My Middle Name is Hussein [Archive]

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HighEnergy

Oct 13, 2008, 3:59 PM

The cool kids on facebook are changing their middle names to Hussein in order to point out the idiocy of worrying about what someone's middle name is instead of the issues facing this country.

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=30770146452&ref=nf

If you have a facebook account, please consider joining the group at the link above and changing your middle name until November.

So, I'm a middle aged soccer mom who's middle name is Hussein. :tong:

VA001

Oct 13, 2008, 4:37 PM

Thats fuc***g stupid

chook

Oct 13, 2008, 5:25 PM

I aint got a middle name, and I'm sure as shit aint gunna use an arab one for any purpose

Cheers Chook :bigrin:

Germanicus

Oct 13, 2008, 5:45 PM

vittoria

Oct 13, 2008, 6:17 PM

I aint got a middle name, and I'm sure as shit aint gunna use an arab one for any purpose

Cheers Chook :bigrin:

yeah..

so i suppose we can all go back to Roman numerals then... considering that our numbers that we use are based on the arabic system... yeah, and better stop drinking sherry too... that's also an arabic thing

:rolleyes:

its a JOKE people...i mean damn!!

and BTW... better stop thinking that belly dancers are hot... i believe they were arabic as well....
:cutelaugh

darkeyes

Oct 13, 2008, 6:50 PM

I aint got a middle name, and I'm sure as shit aint gunna use an arab one for any purpose

Cheers Chook :bigrin:
So usin a name for an ole hen is betta like, chookie? tee hee:tong:

VA001

Oct 13, 2008, 6:55 PM

grabbing a middle name like that... WTF, get a life and back in touch with reality

darkeyes

Oct 13, 2008, 7:08 PM

grabbing a middle name like that... WTF, get a life and back in touch with reality

Wen u wer yung JVA..ya neva do things that ya thot wer rite?? An ya elders an so called bettas thot wos jus plain daft an didn mean owt??? Mosta the peeps on facebook r kids..an kids do things often the only way they think will do ne gud..cos lotsa them don vote an lotsa them that can think it don think it will do ne gud..an who is 2 say they r rong??? Its a gesture..mayb a futile gesture..but its more constructive than the likes a u ridiculin em for doin summat they believe mite do sum gud... so stop gripin an leave em alone.. all power 2 em me says...

chook

Oct 13, 2008, 7:17 PM

So usin a name for an ole hen is betta like, chookie? tee hee:tong:

Actually Chook is a very endearing nickname over here Fran, it also goes to describe someone who is a bit of a wag. ;)

Cheers Chook :bigrin:

darkeyes

Oct 13, 2008, 7:22 PM

Actually Chook is a very endearing nickname over here Fran, it also goes to describe someone who is a bit of a wag. ;)

Cheers Chook :bigrin:yea me knos.. like an ole hen..tee hee..god chookie ya r luffly...:bigrin:

Cherokee_Mountaincat

Oct 13, 2008, 7:23 PM

Well Chook-honey, you can wag at me anytime! lol
Obviously someones attempt at a joke was taken Waaay too seriously.
Lighten up, People, life is too short to be so pessimistic.
Cat

12voltman59

Oct 13, 2008, 7:24 PM

Sarasvati

Oct 13, 2008, 7:43 PM

If we aren't using anything Arabic since it is evil--we can't use algebra either since it comes from the Arabic part of the world---as is much of the original underpinnings of formalized medicine----along with many other areas of scientific and academic endeavour.

This Wikipedia article discusses some of the areas that the Arabic world contributed over the course of history--

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Islamic_contributions_to_Medieval_Europe

So I guess we have to purge all the "evil influences" of the Arabic world from our culture too---that will leave us in a great state!!

Arabian culture has also given us the burka and chop chop alley for raped women.

The great Islamic contributions to knowledge had their source in Persian/Zoroastrian culture.

And our numbers came from India - especially that delicious vaginal delicacy we call the Zero.

31cho

Oct 13, 2008, 10:37 PM

The Hindu-Arabic numerical system (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hindu-Arabic_numeral_system)

is the pissin contest of knowledge done now?

vittoria

Oct 13, 2008, 10:54 PM

DAMN "Peace Train"!!!

It certainly is a "Wild World".....
but wait... I guess in this time of crisis, we arent supposed to like the artist formerly known as "Cat Stevens" anymore, eh?!?!!?!?

