Taking Stock : The Humorous View.

[jazzer]

Well things are looking a bit grim in the financial world but sometimes it is good to see the funny side of adversity....Let's examine what investing in shares is all about and what all the financial terms mean :)

CEO: He is the Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO: He is the Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET: A random market movement causing an investor to mistakingly believe he is a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET: A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery and hubby gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING: The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market really hits the skids.

BROKER: What my broker has made me.

STANDARD AND POOR: Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK SPLIT: What your wife and her lawyer do to your assets equally between themselves.

STOCK ANALYST: The idiot who just downgraded your stock.

FINANCIAL PLANNER: A guy whose phone seems to have suddenly been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION: The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW: The movement your money makes as it gets flushed down the toilet.

YAHOO: What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240.

WINDOWS: What you jump out of when you are the poor sucker who paid $240 for Yahoo.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR: Past year investor who is now currently locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT: An archaic word that is no longer used in the stock market.

[12voltman59]

Very Funny Jazzer--Very, Very Funny!!! So funny--we are all laughing on the way to the bread and soup lines!! LOL

[**Peg**]

thanks for posting that jazz *kiss*

lol volty... aint THAT a fact

[hudson9]

Along those general lines, I received this email yesterday:

With all the turmoil in the market today and the collapse of Lehman Bros and acquisition of Merrill Lynch by Bank of America , this might be some good advice. For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.

Watch for these consolidations in later this year:

1.) Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co. Will merge and become:

Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.


2.) Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become:

Poly, Warner, Cracker.


3.) 3M will merge with Goodyear and become:

MMMGood.


4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become:

ZipAudiDoDa .


5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become:

FedUP.


6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become:

Fairwell Honeychild.


7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become:

PouponPants.


8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become:

Knott NOW!


And finally...


9. Victoria 's Secret and Smith &Wesson will
merge under the new name:

TittyTittyBangBang

:bigrin:

[jazzer]

Thanks for that Hudson, very funny I loved it.

Jazzer :):):)

[pottzie]

There's talk of a merger between Norfolk Southern Railroad and American Way Trucking. The new company will be Norfolk'n Way.

[IanGray]

Well things are looking a bit grim in the financial world but sometimes it is good to see the funny side of adversity....Let's examine what investing in shares is all about and what all the financial terms mean :)

CEO: He is the Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO: He is the Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET: A random market movement causing an investor to mistakingly believe he is a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET: A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery and hubby gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING: The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market really hits the skids.

BROKER: What my broker has made me.

STANDARD AND POOR: Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK SPLIT: What your wife and her lawyer do to your assets equally between themselves.

STOCK ANALYST: The idiot who just downgraded your stock.

FINANCIAL PLANNER: A guy whose phone seems to have suddenly been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION: The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW: The movement your money makes as it gets flushed down the toilet.

YAHOO: What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240.

WINDOWS: What you jump out of when you are the poor sucker who paid $240 for Yahoo.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR: Past year investor who is now currently locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT: An archaic word that is no longer used in the stock market.

Another definition of Profit is an IOU of fresh air

Dividend a carrot used to keep you holding shares

P/E Ratio Pinpointing empty rubbish

Charts Rubbish bullshit and fantasy

Leverage A way of creating money out of thin air

low price Very unpopular vacation

High Price most peoples favourite destination :tongue: