perceptions/attitudes

[Realist]

Today, I was standing outside Home Depot talking with a fellow, who's married to a girl I went to school with. I don't know him well, but we've spoken when we've seen each other for many years.

We were discussing projects we're involved in, when a short, chubby girl, came walking by, in a pair of tight jeans. I thought she was striking; she was cute, angelic face, nice hair, bubbly demeanor, with a nice smile on her face. And, the fact that she had a great butt and a fine pair of breasts, didn't hurt, either!

I was just getting ready to remark about how cute I thought she was, when the guy remarked, "Whoa, that's a fat little pig!"

I liked her size and shape and thought she was damned cute, myself. If I was a hundred years younger, I'd hit on her myself!

He, apparently, thought she was severely obese.

I told him how I felt and he said, "Man, you need to have your eyes checked; who'd want a fat-assed THING like that?"

All of a sudden, my respect for him hit rock bottom. I couldn't believe he'd make a comment like that, then voice such an obscene opinion. I turned and walked away, after saying, YOU'RE the one who needs glasses..... and some manners, too!"

"Fuck you!" He yelled after me.

Nice fellow!

[19biman61]

I prefer women with a little meat on their bones. I've seen some women that are quite obese that are very pretty. I thought that Anna Nocole Smith was very sexy even when she was at her heaviest. A woman that is so overweight that she can hardly walk is cause for concern, not ridicule, but a few extra pounds just means that there is more to love!.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

I love you Gentlemen's ways of thinking!
Warm boobie hugs and kisses to you!
Cat.:wiggle2::bowdown:

[vittoria]

Personally I dont mind a woman with a few extra pounds... I used to be a little thick myself, and let me tell you.. there are plenty of men AND women who like some meat on "dem bones"!

[BumbleB]

I don't know I'm a little different

Pretty much everything he said is wrong and completely unnecessary.

I don't like bigger women/men, and that is my taste and I understand alot of people do and I don't see people bashing me for my tastes so why bash theirs?

It's good for you to stand up for that woman or stand up for anyone that hasn't voiced their opinion.

[Realist]

Cat, your comment reminded me of a wonderful girl I dated years ago. She always told me, if she really liked someone, she'd give them a TWO BOOB hug! I got two all the time...I felt really special!

It wasn't a problem that the guy disagreed with me about who is pretty, or not; it was the way he expressed himself. I don't mind folks having different opinions about anything, whether it's kinds of wine, cars they prefer, politics, skinny folks, or chubby folks. But, when they go out of their way to be rude, or just downright nasty, it's time to distance my self from them. I am much more comfortable in polite company.

Like ol' Rodney asked, "Can't we all just get along?"

'Nuff said.......................

[12voltman59]

It is one thing if the guy doesn't care for ladies that are a bit heavier---but it sure showed that he is one shallow asshole for making a sweeping decision about her as if she is not worth anything because she is too heavy in his book!! That totally demeans and takes away from her humanity--it always got me that people are so often intent on doing so for a long list of reasons---better that you blew that small minded so and so off!!!

I would bet that in some way-he is not perfect in some physical fashion--few human beings are--maybe Jennifer Anniston is--for now---but the thing is---exterior beauty is something that is very fleeting and epherial!!!

Not to wish anyone ill----but I would not be displeased if your 'friend" experiences something at some point in his life that takes away from his state of perfection!!!

Eating a bit of humble pie does us all a bit of good!! It sounds like your friend needs a major dose of it!!

[writes at night]

As someone that is far from petite, I know that I worry about others perception of me. I also realize that more people are like your companion than you. I've heard far too many times that I am less than attractive.

On the other side, because of this, I find that I want to get to know someone before I decide that I am attracted to them. I have seen some of the most aesthetically pleasing people can be ugly as soon as you learn how they think, and conversely, some that are considered average can be exquisite, as soon as you are given the privilege of seeing the soul within.

[onewhocares]

What a most interesting thread. As many of you know I am NOT your average sized woman. I am six feet tall and often describe myself as the white version of Queen Latifah, only I was not given her gift of voice from Mother Nature. For years I always assumed that the only man that would be attracted to me was my husband, who at the time was the only man that I had ever made love to. Four years later, a husband who came out as bisexual and us as a couple, and individually with lovers, I have found that there ARE men who fancy not your average skinny minny. I am NOT saying that we that are endowed with lots of curves and soft and sensual bodies are any better than those beautiful women who are average size, but life affords us the choice of all the beauty of all shapes, sizes, colors, heights, eye and or hair color be they male or female.

