Even More Confused!

[anon092708]

Okay, so I just wanked off thinking about a guy who works next door to me. The guy's friggin' good looking, what can I say, lol.

I'm seriously laughing, but I'm so much more fucking confused right now.

I'm actually okay with it. It's a relief because I've been putting myself through all this stress about my sexuality, and at least I know now it's not for nothing. I think I could assimilate myself decently in the gay community and the heterosexual community.

The problem is going to be coming out to friends and family and work. It's going to shock them I think, as it's not like I've been faking my heterosexuality!!! Shit, I was straight as an arrow until age 20, and even then I didn't hardly waver from the straight path.

Oh well, the worst part is being in the closet, especially to yourself. Talk about being miserable!!! I seriously want to scream it from the rooftops and everywhere else I go.....but, that won't be advisable right now, especially when just a few weeks ago I went out on a "date" with a conservative Catholic. Whoops! I don't know if she's interested, but I think she'd be a little bit upset about that, hahahaha. I certainly didn't do it intentionally. Oh well, better her be pissed than me miserable. :( I underwent a LOT of emotional pain and stress to get here. I'll be damned if it's for nothing.

I think the one last person I need to make peace with is Jesus. I think He knows how I feel, what my wishes are, what my regrets are, who I want to be versus who I am. I'm in His arms and I trust Him to take me safely where I need to go. I'm definitely not leaving the Catholic Church, that's for sure.

I still think I need to go on some meds so I can stop the constant questioning and just relax.

It sucks having all your friends be heteros though. I don't have anyone I trust to introduce me to the bisexual world in a comfortable way. :( I think I can only do it with someone I trust and am friends with.

[CHOCOLATECITY32]

i read ur whole post about and i love the part about emotional stress that part can be very hard to deal with even at a time like this....when i read that part about the emotional stress it reminded me of when i came out to myself and had to deal with it and the hardest part was and still is meeting people that are comfortable with you being you and every since them my confident of my bi-sexuality for me is very exceptable but mostly i can thank some people on this site for their support and concern ...i am glad for sites like this...

[izzfan]

Glad to hear that you're worrying less about it than you were in your previous thread.

As for coming out to friends/family, if you've decided that its a good idea to come out then it might be a good idea to drop a few subtle hints beforehand, so that it comes as less of a shock to them. Just make sure that you think coming out is a good idea at this stage, if you've still got quite a few questions you can't answer then it might be a problem because people will probably ask you all the sorts of questions you're asking yourself if you come out as bisexual. Also, it might be an idea to come out gradually to your closest friends etc.. first, before you come out to anyone else.

I know what you mean about the being straight until 20 thing. I thought I was straight (albeit in a somewhat strange and kinky way) until I was about 17/18 (where I suddenly found myself finding some guys to be quite hot etc... ....espcecially Gary Lucy's character in "the bill").

As for this woman you went on a date with, I'd be careful about telling her that you also like men, because (if she knows anyone you know), she might tell them when they ask about why you've broken up with her (that is, if you decide to break up with her). But if you don't think she'd be accepting about your sexuality then it's probably an idea not to get into a relationship which will probably lead to more secrecy and problems etc... Then again, I don;t know her and I really couldn't say how she may react.

As for the friends thing, before I went to university, all my friends were straight and I can see what you mean about it being difficult to get into any kind of "communities". Maybe check out LGBT groups (although, as I think you said in your other thread... there weren't that many near you). Maybe some of your friends also have other gay/bi friends who you haven't met before... Another idea, is to see if there is anyone on this site who lives near you, maybe you could PM them and talk about the bi/gay scene in your area or something and arrange to meet up (that is, if you feel confident about this and they don't mind) to talk about things/ show you any decent bars etc...

As I said in my post on your previous thread, I'm not that religous so I can't really offer you any advice about the whole Jesus thing.

Good Luck with coming out etc...

[anon092708]

I told my bro and a friend I've known for 15 years. They were privy to my freak-out when I was 20-22. They were surprised a little, because they thought I put this to rest (and I thought I had, too). But, other than that, I don't think they really cared too much.

I don't know what's really going on, either, so I think you're right about being careful whom to come out to. I'm not dating this girl, but I mean I think it'd be a very interesting exchange if I told her, hehehe. The only thing I can accurately attest to at this point is that I'm not 100% straight. Other than that, you could pick any hour, any day, and I'd tell you a different story. I'll tell you I'm either just horny as all hell, curious, bisexual, or just gay and not ready to admit it.

Somebody give me drugs! lol. This is no way to go through life. :( :rolleyes:

[frikidiki]

It will get better. You're still young, and have lots of good years just ahead of you. Keep your head, think before you act, have faith in the idea that God made you this way, don't get high off any drugs from the labs of mankind, and remember that Jesus's favorite disciple was a former prostitute.

If I may, I'd like to share with you some things about my own bisexual advent. Absolutely the best thing I ever did was consider the possibility that I was bi--this happened only seven years ago. I felt so much better!

Prior to that, I was conflicted about what the Bible says, or at least how it's interpreted, and what was going on inside of me. I couldn't consider being "one of those confused people who go both ways" (ironically), so I was stuck with choosing between being gay or straight. I chose straight, partly out of fear of consequences for becoming gay--what would my family think?--and partly because I thought being gay excluded the possibility of having children, which I definitely want to this day.

