~~~~~ Calvin Ball --- Game On! ~~~~~

[void()]

Ben peeks out the window. He looks at the calendar. Then he checks the Discordian calendar, the Yazo of the Non-sequitors (an object similar to a calendar but not quite a calender) and he realizes it is time.

"It is time and the time is NOW! Yay! Calvin Ball everyone invited to play. Game On!!!!! Woot Woot!"

Ben runs twenty yards, turns the chessboard counter clockwise and puts a marble on the electric train track, he draws a soccer ball and shoots into the basketball net. The score board registers 10 points. The albino flusie wusies go honking mad and start doing lemming bursts in bleachers!!!

[Bluebiyou]

<== personally anxious as hell to discover what 'lemming bursts' are!

[jedinudist]

Calvin Ball ROCKS

[Annika L]

<== personally anxious as hell to discover what 'lemming bursts' are!

Lemming bursts are *delcious*!!

And I'd wondered where the tag game went...it's been a long time.

*Annika switches the train to track B, and watches the marble roll down into the plastic rain-gutter. Never a fast or dextrous runner, she attempts to catch the ball before it hits the ground, fails, and bangs her head on the basketball net post, racking up a grand total of 15 points.*

The crowd boos, but passes around the lemming bursts to console itself.

[void()]

Ben dashes in and spreads out three aces, then leaps over a hurdle twice ( forward and backward) he then falls over onto his arse, rolls a hockey puck in the general direction of Washington D.C. by way of Kazastan, Turkey ... after this he belches the William Tell Overture ... a German judge faints and the score board says -2.

Ben sits laucrying ( a combination of laughing and sobs) he goes to sit in the bleachers, in disguise to avoid the roaming midget aliens, someone offers him a lemming burst and he eats it, starts seeing in panamorphic feckled oogle colors.

-----

On a serious note. I've been going too fast, too hard. Calvin Ball Rules! Could not pass up a fun way to let out a little steam. Hope everyone can at least read and enjoy, possibly contribute. I'm armed with a box cutter, you all MUST PLAY! Yeah, right. Play if you want, don't play if you don't want.

Just needed a safe outlet. Thanks.

[MarieDelta]

**Marie runs up behind Annika, helps her up.**

You alright?

**Scoops up the ball , runs backward to the opposite post, which she touches. Then throws the ball back to ben, under her leg**

The crowd is hushed with silent expectation of Bens next move

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

lol Ya'll have been at the Rum Balls again, havent'cha!!!??????
Confused Cat:eek:

[allbimyself]

*changes the orientation of wicket 69 in the sex zone, grabs the straight flag and touches annika with it* Hah! Now you can't have sex with a woman again until you've had sex with a man!

[darkeyes]

throws ball str8 at Allbi and smashes his middle wicket into mushy mess...

*smiles demurely and blows Allbi a kissie 2 say sorry*:tong:

[elian]

Elian vaults onto the board, bounces once and does a triple somersault off a drum set - being sure to hit the high hat/rim shot on the way down - crouches like a tiger - grabs the ball as it comes wooshing between his legs - holds it high above his head and bends knees for a foul line shot - lobs it directly straight into the goal net.

The maniacal relays on the old scoreboard click and clack for a half second then he screams "GOOOOOAAALLLL" like that obnoxious announcer guy from the world soccer league and does a full body bump off Ben.

Tries taking a big "toke" off the "lemming bursts" but ends coughing up half a lung. "hmm..tastes like labrador..HEY..Look at the pretty ponies daddy..." < dazed and confused - wanders into a field of dodge ball landmines >

[Annika L]

*cites allbi for cruel and unusual tactics, but then notes that Fran has already inflicted the penalty; deals 3 cards to each player, giving herself a paper cut on the last one* Medic!! *kicks the ball, which bounces off the goal post, knocking over a potted plant, and rolls across the street* Judges say "neutral play, no score"

The game's really heating up friends!

[void()]

thanks to elian's full body bump, roaming alien midgets are now aware of Ben's location. Ben passes two cards back, offers the token 77 + 69 to someone looking oddly like Markie Mark ... trips over a baseball bat and cries out "Poul Fenalty! Six paces left by east platitudes, and they better be good platitudes."

Ben picks up the baseball bat and swaps it with the ever handy ... Spork! He is now armed with the most dangerous game piece ever invented. The judges trip the new digimatic score board that impersonnates a cyclon "-4 + 6" Ben has trouble counting his fingers, bets elian can count them real well. :tong:

[elian]

Elian, still dazed by the lemming bursts - wanders up the bleechers and stumbles into one of the aliens - looks past reality with a rather quizzical expression on his face..to any passerby it would look like a rather one-sided conversation..

