When we knew [Archive] - Bisexual.com

3naib

Jan 3, 2006, 7:03 PM

I always knew. Quietly as a child, I recognised I had a sexual attraction to men and women. I remember being around 6yo and looking at a National Geographic spread of these Indian women swathed in beautiful fabrics with their belly buttons pierced- thinking they were SO sexy. I thought all people should feel that way. It seemed natural to me. I was always labled as "dancing to my own drummer" from a psychologist in 1st grade on...

I closeted my inner lesbian... to avoid the hateful peer pressure of youth. I never thought I would be exclusively lesbian when I would explore that part of me as I grew older... being exclusively one or the other was never part of how I felt. But in my entore life, I have never had a much of a tight family much less sense of community. I never "belonged" to any group... or felt like I was "home".

To me, it always mattered more about who the person was inside than what equipement was between their legs.

In adulthood, I think I have been more demanding of partnering with women because it is more of a challenge to weather society together. I think I might prefer sex with women a bit more... I suspect that also has to do with a lack of connections with men who are free, loving, and exploratory sexually.

I am still searching for that feeling of belonging, for home. For peace and acceptance, wholly.
:grouphug: :wiggle2: :grouphug:

OralBradley

Jan 4, 2006, 12:17 AM

I came out to myself when I was about 40 and getting a divorce. My first sex had been with a man when I was 13 and was homosexual for several years.. Later, I got married and was mostly hetero for about 20. When we decided to split, I started going to the gay baths and learned to enjoy giving BJs as well as receiving.. About the same time, I joined a group that held touchy-feelly get acquained sessions and monthly lot lucks with a sex party after. There I learned that I could reliably please a woman with my tongue.
Ha! I wasn't a total loss at pleasing a partner after all. I realized that I truly liked giving oral pleasure to either a man or a woman--I must be bisexual. A revelation.

12voltman59

Jan 4, 2006, 2:01 AM

For me--learning that I am bisexual has been a slow process.

I had a few experiences with other guys in my youth, the first being when I was pre-pubescent at around age 10, then another at age 15--my buddy was 15 as well. That was the first sexual experience in which I came with another person. I had been masturbating of course up to that point and had "felt up" a few girls, but no "going all the way" as yet with a girl.

My father had recently taken a new job down south in the spring of 1975. When summer came, my father wanted to take a trip by car to some of his customers that were relatively near by. We made a family trip of it and we visited the town of my "buddy".

His family and mine went to dinner at a very nice restaurant in their town. I got invited to spend the night at their home.

During that night--being two horny teenaged boys and thanks to the buzz obtained from smoking a little bit of that "whacky tobackky"--we wound up jerking off together and finally to giving one another head. He did me first then I returned the favor--I found that I liked it--both ways.

I never saw him again and after this time--shortly thereafter-- I discovered girls and my fun night with this boy became a very dim and distant memory.

Over the years I have lived in or close to various places that have large gay contingents such as Savannah, Key West, Miami, Orlando and the San Francisco areas. From seeing the gay communities in these places--I knew a pure gay lifestyle was nothing I found appealing, but yet I never had any major antipathy towards gays.

I would not join in with glee when buddies would say things like "I hate faggots--somebody outta beat the shit out of all of those sick bastards" or something like that.

I got raised eyebrows from those guys when I did not join in to agree with them. "Oh, maybe you are one too then.." was the way they would respond to my lack of response.

While seeing a good looking guy does not turn my head as it does when I see a great looking lady--I have always acknowledged that there are good looking men and I have to admit--I did sneak a peek at other guys when showering after sports in high school or in the service.

I remember having a conversation with one guy many years ago who told me that perhaps I was a fag because I thought some mutual male friend was a "good lucking guy." Hell--I said that because the guy was good looking, and he was one of those kind of guys that attracted the ladies like bees are attracted to pollen. I just felt I was making an accurate observation of the guy's physical appearance--nothing more.

I think now that when someone makes a comment such as this guy did to me---he is the one that has "gender issues." I also think that those who want to "kill a fag" really want to kill something they see in themselves. I mean--if you are totally secure as a straight person--why in hell would the existence of "queers" be any problem for you--especially if you are living a "straight" life with a wife, a mortgage, car payments and kids?

Over the years--I did come to see the beauty that is present in the male body and body parts, thanks to gettting a gift from a former girlfriend of one of those glossy "coffee table" books that was a collection of photos of nude males and females by famous photographers.

I started to buy other such books over the years, some of which have photos of males only.

I guess it is my artistic side, but you do have to enjoy beauty wherever it is found.

The only experience I have had as an adult took place a few years back--it was good to a point but was mostly a disappointment--we rushed our meet and had vastly different expectations that we failed to make clear to one another and more importantly--did not have a clear idea for ourselves.

Before coming here--I too was unsure about bisexuality being "real" and that maybe I was going to make a transition from being hetero to gay--but now--I do know that there truly is bisexuality and that I am a bisexual.

smokey

Jan 4, 2006, 7:40 AM

It is pretty obvious that the more rabidly homophobic a person is, the more repressed on one level or another their own sexuality is...I have known some gay men who seek that type out however it is not my job to save their souls so I just let them be, or more accurately, avoid them like the plague. Oscar Wilde said that, "only the shallow know themselves", and even when we allow it to happen without repression, the unfolding of ourselves is indeed a slow process. I don't know about anybody else My life woud have been far emptier if I hadn't.

grant_33

Jan 4, 2006, 2:24 PM

After lurking in the shadows for many months, my first post. . .

My conversion (if you want to call it that) occurred in the early '90's, and I owe it all to Penthouse Letters (LOL).

I'd just turned 30 and ended an eight-year military career. If any of you read Penthouse Letters in the late '80's-early '90's, they went through about a five-year phase where they printed (made up?) a lot of letters from bisexuals, both male and female. I liked the F-F letters, would read the M-M letters (but wasn't all that interested in them, probably because of the military influence). Then one month, they printed a story where a heretofore straight guy came to visit a good friend who was gay in a hotel room in San Antonio, and happened upon a bag of porn while the friend was out of the room. The bag contained a tape, a buttplug, and a couple of magazines containing some gang bang scenes. Mr Str8 starts reading the magazines, gets caught reading them by his friend when he comes back (with a hard-on, no doubt), and his friend starts the ball rolling for Mr Str8 to get nailed later that night by him and a few of his friends.

Now, I'd experimented with various objects anally in my 20's and had owned a vibrator with anal attachments for several years, but I was married and strictly hetero up to that point in my life. I'm not sure whether it was the gang-bang scenario, or the Mr Str8 angle, or just the raw sexual nature of the letter, but about two seconds after I was done reading this story, it was like a switch had been thrown. Along with this sudden interest came the realization that, now that I was no longer in the military, I could consider myself as bisexual without any stigma attached. And so that is when I became bisexual.

Since then, nothing has changed, except that my wife knows that I have an interest in men as well as her. I haven't acted on my interest toward men, mainly because I'm pretty shy and have a basic inability to work myself over the hump (no pun intended!) of meeting someone (for anyone who has sent me letters that haven't been responded to, that's why, and I hope you understand). I'm excited by the possibility of having a cock in my mouth or in my ass (or both at the same time!), but I'm also OK with the thought that it may never happen.

Having said that, I have a few questions for the congregation (not to divert interest from this very enticing subject). I find that I'm not as interested in men so much as I'm interested in the fact they possess a cock and having sex with them because of that fact (in other words, I find women much more attractive than men, but when I watch porn, for instance, I am very attracted to cocks and what they can do). Am I in the minority here, or do others share this particular philosophy? Are there other men out there who have not had an early experience with a man who later come to the realization that they are interested in men as well as women (most of the stories for male posters so far have described early sexual activities with men before women)? Are there others out there that are, as I consider myself, a non-practicing bisexual? And, the question I've had for many years and haven't seen answered, even on this site is this: Is bisexuality just a word meaning "open-minded to sex with either gender," or is there more to it than that? In other words, heteros and gays are pretty much born that way and have well-developed lifestyles supporting both and can't or won't be "recruited" to have sex with someone outside their lifestyle. But bisexuals, at least in my case, seem to make a conscious decision to be open-minded to having sex with both genders at some point in their lives. Or, like heteros and gays, are there those who realize they are attracted to both sexes at an early point in their lives and live a bisexual lifestyle from that point on? I realize I'm painting with an awfully broad paintbrush here, and I certainly don't mean to offend anyone with any of this (I have no agenda whatsoever). I'm just curious about these things.

Let me just finish by thanking Drew and all of you who post and come here, for creating such an inclusive, caring, interesting community (the ugliness in the Confidentiality thread notwithstanding). This has to be, by far, the best website covering sexuality and/or bisexuality I've encountered on the web. Keep up the good work.

Toodles

OralBradley

Jan 4, 2006, 3:11 PM

Re Grant's note above. I spent over 20 years in the Army without getting caught, and I wasn't all that discreet either.

smokey

Jan 4, 2006, 3:34 PM

To attempt to answer Grant33 from my view point, men rarely turn my head like women do (it happens but is rare) so really what interests me in men is the sex and when I want it, that is pretty much all I can think about until I get it. If a man has a small dick I will suck him all he wants but when it comes to penetration, I am going to be the one doing it...but if he has a nice sized dick, I'll be bent over and spreading at the drop of a hat. So yes its the dick and the sex with men that interests me :bigrin: As for whether it's open mindedness or a matter of being born this way, I think its a little of both, the inclination has to be there in the first place because I have known several people both straight and gay who have told me that they have tried it with their own, or oppoisite, and that it just didn't feel right to them which settled the matter of their preference for them then and there. AND then there are people like me who if I can't have em both at the same time :bigrin: and am forced to choose one or the other, I have to follow my inclinations of the moment. My other thread, The Being Bisexual essay goes into alot of this. I am no expert Goddess knows, just a guy trying to understand himself.

Driver 8

Jan 4, 2006, 4:00 PM

Having said that, I have a few questions for the congregation (not to divert interest from this very enticing subject). I find that I'm not as interested in men so much as I'm interested in the fact they possess a cock and having sex with them because of that fact (in other words, I find women much more attractive than men, but when I watch porn, for instance, I am very attracted to cocks and what they can do). Am I in the minority here, or do others share this particular philosophy? Are there other men out there who have not had an early experience with a man who later come to the realization that they are interested in men as well as women (most of the stories for male posters so far have described early sexual activities with men before women)? Are there others out there that are, as I consider myself, a non-practicing bisexual? And, the question I've had for many years and haven't seen answered, even on this site is this: Is bisexuality just a word meaning "open-minded to sex with either gender," or is there more to it than that? In other words, heteros and gays are pretty much born that way and have well-developed lifestyles supporting both and can't or won't be "recruited" to have sex with someone outside their lifestyle. But bisexuals, at least in my case, seem to make a conscious decision to be open-minded to having sex with both genders at some point in their lives. Or, like heteros and gays, are there those who realize they are attracted to both sexes at an early point in their lives and live a bisexual lifestyle from that point on?

Wow, that's a lot of questions, and I bet eyou'll get a lot of different answers.

I've met other bisexual men who only started feeling attraction to men later in life, so it doesn't seem too unusual to me, even though that wasn't the case for me.

