Bi female has crush on lesbian best friend...

[dazed_and_confused]

So here's the thing.... my best friend is a lesbian. We've only been friends for about 3 years now, but I honestly feel such a strong connection to her, it's unexplainable. She's got a gf (that's not good for her, and this is their 2nd time around), but she spends most of her time with me, or on the phone with me.

I've been with girls before in the past (just sexually, no dating), and this girl is aware of that. About a year and a half ago, I informed her that I had feelings for her. Back then, it kinda freaked me out, and I think she could sense that. She didn't give me any sort of response except that she was still hung up on her ex (not the same one she's with now). But since then I've come to grips with the fact that I have these feelings (not just sexual, but fully emotional) for a girl.

There was no response after I told her, and shortly after that she jumped into the first round with the current gf. She pretty much lost touch with all of her friends (including myself), until they broke up. Then things were back to normal again. Since then, she and I have become even closer than before. I had my feelings for her under control until the last couple of months. But she's got a gf, and I'm scared of losing her as a friend again.

What should I do? Tell her and risk losing the best friendship I've ever had? Bite my tongue, and keep my feelings to myself since she's in a relationship and the 1st time she didn't respond?

As far as what would happen if I were to tell her, and she felt the same... I would totally not have a problem being in a relationship with her. Its so weird because when she's around, it's like no one else is in the room. No one else matters. The connection we have is just amazing... and I just look forward to getting a text or call from her everyday, or hanging out. But it's getting harder and harder to not just kiss her when we are together.

I date guys (and sexually attracted to them), but I'm attracted to girls also (sexually). This is the first time in my life I've actually had these feelings for a female.

I know this post probably sounds like a jumbled mess, but that's how my head has been. I've been hoping she'd make the first move, but that hasn't happened. And she's not the type to make the first move, which makes this all that much harder. I'd be devastated to find out that she didn't feel the same way... so any advice or suggestions anyone has would be great. Thank you for taking the time to read this and help!

Dazed*and*Confused

[mel85]

Well I was in the same kind of boat as you are in about a year and a half ago. I had strong feelings for a lesbian friend but didn't say anything because I wasn't sure if she felt the same and I wasn't sure if I was gay or bi.

I never told her I had an attraction to woman as well as men, we had a great friendship even though she thought I was straight. She ended up getting a job in another town, moved away and is now engaged to another woman. I still regret not opening my mouth and telling her.

I'm not saying go to her and tell her but I am sure you will regret not saying anything. If you think your friendship is more important, you might want to think it through some more and find the best way to tell her or if you are going to tell her at all.

Hope it works out.

[sammie19]

I believe that as your friend is still in a relationship now isnt the best time to say anything. If she cares enough for the other person it might make her uncomfortable with you and create strains on your relationship which neither of you want. On the other hand if you do say something it may create strains between her and her gf which sounds all very well on the face of it, but after the relationship ends it may be that she will blame you for being the cause of those strains.

For now I think you should sit tight and do and say nothing until there is real light at the end of the tunnel. There may never be, but that is something which is always a risk in matters of the heart.

[innaminka]

Approach this as you would any emotional problem.
You have feelings towards another who appears to be in a relationship, but you are unsure about your own feelings as well.
Actually, gender doesn't have a lot to do with it.
Life throws up these problems all the time, just because its f/f really doesn't mean a great deal.
Act on what your heart says, but allow the mind access. If what you feel is real, be patient.
Actually, I'm not a great one for this sort of advice stuff, its just that I felt gender was not that critical.
good luck.