;)

Falke

Oct 13, 2008, 10:59 PM

Ok....

I think people are hammering on the wrong thing. Yes, his middle name is Hussein...big whoop. The real question is, is he associated with Islam and if so, is it the militant kind. Which, if he is, it isn't the militant kind. He is far too left to mingle with them as they tend to be uber-right. The man has more issues that are of far more valid concerns than his middle name.

Just my .02

NumberSix

Oct 14, 2008, 12:11 AM

Religious beliefs should make no difference for a politician.

Actually, religion should be a private thing for everyone, it shouldn't spill out into the political arena at all ...or anywhere else than in your own home.

12voltman59

Oct 14, 2008, 1:57 AM

darkeyes

Oct 14, 2008, 8:21 AM

Me middle name means prayer... am not in the least religious an neitha r me mum an dad an hav neva prayed in me life.. it wos pikked cos they liked it.. me forename means girl from France or sum such..well don cum from ther.. course lotsa peeps pik names wiv meanin.....hav a m8 who wos born zactly as the sun rose.. so she wos called the gaelic Samhairdh (Sameera 2 say..funny ole lingo the gaelic.. but don that sound remarkably arabic or islamic?..) wich means (me thinks.. dawn of the sun).. 'er middle name is Ayesha wich is arabic me thinks an don ask me wot it means cos me hasn a clue.....hardly gud christian name tho is it?? So wot?? Am buggered if me gonna pik me m8s on how ther parents named em..an wudn expect them 2 judge me on mine eitha.. but peeps do..sum judge me of havin a catholic upbringin cosa me 1st name.. an nuthin cud b further from the truth.. cos our daughter has an Irish 1st name they think Kate an er family r jus off the boat..nowt cud b miles more off the mark than that eitha..

Peeps r peeps.. how or even wy they r named mattas not 1 jot.. how they liv an wot they do mattas... in fact ther names matta every bit as unimportantly as the cola of ther skin or the place in wich they wer born.. an those who hark on bout it show jus how deeply ingrained ther bigotry is..

vittoria

Oct 14, 2008, 9:05 AM

Ok....

I think people are hammering on the wrong thing. Yes, his middle name is Hussein...big whoop. The real question is, is he associated with Islam and if so, is it the militant kind.

Hopefully for the last time...

NO

His father is from KENYA....his father is TRULY African... KENYAN to be precise...his father wasnt Muslim, just KENYAN... Hussein is JUST A NAME like Michael, Bob, Joe Bob, and Billy Bob...damn foreign names!!

He was born in Hawaii to a woman of Anglo-American decent, which is why he is ALSO related to GWB...his NON MUSLIM Anglo-American grandparents raised him for 18+ years after which he went to Harvard...

What is the deal? J.C. people, give it a rest already!

"OOOO! He has dark skin and the scary name so that makes him Muslim!"

Well, ooooo back, I have dark skin and my middle name is Elisha, so I guess that makes me Hebrew :rolleyes: and o yeah... supposedly I'm black too :cutelaugh

12voltman59

Oct 14, 2008, 9:47 AM

Even if Barak Obama was Muslim--what would be the big fucking deal that he is????

Just like in Christianity---you have your real whack jobs that are just bat shit crazy--but 99.99 percent of the people who practice Christianity or Islam are just people who hold the faith but just go about living their lives without being radical---it is that itty bitty slice of them that give both faiths a bad name and do the crazy stuff like blow up buildings.

Geez--before we had 9/11--the worst act of terrorism on American soil was the bombing and destruction of the Murah Federal Bulding in Oklahoma City-and that was done by guys who called themselves--"Good, All-american Christian" men for God's sake--but everybody forgets that---

Sarah Palin's husband is or was, a member of that radical successionist sect-and while the leader of that group or others in it--far as we know--have not conducted any real violence---it is my understanding that the leader of the group did advocate committing violence against both the federal and Alaskan state governments--I did see some quotes of his where he talks about how they reject anything "American."

This group may be just a bunch of white guys who get together and just talk shit---talk about how tough they are and it doesn't go much beyond that---but that is more than anyone can say that Barak Obama has ever done---

Ok---Barak had some dealings with this Ayers guy----but apparently Ayers is on all sorts of boards and such in the Chicago area----that particular board they are talking about that Obama first came into contact with Ayers was a group designed to improve education quality primarily in the Chicago inner city schools started by the Annenberg Foundation--one of the most distinguished and respected philanthropic foundations in the US if not the world, thanks to the works the organization has done in areas of education and related fields----

Here is the link that takes you to the Annenberg Foundation http://www.annenbergfoundation.org/ The Annenberg Foundation is hardly a radical organization.