I'm in a monogamous relationship, which some people would consider "non-practicing." Personally, though, I feel like I was bisexual back before I had any experience at all (I was certainly attracted to both men and women,) bisexual when I was in a monogamous relationship with a guy, and bisexual when I was in a monogamous relationship with a girl.

I don't feel like I made a choice to be bisexual, although I've made choices about who I've been in relationships with. I also choose to call myself bisexual, because I think it's the best word for what I am, even though some other women would call themselves lesbians (when they're with women) or straight (when they're with men.) I think my orientation was inborn, though.

Chaia

Jan 4, 2006, 4:04 PM

I figured it out when I was a teenager, though I recall being miserably confused because I'd heard of being a lesbian, but hadn't heard of anyone who was attracted to both men AND women.

I don't recall one moment where I figured it out. I remember having crushes on girls and guys, and fantasizing about sex with them, but there wasn't a turning point. I do remember seeing the word "bisexual" in a book and thinking "there's a word for it, there must be other people like me."

That could be my story, too! "...there must be other people like me." That is exactly how I felt. I also eyed the ladies in National Geographic at a young age like 3naib.
Chaia

curiousbigdude

Jan 4, 2006, 5:44 PM

I'm not 100% sure I know yet. My earliest memory of sexual identity was in 2nd grade, there was a girl in my class that I got along with very well, and always played together at recess. Then one day I was teased by some of the other boys about "playing with girls and their dolls" (even though we never played with dolls, I was just more comfortable with her than with the boys) and I allowed the peer pressure to force me away from her and into playing kickball or smear the queer or whatever the boys were doing at the time. I know I've always felt more comfortable around women. I've had a few really good male friends over the years, but most of my best friends in life have been female. All through my teen years I was attracted to girls, never boys, I never even entertained the thought of doing anything with a guy. All of my sexual fantasies and interactions involved women. Then at 23 I started dating a woman who was very open in the bedroom. She was exactly like me, willing to try anything once in order to make a fantasy come true. She told me at one point that one of her fantasies was to see me having sex with another guy, and even though I had never thought about it before then, I realized then that it's something I would like to try. The closest we ever came to making it happen was roleplay, with her using a strap-on dildo. We separated 5 years ago, and right after we split I hooked up with a couple and got to experience a little bit as a top, but I really want to try it as a bottom. It's been in the back of my mind until then, but recently I've been thinking about it more and more. I still consider myself mostly straight, as I can't see myself being in any type of "romantic" relationship with another guy, but I can see myself having a sexual relationship with another guy.

Socially I have a hard time categorizing myself. I force myself to act masculine, but don't really feel it in my bones. I'm not like most guys I know, I sometimes feel like I've been shorted in the testosterone department. I like sports but don't get fanatical about them. I do sometimes get fanatical cooking. I'm more comfortable in the kitchen than in the garage. I'm not aggressive when seducing women, I'm more comfortable when the woman makes the first move, which happens less often than the Red Sox win the World Series. While doing some research I came across the phrase "male lesbian", defined as a guy who feels more comfortable with the roles that women traditionally have played in society, such as raising children (I love babies), cooking, being passive in dating life, yet is sexually attracted to, and only wishes to enter relationships with, women. The only difference is that I also entertain the idea of having sex with a guy, and in fact am VERY curious to see what it would be like to be taken sexually by a guy, in every way. I'm not sure if I'd like it, my only reference is several times being done by a woman with a strap-on, and one time sucking a guy for a very short time. But I do know I want to try it before I decide whether or not it's for me.

Lillianblack

Jan 4, 2006, 8:51 PM

I am a bisexual woman married to a straight man...(although I have been with him 8 years, we just got married on December 30th, so it is still a little strange for me to say...) I have always been bisexual, since I can remember. I met my best friend in kindergarten; I walked up to her and said "You are the prettiest girl in the class, will you be my best friend?" At the same time, I had a crush on my brother's best friend (a boy) from the time I was in second grade until I was 17 (I still might =D). All of this notwithstanding, I didn't come out or realize what I was until I was 16. I had been dating my boyfriend (now my husband!!) for about a year, was totally satisfied emotionally, sexually and mentally. One day we watched the movie "But I'm a Cheerleader." The whole time I was watching it I was having a revelation about my childhood fascination with women, while feeling guilty about it because of my boyfriend. I was so torn up over the contradiction in feelings I was having I made myself physically sick for weeks. Finally one day, in a fit of fever and illness, I broke down and told him how I was feeling. I told him I thought I was a lesbian and that I was guilt stricken and confused. He very calmly asked me if I loved him, if I enjoyed sex with him, if I wanted to be with him...I said YES!! OF COURSE!! to which he replied "baby, it's ok...you are probably bisexual!" At that moment, I knew that he was right.
My first sexual experience with a woman was when I was 17. My husband said that he didn't ever want to hold me back or make me resent him, and he freed me up emotionally to have sex with women. I did, and afterwards I felt great! I knew that I loved him, but I also enjoyed myself and loved being with her. Ever since we have had a poly lifestyle, and I am very very happy.

In response to the other questions on here, remember this: Sexuality is not defined by sexual behavior, but rather by a long standing attraction to one or both genders. Having a homosexual experience does not make you gay or bi...neither does not having them. We are a strange and often misunderstood breed of people...define yourself by who you are, not who you sleep with (or don't)
Thanks to everyone on here for making a community for all of us who have felt misplaced, mislabeled, and misunderstood. I know I have, and I am thankful to have a safe haven.

R

curiousbigdude

Jan 4, 2006, 9:45 PM

smokey

Jan 5, 2006, 8:03 AM

In response to the other questions on here, remember this: Sexuality is not defined by sexual behavior, but rather by a long standing attraction to one or both genders. Having a homosexual experience does not make you gay or bi...neither does not having them. We are a strange and often misunderstood breed of people...define yourself by who you are, not who you sleep with (or don't)
Thanks to everyone on here for making a community for all of us who have felt misplaced, mislabeled, and misunderstood. I know I have, and I am thankful to have a safe haven.

R

Well said Lillianblack very well said indeed.

sexymicouple

Jan 5, 2006, 9:38 AM

I have experimented anally since I began masturbating in junior high. At that point I considdered it, but wasn't attracted to any guys. In college was the first time I was ever attracted to a guy... at least as far as I was aware (I can think of a couple guys in high school who I was probably intrested in but didn't realize it). It was only a couple years ago that I really started fantasizing about it though. I had my first expereince with a man just last month.

My wife has been pretty open about her bi-sexuality since high school. It was one of her fantasies for years. She too had her first experience (other than kissing and over the clothes petting) last month.

kcunderwhere

Jan 5, 2006, 12:24 PM

Having said that, I have a few questions for the congregation (not to divert interest from this very enticing subject). I find that I'm not as interested in men so much as I'm interested in the fact they possess a cock and having sex with them because of that fact (in other words, I find women much more attractive than men, but when I watch porn, for instance, I am very attracted to cocks and what they can do). Am I in the minority here, or do others share this particular philosophy? Are there other men out there who have not had an early experience with a man who later come to the realization that they are interested in men as well as women (most of the stories for male posters so far have described early sexual activities with men before women)?

I was a "late bloomer" as well...my sexuality and desires definitely changed as I got older. I had my first sexual experience with a woman, and have been attracted to women my entire life.

As a young child, I always knew I had transsexual tendencies, if not a full-blown transsexual. I would fantasize about being a woman and having sex with a...."phantom penis". That is the best way to describe it - the thoughts would center around the "feeling" of being a woman and being penetrated, but I never thought about the person attached to it. I had no interest in men at all, never looked at them, checked them out, nothing! I wasn't at all homophobic and had no dislike of gays, it just wasn't me. Being penetrated was just part of being a "female". Even when dressed, I never felt any attraction towards men...although I did experiment quite a lot with toys and anal sex.

This all started to slowly change when I was in my early to mid 20's...my "phantom penis" started to take on a form. I gradually became aroused by thinking of being with a man when I was a woman. I had my first encounter this way, and it was wonderful. I did not, however, ever see myself as a guy being with a guy.

Somehow, as I approached 30, the thought of being with a man became not only acceptable, but desirable...and I started having erotic thoughts of having sex with a man as a man. I would now say I am 50/50 - but most of my fantasies involve men (which may be because I can get hetero sex whenever I want with my wife).

A few thoughts, though - I still don't ever notice "cute guys" on the street like I notice hot women. Although I am sure I could have a long-term relationship with the right guy, I never really think about guys unless I am horny (which actually is most of the time...).

Secondly, I often wonder since I have had to repress my transsexualism my entire life (and still am) - did my desire for gay relationships evolve because I couldn't have an outlet for my transsexualism?

Hope this helps!

Lisa (va)

Jan 5, 2006, 1:40 PM

When i think about it I am not even sure if I'm bisexual or not, not that labels bother me. I have thought I was straight. I have thought I was bi. I have thought I was a lesbian. But usually it suffices to say I am bi, as not to explain how I see it. But back to the question, I was 16 when I noticed a friend of mine staring at the other girls in the gym locker room and realized I was not the only one. I confronted her about it one night at a sleep over and we shyly 'experimented' , but nother more than a few touches, most of the ttime we just brushed each others hair in front of the dresser mirror.

I like grants outlook - opened to sex with either gender. That closely resembles my theory, that loving someone is not gender specific, the emotions are still the same (for me at least) only the mechanics change.

Lisa
hugs n kisses

Biboz49

Jan 5, 2006, 11:32 PM

I didn't know I was bi until 4 years ago. I remember ever since I was very young, around 10 I think, about finding other males stimulating or something. I distinctly recall looking at a picture of the beatles on one of those bubble gum cards and imagining what they would look like naked and becoming sexually aroused. lol amazing. Later in my early 30's I discovered I was attracted to another guy and that was a bit of a shocker. I secretly let myself enjoy the sexual feelings but repressed those feelings until recently. I mostly repressed the feelings due to being married and she would never accept that. After a long marriage we split up and the first woman I dated confessed that she found it very sexually exciting to watch 2 guys together. Thats when it all started and I have never looked back. Once again I started to allow myself to be sexually excited thinking about other guys. It was a bit of a process. More and more I learned what excited me and what didn't. Finally I admitted to myself that I wanted to try it. I parted my ways with that girlfriend and as luck would have it met another one who wanted to date bi guys and who also loved watching 2 guys together. We set up a mmf 3 some and I just loved it. That relationship didn't last long but the bi feelings did. So that just solidified it for me (no pun intended lol) and here I am. I now live with, and totally in love with the most wonderful woman who totally accepts who I am and my sexuality. I am so happy the way life has turned out for me.

huneypot

Jan 6, 2006, 1:41 PM

Ratchick

Jan 6, 2006, 1:52 PM

i took the big plundge at 19 and came out as gay. i never said i was bisexual and deff didnt want to, dont know why really, i suppose i thought people would have said i was confused or just going through a stage, but for whatever reason i never never said BISEXUAL, and never addmitted that i was. i enjoyed the odd time with men but put it down to being drunk :rolleyes: or just a 1 off havin a laugh. if someone said to me "ur bi" i would have screamed at them. i was quiet content to live my gay life and fealt like i belonged to the gay community.Now im quiet happy to admit that i am deff BI and happy to be bi.

but why was i so scared of it????
anyone got any ideas??????

:)

HOneypot,
BEcuase most of the world is tuaght to catagorise everything.
YOu are either 1) Gay or 2) str8 to most people.
Also some Homosexuals have been burned By Bisexuals leaving them for the oppisite sex, but what they don't relise is that a Homosexual could of left them for another man/woman too.

I knew I was "Not like the other girls" at about age 5. I was all tomboi as a kid. I played with all the guys, picked ont he the girlie girls, and all my freinds were guys. Then as I went through high school, I came-out as a lesbian. I dated a few women and a couple men. Weird thing is, I got married to a guy! So this is when I thoguht I was straight. Then I left my Husband and went right back to women. I dunno, I know I like women more, and date them more, and only fool around with the ocaisional guy.

Who knows what I am....
I just know I like who I like.
I quote Shane from the "L Word" show, "Sexuality is Fluid, you just go with it"

-RC

Driver 8

Jan 6, 2006, 2:14 PM

Now im quiet happy to admit that i am deff BI and happy to be bi.

but why was i so scared of it????
anyone got any ideas??????

Just a guess ... I know that the lesbian community I was in contact with when I first came out was very supportive of lesbians, even newly-out ones, but contemptuous of bi women.

They also seemed to have a lot of stereotypes of bi women - that we were "male-identified," whatever that means, that we spread diseases to lesbians,
that we were really straight or really gay ... I don't know how much they were generalizing from bi women they'd know, but it seemed to me that it was just the usual prejudices. Get born with the wrong Kinsey value, and so much for you ...

I knew several lesbians who got involved with men and had real identity crises about it. One woman burst into tears in front of me, saying "I can't be bisexual!" (I did not have a ton of sympathy, since she herself had given me tons of shit about my sexual orientation.)

So I don't know if I have any answers for you, except to say that I've seen other lesbians go through something similar. In their case I think it was in part because they had such definite ideas that bisexual women were something bad; perhaps in part because their community defined itself as the good lesbians, in contrast to the wicked bisexuals. Suddenly, instead of sharing an identity with their friends, and sharing pride in it, they were left not knowing who they were.

Interestingly, two of those women ended up continuing to identify as lesbian even after multiple relationships with men; the third came to identify as straight. Now, there are a lot of reasons for why people choose what to call themselves, and they involve more than just sexual behavior - and I respect that. But I can't help wondering why these women ruled out calling themselves bisexual, since they clearly had a history of significant attraction to both men and women. (Especially the ones who called themselves lesbians but had sex with men.)

:2cents:

OralBradley

Jan 6, 2006, 2:47 PM

" I know that the lesbian community I was in contact with when I first came out was very supportive of lesbians, even newly-out ones, but contemptuous of bi women."

:bibounce: :male: Is that still going on? I had hoped that the gay community would have eased up a bit even the the str8s haven't. I was really in a dither when I was coming out to myself in the 70s znd called a gay hotline in San Jose, only to be told that I was a fake, didn't exist, and that I preyed on decent gay men! Only preachers and other oreditors prey!

open2both

Jan 6, 2006, 3:31 PM

When I was 15.
I was severely injured in a football accident and I was the popular, goodlooking, captain of the football team, with all the girlfriends etc. etc. but doing my rehab and being in a wheelchair all my so-called girlfriends split on me. Devastating. Fortunately the physical therapists and male nurses were gay and very nurturing and I willingly and gladly embraced Plan B.

Driver 8

Jan 6, 2006, 4:48 PM

... doing my rehab and being in a wheelchair all my so-called girlfriends split on me. Devastating. Fortunately the physical therapists and male nurses were gay and very nurturing and I willingly and gladly embraced Plan B.

Wow - I once heard a physical therapist say that guys in wheelchairs tended to have girlfriends, but girls in wheelchairs tended not to have boyfriends. And of course there's that whole stereotype about gay men being obsessed with physical "perfection."

Then again, having been a teenage girl, I know it's possible to have terrible judgment at that age. Hope you haven't found the same small-mindedness as you got older.

Ratchick

Jan 10, 2006, 11:57 PM

[ :bibounce: :male: Is that still going on? I had hoped that the gay community would have eased up a bit even the the str8s haven't. I was really in a dither when I was coming out to myself in the 70s znd called a gay hotline in San Jose, only to be told that I was a fake, didn't exist, and that I preyed on decent gay men! Only preachers and other preditors prey![/QUOTE]

Oh yes Bradley, it is.
In Fact Sunday night I was at Sister's Club Here in Good ol' Philly watching the HRC Presentation of The L Word Premire, and a Bisexual Character was mentioned and somehow it was asked what one character should do about it, and all these girls yelled out "RUN!".
Everytime a Bisexual was mentioned, snarling slogans were yelled.
There I was, with my GF who is also Bisexual basically being bitched about amungst all these monsexual women. The place was packed FULL to the gills. Needless to say, My GF and I left shortly after the show. Why subject ourselves to such a hostile envirnment?

Kinda pisses me off, really.

-RC

Mmmarie

Jan 11, 2006, 2:07 AM

Like 3naib, I always knew. I've dated people, not genders, since I was 15 and came out as bi. At 16 I was in a MFF relationship and at 19 I was in a quad MFMF relationship where all of us were bi. I married at 24, but my beloved knew I was bi and only "trying" monogamy. That lasted 10 years and we've been poly for 10 years and I am now as openly bi and poly as before we married.
Mmmarie

moonlitwish

Jan 11, 2006, 3:57 PM

Back when I was like 12, I had my first crush on a girl...Wasn't until years later when I finally admitted to myself that's what it was, but then again, it wasn't until those later years that I knew such a thing existed in 'normal' people. The only non-straight person I knew at that age was incredibly unstable, and in the town I grew up in...ain't no wonder having to deal with the complexities of being gay all alone and at such a young age.

Driver 8

Jan 11, 2006, 8:02 PM

Everytime a Bisexual was mentioned, snarling slogans were yelled. ... Why subject ourselves to such a hostile envirnment?

Kinda pisses me off, really.

Just kinda?

Sometimes it seems to me that things aren't a bad as they were in the mid-to-late eighties ... I meet more lesbians and gay men who don't have a problem with bisexuals, the major organizations have woken up and included "bisexual" in their literature (and even their names), and you see more out bisexuals as activists.

Nevertheless, I've personally come to the conclusion that I'm going to support GLBT issues from a distance. I'll send a check to the HRC, but I no longer see the point in volunteering, or in going to events where I can expect to listen to this sort of bullshit - or, worse, have it directed at me. I just don't believe I was put on this earth so lesbian women could work out their frustration on me.

:2cents:

smokey

Jan 12, 2006, 8:29 AM

Just kinda?

Sometimes it seems to me that things aren't a bad as they were in the mid-to-late eighties ... I meet more lesbians and gay men who don't have a problem with bisexuals, the major organizations have woken up and included "bisexual" in their literature (and even their names), and you see more out bisexuals as activists.

Nevertheless, I've personally come to the conclusion that I'm going to support GLBT issues from a distance. I'll send a check to the HRC, but I no longer see the point in volunteering, or in going to events where I can expect to listen to this sort of bullshit - or, worse, have it directed at me. I just don't believe I was put on this earth so lesbian women could work out their frustration on me.

:2cents:
Personally I am sick and tired of gay rights, indian rights, blacks rights, womens rights and so forth we all belong to the family of man...fur christ sakes give me human rights.

anne27

Jan 12, 2006, 11:53 AM

I might still think I was straight if it wasn't for a sweet, sexy little Texas gal I met online on a totally 'nilla forum. One night we were chatting online and we started trading sexual experiences and she mentioned she had been with her best friend several times in a girl/girl situation. A few weeks later, I got online after coming home from a party and was a bit drunk. She and I started talking and wound up playing online, which lead on phone play with led to a long term 'net affair of sorts. She asked me early on to tell my hubby and after the initial shock, he was very supportive.

A few months later, we were out with friends drinking and having a good time and I wound up kissing a long time friend who I knew had an interest in women. Later that evening, we wound up in bed together with the guys downstairs unaware. I confessed to my hubby immediately, but instead of being upset, he was supportive.

At first I thought girls were just for fun sex and that I could never have a relationship with one, but last year I had an intense 6 month relationship with another woman. That ended badly when her b/f decided he wasn't going to share her with a woman and that he hated me (never mind that he never met me!). I've been with a total of 4 women now. Each a wonderful, beautiful experience. But I've only loved one.

I think I was a late bloomer (38 for my first experience) because growing up the only woman I knew who was bisexual or gay was my ex-sister-in-law. She was always such a gross person. She did taxidermy and would go around our small town in blood covered clothes *shudders at memory*. With her as my only role model of a bisexual woman, how could I possibly bring myself to admit I was one? So, I totally repressed it for 38 long years! :rolleyes:

anne27

Jan 12, 2006, 12:00 PM

.... but I no longer see the point in volunteering, or in going to events where I can expect to listen to this sort of bullshit - or, worse, have it directed at me. I just don't believe I was put on this earth so lesbian women could work out their frustration on me.

:2cents:

I've had a lot of this, mainly with the online local groups that I have tried to join. There is no glbt community in my part of rural Tennessee. The head on one group billing itself as for 'lesbian and bi women' blasted my ass but good when I posted in my introduction that I was married! :rolleyes: I guess it was ok to have sex with an occasional man in a weak moment, but for god's sake, don't marry one! :eek:

JohnnyV

Jan 12, 2006, 12:07 PM

I knew I was when I had a crush on one specific guy. When my girlfriend and I broke up, I came out as bi. The gay community put intense pressure on me until I identified as gay for a few years, but I was always interested in women, and that side of me won out.

I "came to terms" about 7 years after first coming out. In my late 20s I realized that I'd be living this back and forth between two genders, in terms of my attractions, forever. Coming to terms made it possible for me to control my urges instead of being controlled by them. That got me off the roller coaster and on to solid ground, where I am now.

Luv,
J

Ratchick

Jan 12, 2006, 1:45 PM

Just kinda?

Sometimes it seems to me that things aren't a bad as they were in the mid-to-late eighties ... I meet more lesbians and gay men who don't have a problem with bisexuals, the major organizations have woken up and included "bisexual" in their literature (and even their names), and you see more out bisexuals as activists.

Nevertheless, I've personally come to the conclusion that I'm going to support GLBT issues from a distance. I'll send a check to the HRC, but I no longer see the point in volunteering, or in going to events where I can expect to listen to this sort of bullshit - or, worse, have it directed at me. I just don't believe I was put on this earth so lesbian women could work out their frustration on me.

:2cents:

HEre, Here.
Only thing is, I am a Gay leading Bi, and like to date women..in order for me to find them ,(My GF and I are polyamurous), I have to goto those lesbian clus to find women. I really think somethign has to be done. When our group walks through the lobby of the local GLBT center.....every once a while I hear some dumbass comment. NExt time I will stop and say something.

-RC

JohnnyV

Jan 12, 2006, 2:15 PM

I have to agree with Ratchick. We can't pull out of those gay and lesbian groups, even if they get weird about our relationships with the opposite sex. I find that individual discussions with biphobic gays and lesbians go a long way. If you try to address it in a big political forum, everyone retreats into armed trenches and people don't hear each other. One-on-one, people are more open.

As a side note, when I got married, two of my groomsmen were vocal gay men who had had their minds changed because of me. A third gay friend couldn't accept what I was doing and refused to come, choosing that weekend to go on a gay safari somewhere with someone he had just picked up. It goes to show that it's very hard to generalize about how gays and lesbians feel about bi people.

J

Driver 8

Jan 12, 2006, 9:31 PM

I totally support people who get - or remained - involved in the larger GLBT community, and I don't mean to suggest that all bisexuals are better off to withdraw. I just got to the point where I felt that what I was achieving - and what I was getting out of being involved - was outweighed by the anger and frustration I kept walking out with.

I don't avoid or dislike people from either end of the monosexual rainbow - just the sort of events and places where I'm afraid I can expect the "you're not wanted" routine.

My hope is that keeping up on issues, writing letters to my congressfolks, and sending checks does some good to make the world a better place. There are other ways to accomplish that - from volunteering for an organization to sitting down and having the Bisexuality 101 talk with people, and others - I don't knock any of them.

JohnnyV

Jan 13, 2006, 2:33 AM

Driver 8,

I think bis as a whole are a somewhat free-flowing group, especially if they've gotten to the point of declaring it openly. Monosexual people aren't the only ones we'll have a hard time dealing with. Bigots, closed-minded people, simpletons with one-track minds, sheltered folks who don't know anything about the world, reactionary elitists, smug snobs, overly pious moralists, and deluded idealists who think life is all about a wholesome house in a whitebread suburb, are all types of people that will typically irritate your average bisexual. You have to be a little accepting of the unusual to make an identity out of loving everyone regardless of their genitalia, especially when everyone else on our planet is busy telling you to double-check your gender before falling in love.

So I know exactly what you mean about wanting to avoid settings that make you feel unwelcome. My perspective is that I feel unwelcome on some level, almost anywhere, because the vast majority of human beings fall into one of the tiresome categories I listed in the category above. I try to adapt to other people's foibles and just go with the flow, changing the topic to uncontroversial matters if necessary. Not only in talking with gays and lesbians, but to almost anyone, I feel the need to follow the same rules of decorum and graciousness; otherwise I will end up closing myself off to the whole world.....

Lots of love,
J

smokey

Jan 13, 2006, 8:30 AM

12voltman59

Jan 13, 2006, 12:29 PM

I tend to believe that if there weren't so much pressure to cave into the straight/gay duality, there would be far fewer "gays" in the world and more bisexuals. The way being gay is interpeted (at least here in America), its a whole lifestyle choice as opposed to a simple matter of sexual preference and it is one that alot of people (and not just straights) are put off by. But, with the duality of having to be one or the other forced upon them, they don't have much choice. It is kinda like the old having one drop of "black" blood...in short BULLSHIT!!!

Smokey--I could not agree more with you---you certainly hit that nail squarely on the head....

I have been spending some time searching through the two websites listed in the forum thread "Frot is Hot." (G0Y and Man2Man/FROT/Cock Warrior)

The philosophies found in G0Y and Man2Man are variations on a theme--a theme of rejecting what their respecective adherents feel is the highly negative and destructive aspects of modern homosexuality. They reject the current accepted models of male to male sexuality and seek something better--something more noble instead of the often denigrating nature of modern gay sex.

I now understand that I have always held desires to have sex with other men, but due to seeing "gay" lifestyles in its various forms--I knew there was no place for me there---so I reframed from acting on my attractions to men and suppressed them.

I have seen enough crazy shit in the hetero mating scene over the years that have made me not enamoured of that---the different gay scenes were a real turn off as well.

To me the real root of all of our problems does stem from our Judeo-Christian--Islamic heritage--all of these religions at there core seem to hold a deep seated, pathological hatred of sexuality.

We need to shed that pathology and strive for an acceptance of this fundamental aspect of being human--the need of physical, mental and spiritual sexual union with another.

It only stands to reason--that if you repress something that cannot be repressed--it rears its an ugly head in damaging and destructive ways. That is why sex in far too many cases has become base and vulgar and we have in many parts of the world--people forced into slavery to satiate an unhealthy and destructive desire for physical sex only.

That physical desire can never be filled without filling in the mental and spiritual blackhole in the soul this repression brings about.

We do need to find another way in regards to sex--acceptance of bisexuality is one way to heal the damage caused by the repression of our fundamental human need for positive sexual expression.

I hope that we are part of sea change that will lead to a more healthy way of looking at and dealing with our sexual natures.....

smokey

Jan 13, 2006, 2:14 PM

All the men I have had sex with, with the exception of a few, have been all average joes in appearance and behaviour. They haven't been cartoon renditions of either what women are or some idealized fantesy of what a "man is supposed to be". I don't care for drag or drama queens (either gender) or any of that. If I want a man, that what I want not some audition for the academy awards.

Flounder1967

Jan 13, 2006, 7:08 PM

I didn't really know i was bi untill I started coming here. It really started to sink in. I had reationships when i was younger before my wife. But i never let anyone know that's what i've done it was none of there business. I also discovered sex in the early 80's when the big "Gay" movment seemedto be happening. I knew form the way my parents talked the one may never accept it. Then I was also in sports and i knew to never let anyone know.

:flag3:

moonlitwish

Jan 13, 2006, 7:21 PM

chikrule

Jan 13, 2006, 8:06 PM

I just found this site today....how wonderful! I knew I was attracted to women when I watched a porno with two women and enjoyed it. I never knew that was an option before that. I was raised in a "cult" church with strict rules. Now I'm 32 and I've been with more women than men, but am now happily married to the most wonderful man. I'm still trying to figure out how to be with a woman while being married, but my husband and I are working through it and hopefully it will turn out all right.

bhg08054

Jan 14, 2006, 2:59 PM

Ok so here is the question...

Just when did you come to the conclusion that you were bisexual as opposed to straight or gay?

