and funny, stuff from lovemachine!

Remember how this thread started: "too much lingo!"

So, lovemachine, i'm fully prepared to offer myself as a secondary or tertiary secondary, willing to totally compromise my limitations, but only in theory, and expect to have a limited though non-compromisory veto. I know you'll be fully understanding of my need for obligatory, non-reciprocal oral sex, right?

[Jackal]

To add to the obvious its not polyamoury (sp) is not just 'having a lot of girlfriends'; I think that part of the root of poly-phobia is people using it to describe a sexual extra-relationship affair without the consent or knowledge of your SO (s). But since you said your male friend defines himself as poly on the basis of having a lot of girlfriends and your female friend reads that as bi I think your female friend needs a good smack with a modern dictionary.