He just doesn't get it! MBiF

[CalanderGirl]

I am married... and he knew I was bi before we had even dated 3 months. This May will be 10 years of togetherness and he was always "supportive" of me being bi - but I think he always assumed he'd get to be in a 3 some with 2 women. What about my needs and desires? Fine that he isn't bi... I don't care, but at least let me be my own damn person. And let me know that I'm worth something still even if I'm not bringing home another woman for him to play with...

[FalconAngel]

Okay. Got to ask 2 things.

Exactly what is the problem and what about his needs and desires as well?

These things go both ways for a relationship to work, but no one can help you out if you don't give us any info to work with.

[CalanderGirl]

His only desires that aren't getting met is that 3some... at least as far as he tells me. And the issue, I guess comes from lack of satisfaction. He is very un-interested in sex currently... partially due to low testosterone levels and partially due to depression that he's refusing to get help for.

[45&424u]

Why not let him join in the fun ? IMO, it seems selfish to exclude him from any 3way action.


When the mrs and I decided to explore bi-sex we had the understanding that each other would always be involved. All or nothing in our book.

[trubipoly]

you said that he knew you were bi when in the beginning but at that point did you discuss what exactly that meant for your relationship? did you discuss you having other partners? if not then he has the right to say that is not what he signed up for. just remember being Bisexual mean that you enjoy relationships/sex with both men and women it doesnt however mean you have to have a male and female partner all the time.yo have to decide if your relationship with him is important enough to you to control your relations with others or if you need to move on but remember to be yourself or it wont work in the end. good luck to you both.

[FalconAngel]

One thing that you can do is to renegotiate the limits on activities.

In our case, if the wife doesn't play, then neither do I. We play together, unless she says otherwise and then it is with very clear rules about who and when.

Any M/O relationship has difficulties to get through, not just at the beginning, but at various stages of the relationship. From time to time, there needs to be some renegotiating of the rules, in order to satisfy both your needs and his. Sit down and work it out. And do not be afraid of compromise.

[Pixiedust]

Is it really that he wants another woman in the relationship? Does he feel that being in a marriage is sharing experiences? ( That IS what marriage is about, isnt it?) Does he feel left out or something? Is he afraid of you leaving him for a woman? Not all men are self centered twits, but not all are geniuses either. It all depends on which kind of man you have what the answer will be. From personal experience, my guy keeps nagging me about getting a girl to be with us, but most women wont be bothered because they feel like the woman is only doing it for the man and not herself.

[the sacred night]

I don't think she said anything about her having multiple partners without him... it sounds to me like they are monogamous and he thinks because she's bi she should want/do ffm. That is not a fair expectation; many bisexuals can and want to be monogamous, and she shouldn't have to bring another woman in just because she's bi.

[CalanderGirl]

I don't have multiple partners with out him. And yes, he figured that that being bi meant that I would be finding other women for him to play with...

But this morning we did have a very long talk. He realizes that I'm not happy with our sexual relationship and that I'm wanting to have the touch of a female once again; but it can't just be any female. We also discussed how he could or wouldn't be involved - how it is up to the other person too since all in the party must be comfortable.

Things are going better!!

[gurlydon]

There is more wrong here than meets the eye, or that you propose and to which you respond. Go to a good therapist or counselor.

G

[donnydarko]

u say that ure assuming. did he actually tell u he was excepting a threesome or sumthin? if he did then well just throw him off by saying u won't do it with other woman unless he has sex with a guy. lol im pretty sure if he's str8 he wont bother u again =P

[frikidiki]

I don't have multiple partners with out him. And yes, he figured that that being bi meant that I would be finding other women for him to play with...

But this morning we did have a very long talk. He realizes that I'm not happy with our sexual relationship and that I'm wanting to have the touch of a female once again; but it can't just be any female. We also discussed how he could or wouldn't be involved - how it is up to the other person too since all in the party must be comfortable.

Things are going better!!

Yay! Being someone that enjoys a good and well-received compromise, I also like to find ways to work out tense situations so that everyone gets a little something, tension is diffused, and fun is had in the process.
With these in mind, I'd like to make a suggestion. Assuming all parties are willing and committed to seeing it through, consider the idea that someone that's so curious about something and wants it so badly should be made to earn it. This could turn into a fun little game for all three of you! :-D

[rissababynta]

Why not let him join in the fun ? IMO, it seems selfish to exclude him from any 3way action.


When the mrs and I decided to explore bi-sex we had the understanding that each other would always be involved. All or nothing in our book.

I do not find it selfish to not want a threesome...i find it selfish to ask for one or expect it simply because somebpdy is bi.