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dazed_and_confused
Dec 16, 2008, 5:03 AM
My best friend whom I've had a crush on and known for only a couple of years now (my first real same sex crush), found out I had a crush on her shortly after I met her. She basiclly said that since she had just gotten out of a realationship it wasn't a good time for her to start anything. Things were a little weird between us for a couple of weeks and we didn't talk much, but when I saw her next, she was with another girl. Apparently they had started dating during those "weird couple of weeks".

They broke it off last year because her family and friends didn't approve of the situation (she was straight until she met my friend). My friend pretty much ditched everyone in her life while they were together, including me. After they broke up, things were back to normal between her and I (and everyone else)... except for the fact that we've never talked about the "conversation" i had with her before she started dating this girl. I still have these feelings for her, and everyday those feelings become stronger and stronger. She HAS to know. I mean, I don't think I could make it anymore obvious. We finish each other's sentences, we always know what the other one is thinking. I'll think of her out of the blue and then she will call or text. And says the same about me. She tells me she was thinkin about me after I call or text her. I've never been so connected to anyone in my entire life. She said she feels the same. Yet she is back together with that girl (the ex), but seems as though my friend and I spend more time together in person, talkin on the phone, and texting than she does with her actual "girlfriend". {{ Side note .... They ARE back together, but no one is supposed to know about it, because her family and friends still don't approve. So basiclly thier whole relationship is a secret. }} She never talks about her "girlfriend" and I never ask about her. If I 'happen' to ask about her, she will give me a minimal answer/comment, and then change the subject.

HeLLLLLLP! I could honestly see myself in a relationship with her. But, I'm assuming she doesn't feel the same, because she would've said or done something right?? EEEEEEk! :eek:

If anyone could give me any sort of advice or suggestions or answers, I would GREATLY appreciate it! And I'm sorry for making this such a long post, and I'm sorry for making it such a cheezy post. But I'm TOTALLY lost!

Realist
Dec 16, 2008, 10:50 AM
Dazed, Honey, this girl..........in my opinion........does NOT have what it takes to give you what you need.

From your post, I see you as someone who needs to love and receive love in return. She may be very desirable to you, but, if the truth were known, she'd be really bad for you. People with decent, caring qualities don't lead others astray, as they serve their own

My gut feeling is she's a player and probably tells every girl she's with the same thing. She's telling things that endear you to her, so you will be a "spare" for when she's offended, rebuked, disgusted and burned out, everyone else.

Find someone who's truthful, considerate and who will return your eforts for a relationship.

'Nuff said

Cherokee_Mountaincat
Dec 16, 2008, 12:47 PM
So she's willing to live a lie and hide about in secret because of her family? Does that sound like an open, honest, person, Babygirl? And in essence if she's hiding her life and love, then in my book that's as good as a lie, and I wouldnt trust a liar as far as I could throw them.
Reconsider your crush for this girl, darlin. I'd think you'd want someone who could be themselves and not have to live a lie, or feel like they were looking over their shoulders all of the time for fear of someone know who/what they are. Thats no way to live..
I think you deserve better, Hon.
:2cents:Cat

FalconAngel
Dec 16, 2008, 10:00 PM
Cat is so right on that.

You may want to read the thread "Lying poisons everything".

If she can't be honest with you, then she isn't right for you. If she can't be honest with herself, then she isn't right for anyone.

darkeyes
Dec 17, 2008, 8:12 AM
Me best M8 is seriously GORGE!!! She is bi, borderin on gay..brite, vivacious, bubbly, fun, sexy an puttin it at its simplest.. a person me luffs an adores like no otha.. we r best friends, support, an partners in crime 2 such an extent that often both 'er partner an mine begin 2 wonda jus who is attached 2 who.. an they not the only 1's.. We hav been on hol togetha.. gone out togetha.. slept togetha an huggled as we chatted in bed.. flirted outrageously wiv each otha an we r as close as ne 2 human beins can b.. an ther times wen the chips 2 down..an life is a lil shitty wen we need each otha almos as much as we need air 2 breath...

