Will I destroy a good friendship?

[biguylbc]

Hello All, First let me say that I just recently joined and REALLY enjoy this site. Seems like a great way to gain advice. So here is my question:

I have a longtime male friend, (he claims he is straight and I have no reason to doubt this), who I care about and don't want to lose as a friend. We were recently having some late night drinks and the conversation led to sex (as it usually does with guys!). We did not discuss male/male sex, just good sex in general. As I said, it was late and we were feeling pretty good, and he made the comment "I'm going to bed before I do something I regret". I was shocked and excited and didn't know how to reply so I left it at that and went home.

I have a good feeling that it was just the alcohol which led to this but on the other hand, every time I think about it I wonder if he was trying to solicit a response. All I can think about lately is how great it would make me (and him?) feel to go down on him and give him pleasure. After all, isn't sex best when it's given to someone we care about?

The last thing I want to do is ruin the friendship. I am single at the moment so there are plenty of options for sex but I find myself most attracted to him. What do I do?

[Minxy]

Hi and welcome... im new too :)

well it as u said cud well have been the drink, maybe u should have asked what he meant by do something he will regret? maybe u should bring a topic up about male on male sex and see what his reaction is, u may be pleasently suprised

[biguylbc]

Thanks Minxy. You are right. I'll only know if I take a chance. There are no rewards without risks.

[Minxy]

exactly... u never know hun

good luck :)

[Sourdough]

Been there a few times with male friends. I usually start with talking about how we feel about male on male encounters. That way you can let him know that you are not totally against them without giving yourself away. Let him know you have more liberal views, and he just might surprise you. If he does not nothing lost.

Lost a good friend several years ago when I openly admitted I was Bi. About two months ago he called, said we needed to get back together. We met for dinner, talked, and he apologized. He said he went too far in ending our relationship. After dinner he invited me to his place for a drink. Once there he again apologized and said he too had Bi feeling and desires. He had hidden it for so long, and was so afraid that he would be found out if he admitted it that his first reaction had been overboard. Now when we are together, anything goes.

[12voltman59]

I would suggest that you and your bud continue to hang out like you did that time--just like normal---and of course---get the topic on sex whenever the time feels right and if he is at ease---in a pleasant way--ask him what he meant when he said "I better go to bed before I do something I will regret."

I know it is a tricky thing to talk about man on man sex with a buddy you think is "straight," but it does seem that many guys do find a way to discuss it and when they do--if the buddy has been thinking about it--he will eventually come out and admit it--and of course when he does--tell him: "Me too!"

If it is something he has been thinking about and struggling with--he might be way relieved that you indicate that you think about it--want it and such---

Good luck and I hope that things work out that you find your buddy is "bicurious" if that is the case and you two wind up having a great time!

There are plenty of stories out there of guys having such experiences!

[Curious.Cats]

My first thought is, does he know you are bi? If he does, then ask him about it. Perhaps best to ask after drinking, just to be sure.

Good luck and keep us posted on if and when it happens again.

[onewhocares]

Guess I wish I were not so affraid of telling people what is actually inside me, my thoughts, my feelings, my hopes and my desires....but lack of self confidence that has over the years, has me finding myself in a little shell in which I live....I have NEVER wanted to hurt the other person..but then again...I never gave myself ample credit. I shall be the first to admit....and others who are far better and stronger people may not have to rely on liquor...ok mine is an Extra Dirty Belveder Martini...to tell people how I feel about them. ( OK I am a big ole Boston Wuss). Somehow..it seems easier with a martini....but in the end...being open and honest and truthful is what really matters.

I can tell you that...perhaps not respective of the man to man sexual aspect of your relationship for me...but me....Belle.....telling a man how I feel about him or what I would love to happen between us is SO not easy especially when I care for my husband. But had I not taken the chance....oh what a life I would live.

But the last few years....much to the credit of THIS SITE and the wonderful FRIENDS and lovers I have met...has shown me that life is way too short to not take a chance and let a little bit of our own self be given to another. What is the worst that can happen.......BUT........what is the BEST that could BE? Being hurt and losing a friendship is part of life..but the rewards can be astounding. You, can, dear one find a whole new and wonderful world....a new path...a new friend and a better YOU.

Someone said...a road diverged in two and I have taken the one less traveled and that has made all the difference in the world...my hands off to my interpretation of Mr. Frost.

Belle

[dark matter]

You know, I'm currently going thru a pretty much similar stuation. I'm in love with my best male friend, but he's obviously straight and I still haven't come out as bi to him, though Ive been on the point of doing that several times.:flag2:
The matter is I also can hardly hold myself from touching him or caressing his hand when we meet. I nearly began avoiding him for that reason lately. However, once we were on a picnic and got pretty drunk .However, my mind worked half consciously and did take hold of his hand pretending to need his help to get a tow at a narrow path in the hills we were passing thru.
And an immense joy it was! Well, I know I've had it my quiet way...
Conclusion or advice?
Act as your heart tells you, really;) I can gather your friend must be guessing about your orientation if he let out that remark...
I've shared my experience just to let you know you're not the only one in love with a friend...
Keep going!:flag1: