Being Bi

[ldner]

I was wondering how other people reconciled themselves to being bi.

I know from my own experience that it can be quite a freaky thing to come to terms with and for a long time i was very troubled with it. I consider myself mostly straight but with bi leanings that are something strong and other times very weak (I think just as there is a sliding scale in people's sexuality, so that few people are truly wholly homosexual or wholly heterosexual sexuality, also sexuality changes inside people at different times).

I had a few sexual encounters with guys in my early teens but thought nothing of it. It wasn't until my mid 20s that i started, almost accidentally and usually drunkenly, to have encounters with guys. Weirdly I still had it in my mind that i was completely straight and the thoughts i had and the sexual adventures I was occasionally having, were simply an anomaly.

But as I got into long term and serious relationships with women, it started to haunt me that i was having this hidden life, both physically and in my head. It bothered me that I was cheating on these unknowing women involved with me but also that i was in someway dishonest to my own self, my own being, if i didn't act on these parts of myself. There is that thing that people say 'to your own self be true', which sounds like it should be a simple thing, but is one of the hardest things in life to do. It resulted in me dumping a lot of relationships which were very good and where I couldn't tell the woman the real reason why i was leaving.

Now I have reached a point in my life where hopefully I feel I have a reasonably honest (if you can be reasonable about honesty) position between the different parts of my life. I am in a long term relaionship with a woman i love. and who knows i am bi.

It is not perfect but maybe the only thing you learn as you get older is that you don't really get perfection in life; you just get to a place where you learn to live with your inability to be perfect.

I would like to know how other people keep it together.

[anon092708]

Yo,

I feel the same way you do.

I do the wrong thing, probably, and avoid close relationships altogether until I get it figured out. I'd love to be with a woman now, but I think I am being unfaithful, too, in my mind with any woman I'm with while I'm questioning myself. Isn't it weird? It's okay to think about other women in passing when you're with a woman, but not a man. Strange.

What are her opinions on your bisexuality?

[AthleticCplOh]

My experience is very similar to yours also.
Started out with some innocent boy/boy encounters growing up, then followed by a couple of really hot and steamy raw sex episodes when I was in my early 20s.
I don't think I have ever struggled with my occasional bi leanings, but have certainly spent some time trying to understand them. Now that I a little older, it is nice to have reached the point of feeling that having occasional bi lusts and interests is just part of who I am. I feel great about that.
I alwo have a fiance who is bi herself, and is understanding and supportive of my desires. We are both open-minded and supportive of eachother, and want us both to have rich and fun experiences - while still being responsible and healthy.

There is no such things as 'perfect life' or 'normal life'....it is just "life".

:)

[darkeyes]

Wos raised by very modern minded parents who told us all from eva since me can rememba 2 b true 2 ourselves.. it kinda stuck..even then had a lil problem tellin 'em me fancied girls 2... cos ya think ya kno ya parents but wen yas in ya early teens, still at school.. ya neva kno an don hav all the confidence life shud giveya wen yas olda.. but the lessons they taught me worked out ok an hav always been quite happy wiv who me is ta vm... apart from a lil blip wen me wos married but thats cos me wos in luff an 'is lil woman fancyin girls wosn summat e wud eva accept...

.. did hav a lil prob ova wondrin wetha me wos actually gay.. fancied guys less an less an the thota sex wiv em didn zactly make me thrill... in fact apart from a deep hankrin for a sesh wiv Johnny Depp (wich me still wud die for.. tho not as much as not so long bak) finally decided me wos gay.. its not that me wos confused or ne such nonsense.. jus that me wosn sure.. few months ago did spot a guy at work who make me tingle a lil but wos a passin fancy wich soon disappeared...

.. me thinksa mesel as a lesbian..mayb am still bi..dunno.. cos JD still around an still breathin.. but reely..don matta 2 much wot me calls mesel.. an hav a partner who is worth bein a lesbian for...:bigrin: Woteva me is ..am not ashamed of it in the least... an neitha shud ne 1 else...

