I'm Bi, is my wife?

[sidthe2nd]

Hi! I've been a member here for a little while, but this is my first post.

First, a little about me...
Like most, I had my first experience with another guy when I was young and going through puberty. Since then I have had occasional encounters with other guys. I'm not hardcore Bi, but sometimes I enjoy oral, that's really my limit. I usually meet guys in peep shows, I guess the glass wall makes me feel safer. I hardly ever speak, and I'm very particular about who I hook up with. Most times I go in I don't find anyone I'm interested in so I just take care of myself and leave. I've looked for guys online, but most don't seem real, or I chicken-out before I get there.

Now that you know about me, here's a little about my wife.
When we started dating she seemed pretty open about her youthful experiences, she told me about kissing girls in public "to get a reaction out of people" and about a threesome she had with another girl and an ex-boyfriend. She told me that the threesome was spur of the moment. Her ex-boyfriend and the other girl were messing around in another room and she walked in on them, and one thing led to another. Of course, being a guy, I found this very hot and was hoping this would happen for me. She was very forceful in saying that all that was in the past and she was not interested in doing anything like that again, so I dropped it.

My wife knows nothing about my curiosity or experimentation with other guys.

Fast forward a few years, we're happily married and have great sex, but unfortunately not nearly as often as I would like. A few months ago she was at her parents house and came across her diary from when she was 14-15 years old, and me, being a scumbag, read it. In the start of the diary she wrote in it almost daily, mostly about boys she liked or hooked up with. As the diary went on the entries became less and less frequent, but everything she wrote was pretty much the same, until her last entry. It starts off by mentioning she broke up with her boyfriend, then says "It has become common knowledge that I am bisexual." she then lists 10 other friends, both male and female who were also bisexual, including the guy and girl she had the threesome with. She goes on to say that she was "seeing" the girl she had the threesome with as "more than friends." She explains how this girl wanted to kiss her, but but my wife was drunk and this girl refused to take advantage, even though my wife told her she had wanted to kiss her "for a while now." She talked about how the next time they were together they "kissed goodbye just like a couple does" and how the time after that they made out for "almost two hours." The last sentence mentioned that the guy she had the threesome with had asked if he could watch the two of them, to which she said "I don't think so." That was the end of her diary.

I'm sorry that this story was so confusing! I just want to know how I should handle my situation. Is my wife bisexual? or was she just a confused teenager writing thoughts, no one was meant to read? I would write it off as nothing more than thoughts she had, but she said it was "common knowledge." I would love to tell my wife about my feelings and share them with her, but I can't exactly tell her about my visits to dirty peep shows. I was just hoping maybe some of you had similar experiences that might help me be more open with my wife and maybe share some experiences with her. Any advice at all would be a big help, thank you all for reading!

[FalconAngel]

By her own admission, in her diary, she is Bi. Maybe she was experimenting and maybe she wasn't.

Either way, you should come clean about the whole thing, including your own Bisexuality.

Sure, it's going to, very likely, be a rocky road for a while, but as long as the two of you can be honest with each other, then it will all work out.

Start by probing her about the subject of bisexuality and see what she says and does.

Then take it from there.

[csrakate]

At first I was going to suggest that you "out" yourself to her....not about your sexuality, but about snooping in her diary! But then I realized that the snooping might be a bigger issue to deal with than your sexuality and hers! LOL! I agree with Falcon....approach her with questions about bisexuality in general....express some fascination about it and leave the door open for her to share with you. Eventually you may have to fess up about the diary, but regardless, you two need to talk. It certainly sounds to me that she has some definite bisexual tendencies, but you need to make sure she feels safe enough to share those feelings with you. Good luck!

Kate

[Curious.Cats]

COMMUNICATION in any relationship is the key to success. Talk with her more. Perhaps she's embarrassed about what she did because a lot of people wouldn't understand it. Maybe it was just some crazy teenage experimental thing. Most women know their man would love to have a ffm. If your wife doesn't know that much about you, you two have A LOT of talking to do.

Start the talks, but don't push too much too fast. Give her time to figure out her own feelings before she has to figure out how she feels about you being bi. It's odd how the world can be so accepting of two woman together, but not so much of two men. I can only tell you from my experience that it has taken years to get where we are as a couple. You couldn't have paid me enough to be with two guys, now I can't wait to have a mmf.

If you ever do fess up about reading her diary, you are going to pay dearly for that one. However, if it was left some where easy for you to find, perhaps she wanted you to read it.

Good luck and keep us posted as to what happens.

[Bluebiyou]

Maybe
(should I say probably?)
she wanted you to see her diary.
Maybe you need to take the lead. I'm guessing probably she'd like you to because she's afraid to.
But warning... she will play the part of the "you're dragging me into this" until you pin her with the full meaning of her diary. Feelings like that.. don't really disappear. They're sometimes rejected because of popularity and conformity (when the personal emotional needs of popularity, acceptance, and conformity are greater than one's sexual/emotional intimacy needs).
If your (collective, yours and hers) sex life is dwindling, then you are on the right track to bring it up.
While she's familiar with her own feelings, she's probably scared of yours if y'all open this door.
Like sex when you are or with a virgin; it will be awkward...
Stumble forth like the rest of us!
Hell, invite her to this site and this thread!
All but the troll are loving people, here.
...and even the troll may grow and change and be a positive part of our society. Anything is possible.

[sidthe2nd]

Thanks for all your replies, I may try bringing up the subject casually and see how that goes. One thing I didn't mention, after all of this "experimentation" she had a small religious experience. She became completely celibate for about a year to find herself. At least that's what she told me, eventually she ended up in a more traditional relationship. Could guilt of some kind caused her to bury her feelings? Thanks again for all of your help and support!

[Bluebiyou]

Thanks for all your replies, I may try bringing up the subject casually and see how that goes. One thing I didn't mention, after all of this "experimentation" she had a small religious experience. She became completely celibate for about a year to find herself. At least that's what she told me, eventually she ended up in a more traditional relationship. Could guilt of some kind caused her to bury her feelings? Thanks again for all of your help and support!

Oh, dear.
"small religious experience" followed by "completely celibate for about a year" adds up to stuffing the genie back in the bottle and putting a cork in it.
Ah, try bringing it up anyway... how long can you keep your genie corked up?