I can personally relate to this thread from another aspect....I am TALL. I can not tell you how often that I am chosen out among a crowd of women because of my height...and yet...I was never with out a date when in college. I dated so many men who..I am some what blushing to say..came up to my boobs...they LOVED to dance with me. Hubby is six foot three and lover is five feet four..I have the BEST of both worlds.

Now from a man's perspective..........I have three brothers...each one tall, handsome and had the pick of any woman they wanted...all successful business men...a model, a two who are cute as a button. Each, in the end made their life partners a woman who possessed intelligence, charm, wit, and a love for the man she fell for...It did not matter her size, shape, height or weight. How many men can say that? Many I think! Go for the woman who rocks your world not what she looks like.

My kudos to you Realist...a man who sees what is beyond the traditional expectation and knows that a woman is MORE than her size or shape.

Belle

[FalconAngel]

I used to know one guy that wouldn't date any woman that wasn't 130lbs or less and built like a pixie with a boob job.

Needless to say, he got a lot less action that I did. To me it was physical appearance, but if the personality and attitude make up for it, I can lower my personal physical standards to accommodate the whole package.

A lot of guys, (gals too) are hung up on the looks without regard to anything else. That really narrows the field of potential partners/playmates, sometimes pretty dramatically. By doing that, people often pass over a potentially great person, just because of the superficial.

[jem_is_bi]

I am not attracted to skinny women.
I am not attracted to obese women.
I am attracted to every woman in between these extremes.
And, I feel the same for men.

But, to the point of this post: It is rude and mean to put down others and extremely arrogant assume that your opinion of beauty is the "gold standard" of beauty.

[HighEnergy]

Good for you Realist. There is no sense in being judgemental, hateful and cruel. My family has criticized everyone at all times. Even when I was 5'5" and 125 pounds, my family told me I needed to lose weight. Therefore, even when I looked good, I didn't think I did. Now I'm considerably heavier than that and it bothers me, as it should. But I like to tell folks I'm built for comfort, not for speed. Tits and Ass I got. It just comes with additional packing. ;)

[DiamondDog]

Everyone's attracted to different types of people, and expresses this in different ways.

I have more than a few bi/gay male friends who are only attracted to thin men and they're very open about how they're not into fat/obese people at all, and how they find fat/obese people disgusting and gross.

Some people might say that they're being close minded, picky, not PC, or that they're "bad", "mean", or "shallow" people since they're not attracted to fat/obese men but they're just being honest since they're only into thin men and that's their only type.

[pecker]

to judge another is to expect to be judged your thoughts are yours his was his who's right

[parkerbi]

everyone has his own flavor. But the man should be trained on how to respect others.

[canuckotter]

Everyone's attracted to different types of people, and expresses this in different ways.

I have more than a few bi/gay male friends who are only attracted to thin men and they're very open about how they're not into fat/obese people at all, and how they find fat/obese people disgusting and gross.

Some people might say that they're being close minded, picky, not PC, or that they're "bad", "mean", or "shallow" people since they're not attracted to fat/obese men but they're just being honest since they're only into thin men and that's their only type.
I think you're missing the point. Yes, everyone's attracted to different things. But there's a difference between "I'm not attracted to that person" and "who'd want a fat-assed THING like that?" One is a factual statement, the other is insulting both to the person who just walked by and to the person who said he thought she was cute.

Of course, if the original comment was a joke, then a different set of rules apply. But it sounds to me like the dude was really serious about being disgusted by the girl's extra pounds and by the OP's admission that he found her cute. Just because he probably thought he was being funny in how he expressed it doesn't mean it's suddenly a joke -- the sentiment is entirely real, and displays a disturbing lack of respect for others.

[Realist]

Specifically to Belle, Cat and Writes at night...and to any of the rest who may be interested:



How sweet you all are! I have often read your comments and you exude a delicious intellectual ability, decency, as well as sensuality.

I feel compelled to tell you of two relationships with women, who possessed similar characteristics as you have exhibited in your posts. I hope they aren't boring accounts for you.

I am 6'1 and 215 pounds, now, but have been very slim for most of my life.