Barak had some apparent, minor connections to that Resco guy---once again rather tenuous--but John McCain had major connections to Charles Keating and that group of gangbangers---a group that before this current economic situation---was responsible for the worst economic problem in the US since the Great Depression----but that gets glossed over.

The history of Barak Obama is that he has tried to work for the greater good--like I have said before--coming from off his academic position at Harvard Law of being editor of the Law Review and finishing at the top of his class--he could have parlayed that accomplishment by now-- to be one incredibly rich and powerful person---he could have gone to work for any one of the top law firms in the US or the world----and while he would have spent a very short time doing some grunt work most likely---in very short order--he would have been made a full partner and before long achieve senior partner status--pulling down millions per year by now----but no--he chose to go the hard road and worked for peanuts doing the, oooooooo scarrrrryy, work of being a community organizer!!!! then on the the Illinois state senate, then the US Senate.

It could be argued that if Barak Obama were all about personal aggrandizement---he sure as hell went the wrong way----if he had taken the normal way that most people would do reaping the reward of his hard work in law school----he would be one of those people pulling the strings of things behind the curtain---the place where in reality---the real power resides----and to me---the more I know of Barak's personal history----that makes me want him all the more as president---the way he chose to go, to me---says volumes about the content of his character and his qualifications to be President of the United States of America---

I may actually be finally proud that this man is my president should he be elected--I sure as heck haven't been as yet in my adult life which goes back to the end of the Carter presidency-----

And talk about bull crap----the McCain campaign comes out with a "report" that clears SARAH from having done anything unethical or illegal in regards to the firing of that police official---but yet--the official report cites her for at the very least, violating state ethics guidelines if not the laws themselves--a report dismissed by the McCain campaign as a "politically motivated smear campaign"--but yet--the panel--totalling 14 members--10 of which are REPUBLICANS and only four of them are Demcrats--all members on the panel voting that she did indeed violate the ethics standards---but yet the woman has the gall to say on camera----"I was totally cleared of any ethical wrongdoing!"

Uhhhhh--yeah--in her alternate universe she must live in and not this one that she steps into from time to time I guess that is true-----but ohh boy---SARAH is such a great, all American gal who is being attacked by relentlessly by those evil, liberal, elitist media people!!!

And Barak Obama is a radical muslim, who wants America to fail and he sacrifices his first born!! Has horns and a tail---Barak is just not a real or good American!!!

Throw up anything on the wall and see if it sticks--the thing is--as based on what I saw in a report on CNN where they sent a reporter into the crowds at a McPalin campaign rally---the misinformation and down right lies they put out about Obama is being believed by so many people---that is sad----

darkeyes

Oct 14, 2008, 11:27 AM

Interestin adjunct 2 alla this .. in the UK ya cant b head a state if yas a catholic.. ya cant take ya place in the line a succession 2 the throne.. ya cant b head a the government.. wich is wy Blair waited till e resigned as PM fore e converted... o wot a merry web we weave...:rolleyes:

So wot ifyas a muslim?? B fun havin head a the Church of England 1 a them...:bigrin:.. or an athiest??? Me imagination runs riot ere..:bigrin:

macman885

Oct 14, 2008, 3:09 PM

darkeyes

Oct 14, 2008, 3:15 PM

csrakate

Oct 14, 2008, 4:12 PM

OMG..my middle name is Elizabeth!!!! Does this mean I am a supporter of the crown???? EGADS...where's my cool accent? j/k...please....I do love my friends from the UK....no disrespect intended!

darkeyes

Oct 14, 2008, 4:25 PM

vitt&cho

Oct 14, 2008, 4:42 PM

JustaguyIndy

Oct 14, 2008, 9:28 PM

OMG..my middle name is Elizabeth!!!! Does this mean I am a supporter of the crown???? EGADS...where's my cool accent? j/k...please....I do love my friends from the UK....no disrespect intended!

