suprized and confused

[steve195156]

in the last few years my wife's sex drive has slowly gone away. i feel the only reason we have sex at all now is because she feels it is a duty as a wife. now she knows i am bi-sexual due to some things we both have done in the past. (we had a 3som with a bi-male). she has told me that if i want to find a bi-sexual man to have sex with it is ok with her and i should go for it. her only rule is she doesn't want to be present at the time.

here is my problem i am so surprized that my wife would give her ok for this that i am feeling a bit confused.

i would like all of your inputs good or bad, and maybe some advice on how to proceed.

[bisocialnudist]

Steve I have been married to my wife and best friend for 27 years. I have been openly out as a bisexual to her since March of 2007. I can do anything I want to satisfy my bisexual same sex needs needs so long as I dont go outside the marriage. So for now I get my satisfaction from videos,pictures, role playing with my wife and plenty of solo activities. I have told my wife that if I cant take it anymore I will tell her before I go outside the marriage and we will revisit that discussion.

Anyway I have also told her that should age play that cruel trick and cause her to lose interest in sex I would want her OK to go play. Her mother had no use for sex way to early in her life , Im hoping its not hereditary. We know of at least one other happy marriage where this opening the marriage when a wife lost interest in sex worked to keep the marriage together.

Anyway the purpose of this background is to simply let you know that I think your wife has said a wonderful and loving thing to you. It would be sad to lose the intimacy with my wife but I would welcome the opportunity to have sex with both men and women again. If and when this happens to me I know that communication will be key.I also know that we will workout guidelines that she can live with. For example id be comfortable with my wife there or not whatever she prefers so if it makes her happy Im more then happy to accept going elsewhere as a guideline. Same thing with what she wants to know, she wants details Ill give them to her if she just doesn't want to hear about it thats ok too. I go through life trying to make each day for my wife better and she does the same for me.

I often go through a what if my wife said Dear go find yourself a man and go play how would it unfold. Well in reality there are a lot of issues Id need to deal with. There are health risks, relationship risks, the dynamics of the relationship with the guy and etc. I can really relate that perhaps now that your wife has given you the OK you are going through some of the realities of what that permission means.

Best of luck in your journey,
Mark

[Bluebiyou]

Yeah, Steve,
Her feelings/perspective have clearly changed, judging from your description. Sex as an 'obligation' is a negative thing in a relationship. Pontificating:
Expectations are the death of a relationship.
We even tire of those expectations we have of ourselves.
I sounds like your wife cares about you and your feelings, and is not so keenly interested (from the perspective of her own feelings/your description) in continuing your sexual relationship 'as is'.
Go for the fun... within the guidelines of agreement.
Things are changing for her.
Things may go fantastically for you.
She may leave you.
There's nothing to do at this point but go forward... you two seem to have a compatibility on this issue.
Good luck and best wishes.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

My Ex boyfriend used to say "Well as long as your getting your sexing done somewhere else, and know where Home is, that's fine by me"
I hate to think that this same scenero is applying to you, but if it is, then set up some clear concrete rules and guidelines, then adhere to them.
Good luck to you Sweetie. :}
Cat

[FalconAngel]

I say, work out the particulars of her expectations, such as does she need to know who and where, does she need to be there or not, etc., then go for it.

[bikentuck]

My wife also had lost her sex desire (to cancer) but knows I am Bi & has told me it was fine with her if I found other Bi men to play with.
I have had a couple of bi men at our place & once she even joined & shared a cock with me.
We used to be swingers (both Bi) & hopefully it will happen again.
Hopefully, you will be able to do the same at some point.
DON'T be pussy about it.
Good Luck

[csrakate]

If you are feeling the least bit confused by her offer, I suggest that you take the time to discuss this with her further. You need to make sure that she made that offer with true intent and not possibly over her frustrations about her decreased sex drive and her feelings of inadequacy at this time. I hate to admit it, but sometimes we women say things that we don't really mean....sometimes hoping the return response would be one of affirmation of your devotion instead of your excitement over taking her up on her offer. If she truly means it, it is a very giving gesture on her part and you need to make sure that you remind her often how wonderful and loving she is. And by all means be discreet....I think for her to be overly aware of your activities might make her rather uncomfortable, unless of course she wishes you to share the details! And keep the intimacy alive by snuggling and cuddling with her when you get the chance. As you know, there is more to intimacy than sex and she will probably need that from you now more than ever.

Best to you both,
Kate

[jem_is_bi]

in the last few years my wife's sex drive has slowly gone away. i feel the only reason we have sex at all now is because she feels it is a duty as a wife. now she knows i am bi-sexual due to some things we both have done in the past. (we had a 3som with a bi-male). she has told me that if i want to find a bi-sexual man to have sex with it is ok with her and i should go for it. her only rule is she doesn't want to be present at the time.

here is my problem i am so surprized that my wife would give her ok for this that i am feeling a bit confused.

i would like all of your inputs good or bad, and maybe some advice on how to proceed.

I bet she wants to get out of the sex with you situation without the guilt of you not getting what you need. Why does she what out of sex with you? Is it because she does not want sex wth anybody? Where will it go if you go along with it all. Where will it go if you try to reverse it all? Some systems are reversible and others; entropy only increases until failure.