I need help (suggestions please)

[luvemboth28]

I'm new to this bi sexual thing. My boyfriend is bi also and would like to have a 3 sum with another guy . I'm down with it but I'm kind of scared that I may be jealous seeing him with someone besides me. Thinking about it really turns me on and I would like to make our fantasy come true but I'm not sure how to handle the emotional part of it. Can I please get some suggestions on how to deal with it . Thanks I can't wait to hear what everyone has to say:)

[luvemboth28]

Let me clarify my original post due to pm's I have received since this post.

My bf is NOT pressuring me to have have sex with another person, he doesn't want me to have sex with another guy, at all. The mmf scenerio would be mostly the guys goin at it and me just watching and maybe joining in to help the other guy take care of my bf. We both think this fantasy is a huge turn on. We have had a few fmf experiences in the past and he has no issues with me being with another girl (who would?)

hopefully this clears up some of the confusion.

[FalconAngel]

We have had a few fmf experiences in the past and he has no issues with me being with another girl (who would?)


Well, it sounds like the issue is all on you. Why do you think that you would be jealous of him with another guy if you were not jealous of him with another girl?

More importantly, if you think that you will get jealous of him with another guy while you are there, then perhaps you do not understand your own bisexuality as much as you think that you do.

My Wife and I have not had that problem at all. If she were Bi, then I don't think that I could feel jealousy if she were with another woman. The same issues apply as if we were a straight couple swinging.

When a couple plays with a third or a couple or whatever, the issue of jealousy is an important issue to discuss and deal with before it becomes a problem. And it doesn't matter if it is a Bi couple, Straight couple or mixed orientation couple. The issue doesn't change, only the genders of the parties involved.

We sat down together and discussed the jealousy issue beforehand and once she understood how I felt about her and how that applied to my sexuality, then we were good.

Sit down together and discuss the issue. Be honest and figure out, together, how to handle it.

That is the only real useful advice that anyone can give you.

[NWMtnHawk]

Great advice from FalconAngel in regards to "talking it through".

My gal and I had very long indepth, explicit, and detailed discussions, numerous times, BEFORE we ever took the step to intimacy with another bi couple. It's not easy for some to talk that indepth and explicitly about feelings, especially where sex is concerned. For others it's not that big a deal to have those discussions.

In our case, I have an ease of talking about very intimate sexual issues, my gal is the other side of that coin. So there was some effort required to make her feel comfortable enough TO talk about it, and once she reached that comfort level I had to listen very carefully and attentively. But I have no doubt in my mind and heart that without those honest, long, awkward, sometimes uncomfortable "baring of the souls" talks before hand, . . . we would have left ourselves open to all kinds of misunderstandings, overstepped limits and/or boundaries, and hurt feelings, (like jealousy etc).

Some of what you have said in your post here would be a good discussion for you to have; talk about it, examine it and look at it . The fact that you're not sure whether his being with another guy would excite you or disturb you, (jealousy) is something that HE should hear and know. Then discuss it, examine it, talk about it.

For us the whole idea was to have an experience that we enjoyed, that was fun, and in my opinion that wouldn't have happened if we had gone into this experience without being on the same page emotionally, or if one of us was hurt by the experience.

I mean for instance; when I get into it, passionately into sexueal intimacy, I can get kind've focused on the moment, right now, and loose track of what's outside or around me. My gal is a little more conservative, and she moves at a slower pace, . . . without our talking about this before hand, . . . I know I wouldn't have been thinking about slowing myself down to match her comfort level and pace, to watch her and pay attention to her feelings IN THE MOMENT, does that make sense?

Again, great advice from FalconAngel, really great.

[FerociousFeline]

Kudos to everyone for reaching out to someone who has had the courage to come out and actually ASK for the guidance of the experienced.

I would suggest that you might even bring your lovers to the site for dialog (after the initial baring of souls to each other) for further clarification PRIOR to any activity.

The jealousy aspect of sharing that person's heart who means the most TO you is a serious hurdle and one where there really is no right or wrong answer.

I think it's most important to recognize that each and every single one of us must understand that real LOVE doesn't imply or guarantee any form of ownership whatsoever. It is this "ownership" emotion, this natural human tendency for territorial possession which is the singular aspect that trips up so many who would seek to open their hearts to others.

The answer lies in gaining a complete understanding of what our own needs REALLY ARE. Finding out that love really is about giving. Sharing our worlds, our lives, our possessions and our hearts ....with others. It becomes difficult when we have reached a precarious position where we can actually do this, (but are new to it and really not that solid in our convictions) when we are exposed to the situation where someone we have shared our partner with, doesn't fully understand this lesson. They may go into the situation for the wrong reasons, and may attempt to take our lover away from us because they are NOT acting from a place of true love.

Sharing ourselves and our partners with others is completely viable, but only with an eye to WHO we decide to open ourselves up TO. Make sure that those who you would seek to share your love with, are WORTHY of such a beautiful open honest VULNERABLE act.

FF

[welickit]

If you have even the slightest doubt in your mind.....let it remain a fantasy. Your relationship isn't broken so don't try fixing it. When the time is right you won't need to ask advise on expanding it, it will come naturally. If that time never comes you will still have your relationship and the fantasy.
Good Luck

[angelrose1955]

I have wondered this myself, so am glad I am not alone. Shameless and I are exclusive at this time, but I know that someday this situation may come up for us. We talk about it ....that is the best way to dispel any jealousy that may be lurking....it would be a huge turn on for me to be involved in a mmf with him....but his take on it is that the other male must be computable with me also...for unlike some bi threesomes...I would be involved...maybe not at the first, but he would include me in the mix...
I have no problem with him being with another man...as long as I am the only female in his life...I am secure in our love for each other. That is the most important part of it all....TRUST...
Talk it out with him...try to get to the bottom of why you think you would be jealous...what reasoning would you have for that feeling??? TALK TO HIM
AngelRose

[onewhocares]

Hello there,

I am Belle and I am the straight wife of a bi man. We have been on this site for nearly four years and in that time I have also gone through my of the feelings that you have. I agree with the previous posters, especially Falcon Angel...that TALKING about your thoughts and fears is the best way to get all the cards on the table, so to speak. The only way that you can know what your partner is feeling or expecting is to ask. If you are lucky and have a man who is caring, considerate and open,, will you be able to get and give direction.

For my experiance I have not been jealous of the time that my man I and I spend with a man...for we have been equal partners when three of us are together. My only issue has been of my choosing of sorts....I make it a point of always making sure that the men have time alone with each other.....each of them has a wife with whom they can enjoy the intimacy with a woman, but time with a man is indeed limited. I usually say I need a drink, or need to freshen up or make a snack so they can enjoy each other. However, on a few occassions I have found hubby enjoying certain things with a man that he does not do with or for me...ie oral sex or anal sex...that is when I must honestly admit I have felt pangs of jealousy. I have to beg for those from him yet he freely does them with a man. While it has gotten better....when the two of us are together...our time with our shared lover has been nearly three quaters of a year in the past.

I guess my advice...be open, know yourself and your limits as a couple and individuals. Feel free to PM if you wish.


Belle