In 1959, while in the Army, in Germany, I dated a beautiful girl named Sieglende (loved that name). She stood 6' tall in her stocking feet and weighed about 95 kilos...about 200+ pounds. With long, silver-white hair and striking green eyes, along with the most voluptuous figure and angelic face that you might imagine, she was stunning to look at. She also was one of the sweetest-natured and loving women I ever knew.

Rarely have I felt such a cerebral connection to any human being. We traveled, experienced a very strong sensual and loving relationship, and the few months we dated were a virtual emotional and physical paradise.

I made a very stupid mistake and had a brief affair with her arch enemy and of course Sieglende found out. The results were predictable and I deserved the outcome!

She remains one of the most delicious and memorable of lovers and, these many years later, I still cherish thoughts of her.

The second one who comes to mind, was a blind date with a girl in North Carolina. From '63 to '67, I was stationed in Virginia, in the Air Force. (yes, I was I both services)

A friend, who was dating a girl in NC wanted me to go home with him and date a friend of his GFs. His GF refused to go with him, unless he came up with a date for her friend. I was told that she was separated and was expected to be divorced. (She was 19 and had been married over 4 years! Sheese!)

We were waiting at his GF's, when a car drove up and a very large girl got out and actually appeared to loom above her vehicle! I hate to admit it, but my first impression was to RUN!

I later learned that she was 6'2" and although she did not advertise her weight, I'd estimate it at being close to 275. She had the most enormous breasts and butt I've ever seen, but in retrospect, she carried her weight exceptionally well. She was clean and nicely dressed, but was not pretty.

However, I made an effort to overcome my superficiality and accepted the date, with the attitude that I could at least be civil to her, do my best to enjoy the date, then never come back!

Much to my amazement, I quickly found her very sweet, funny and we began to connect on both an intellectual level and by common interests. Soon, a sensual side of her raised it's head, too! Before an hour was up, I had forgotten my first impressions and was totally captivated by her. By the time the date was over, I thought I was in love!

We dated for about 8 months and I drove to NC almost every weekend to see her, or she came to Virginia to see me.

I've rarely had more fun or had a more rewarding relationship with anyone I've dated.

Sadly, for our relationship, her husband became ill and she let him move back in, so she could take care of him. His care and her job took all of her time and we could no longer maintain the relationship. We had grown to love each other and I had long forgotten that first impression. It was some time before I loved anyone else.

So, you can see where my love of voluptuous women originated.

Sorry to ramble on so, but I still have a fondness for these memories and love to share them with those I hope will appreciate them.

'Nuff said...........................

[Pixiedust]

I agree... its one thing to have a differing point of view.. its another to be an asshole about it.



I think you're missing the point. Yes, everyone's attracted to different things. But there's a difference between "I'm not attracted to that person" and "who'd want a fat-assed THING like that?" One is a factual statement, the other is insulting both to the person who just walked by and to the person who said he thought she was cute.

Of course, if the original comment was a joke, then a different set of rules apply. But it sounds to me like the dude was really serious about being disgusted by the girl's extra pounds and by the OP's admission that he found her cute. Just because he probably thought he was being funny in how he expressed it doesn't mean it's suddenly a joke -- the sentiment is entirely real, and displays a disturbing lack of respect for others.

[nc_wsbi101]

I'm a curvy gal myself, now that I've reached middle age...and my husband is one of those who prefer rail thin people. He has been very sweet about explaining this to me...it did hurt, I admit, and it's been a bit of a problem for us...but I feel if he can't love my curves, then that's his problem.

REALIST......I think I love you !!!!...and all you other guys who love us curvy gals.

Dorie:female:

[Realist]

Good attitude, Dorie and thanks for the compliment!

[HighEnergy]

I'm a curvy gal myself, now that I've reached middle age...and my husband is one of those who prefer rail thin people. He has been very sweet about explaining this to me...it did hurt, I admit, and it's been a bit of a problem for us...but I feel if he can't love my curves, then that's his problem.

REALIST......I think I love you !!!!...and all you other guys who love us curvy gals.

Dorie:female:

Been there, done that, divorced his ass. Gee, when you can no longer tell me I'm beautiful, don't let the door hit you in the ass.

And here's a hint. If you tell one of us voluptuous types we're beautiful, you'll be so appreciated you won't know what to do with yourself.

What are you up to Realist? Trying to get all the voluptuous types on here to forget that age thing you keep on about?

[rainbowmonk]

The only thing I can say is that its his loss. If he doesn't have the mentality to enjoy everyone for who they are then he will never find the full value of life.
a wise person once said that beauty is only skin deep but ugly goes straight to the bone.

you did well

Monk

[HighEnergy]

I don't have a problem with folks having different tastes, desires, etc. Anyone can be into skinny folks, hairy folks, smooth folks, fat folks, whatever. But no one should put down another for their tastes or be an insulting pig.

[vittoria]

I don't have a problem with folks having different tastes, desires, etc. Anyone can be into skinny folks, hairy folks, smooth folks, fat folks, whatever. But no one should put down another for their tastes or be an insulting pig.

"Hear, hear!!" :cool:

[Biboz49]

A good thread for sure. It's great to hear from so many that appreciate people for who they are and not their physical appearance. I happen to like bigger women as well. Everyones comments remind me of a quote I came across and added to my signature (below)....

[PearlGirl]

Good for you realist!

Saying: "who'd want a fat-assed THING like that?" Is turning a female human being into an object a "thing" (as he put it) instead of a person.

This is dehumanizing and can be damaging to a woman's mental health and self esteem. His comment implies that that the main source of a woman's worth is her sexual or physical attractiveness and that if she does not meet this subjective male standard she is somehow not worthy as a human being. It places more value on a woman as a physical object and devalues other qualities she may possess like intelligence or a witty sense of humor.

Women struggle to be seen for who we are and not just how sexually attractive we appear to men. This is true whether we meet societal standards of female beauty or not.

I happen to be 5' 2" and 108 lbs. I still want to been seen as a person first and foremost and not as a mere sexual object. Anything less than that is just sexism. I am not interested in a person who is more interested in my various body parts than my mind, opinions or personality.

Thanks for speaking up realist. These sexist attitudes won't change unless men start to call each other on those sexist comments that happen just among "the boys". Good work! I admire your courage!

:female::girl:

[Realist]

I find that the older I get, the less tolerant I am of those who feel that it is just fine to voice their un-asked for, or unwanted, opinions. To chide, or belittle others, even when it is obviously hurtful and embarrassing to the receivers of their insensitivity, is just plain crass and asinine.

I realize that different folks have different opinions, regarding beauty and attractiveness, but there is no excuse for being rude. What can be the results of someone being that way...other than drawing negative attention to themselves and hurting tender feelings?

[trubipoly]

ahhh the double edge sword of free speech. it is ok to say what you feel but should always consider who you are offending or hurting when you do. free speech doesnt mean you are permitted to deliberately hurt people with your words. all the freaky people make the beauty of the world

[elian]

With absolutely zero thought I would suggest: To be the center of attention Realist. People make stupid insensitive comments because they wish the world revolved around them..if the universe is dizzy from spinning around it can't focus on the insecurities the person at the center is trying desperately to hide.

I am by no means perfect, and I don't expect my lover to be either - took me a long time to learn that being human means that we can at times, surrender, be vulnerable and dependent on others. Being an independent only-child sometimes I don't like that idea very much but it is still the truth. As a matter of fact if you are in the arms of someone who truly loves you it can be a bit seductive. <smiles>

I think the principle you are demonstrating is called "Maturity" - and it can only be best understood through direct personal experience..apparently your friend still has some learning to do. I keep reminding myself that each one of us is in the process of learning ..

-E

[Bi_Druid]

Different people look good in different sizes. Some people (male female whatever) actually look wasted and unhealthy when thin. It just doesn't suit some people. Others look quite natural. It's all down to genetics really.

Personally, I like healthily built women, with all the right lumps and bumps and padding in all the right places. Skinny girls (and guys even) actually scare me, in that I'm frightened I might break them or something. So long as you look healthy and well fed for how ever your individual body is designed to be built. The rest is purely cosmetic.

[rissababynta]

This is upsetting to me. I feel like I was just slapped in the face...

I have always been curvy. Not exactly fat...but chubby. I haven't had a whole lot of a problem with that because I eat healthy and I don't sit on my ass all day so if that is how genetics wants me to be, then oh well. I embrace it.

It turns out that my daughter at 2 years old is already showing signs that she may have taken after me in the chubby department. The day she was born, she didn't have one of those new born skinny butts, she actually had a but and thighs...and i've never seen a new born like that haha. She has a cute little round face, and a cute little belly. She is not a fat kid, but you can just tell that she didn't take after my husband with weight the way my other two children have.

I was reading this, and it just occured to me that all the people who have had hurtful things to say to me when I was younger have grown from a handful to massive amounts of people because it seems like the more time that goes by, the less classy and mean spirited people can be. I never really thought about what my daughter might go through when she gets older...until right now. I remember the remarks, I remember the dirty looks, I remember the name calling. And because of all this I remember the feelings of worthlessness and being unwanted. Hell, for the longest time I never even thought that I would get married and if I did it would be to someone who was unattractive physically and personality wise, because I believed anyone worth being with would be able to find someone better.

It's people like this man that has made me realize that the only way my daughter is going to be able to be comfortable with her body is by how I react. Now I am happy that I am ok with my body because I feel that if she comes home from school to a pudgy mother, and sees that her mother is a happy, successful person with a loving family, then she won't feel so bad herself. I know that kids being hurtful is a part of growing up, but if I can try to lessen this for her a little bit, I'd be happy. No one wants their children to feel this way.

This man was the exact reason why so many people have low-self esteem.

:soapbox:

[mr.s & mrs.s]

congrates realist your a better man than i am i probably would have dropped the asshole where he stood.


I myself am married to a larger lady she is the sweetiest woman i could have ever asked for and i love every bit of her mind and body.


I have to say it can be very hard at times tho not because i have any problems with her but because society has set this pressident that all women should be these tiny little tooth picks. That my wife has no self esteem and thinks she ugly no matter what i say to try and make her feel better about herself...


Whats funny is that most people are larger so i would call them the average folks and the skinny minnies the odd balls but thats just my opinion.


I like all folks big or small, short or tall

[Realist]

I recently met a remarkable girl who comes here and she's a peach! She's cute, chubby, has a great figure and all of the good stuff is right where it should be, in ample quantities!

But, even better, she is a, decent, intelligent, funny and extremely sweet girl, and anyone with any common sense should be thrilled to be with her. I don't know how I got so lucky, but I'm going to let her know, every time I see her, how special she is to me..............then do something to prove it to her.

And, if anyone ever says anything nasty, inconsiderate, or vulgar to her, they will know she has a champion!

[rissababynta]

I recently met a remarkable girl who comes here and she's a peach! She's cute, chubby, has a great figure and all of the good stuff is right where it should be, in ample quantities!

But, even better, she is a, decent, intelligent, funny and extremely sweet girl, and anyone with any common sense should be thrilled to be with her. I don't know how I got so lucky, but I'm going to let her know, every time I see her, how special she is to me..............then do something to prove it to her.

And, if anyone ever says anything nasty, inconsiderate, or vulgar to her, they will know she has a champion!

Rock on!

[rissababynta]

[QUOTE=FatherSky;119511]

Considering that this is what he/she posted last time, I guess that they just couldn't think of anything diffrent.

[12voltman59]

I don't have a problem with folks having different tastes, desires, etc. Anyone can be into skinny folks, hairy folks, smooth folks, fat folks, whatever. But no one should put down another for their tastes or be an insulting pig.

I agree totally--everyone has their preferences as tho what they find attractive--and that is something we can often hardly explain for oursevles and that is not good or bad in and of itself--what gets me about this guy mentioned in the post-if he really thinks that somehow the girl was not worthy of anything but nasty remarks because she didn't meet his standard of beauty is total BS to me!!!

He coulda said something like "I am sure she is nice and all that--but I could never date someone so heavy!" That is one thing--but from what was reported in the post----the guy is pretty much a jerk since he seemed to feel she was totally worthless based on only one thing---she was too heavy!

PS---I would bet dimes to donuts--- it seems to me that "FatherSky" is the one who I call "the drive by troll!"

[still_shy]

The only thing that could have made his stupid remark worse is if she had overheard it! Thank god, he at least waited until she was out of range before spouting off!

I am neither skinny nor heavy, sort of in between. I am perfectly content with my size, some days...My mom is especially critical of me and I tend to get a little down on myself after I've been around her. My husband loves me no matter what size I am and personally, I am more attracted to curvy women.