darkeyes
Sep 26, 2008, 5:48 PM
Its been a strange, fraught and initially at least, very unpleasant week which began with people I love and care about getting hurt quite badly, including the one I care about most in the world. And while close by I just couldn't get there in time to do anything about it which leaves me with guilt feelings I just can't throw off. The week began with anger and a rage and a wont and need to do real harm to others which I was surprised and horrified to find existed... that rage scared the shit out of me and the memory of it still does...
So I have been a little down this week...no...bloody miserable to tell the truth, certainly at least in the early part of the week, but a lot thoughtful thinking about the violence within yourself and realising just how much is there does that to you.. and worst of all the sheer madness and insanity of what happened to those I love. At least one on site, the luffly Ran, has always warned me when going out to be safe and take care.. my answer has always been "I do cos I can look after mesel... will b ok" Complacency an stupidity huh? Well we all suffer from both sometimes...
But friends and family rally round don't they? They do their bit to cheer us up, and do what they can to take the load off us and get us back to the land of the living and slowly we begin to smile a bit and eventually someone says something which gets through and really tickles us pink..and we let go of a great belly laugh.. its a sign that for all the pains of the world we are pulling through and will be all right. For us, our friends and family certainly came good, as I knew they would... my hurt was mental, seeing those I love in such distress, but their's is much more serious being both psychological and physical scars they will have to bear. Seeing my partner give that belly laugh so unexpectedly (interspersed with a few winces,ouches and ooyas) after what she went through, really brought light into my heart and I knew that she will be fine given a little time. Our much loved friend will be also even though she was the more badly injured of the two. As part of the therapy, we are having dinner together tomorrow evening, and a few glasses of plonk, but its an in weekend more or less, and none of us will be going anywhere until we are quite ready..
We will all be ok then..which is good. Given a little time, the memory of an unpleasant downright nasty happening will fade and we will get back to normal. Well..normal for us anyway...
The week carried on and I was visited by my ex husband. A fun happening.. and if anything cheered me up no end more than anything. Not the news he brought, or what he had to say..but the fact that his mother is furious with me and after a 3 year silence has once again begun to accuse me of being a money grabbing selfish whore and generally right nasty bitch who should be put down, and who is determined that I shall be.. normal service has been resumed there then!!! I am glad to say she will have much more opportunity to say that and worse in the coming weeks and months.. and with luck for the rest of her days she will have something to "enjoy" moaning about.. and give me ample stories about her palpitations and discomfiture that I will never be short of after dinner speeches... a lifetime eating out at her expense is well worth that!!!. Kate will never be short of her always wise "be careful, Frances" and that lovely touch on the arm which only she can do to calm me down and get me to switch my brain on..
So from evil being done to becoming "evil" personified my week has indeed been one of the strangest of my life, but from it I have learned and am learning so much about myself, my partner, my friends and yes, even those with whom I am hardly belle of the ball...
I will be honest and say that I am still a little down, Kate even more so, but we are picking up. I am not full of the joys of spring exactly (well is autumn innit?), but the Fran humour is returning, and that cutting edge so many of you know and "love" (no not Cleave.. just the wickedness of tongue).is beginning to find voice.
I havent gotten into chat because I havent really felt like it and the one thing I hate is mizziness...tho have spoken to a few of you in yahoo and they have played their part in making me smile and even giggle..ta to them..... but soon enough will show me face in chat properly. Popped in for a bit today but didnt really feel on top form..hope it didn't show.. somehow even Franspeak just doesnt seem right and it is a "language" of mood.. whether u like it or not it is certainly that...
When will I be back in chat?? When the mood takes off..an am feeling my usual self.. till then forum posts will have to do.. u want your Franfix u will have to wait or catch me on yahoo..
Kissies to all and big huggles
So I have been a little down this week...no...bloody miserable to tell the truth, certainly at least in the early part of the week, but a lot thoughtful thinking about the violence within yourself and realising just how much is there does that to you.. and worst of all the sheer madness and insanity of what happened to those I love. At least one on site, the luffly Ran, has always warned me when going out to be safe and take care.. my answer has always been "I do cos I can look after mesel... will b ok" Complacency an stupidity huh? Well we all suffer from both sometimes...
But friends and family rally round don't they? They do their bit to cheer us up, and do what they can to take the load off us and get us back to the land of the living and slowly we begin to smile a bit and eventually someone says something which gets through and really tickles us pink..and we let go of a great belly laugh.. its a sign that for all the pains of the world we are pulling through and will be all right. For us, our friends and family certainly came good, as I knew they would... my hurt was mental, seeing those I love in such distress, but their's is much more serious being both psychological and physical scars they will have to bear. Seeing my partner give that belly laugh so unexpectedly (interspersed with a few winces,ouches and ooyas) after what she went through, really brought light into my heart and I knew that she will be fine given a little time. Our much loved friend will be also even though she was the more badly injured of the two. As part of the therapy, we are having dinner together tomorrow evening, and a few glasses of plonk, but its an in weekend more or less, and none of us will be going anywhere until we are quite ready..
We will all be ok then..which is good. Given a little time, the memory of an unpleasant downright nasty happening will fade and we will get back to normal. Well..normal for us anyway...
The week carried on and I was visited by my ex husband. A fun happening.. and if anything cheered me up no end more than anything. Not the news he brought, or what he had to say..but the fact that his mother is furious with me and after a 3 year silence has once again begun to accuse me of being a money grabbing selfish whore and generally right nasty bitch who should be put down, and who is determined that I shall be.. normal service has been resumed there then!!! I am glad to say she will have much more opportunity to say that and worse in the coming weeks and months.. and with luck for the rest of her days she will have something to "enjoy" moaning about.. and give me ample stories about her palpitations and discomfiture that I will never be short of after dinner speeches... a lifetime eating out at her expense is well worth that!!!. Kate will never be short of her always wise "be careful, Frances" and that lovely touch on the arm which only she can do to calm me down and get me to switch my brain on..
So from evil being done to becoming "evil" personified my week has indeed been one of the strangest of my life, but from it I have learned and am learning so much about myself, my partner, my friends and yes, even those with whom I am hardly belle of the ball...
I will be honest and say that I am still a little down, Kate even more so, but we are picking up. I am not full of the joys of spring exactly (well is autumn innit?), but the Fran humour is returning, and that cutting edge so many of you know and "love" (no not Cleave.. just the wickedness of tongue).is beginning to find voice.
I havent gotten into chat because I havent really felt like it and the one thing I hate is mizziness...tho have spoken to a few of you in yahoo and they have played their part in making me smile and even giggle..ta to them..... but soon enough will show me face in chat properly. Popped in for a bit today but didnt really feel on top form..hope it didn't show.. somehow even Franspeak just doesnt seem right and it is a "language" of mood.. whether u like it or not it is certainly that...
When will I be back in chat?? When the mood takes off..an am feeling my usual self.. till then forum posts will have to do.. u want your Franfix u will have to wait or catch me on yahoo..
Kissies to all and big huggles