Did you tell your partner that you're BI?

[letstradepic]

Well, I'm a male bi.

And I have a girl whom I really love.

But I'm really not sure whether she will be able to take this or not. :(

How about your case?
Did you tell your partner that you're bi?
I mean if you're a man, did you tell your girlfriend and vice versa.


Thanks

[_Joe_]

She knew I was curious, we tested it together, and she pretty much knew right then and there.

Its rough.... few folks here I know have survived the truth.

[nocinderella]

it was one of the first things i told my boy when he mentioned us being gf/bf... and he doesn't really mind, he just wants to see pics :P but im too loyal to cheat on him, even if its the other sex...

[Beefeater]

I didn't have to tell her. I met my wife in a bisexual chat room. I never tried to hide the fact that I was bi. She was open minded enough to realize that my sexuality was only a part of who I was as a person. We chatted and called each other for about 3 yrs so we got to know one another as people very well and were able to ascertain the sum total of all parts of our personalities. We got married 5 yrs after our first "hello".

She has HepC which has debilitated her immune system. I knew this going in before I asked her to marry me. Because of this, I would never do anything that would jeapordize her health as she is on a liver transplant waiting list so for all intents and purposes, although I still identify as being bisexual, I'm choosing to remain faithful and straight. Her well being is more important than a few minutes in the sack with someone else.

[shaftmngr]

I told her I was curious and would like to try to perform oral on another guy. She wasn't fond of the idea and offered no support. Tried to get her to do MFM with me and another guy but refused.

[bigredpigdriver]

since we are both bi and had our first same sex adventure with the other one there, I am sure he knows:tong:...i guess we are the lucky ones that get to enjoy bi sex with our partners...:bibounce:

[FerSureMaybe]

I usually tell anyone I date that I'm bi before we start going out. If they can't accept both sides of me, then we don't belong together. Simple as that.

[mr.s & mrs.s]

i told my wife i was bi 2 weeks ago and i knew she was bi b4 we got together but ne way she knows now and she said it was actually a turn on for her and its what brung us to this sight its new for me to be somewhat open about it ive been bi for many years and am happy that she knows:flag1: and is ok with it. :flag1:

[biandu]

I think revealing bisexuality can be more conflictual for men.

imo. It is very rare that a guy of any sexual persuasion is going to mind if his chick is bi!

**The only time i can see any issue with a woman being bisexual... is if a bi chick is in a relationship with a lesbian.



It seems to be more of an issue when men are bisexual. People get all shook up about it.


do you agree?

[ErosUrge]

This for me is a topic of interest because of the recent split up between my girlfriend and I. Our relationship didn't quite make a year. I told her the 3rd week into our relationship and I knew then that it would most likely not work out. In actuality, I should have bowed out then. But, there's the hope that perhaps something will transform or change either in the other person or perhaps in one's own personal desires. As it turned out of course, it did not change for either of us. I have heard numerous accounts of couples where one or the other person is bi or both and how they remained together as a couple or split up later because of it. I've also read much about the topic as well, as in the book "Vice Versa"...this path, road, journey is one that is not the easiest path for some. Being bi as some of you know so well already and as others are learning, is a difficult path indeed. Even within the community of bi people there are misunderstandings...such as those who once were but now that they are with the significant person in their life, they no longer engage in anything outside their relationship. And this is absolutely fine. It's when they cast judgement on those who continue or want to continue to engage with encounters of the same sex that I have a problem with them. Somehow it's difficult to grasp that a person can truly love someone and be devoted emotionally but because of the appetite for the same sex they're often cast aside for wanting to continue to engage. As a result, there are many single bi men (and probably single bi women too) who are alone and will remain alone. I do understand the desire to want a person to be devoted completely without any outside activity. It just seems to me that it is possible to have it where a real and true loving devoted relationship can exist within the framework of two people with outside encounters as well....
In my case, my sexual encounters with men are just that and nothing more. There is no great friendship that exists; just sexual fun and nothing more. And I know there are couples that do exist with this kind of arrangement and truly do have something with one another. But I have found that they are very rare. Yet once again I have read about many of them or met some along the way that do have this kind of relationship and have been together for years.
I have surrendered to the idea that it might never happen. And who knows, it might very well occur at some point that I will no longer wish to engage in play with the same sex so that I can devote all my emotional, sexual, and spiritual energy to one person only. For me that would be a female as I've never felt or have the desire to share that sort of relationship with a man.
In closing, I would just hope that we'd all be more accepting of whatever choices people make regardless of sexuality. None of us is superior to the other because of our choice of sexuality or what we believe isn't a choice but is who or what we are. Once we get into the idea that we are superior or ours is the best way to go about things is when conflicts happen....
Telling your partner you're bi to me is the best way to go because living in secrecy about it is no fun. Even if that person says to you as was said to me with the last girlfriend to go ahead but don't tell them anything about it because they don't want to know about the details, etc....this too is difficult because it still means that at some point, one can't be honest about it since a question could come up about where or what you were doing. And since you're not allowed to talk about it, a lie would have to be told. I simply don't want to have to lie about it. It still means living in secret about it even with the so called permission to engage in it.
Thanks for taking the time to read this if you got this far...I just felt that there was so much to say about it.

[Isaac Steel]

I told my wife I was bisexual two and a half years ago. I tried to live the straight
life with her and deny my bisexual side to stay faithful. I finally realized I couldn't live that way anymore. Although it's not easy, I have two young kids, I felt I had no choice.:bipride:

[darkeyes]

I think revealing bisexuality can be more conflictual for men.

imo. It is very rare that a guy of any sexual persuasion is going to mind if his chick is bi!

**The only time i can see any issue with a woman being bisexual... is if a bi chick is in a relationship with a lesbian.



It seems to be more of an issue when men are bisexual. People get all shook up about it.


do you agree?
Yas rite biandu.. for men is a reel prob cos the world is far less ready for them than it eva has been for us.. wetha its down 2 masculine insecurity, or wetha its wot men do wiv each otha am neva quite sure... is odd tho...men who don like anal sex wiv otha men...they often don think twice bout doin it wiv a woman an sum don haff pester the livin daylites out of us for it.. them that don think mucha oral wiv anotha man don think twice bout expectin us 2 go down on them..or them go down on us.. funny ole world we liv in...

...anyas rite bout men usually not mindin ther wives an gf's bein bi...least not until it actually happens an we do summat bout it.. a lot then take a rite dim view.. male insecurity gain an possessiveness?? in sum cases am pretty sure it is.. Me x hubbie wos the rarity.. an ole fashioned 1 man 1 woman guy who wud no more thinka strayin the nest than 'e wud hit me or ne woman (an God knos me gave im enuff hassle an temptation) ..a gennelman... gentle, kind, generous an nice. Not anti gay at all but 'is wife wos expected 2 b wot all nice wives wer sposed 2 b..heterosexual an the lil woman.. wen 'e found out bout me 'e wos crestfallen.. an am reel sad bout that...cos me wos..is rite fonda him..

[Maxsnani]

:tong: No, but I've said that i'll let a girl give me oral but i still cant picture myself doing that. lol. I get turned on by watching a porn with 2 females so i think i'm bi. but i dunno if i can actually BE bi. That why i'm here. To explore and conquer. I may not like it, or i may. Either way, i'm not tryna be a lesbian. I love dick tooooooo much! (My husbands that is! Lol.) :bigrin:

[canuckotter]

I'm in the lucky group... I met my wife in an all-bisexual D&D gaming group. :) (Not deliberately all-bi, it just kinda ended up that way.) So... Yeah, no problems there for me. ;)

[Bi_Druid]

If I'm gonna date someone, it's normally the first thing that comes up (if not already) from the word go.

Marked, I do cheat-the-system somewhat with repeatedly using this web name 'Bi_Druid' across what ever websites and even social sights I may join, so most put 2 and 2 together; or 'Bi' is increasingly more often and option now in the profile set up, which I always willingly tick. That and in general get to know one another introductions, the subject often comes and goes as easily as "where are you from?" "what's your hobbies?" etc.

So in short, yes. If such a thing should upset them, then we don't go out to begin with.

[bisocialnudist]

I told my wife I had had enjoyed sex with several guys and that I was bi when we were having those typical heart heart pre marriage discussions but that I was choosing her and then dropped the subject for 25 years. I believe at that point I could have told her I was from Mars and she would have still loved me.