I think answering this will be the perfect "first post" for me here.

Most of my life I would have called myself straight. Yes, I enjoyed seeing naked men, enjoyed seeing hard cocks when watching porn, etc. But I knew for sure that I wanted, or needed, sex with women. I knew I wasn't gay. I did have some fantasies though....

Other than watching my cousin masturbate once when I was young I had no other youthful experiences with other males.

I really didn't know anything about bisexuality for most of my life. Never understood the concept, never realized that I could be that.

Then in November 2004 I stumbled across the thread of a very open bisexual couple on another message board. And it all clicked.

Of course I truly didn't know for sure until May 1, 2005. That was the day I first held another man's cock in my hand, first took him into my mouth. Receiving oral sex from him the night before was an important step, but holding his penis was the confirming moment for me.

jessicaa

Jan 14, 2006, 3:09 PM

I knew I was bisexual seven years ago.I knew that I was attracted to men and women and I did get intimate with a female just right after I turned 20.All I knew next we were kissing,suddenly clothes came off and sex toys were used.I knew I was bisexual.I did come out to my parents after this happened and they told me that they accepted this.My parents still are supportive to this day.

APMountianMan

Jan 15, 2006, 2:53 PM

Now this may sound weird but I was still thinking in terms of my parents' generation until my second marriage.,.. I knew about swingers and wife swapping (saw many mags around the house as a kid), but didn't think it was OK for a guy to like another guy.

My first experiences were with boys my own age from the age of 10 to 15. We checked out Playboy and the like, but my favorite was Hustler because the showed the male organ. That's when I knew something was different about me. I got extra turned on when seeing a erect cock.

I did have a few encounters with girls after 12. But I always found myself thinking more of boys than girls.

I met my present wife while dating guys exclusively, so she knew of my "preference" from the start. I was shocked when I fell in love with her because I was convinced that it was either or and that I would never marry again... she was the one that taught me that being bi was OK.

So, though I didn't know it unti later in life, I guess I have always been bi.

When did I "admit" to myself that I was Bi... probably not until I was 35 or 36.

I guess you can teach old dawgs new tricks!

:cool:

rumple4skin

Jan 19, 2006, 1:14 PM

I guess I always knew I was bi but did not want to admit it to myself. I have had thoughts about both genders since i was a kid which i surpressed becasue I was hung up on M/M sex being wrong but i got turned on by both. I acepted I was bi about 5 years ago when I decided that I did not have to paint myself with a brush someone else picked for me. I have to say that doing some research on the web helped alot. I was able to get past the you are either straight or gay narrow mindedness. I like women and I like men. I am much happier not trying to deny one or the other. :) I am glad that someone told me about this site the other day. Have seen alot of interesting thoughts here.

Sweet59

Jan 31, 2006, 2:12 AM

Every since I was aware of sex I was aware that I liked having sex with both males and femals. What I wasn't aware of until I was in my 20's was that there was such a term as Bisexual. My favorite form at sexual relations is both sexes at the same time.

becksbolero

Feb 11, 2006, 10:31 AM

Welcome BHG, good to see a friendly face from another site(gregor_16).
I sucked my first cock at nine and although it's been 95 per cent women over the years I still like a nice hard cock in my mouth once in a blew moon ;0)

wanderingrichard

Feb 11, 2006, 2:34 PM

well, as i think i told someone else here, i was about 14 when i had my 1st bi experieince, and realized i liked playing with both boys and girls. it just added so much more to life for me. trouble was i didnt know there was a term for it. just that it was different.

as i've stated in other posts here and elsewhere on the web, i had to repress my sexuality for many many years due to family rejection [ and beatings to "straighten" me out. those scars probably wont ever heal] and military service. hindsight being what it is, i regret now that i was too dumb to see that i needed to be me a lot longer than i needed to be a soldier or anything else.. several years ago i took steps to correct that self denial and came mostly out of the closet.. and i've not regretted it since. i do however, guard my persona closely due to work environment and local privacy and lifestyle issues. regardless of legislation anywhere here in the US, some people will just never accept others differences, as we've recently seen here by the attacks on CSRKATE for being a straight woman on a "bi " site.. and the violent, knee jerk reaction of one fellow employee who over heard me discussing brokeback mountain with another co worker and immediately started screaming religious diatribe, causing myself and the co worker i had been talking to originally to look at each other in astonishment and in pity towards the other guy for being so narrow minded.

my question to all is: " admittedly or not, aren't we all bisexual in some way?"
Rich

PeterH

Feb 11, 2006, 5:00 PM

To answer the original question: I found out during my first serious relationship with a girl. I had some intimate experiences with boys between age 6 and 16, but just kept explaining them away, telling myself I wasn't gay.
My now ex-girlfriend and I talked about same-sex experiences. i can't quite remember the conversation, but she told me that's she'd tried it but it wasn't a success. I think from what I figured out from her was that she was just not into it. Thinking about that made me realize that, unlike her, I was.

innaminka

Feb 11, 2006, 6:47 PM

A late bloomer here.
I was in my middle 30's when I had my first f/f encounter. There were extenuating circumstances, so I really thought that it was just one of life's little patchwork pieces and continued merrily str8.
About 6 months later, I entered, far more clear headedly (??) a sexual liaison with another woman after I realised I wanted to be with her sexually, and the truth started to dawn on me.
Prior to my first encounter, women had had no attraction whatsoever, but in the 6 month iterregnum between #1 and #2, I found my thinking had changed.
There followed (along with the odd encounter) probably a year of confusions, denial, doubt, alcoholic assistance, more doubts until I came out to myself. Was I a lesbian?? NO!
I'm a bi. I still loved and wanted my husband.
All in all, the process maybe took 2 years, till I came out to my best friend and then my husband.