.. but thinka takin our relationship onta the next level? Naa..nev gonna happen.. its not that me don fancy 'er..ne 1 who don is jus outa ther mind.. but wot we hav is much 2 important an valuable 2 both of us 2 endanger it by suddenly involvin sex afta all the years weve known each otha an been best friends.. yea we both hav partners.. but we didn always hav..but even then neva tried 2 start anythin sexual.. in times a trubble...we r always ther for each otha.. ther no sycophancy involved..we jus say wen need b.. woteva hasta b sed.. no matta how unpalatable that mite b 2 our ears..she much harder than me for that.. we both kno..irrespective of wetha we had partners or not.. that from the min we moved on 2 that next level..an started makin our relationship summat more.. that things wud change..an drastically.. we both kno..that howeva much we luff each otha that that kinda relationship wud nev last.. an that wen it ended..bein the kinda peeps we r..we cud neva return 2 that wich wos before... that neitha of us will risk..no..not risk..countenance.. we hav invested far 2 much a ourselves in makin wot we hav work..in each otha..in our lives... nowt is gonna ruin it.. an so we keep things as they r..best friends.. luffers of a kind.. but not luffers as we r wiv the peeps we live wiv.. but equally as important in its own way.. certainly 2 important 2 endanger..an that we will nev do..

Am not sayin that sexual and/or amorous relatonships tween best friends cant work..they can an do.. but they will change the fundamentals a the relationship.. an if an wen the new relationship runs inta trubble..then its hard 2 keep ne sorta relationship goin..ya cant turn bak the clock.. howeva much ya wish 2.. we all mus do wot we think is best, an am nev 1 2 tell ne 1 not 2 follow ther heart... but every 1 who does so hasta go inta it wiv eyes open accept that it mite all in time go sour an ya will lose moren jus a luffer.. ya mite jus lose not jus the battles an the war..but yall lose the peace an all.. both of ya...

darkeyes
Dec 17, 2008, 11:08 AM
Part 2 of me lil contrib 2 this thread...it stands alone an is as mucha part a who we r as owt else considerin wot we r..

No 1 likes a liar 2 much.. but ther is a diff tween lyin an bein a liar.. as gay an bi peeps we shud kno that betta than most.. not all of us feel able 2 b open an honest an out... so from the lil bitta info we hav, nun of us shud condemn the object a dazed's desires outa hand..me certainly don... wud b hypocritical a me 2 do that since for almos 4 years..afta havin been out an open wiv the world me got me m8s 2 keep quiet bout me..got me parents 2 lie bout me..an me bro an sis cos me wos in luff wiv a nice man me wos determined 2 hav.. they all lied by omission... unspoken..but a lie jus the same..so we married an it wos a disaster.. 'e found out in the end..an me wos glad..livin the lie wos 2 much stress.. an that wos that event in me life gone..

So please..no 1 shud b so bloody judgemental ere. ther mite b gud reason wy she hasta keep things quiet. wy she kinda keeps er m8 at arms length.. its not imposs for secret requited luff 2 survive an even thrive in a funny sorta way.. but its stress.. an it will nev b quite the same or as wonderful as ifya can an do show each otha off 2 the world.... liv an luff unashamed.. unafraid an proud.. but ifya feel ya cant do that..an it hasta b secret an closed from the world..then its so much harder for it 2 last..fear of an actual discovery can crush it in a moment.. the strain of livin the lie can squeeze the life outa it...

..so please..no holier than thou wen me in the house..we r gay an bi peeps...holier than thou bout openess an honesty don wash wiv me..an bloody shudn wiv ne a the rest of us...

dazed_and_confused
Dec 21, 2008, 4:32 AM
Thank you guys soooo much for the advice.

Thank you DarkEyes, especially, for your way of thinking. I like that,a nd appreciate it. :)