If I had to do it over again I would have been out loud and clear and stayed that way. I just assumed that I had to make a choice one way or the other. Turns out I was a fool to think I could just choose to be a heterosexual.

When I told her the second time I was bisexual eighteen months ago she had forgotten, oh dear. We have adjusted but I think it would have been a lot better if I had just lived my life as an open bisexual all along.

Mark

[bisexualman]

I had a similar experience to creativebi. My wife had always known that I had been with men and liked men. I believed that I had to choose, and lived quite happily for 23 years until I healed from my traumas in life and found I still wanted sex with men. ( I came out nearly a year ago) In fact realized I had denied a part of myself. She is very caring, very loving, very understanding, but it is a change - a big change for her, us- that I want to act on my desires.
I guess what I am saying to the person who started this thread: be clear about who you are, what you want, what you need, what you are willing to compromise on; and share all of that with this person of interest if you are to have a meaningful relationship. I am lucky with my wife; you may not be so lucky 23 years from now. (Just my humble opinion.)

[smicheller]

I'm a bi-female. When i'm dating some one new I don't tell them, straight men think it means were going to have a threesome, and when we go out he's like , let's do her or her or her. (get my drift)an so on. If i'm dating a woman, I tell her. But I must tell you that I had a girlfriend who was very jealous, and thought I was sleeping with every guy I knew. When I date, I commit myself to that person, I don't play on both sides of the fence at the same time. :bipride::flag4::flag4::)

[mr.s & mrs.s]

My husband posted earlier....

My husband and I have known each other for almost 8 years been together for 4 years. He just told me he was bi 2 weeks ago. We are extremely close and he has known that I am bi since the begining. When he told me, I was nervous, scared, and shocked. So many things went through my head the first couple of days.. but as the shock wore off he was still my husband and I still loved him. I also looked at it like this... how can I judge him for being bi when he doesn't judge me. There is no difference and now we can experience so much more together and our relationship has grown and we are closer.

[pamandfredcpl]

I told her 2 years before we were married, that was 31 years ago and we have each explored that part of ourselves on and off in that time as well.

[bigulfcpl]

Although I have been bisexual since I was a teen, my first two wives did not know about my bisexual appetite. Well, those two marriages did not succeed, partially because of this.

Now, I met Chrissy 4 years ago, and she knew, so there was no reason for me hiding it, and it was a huge turn on for her. So, we are now married, and we both can enjoy the bisexual play together, which is an awesome feeling.

Ron

[biandu]

I'm a bi-female. When i'm dating some one new I don't tell them, straight men think it means were going to have a threesome, and when we go out he's like , let's do her or her or her. (get my drift)an so on. :bipride::flag4::flag4::)

EXACTLY. I did forget about that.

It's nice to know if the guy likes you for you .. or whether he's just in love with maybe getting his fantasy fulfilled!

lol.

[alegrias]

It took me a very long time, but I finally told him. I'm glad that I did. Our relationship has never been stronger.

[wikskul]

Luckly with the man i am with now... he knew before we started dating.. we were friends first (since i had given up on guys after my divorce) but when i was married.. he didnt know untill after i left him, he was one of those men who would try to use it for his own advantage... and give him an excuss to sleep with others... but every other person i ever dated knew from the start. male and female... only because i wanted to be honest... some didnt mind.. some became weird about it.. and others became jealouse... but luckly the one i am with now and the girl i am talking to both except this and care for me for who i am not what i am :tong:

[innaminka]

Of course I told him: he's my husband and the father of my children.
It took time, pain, confusions but he came to acknowledge I am still his bride.

My bisexuality does not intrude in any way in our lives together. Mainly because of our jobs, where we are away months at a time.

We are still happily married. As I wrote in another thread, it is is Great Unspoken. :female::female:

[ad3463]

At this point in my life, I'm only interested in a something that will become a long term relationship. Being bi isn't something that I have to act on, it'd be nice but not absolutely necessary. I still tell. To do anything other is less than open and truthful. I am completely open and vulnerable and look for that in whom ever I am dating. It seems to me that it's the path to complete intimacy. Telling usually ends any chance for a relationship to go very far. I've met only one woman who really liked it but we broke up for other reasons. It's improbable to find a that "perfectly imperfect" woman but if you add the bi thing, the chances seem about zero. I still chose to tell.

[RobandHil]

Since we're on this site a couple it's pretty obvious that we know each other is bi. That wasn't the case until just a few years ago. We had both been curious up until then but neither of us knew about the other's curiosity. I was the first to let the cat out of the bag so to speak. It was scary as hell to do so but I figured Hil had the right to know for good or bad. To my shock (but happily so) she told me that the thought of me with another guy was a huge turn-on for her and that she had been fantasizing about this for years. She also that she was also bi-curious. We are no longer curious at this point and consider ourselves bi. I would completely agree with previous statements that it is more difficult for males to admit bisexuality to their SO's than it is for women. And I know I am one of the lucky ones to have a supportive wife. But regardless, I don't think I could have lived a lie and not told her...and I don't think she could have done the same.

[darkeyes]

Told 'er 1st time me met 'er... she started as me flat m8 an had sum guy in tow... 'e wos cute as guys go.. then me spent a few months chasin' 'er... that wos fun.. well the flirtin' wos..the gettin nower wos beginnin 2 wear... an ther wos Sunny Jim... day afta day in me face... an all ova 'er... that wos DEF no fun...:eek::(

Then came a few bottles a plonk... an a mellowin'...;):tong:

The rest is history an life is brill...:bigrin::female::female:

[vittoria]

EXACTLY. I did forget about that.

It's nice to know if the guy likes you for you .. or whether he's just in love with maybe getting his fantasy fulfilled!

lol.


Yeah no shit! LOL~

[Nick_C]

I told my wife fairly early on in our relationship. She's always been fine with it.

[jem_is_bi]

I am not married and my present partner is male. So, after we first meet and eventually sucking his dick, I think he knew without me telling him.
He is much more bisexual than me. Sometimes, he absolutlely needs a woman. No problem for me, because most of the time he needs a man and I know how to take care of those needs.

[PearlGirl]

Without honesty there can be no trust and therefore no real relationship. Honesty and trust are the cornerstone of any relationship. If a partner can't handle who you really are then they can't really love you.

You deserve to be loved and valued for who you really are. A relationship built on falsehoods is not a real relationship. It is an illusion. I always come out to my partners about my orientation. I deserve to be loved for who I am.

Good luck. Hope this helps! :bipride:

[CuddlyKate]

Told 'er 1st time me met 'er... she started as me flat m8 an had sum guy in tow... 'e wos cute as guys go.. then me spent a few months chasin' 'er... that wos fun.. well the flirtin' wos..the gettin nower wos beginnin 2 wear... an ther wos Sunny Jim... day afta day in me face... an all ova 'er... that wos DEF no fun...:eek::(

Then came a few bottles a plonk... an a mellowin'...;):tong:

The rest is history an life is brill...:bigrin::female::female:

Remind me pray, what of the promise of non interference with my mind, body and soul? The promise of safety? And the promise platonic friendship? I'm sorry Frances, but what was the result of those promises?:rolleyes:

[darkeyes]

Remind me pray, what of the promise of non interference with my mind, body and soul? The promise of safety? And the promise platonic friendship? I'm sorry Frances, but what was the result of those promises?:rolleyes:
oops;):female::female:...

[☠Tüff Littl3 ÇοOkiÊ☠]

so i hav a boyfriend
and i havnt told him im bi
i think it would just surprise him
but then again i dont know..
some guys are okay with it
others arent.......

[allbimyself]

Do NOT just "surprise him."

Chances are he would be happy, but, if not, it could be a really, really, REALLY bad experience for all involved.

[nobodystalkin68]

If I did, I believe she would take my kids and take me to the cleaners. She is a homophobe of the highest proportion. She was very openminded when we married, she now literally gags when there is girl onn girl action on the TV, and she makes fun of and absolutely will not watch boy on boy action.

[Realist]

I agree, Nostalking, for those already in a relationship. I learned the hard way!

Some just can't, or won't, try to deal intelligently with their significant others' revealing their bisexuality.

After years of marriage and hiding my rare, but deep urges, I decided to come out to my wife. I had no partner, other than her, nor was I looking for one. I was reasonably happy, as well as emotionally and sexually fulfilled.

Basically, I was comfortable and barring my succumbing any new, surprise temptations, by another female, or male, I was settled for life. Actually, I had failed to respond to temptations from both sexes during our marriage and figured I was good for the rest of my life!
.
I just wanted to explain that it's possible for a person to love two people, even if they are of different sexes. I also wanted to use examples of my own experience and examples of others who have lead happy, productive lives, while being emotionally, sexually and intellectually involved with different genders.

That effort to come clean about my thoughts and desires, was blown out of any resemblance of my intentions. Her anger and repulsion was so violent and immediate, that I was totally taken aback.

I'd long known she was adverse to gay and bisexual lifestyles, but I thought she'd mellowed and was ready for an open conversation about my past and present thoughts on the subject. Whoa! I was never more wrong and soon I found myself packing and leaving, for as much distance between her and me as possible!

Writing this is the NEW me! I refuse to begin any new relationship without first indentifying myself as bisexual. That last traumatic event proved to me that only total honesty can allow one to be oneself, with acceptance and freedom of future and drastic results!

"Nuff said!

[Hélène]

my exboyfriend does not know, I realised I was bi after we broke up and I think it would be awkward to tell him now. If I were to ask someone out or be asked out I would tell upfront. I currently like mainly gay guys and straight girls right now, but there is a transgirl I like who likes girls, knows I am bi, and knows I like her so I waiting to see if anything happens between the two of us.

[eods29]

Not yet....Im not too sure how she'd take it. But Im working on it!!

[PolyLoveTriad]

If there is one thing in life I have known to be true its you always need to be honest. Honest in everything. Yes sometimes people get hurt, no not everything always works out perfectly, but in the end, you can look yourself in the mirror and KNOW that you did the right thing. If she truly loves you the way you love her she will find a way to come to terms with it. Being bi isnt something that you do, or a hobby you like. Being bi is who you are not how you are. In order for you to grow with her she needs to know who you are. She may be shocked, might freak her out... she might smile and say it doesnt matter to her that she is accepting and loves you for you. I would suggest that if you do decide to tell her, that you reassure her that you arent cheating on her, wont cheat on her, dont expect her to be part of anything but that you simply love her and trust her enough to share this with her and you hope she will understand and accept this.

Either way, I hope this all works out well for you. As for my husband and I we told each other the day we moved in together that we were bi. We say its fate :)

[chipmunk86]

I told my husband the first time we got together. He liked to like most guys, two girls are better them one (lol). Them about 6 month ago he told me his was bi. I did not know what to think but i like it now.

[curiousjmd]

I came out to my wife about 2 months ago. #1 that I like to x-dress and that I was bi and had the desire to be with another man. She took it really well. I wasn't sure what the reaction would be and had prepared myself for the worst case. I decided to come out because the desire to have an affair was getting stronger and after 33 years of marriage and never cheating I wasn't about to start now. The x dressing part has been fun now that she knows. Its brought us closer. She's not fond of me being with another man and wants no part of it but said if its something I need to do she just doesn't want to know about it.
This web site really helped me in making this decision and discovering a little bit about myself. I'd like to thank a few here who I had discussions with about my issues.
Getting these pinned up emotions out in the open was the best thing I ever did.
I still haven't had a relationship yet and not sure when or if it will happen. But if it ever does I'll go into it with a little better feeling.
I'd reccomend to anyone who has had these same feelings bottled up inside them for a long time to come out to your partner about it. If there is true love and devotion there things will work out.
Thanks

[coyotedude]

I told my last girlfriend about my bisexuality when we first hooked up. As we've been married for 12 years now, it's worked out okay, I think....

I consider myself very lucky (or very blessed, depending on your perspective) to have a partner who accepts me for who I am, even if she herself is not bisexual. That doesn't mean that my bisexuality is always an easy topic for discussion, however, even after all these years. She is certainly not comfortable sharing me with anyone else - male or female - and I appreciate and respect that.