The only thing I lament is not understanding this about myself sooner--but I don't dwell on it that much, because there's no point. The only thing I'd like to see change is certain family member's distrust, disapproval, or sheer hatred for non-hets or non-straights. As it stands now, these will likely either die or bury me without ever knowing, and that's how I feel it should be.

Many of us are here for the company and learning experience that comes from being part of a community like this. You are in the right place. Much love to you--rub it into your soul like lotion, and you'll be feeling fine in no time.

[Lookngood450]

Anon,
First, remember that Jesus loves you, no matter what you do. Believe in him and your sins are forgiven. It's that simple.

In my early 20's I also thought I might be gay, even though I had been strongly attracted to women. I didn't really understand the attraction to men either. Then I fell in love with a wonderful woman and spent most of the next 25 years in a monogamous heterosexual relationship. The attraction to men didn't go away though. I discreetly checked out guys and sometimes indulged in gay or bi porn. I just didn't need to act on those impulses and I didn't think of myself as bi. I also kept these feelings from my wife for fear she would think less of me.

For reasons unrelated to my bisexual inclination, we recently decided to open our marriage. We also became involved in local a polyamory group that is very accepting of bisexuals. With the monogamy barrier removed, I finally started thinking about what I really wanted in another partner. In the last few weeks I finally came out to myself and admitted that what I wanted was a man.

Yes, it is confusing. But giving I've found admitting this to myself and giving myself permission to explore and enjoy these feelings has been an enormous relief. I also came out to my wife who was very supportive.

You are not alone. I think most of us go through it sooner or later. You will eventually sort out your feelings and find a partner who makes you happy. You may even settle down in a monogamous relationship, although polyamory is well suited to bisexuals. I certainly have no regrets for the last 25 years. I would be careful about coming out though. Outside large urban areas, gays and bisexuals are frequently not accepted. You may face discrimination both in the neighborhood and at work. Give yourself some time to sort things out before you take on more potential problems.

[darkeyes]

yep..now we knos wy ya talk so much S****..

[vitt&cho]

Man just face the facts, you're as gay as the day is long! My man its time for U to come out as GAY!


:rolleyes:

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Honey, I dont agree with BiKali-whatever it is.

You are just learning about You, and if you are still attracted to women, then that makes you Bi, not gay. Just keep true to you, that's the best way in this world to be. Dont listen to those who would put you down or insult you. Go with your "Gut" feelings and be Who You Are. You'll come out to people in time, when and If you feel they need to know.
And Leave the drugs alone. They accomplish nothing, they just cloud the facts, and dont help the reality of the situation.
Take care Sweetie. :}
Cat ;)

[elian]

http://www.forthebibletellsmeso.org/index2.htm

I'm not sure if this would help or hurt in this case - the movie is about religious parents of gay teens who come to terms with the fact that their child is G/L.

Yes, it might hurt to keep it a secret but you still need to carefully weigh who you come out to - if you don't have another safe place to stay - and you tell your parents for example - home may or may not be a safe place after that. Only you can make that decision - it helps to have some resources like PFLAG though.

Even just one or two friends who you are out to that will accept you for who you are is a relief.

My parents STILL don't know - officially. If they ever asked me directly I WOULD tell them, but they don't ask and I don't volunteer information. I just love them too much. I would have to think by now they at least suspect something..they knew I tried dating a couple from this site. But they still talk to me in terms of "girlfriends".

I have said the same thing at times in the past "this is no way to live life" - but you are just learning - give yourself time. I don't think there is any REAL problem with finding either sex attractive or desirable - if you twist a straight guys nuts in a vise long enough they will sometimes admit that a particularly buff guy is beautiful. It's just the society says it's wrong. I took a class at the UU church I go to in conjunction with the book "The Gender Knot" - and one of the group exercises was to have men and women list out their feelings about limitations of their gender.

Surprise, surprise what we found out is that nobody really enjoyed being labeled. Women resented never having a feeling of "independence" and men always resented having to appear " invulnerable".

So you, I, and many, many other people probably resent being put in little tiny compartments and neatly labeled and classified. Admittedly not everyone - there are probably some people - like Palin - who really enjoy their assigned role. (oops, did *I* say that - betcha she's gonna come and kick my ass now..)

[eddy10]

"Closeted" vs "coming out." Do not do either one. Just be yourself. If a person is hetero, they do not go around telling everyone that they are str8. Just because a person is bi or gay, no need to advertise. It does not matter, except if you get serious with someone. Then, they should/must be told.

Of course, if someone asks, be truthful and explain yourself. If they do not ask do not tell.

[GreenEyedLady(GEL)]

I came out to people at work when I started dating / living with my girlfriend. It's kind of funny because they always knew me to date men. Only a couple of people knew I was bisexual. So anyhow one day BOOM all at once Im sporting my girlfriend just as proud and happy as can be. No one cares, if anything they notice how much happier I am. I struggle and struggled myself so I know how you feel, most here do. Good luck !

[wikskul]

i understand the part about coming out to friends and family... when i came out i lost alot of friends.. and where my step mom was pleased.. my dad was weirded out, and i tried to tell my mom.. but she wouldnt listen. it is hard.. but to be honest with urself and others i support that... afterwards u will know who really do except u as who u r.. and those who dont... it is hard.. but it is actaully pretty liberating when u can be yourself

[anon092708]

I like Eddy10's response the most, though a lot of those were good responses (and some were bad).