[innaminka]

Reconciled? don't think you ever are totally reconciled.
satisfied, able to live with being bi - certainly.
But reconciled???
I have been "out" as bi now for just on 10 years - have been married for just on 20.
My husband and I are now comfortable with my needs; and they are real! And acted upon.
He's certainly not reconciled.
But we manage quite well, though more and more the F/F side is becoming dominant, although my love for my husband is not diminished, I know I am coming closer to actively facing that fact.

happy enough, but not reconciled. :tongue:

[still_shy]

For me, it wasn't easy. Two marriages later, at 28 years old--it finally came to me. Previously I had some trouble staying faithful (something that has always bothered me). No matter how good the sex was with my mate, I was never satisfied, always left with this yearning inside of me I couldn't erase. God, how I wish I'd figured it out sooner. It would have saved me a lot of heartache, for ten years I actually avoided girls as friends because I was so afraid I would do something to give myself away. I can't count how many wonderful friendships I could have had if I hadn't been so afraid of myself. NOW--on the other hand-- I finally get it. Whether I'm with a girl regularly or not, I've come to terms with being bi. I don't have that unsatisfied feeling lingering inside of me. My husband understands and supports me through everything. I finally feel like a complete person. Most importantly to me is that no only have I come to terms with my bisexuality, I love and enjoy it as a part of me. I don't feel I have to hide from it anymore, and that's carried over into every other part of my life. I love it!!!

P.S. Should have had that second cup of coffee before I attempted to write this, hope it makes sense!

[Bluebiyou]

I was wondering how other people reconciled themselves to being bi. ... I would like to know how other people keep it together.

I learned to accept the ambiguities and contradictions about life and myself.
Sometimes there simply is no 'black and white' answer.

[PolyLoveTriad]

I dont think either my husband nor I had to 'reconcile' being bi. My husband and I met 13 yrs ago next month. The first night we moved in together we revealed to each other that we were both bi. For him, he understands this is who he is. Same for me, Ive always been bi. Ive told everyone Ive ever dated I was bi, its just who I am, not something I do. And if someone has a problem with it, well its their problem, not mine. I know its not the case with everyone. Some people have trouble dealing with being bi, some people have trouble dealing with other things. If the world was an open place, what a world it could be be huh :)

Bi the way, we soooo love being bi!

[bamabiguy47]

you are who you are.
i figured that out several years ago. Ever since I discovered sex and had my 1st orgasm, I was curious about giving a bj to another man. I had the chance in my 20s to experiment and realized how much I enjoyed it. My concern at that time was if I was gay. I decided that I loved the ladies too much for that to be the case. I just accepted the fact that I could enjoy the best of both worlds. Several years back I heard the term "bisexual" and and it all made sense. That was who (or what) i was and I'm comfortable with that. So just be yourself and enjoy.:bigrin:

[izzfan]

The whole bi thing for me was and still is quite complicated. I only realised that I was attracted to guys when I was about 17/18 although, looking back, I guess it was always under the surface.

I mean, at the moment I'm starting to wonder if I'm actually a lot more gay than I originally thought. I mean, it seems like if I see a beautiful/ interesting woman I do feel quite attracted but doing anything more than talking (or possibly kissing) just fills me with awkwardness, fear and coldness. I mean, I have slept with a woman before (long story....) but I just seemed to feel nothing and it was a profoundly depressing and somewhat boring experience (that probably had a lot more to do with me than her). Nevertheless, I still feel like I have a straight side. I mean, most of my sexual fantasies seem to be about women.

Nevertheless, if I feel attracted to a guy it is usually after talking, getting to know them etc... and it is on more of an emotional level than just pure lust etc... On the whole, I generally enjoy sleeping with guys more than with women - foreplay and oral with guys is really nice, but I can't stand anal.