"Oh, come on baby - that's not what you said last night!!", he said out loud to no one in particular. "ANAL PROBE my ASS .. look - calm down let's go back to my place - have a few drinks.." "..oh SURE, it's OK for YOU to do it but not me?"

<elian holds two car battery jumper cable clamps slightly apart, one in each hand and flexes the spring on the clamps...electricity arcs through the air between the two terminals>

<By "sheer coincidence" a small group of five or six rather pale looking "vertically-challenged" men wearing jockey shorts, "LAS VEGAS #1" T-Shirts, fedoras and cheap black plastic sunglasses emote a somewhat terrified demeanor and suddenly scatter and burst out onto the field, running in various different directions. >

<lolls back down onto the field and fires up the steamroller on the sidelines..laughing manically..the engine whines and roars as he guns the thing toward the lttle grey "retirees" from Vegas.. "What happens IN VEGAS stays IN VEGAS!!", he shouts.>

[void()]

<witnesses elain's sudden morphing into Cheneybot gets really frightened and wanders into his ninja hidey hole>

"I'll just be over here pulling a WACO --> We Ain't Coming Out!" He yells as the trapdoor hatch closes and hermetically seals shut behind him.

<in the hidey hole Ben starts up the electromagnetic spectral sheilding system, turns on the ominous look super cray computer and taps into the Vault network for hackers, posts a bulletin about a steam roller induced time and space continuum warp>

Ben peeks out through a portal and watches elian decimating the midget aliens, shudders. He then puts the kettle on and turns to his sensai, an old beat up hat and coat rack. "Um, Yogi Bera?"

The rack nods and Ben pulls the lever marked "In Case of Emergency". suddenly Yogi Bera comes out onto the field above and starts revealing all sorts of dirty secrets, like the location of Jimmy Hoffa's body, all 2,000 parts of it, and just why Onasis is NOT implicated in the JFK or MLK killings.

Ben then has a cup of tea and sends a robot to move the black knight to square green of the Parcheesi board, He rolls the dice. "Yahtzee!"

[elian]

..failing to realize the intricacies of a playing field designed and built by MC Escher and Associates Elian is quite surprised when the machine bumps against the corner of the board and the whole contraption suddenly shifts 90 degrees - traveling perpendicular to the ground around the revolving circumference of the board.

< "No way Grandpa, you did NOT walk to school 5 miles up a 90 degree hill backwards in 12 feet of snow.", he mumbles to himself. >

Just as Yogi Bera finishes blurting out spice #9 of the Colonel's secret recipe ** Cousin Taaw'neey from Tex'as ** suddenly appears wearing a ten gallon hat and wrangles up a lasso. "Take THAT ya' mechanical varrrmit!!". He loops around the chassis, draws the rope tight and gives it a good TUG - turning the whole thing rightside-up.

The roller screeches and struggles valiantly against it's predicament but it's bound tightly against the rope, huffing and puffing, wheels spin like mad but it gains no traction. It wheezes and coughs and finally sputters out.

Elian stumbles away from the scene, putting a hand over his forehead as if waking from a bad hangover - "Golly gee, thanks Couusi'n!!"

"Aww, don't mention it dar'lin- wer'ant no trouble t'all" - Cousin Twaaneey tips his brim slightly and literally rides off into the sunset with his rather gumbified looking horse polkey.

Like all people ignorant in the ironic ways of the universe Elian looks dead on straight ahead, but fails to see the entire men's rugby team now rushing toward him. He simply stands there, lost in thought like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Gee now, what was it that I forgot to do today?", He ponders.

"Unplug the iron?", he asks.

"Err..no..that's not it", he says in his best Eeyore

"Pick up the dry cleaning?...", optimistically

"No, no - that's Thursday", chides himself.

Eventually the universal thought vibration for "bug smashed on a windshield" slowly seeps into his unconscious. Centuries of heretofore untested "Darwinist Theory" take hold as every fiber of his being suddenly seems to sing out "Oh Shit!"

For a rather perverse half second he imagines what it might be like to have the ENTIRE men's rugby team writhing tightly against him in a heaving sighing, sweaty mass. Instead at the last minute he winks at the hooker and does a double-bounce - vaulting up and over the entire team in a single fluid movement.

The centre streaks by a blur, little grey arms and legs frantically waving haphazardly out of his armpit. Tiny high-pitched warbling screams of "ayyeeeeee" are heard wafting through the air. The crowd holds it's breath as the little grey man bounces off the rim, once - twice - and then drops into the basket..

A referee wearing a black and white shirt with one stripe shouts "Foul! Interference!" and the crowd erupts into thunderous rumble of displeasure".