To the citizens of the United States of America

From Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves (i.e. Republicans for the most part), we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Both houses of Congress will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

-----------------------
1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour,' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (Look up 'vocabulary').
------------------------
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of '-ize.'
-------------------
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
-------- ---------
4.You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse...
-------------- --------
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
----------------------
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
--------------------
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
-------------------
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
-------------------
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
--------- ------------
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in 'Four Weddings and a Funeral' was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
---------------------
11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body Armour like a bunch of nancy boys).
---------------------
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
--------------------
13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
-----------------
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
---------------
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

12voltman59

Oct 14, 2008, 9:53 PM

It doesn't matter what his middle name is. What matters is that he will take this country down the path to socialism. Plus the fact that he will raise taxes during and economic crisis. The last president to raise taxes during an economic crisis was Herbert Hoover, and we all know how that turned out.

Well a Republican administration has now taken this nation as close to socialism as any administration in history and remember--Nixon did impose price controls--

Funny post Indy--at this point--going back and being part of England would not be any worse than the way we have mucked the place up--the real question is---would the brits really want us back now???

HighEnergy

Oct 14, 2008, 11:03 PM

It doesn't matter what his middle name is. What matters is that he will take this country down the path to socialism. Plus the fact that he will raise taxes during and economic crisis. The last president to raise taxes during an economic crisis was Herbert Hoover, and we all know how that turned out.

Oh please. Decent health care isn't socialism. And the latest information on both of their tax plans show that Obama will cut your taxes by more than McCain will until you make over $112k.

http://www.parade.com/news/intelligence-report/archive/how-much-would-you-pay-taxes.html?archive=true

darkeyes

Oct 15, 2008, 6:57 AM

Well a Republican administration has now taken this nation as close to socialism as any administration in history and remember--Nixon did impose price controls--

Funny post Indy--at this point--going back and being part of England would not be any worse than the way we have mucked the place up--the real question is---would the brits really want us back now???

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.. God Voltie yas priceless... stop wiv the funnies.. me sides r killin me...:bigrin:

darkeyes

Oct 15, 2008, 7:20 AM

To the citizens of the United States of America

From Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves (i.e. Republicans for the most part), we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Both houses of Congress will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

-----------------------
1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour,' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (Look up 'vocabulary').
------------------------
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of '-ize.'
-------------------
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
-------- ---------
4.You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse...
-------------- --------
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
----------------------
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
--------------------
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
-------------------
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
-------------------
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
--------- ------------
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in 'Four Weddings and a Funeral' was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
---------------------
11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body Armour like a bunch of nancy boys).
---------------------
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
--------------------
13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
-----------------
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
---------------
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!All sounded ok till ya sed the last 4 words a the piece... 1 or 2 lil quibbles..Andie MacDowell played an American in 4 Weddins as me seems 2 recall... real chips r fried in vegetable oil nowadays (much 2 me dads chagrin lemme add).. no carryin tattie peelers lessen yas jus bot it from shop an takin it ome 2 peel sum tatties... we r only partially metric cos we still buy pints in pubs an roads r measured an signposted in miles not kilometres...use temperatures in Celsius not that ancient daft thing only ole fogies undastand an measures freezin point at 32.... ya will no longa call ya mom "mom"..she is mum so show 'er propa respect jus like me dus me own:bigrin:.. ya don havta lose ya 'merican English save for the spellin..we very magnanimous that way...baseball will b retained cos, we r nice an luffly.. but it shall b renamed Rounders for Boys... an ne self respectin human bein caught playin cricket will b immediately cop the sharp end a me tongue!!! The word "soccer" is henceforth banned.. it is football, footie or fitba' an ne caught callin it ne otha will spend resta ther lives handcuffed 2 George W Bush.

vittoria

Oct 15, 2008, 8:38 AM

:cutelaugh

To the citizens of the United States of America

From Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves (i.e. Republicans for the most part), we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Both houses of Congress will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

-----------------------
1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour,' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (Look up 'vocabulary').
------------------------
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of '-ize.'
-------------------
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
-------- ---------
4.You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse...
-------------- --------
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
----------------------
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
--------------------
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
-------------------
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
-------------------
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
--------- ------------
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in 'Four Weddings and a Funeral' was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
---------------------
11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body Armour like a bunch of nancy boys).
---------------------
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
--------------------
13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
-----------------
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
---------------
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

CuddlyKate

Oct 15, 2008, 9:17 AM

Frances has omitted to say that wef 1 January 2009 all motor production will be produced with right hand drive steering, and that from midnight on 3 July 2010, any motorists found driving on the right hand lanes of any highway shall have their vehicles impounded and sentenced to 30 days hard labour on bread and water. More severe penalties shall be imposed for any subsequent offences.