still_shy
Aug 24, 2008, 10:15 AM
Hi Everyone! I don't normally start a thread here and I fear this may be a long post so I'll apologize in advance. I am desperately needing some advice on how to end a relationship, not just the sexual aspect but the entire friendship.
It's been somewhere near 6 months since we met, She was an old co-worker of my husbands who he found on MySpace. We started chatting one day purely by accident, I was on his IM talking to someone else. To make a long story short, we became close friends against my better judgement. Looking back on the last few months, I cannot believe the signs I ignored and the gut feelings I didn't listen to. She is a lesbian, 6 years younger than me, has severe anxiety and depression problems. We got together one night to hang out and ended up having some pretty damn good sex. That started our dating relationship. I was pretty upfront and honest about my feelings, I didn't want love; friendship and good sex was enough for me. We continued to see each other throughout the summer. About a month ago, I realized that her feelings were quite a bit stronger for me than I anticipated and tried to end our sexual relationship. I know that there's no way you can predict how a person will feel, but in a strange way, I felt cheated. Like, "I told you not to fall in love with me, and now you've done it" LOL I know that's pretty irrational. She took it pretty hard, to say the least. Crying and such, offering to sleep with my husband so that we could have threesomes and include him more...anything to keep me in her life. I should have severed the ties to her then but again, I fought against my better judgement. Now, a month later, she is stalking me on the internet. I know this sounds silly, please don't laugh at me, it's really annoying. For example, Friday night I was chatting with her on yahoo and accepted a friend request on MySpace from a girl who wanted some relationship advice. (Yeah I should totally be giving out relationship advice LOL) Within twenty minutes of my accepting her request, "Sara" (I'll call the ex) added her to her friends list. If she notices a girl being added on my friends lists, she adds them almost instantly. I value her friendship but I really feel like she's crossing the line. I can't log on to a website where she is my friend (facebook, myspace) without her noticing and sending me messages. I've tried to tell her that she needs to back off, If I go more than a day without talking to her, she freaks out and sends me a million messages.
So my question is this--She is pretty unstable mentally. How on earth do I explain all of this to her without pushing her farther over the edge. I want to be sensitive to her feelings but at the same time, I just want to be left alone. I have met someone I really like and I'm afraid that somehow she's going to mess it up for me. Just for spite's sake, or jealousy. I've never dealt with this sort of thing before. I can't even figure out how to delete a friend on Facebook, I looked last night and can't find it anywhere. I don't know how to extract myself from this mess I've created. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Hillary
It's been somewhere near 6 months since we met, She was an old co-worker of my husbands who he found on MySpace. We started chatting one day purely by accident, I was on his IM talking to someone else. To make a long story short, we became close friends against my better judgement. Looking back on the last few months, I cannot believe the signs I ignored and the gut feelings I didn't listen to. She is a lesbian, 6 years younger than me, has severe anxiety and depression problems. We got together one night to hang out and ended up having some pretty damn good sex. That started our dating relationship. I was pretty upfront and honest about my feelings, I didn't want love; friendship and good sex was enough for me. We continued to see each other throughout the summer. About a month ago, I realized that her feelings were quite a bit stronger for me than I anticipated and tried to end our sexual relationship. I know that there's no way you can predict how a person will feel, but in a strange way, I felt cheated. Like, "I told you not to fall in love with me, and now you've done it" LOL I know that's pretty irrational. She took it pretty hard, to say the least. Crying and such, offering to sleep with my husband so that we could have threesomes and include him more...anything to keep me in her life. I should have severed the ties to her then but again, I fought against my better judgement. Now, a month later, she is stalking me on the internet. I know this sounds silly, please don't laugh at me, it's really annoying. For example, Friday night I was chatting with her on yahoo and accepted a friend request on MySpace from a girl who wanted some relationship advice. (Yeah I should totally be giving out relationship advice LOL) Within twenty minutes of my accepting her request, "Sara" (I'll call the ex) added her to her friends list. If she notices a girl being added on my friends lists, she adds them almost instantly. I value her friendship but I really feel like she's crossing the line. I can't log on to a website where she is my friend (facebook, myspace) without her noticing and sending me messages. I've tried to tell her that she needs to back off, If I go more than a day without talking to her, she freaks out and sends me a million messages.
So my question is this--She is pretty unstable mentally. How on earth do I explain all of this to her without pushing her farther over the edge. I want to be sensitive to her feelings but at the same time, I just want to be left alone. I have met someone I really like and I'm afraid that somehow she's going to mess it up for me. Just for spite's sake, or jealousy. I've never dealt with this sort of thing before. I can't even figure out how to delete a friend on Facebook, I looked last night and can't find it anywhere. I don't know how to extract myself from this mess I've created. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Hillary