I think that honesty is the best policy, particularly if you feel like there's a chance for a long-term relationship with a person. But it's hard when the person you've fallen for can't handle your bisexuality.

Whatever happens, I wish you the best....

Peace

[elastisexual]

I kinda come to it from the other side.Ive been gay most of my life and have become bi later by getting into girls. My bf wont tell anyone that hes bi and tells everyone hes straight.He says its cuz hes only bi for me but i donno bout that.
The last 3 years I have really gotten into women more.I love being with my bf and a woman.Im pretty girlish anyway so for me its about sharing the man i love with her.My bf says that sex with me and a woman is a lot like sex with 2 women really.
When i told my bf that i was bi and liked girls he at first didnt believe it.He said it was just a phase im going through.My bf does not like me to be with other men when he is not there.He doesnt mind me being with women so much but hes kinda possesive about guys.

[paddington]

Hi, i've been married and faithful for over 20 years and always thought i was straight. last year i ended a relationship with a woman. i "came clean" and told my husband everything. he was very shocked.asked me many questions that were at times very hard to deal with. But i'm positive that it's this honesty that's helped hold us together,we're much,much closer now.

i didn't feel i was bi when i got married,that maybe denial,i don't know.
what i would say from the depth of pain and distress i've watched him deal with as he's tried to cope with it and still care for me is that if you really love her then tell her sooner rather than later. it is a risk,she may not be able to cope with it but she might surprise you. being bi or gay is part of you,it doesn't go away.
i am in awe of my husband. good luck!

[csrakate]

what i would say from the depth of pain and distress i've watched him deal with as he's tried to cope with it and still care for me is that if you really love her then tell her sooner rather than later. it is a risk,she may not be able to cope with it but she might surprise you. being bi or gay is part of you,it doesn't go away.
i am in awe of my husband. good luck!
Your husband is truly a special man, paddington and you are very lucky that he is working so hard to come to terms with your revelation. Like you said, you considered yourself straight when you married, be it denial or whatever...it doesn't matter....that was your truth at the time and it's obvious you never meant to mislead him. But if one KNOWS they are bisexual it is far better to tell a partner before becoming committed. As you so eloquently stated, being bi or gay is a part of who a person is and it doesn't go away. My husband told me before we got married and even though he promised monogamy, I still had trouble accepting it and in many ways I just assumed it would "go away". I can't begin to count the many times I would lash out at him in fear and panic if I found him looking at gay porn or visiting bisexual websites. Seeing him explore his sexuality, albeit by simply masturbating to porn, scared me and made me feel threatened in our marriage. In return, I left him feeling ashamed and quite hurt that I obviously was NOT accepting who he really was. It wasn't a good situation for me nor was it a good one for him. One day I saw the look of shame on his face and I realized what I was doing...and thanks to his love for me, and a great deal of patience, we began to talk openly and honestly...sharing our feelings and our fears....both of us listening to what the other had to say and coming to terms with the issues that each of us faced. We worked together to get where we are today and I must say that this site has further enhanced my interest and my education about bisexuality. I not only completely accept him, I embrace his sexuality and instead of feeling threatened by it, I find it quite erotic to share fantasies and to spin scenarios, many times incorporating those fantasies in our sex life with role play and of course, toys! LOL! I find that I have also grown a great deal in regards to my own sexuality and I am certainly much more open minded than ever before. We're in the empty nest phase of our lives now and we no longer have to concern ourselves with "hiding" from the kids so who knows what may happen next???

I know it's not that easy for everyone to divulge the truth about themselves in regards to their sexuality, especially when you have no idea how your partner may react. I also realize that we're one of the lucky couples who stuck it out and worked together to get through it all. BUT... I know in my heart that had he told me AFTER we got married, our marriage may not have survived. I would have been forced to not only face the two things that many spouses feel when faced with this situation, the fear of not being enough for him sexually as well as the fear of the loss of a marriage, I would also have felt a deep sense of betrayal and a loss of trust.

I know it's not always easy to tell the truth...and believe me I feel for those who are forced to live a lie...but for those of you who have yet to face this situation, please consider what has been shared whenever you make your decision whether or not to tell....the decision is yours to make....but to withhold the truth may cause you more pain than it's worth.

Hugs,
Kate