I was kind of in a straight mood for the past few months. Then, last night, I find myself feeling really lonely and wanting a boyfriend or at least a one-night stand. It all kind of caught me by surprise as I haven't slept with another guy for at least a year and I only ever felt any kind of same-sex attraction on a very infrequent basis. Maybe it's more the emotional and sensual side of same-sex activity that I like. maybe I'm a lot more gay than I thought. Who knows?

Yeah, it's all kind of confusing.

[FalconAngel]

I've been Bi my whole life and so I had a long time to come to terms with what I am. I have no problem with my sexuality though I have had issues related to it. But I learned to overcome those issues and now have no issues at all with it.

[void()]

Recently in discussion my mother told me, "always said you marched to a different drummer." She then said there was nothing wrong in following my own cadence.

Like FalconAngel, never really had a problem with the sexuality. It took me a little to understand that I seem to fit into what is labeled as bisexual. But after making love to a guy one week and a gal the next with no real preference, well you just figure that drummer is who it is. And this past weekend repeated the guy then gal thing. Yep, still bisexual. ;) :tongue:

[curious44]

I've never had a problem with being bi. I had circle jerks, gave and received bjs and hand jobs with guys before I ever had sex with a female. Been happily married over 40 yrs. We were swingers for several years and both had many same sex encounters. I have preferred one or the other depending on the situation and just let it flow. We keep our sexuality private and don't think it's important for everyone to know our preferences. Any more than we care what the guy down the street prefers. We never got all caught up in this rights or recognition issue because we don't feel one's sexual preferences define us as a person. There are a lot much more important issues that make up our character. So neither of us have a problem "accepting " ourselves.

[Ritchie 48]

I love mens and womens bodies and i'm willing to try anything in bed once , but unfortunately my better half doesn't think quite the same way . I've already been told , sex with ANYONE else and i'm out ....sigh . Sure would love to have a man again , it was wonderful .

[anon092708]

I have to ask, where do you guys go to find bisexual people? For non-sexual and sexual purposes?

I think if I'm going to try to be comfortable with this, I need to surround myself with good friends on a platonic level first, and then decide whether its something for me in a non-hostile environment.

[Starra]

I have often said to friends that being bisexual can be a double edged sword. On the one hand, bisexuality is a wonderful feeling. As a married poly bi woman, i often feel an extreme sense of wellbeing and comfort when i have a partner of both genders. Similarly, i have single bi friends who enjoy the feeling of going out knowing that they could meet anyone that night, of whatever gender, and make a great connection.

But the flip side? Oh god the pain it can cause. The constant pull of feeling one day more attracted to one gender than the other. The prejudice by straight and gay people alike, telling us to "pick a side". The occasional bout of confusion as to whether we might actually be gay...or straight. And this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Thing is, i agree with innamika. I do feel that bisexuality leaves the feeling of never being reconciled. We occupy a grey area in a sea of societal norms which prefer us to live in black and white. The best we can do is to live our own lives to make ourselves happy.

[paddington]

Hi, i'm not long out of a relationship with a woman and i'm married- over 20 years. i've spent months trying to work out if i'm a lesbian,thinking i must be,then thinking not. it's only in the last couple of weeks after seeing "her" again & listening to her talking about being "out",listening to her trying to tell me that i AM a lesbian too that it came to me i might be bi!!! it was a light bulb momemt-such a shock,i felt like a rabbit caught in headlights! but with lots of talking to my husband i think that i am. i feel as though i've opened the cupboard & something fell out-i've tried putting it back away-it won't fit!
i'm/we're still feeling a bit shocked,untill a couple of weeks ago i was telling myself i was straight and i'd just had a 1 off relationship with a woman.
facing it can be hard,i'm trying to take it slowly for me and my husband.
i'm lucky to have such a loving,supportive husband.

[Iowason]

I have considered myself a "bisexual" since I was a preteen. I have rarely acted on it during my adult life. My first marriage, I came clean and found out that my wife at that time considered herself bi also (after we split, she even tried the "lesbian" lifestyle, now she lives in South Carolina and is heavy into the church... I don't get that). My current wife knows that I am bisexual and it OK with it. I am even lucky enough that she thinks it is sexy to see two guys together.

I have never actually been asked if I was "bi". At work, some guys make jokes at times about being gay... after one of these sessions, I spoke up and asked them "would that be the worst thing in the world?"...followed by a long silence. That is probably as close as I have ever came to "coming out". You have to keep in mind that I work in a small town with very conservative people. In the last several years, I have decided that I wouldn't hide who I am anymore. I am not yet at the point where I want to scream if from the roof tops, but I am open and honest with the people that are closest to me and that is what matters. :flag3:

[Nick_C]

happy enough, but not reconciled. :tongue:
I think you hit the nail on the head. I'm not sure if I'll ever be fully reconciled with the fact that I'm bi, but I think that's largely down to societal conditioning on my part. That said, I too am really quite happy as I am. :)

[steve617413]

i had guys on and off all through my life it was just sex on the side when the wife would not put out and i alway wondered if i was stright or gay til just last year i hooked up with this guy a good friend that was open gay and we did it all that night from the hot passionant kissing to the ass fucking and i injoyed it a lot but the next day a needed a women i wanted some sweet pussy to eat. i was so confused my gay friend was the one that told me that i was not gay that i was bi. i never hard of that til he told me the more i checked into it the more i found out that yes i am bi :bipride: and now i'm living my life and injoy the sex with both it's just a relationship with any one preson is hard i can't seam to find someone to love just people to fuck so the life has its ups and downs at lest for me it dose.

[Biboz49]

I was wondering how other people reconciled themselves to being bi.

I know from my own experience that it can be quite a freaky thing to come to terms with and for a long time i was very troubled with it. I consider myself mostly straight but with bi leanings that are something strong and other times very weak (I think just as there is a sliding scale in people's sexuality, so that few people are truly wholly homosexual or wholly heterosexual sexuality, also sexuality changes inside people at different times).

I had a few sexual encounters with guys in my early teens but thought nothing of it. It wasn't until my mid 20s that i started, almost accidentally and usually drunkenly, to have encounters with guys. Weirdly I still had it in my mind that i was completely straight and the thoughts i had and the sexual adventures I was occasionally having, were simply an anomaly.

But as I got into long term and serious relationships with women, it started to haunt me that i was having this hidden life, both physically and in my head. It bothered me that I was cheating on these unknowing women involved with me but also that i was in someway dishonest to my own self, my own being, if i didn't act on these parts of myself. There is that thing that people say 'to your own self be true', which sounds like it should be a simple thing, but is one of the hardest things in life to do. It resulted in me dumping a lot of relationships which were very good and where I couldn't tell the woman the real reason why i was leaving.

Now I have reached a point in my life where hopefully I feel I have a reasonably honest (if you can be reasonable about honesty) position between the different parts of my life. I am in a long term relaionship with a woman i love. and who knows i am bi.

It is not perfect but maybe the only thing you learn as you get older is that you don't really get perfection in life; you just get to a place where you learn to live with your inability to be perfect.

I would like to know how other people keep it together.

For most of my life I've had sexual attraction to both sexes. Also for most of my life I had never heard of the term "bisexual". I never considered I was gay because I was attracted to women more than men. I've always been the horny type so my attractions to men were, to me, just my hormones working overtime. Later in life in my early 40's I had a relationship with a woman who loved watching 2 guys together and this turned me on. From that point on I started to exploring having sex with men and had my first experience. After that first time I realized I had been missing out and after more experiences I realized life was becoming complete. Something was missing but I didn't know it. Now that I know it, things feel soooo good. One day I saw the label "bisexual" and thought, huh, guess that's me. It feels right. It feels good. I'm feeling complete.

I'm mostly straight but I like to have sex with men too. So what's the big deal? I've been in relationships with women who were bi, and one was straight but wanted a bi guy so being bi has never been an issue. I'm now in a LTR with a bi woman. We support each other and things couldn't be better.

From that little story about my life my :2cents: in this thread is that I've never had any issues whatsoever about being sexually attracted to men. I feel I don't need to reconcile anything. In fact I enjoy my sexuality and that's all there is to it.

[purpular]

So glad to have found this site! It seems accepting myself has been the hardest part of the journey.

After denying for years that I felt attracted to some women, it finally hit me that it might be ok that I'm not 100% heterosexual, nor 100% homosexual. Might be. I'm still wrestling with everything. Being raised in a decidedly closed-minded, religious family, I am starting to question a lot of things that had been fed to me as the truth. "All the answers that I started with turned out questions in the end."

*~*purpular*~*

[BiCuriousBoy10]

I'm Bi, and I've just realized it.

[RobertDockham]

Hi, I just Joined this site. As is apparant, I am bi. I Figured it Out when I was 14. I Had Invited My Friend Over, And after a while He Admitted he was gay. Things Got... Hotter afterword. Admitting My sexuality is going slowly... Only to My Friends, Really. But Its Also Nice to Admit it to people of whom i have never met.

TESTOSTROGEN FTW!!!

[nothings5d]

Admitting My sexuality is going slowly... Only to My Friends, Really. But Its Also Nice to Admit it to people of whom i have never met.

I can certainly agree with it being nice to admit it to people you've only just met. It's so much easier than admitting it to people who you already know. As for admitting it to friends, I'd told a couple people that I trust and kind of just blurted it out to a few other people and a couple months later I found out that pretty much all of my friends knew, which made it MUCH easier to let the rest of my friends know. Basically I just went around, "Hey, I found out recently that quite a lot of my friends know I'm bi already. Just out of curiosity did you know yet?" One of the responses I got to that question was, "Oh, yeah someone had told me but I thought they were talking about Suckadick Chris..." Suckadick is a weird and, as far as I know, straight guy who used the phrase "Suck a dick" as both a greeting and "Your full of shit." I could see how people would think that he's the bisexual one between the two of us, especially since he walked in to a student club meeting saying, "Who wants a blow job!?!?" in the best impression of a flaming gay guy that I'd ever heard a straight guy pull off.

[stargazer]

Hi Idner,

I can understand your struggle seems like you have been debating yourself for quite some time over twenty years. I am glad that you have come to a point in your life where you feel honest with yourself and with the one you love.

For me it all started after my second marriage. During my first there were many things about myself I could not express due to her insecurities and my own insecurities. Which to me makes sense as to why it took my current wife to allow it to come out. My wife and I are very open and honest with each other and we feel very secure in being that way. I was never attracted to men per say and still I am not in a loving way, however a good looking man with a hot body which is attached to a nice cock I just can't help but want perform oral sex on him. But that is where it stops, no anal, no m/m kissing, hugging etc. Some people would say I am not really bisexual. But that does not matter to me, this is who I am and I have shred it with the one I love , my wife and it two years of her and I working it out but we stuck to it and now we are happier than we have ever been both sexually and as a couple. I am now 42 and I feel so comfortable with my life and myself.
My wife is straight and only recently started to question herself with her own bi-curious side. So life is not perfect, it is not fair we struggle with many events and situations in our life but one thing is certain life is constantly changing that's what makes it interesting and worth living you never know whats coming. Just be patient and be honest with yourself ... you can't go wrong.

[LuciousLora619]

New member just saying Hi :bigrin:

[Kermit Jagger]

I first realized I was attracted to men when I was 19. I was deeply ashamed and embarassed. So much so, that I put off having my first man-to-man experience until two years after I was married. My first man-to-man experience, 69 with a really handsome experienced guy, was terrific. Just as I fantasized it would be. Unfortunately, having enjoyed it so much made my shame and embarassment worse. I decided to surpress that side of my sexualty and succeeded in surpresing both sides of my sexualty for decades. I finally got too emotionally tired to keep pretending to be something I'm not. Accepting who I am and what I need without being judgmental was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Now I've done it. So, I've joined Bisexual (my coming out of the closet, well at least a little bit) and am looking to catch up on some of what I missed.
Kermit

[mfanycomb]

My first experience was when I was 11 w/ a guy who grew up like my brother. When I was 16 they gave us a career test which also included a male/female component. I scored about 60/40.

Knowing and feeling comfortable with gays from my teens on I always wondered about my sexuality but was straight. Quite truthfully I'm still not really turned on by men.

Mostly I've always been a very horny sensualist. I would ask myself questions about what difference would it really be to have a man sucking my cock as opposed to a woman. Or anal intercourse w/ a man rather than a woman.

Like the old Kris Kristofferson song "Me & Bobby McGee", you're never free until you have nothing else to lose. By the time I reach my 50's I said what the hell and gave in to my sensuality.

What difference did it make whether my partner was male rather than female. For that matter what difference did it make if it was a cd, transexual, or intersexed person. And what difference if I sucked their cock or let them fuck me as long as we gave pleasure to each other.

Without the overwhelming testosterone of youth continuing to pump and urge me to "prove my masculinity", I relaxed and began exploring possible sexual encounters. And frankly other men are much more available as sexual partners than are women.

So if you are under 50 and still having problems worrying over your sexuality don't let hormones do your thinking for you. Relax (as if that were really easy) and know that later life can be a lot more comfortable in your skin.

[NJ44M]

My bi life started at a similar age. Felt the way you did at 1st. In time that changed as I found others like myself. Today comfortable with who I am as a result of the people I have met who are bi as well.

Kermit,
I also was replying to your message..but your settings restricts anyone from replying back to you. Msg me again with a way to contact you.
Thanks


I first realized I was attracted to men when I was 19. I was deeply ashamed and embarassed. So much so, that I put off having my first man-to-man experience until two years after I was married. My first man-to-man experience, 69 with a really handsome experienced guy, was terrific. Just as I fantasized it would be. Unfortunately, having enjoyed it so much made my shame and embarassment worse. I decided to surpress that side of my sexualty and succeeded in surpresing both sides of my sexualty for decades. I finally got too emotionally tired to keep pretending to be something I'm not. Accepting who I am and what I need without being judgmental was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Now I've done it. So, I've joined Bisexual (my coming out of the closet, well at least a little bit) and am looking to catch up on some of what I missed.
Kermit

[wikskul]

i knew i was attracked to women and men as long as i can remember... and i have always been happy with that, i guess my confusion and doubt came from others putting me down and telling me i was just sex crazed or something along those lines... when i was younger, but now i hear it and laugh. i came out to everyone in my life, i dont hide the fact i am bi, but even now it is hard. i have a great man, but he knows i get down and out when i start longing for a woman's touch. but he tries the best he can to help me through those times and is understanding with the fact that i have wants and needs for something other then what he can give me. it took along time for me to come to complete terms with the fact that i was bi, a failed marriage, many different relationships with men and women, and then i realised, i am who i am, and i am never going to fit into a nice little box so why try.
i can say i have never been happier and love who i am, no matter what i am going through.. i guess the saying be tru to who u r is what i live by, cause if i didnt stay tru.. who would i be? i fake.. a lier... a hypocrit to those i council and help.
I have always thought of coming out.. it doesnt mean screaming from the roof tops for everyone to know, but to let those who u have contact with know who u r and not hide who u r from everyone. but sometimes we must for the safety of ourselves and those we love due to the hate and bigotry out there. and that doesnt mean we dont take pride in who we are, just means we know enough not to put ourselves in danger by "coming out" to people who dont understand and hate what they dont understand.

[darkeyes]

Yas brot a lil tear 2 me eye Wiks..am dead proud a ya... very eloquent lil post from the heart.. muah!:)

[jem_is_bi]

I have been bisexual (leaning more toward homosexual) for as long as I can remember knowing anything at all about sex. As a young man, I had some problems thinking of my self as bisexual because of social and family pressure to be heterosexual. But, overall, I have no absolutely complaints about how my sexuality impacted my life, especially now.