Fantasies and Realities

[MetaSexual2]

I have no reason to complain about my sexual fantasies becoming reality. In my life I have had a very full set of sexual adventures. I've been involved in both mmf and ffm threesomes, and even a mmff foursome. I have had fulfilling sexual and emotional relationships with a number of women and a couple of men. One fantasy still nags at me though, but its not one that I think will ever be realized, so every once in a while I like to share it with others.

I tend to blame this deep seated desire on too many Robert Heinlein books ("Time Enough for Love", "Friday" and "Stranger in a Strange Land" in particular) at too young an age. The "Choices" comic on this site doesn't help either :tongue: I think it is probably the ultimate fantasy for polyamorously inclined bisexuals - a group of men and women who love each other intensely, both emotionally and physically, and who are able to build a life together. I dream of what a group of intelligent, open-minded, motivated people could do together if they loved each other in such a way.

I've seen a couple of attempts at this sort of thing up close, and it doesn't seem to ever end well. There is always an imbalance, one partner is needier, or people feel a deeper sense of attachment to one partner or the other that eventually splits the group. These were hetero-poly groups I knew, but I think the same sorts of things would probably happen with bisexuals as well.

I have a beautiful wife that is also bisexual, brilliant, and who is the only person who I have ever experienced the deep sense of partnership with that I think people call true love. We are just too happy with each other and too content building our little life together for me to think my last fantasy might come true. Most days I come home from work and I just want to snuggle her, (vigorously or otherwise ;) ) and there just really isn't time in our lives to think about adding anyone else. So in the end the reality of a beautiful monogamous relationship has been far more powerful than my fantasy of a polyamorous one. We both still ogle attractive people of both sexes (and point them out to each other), but the likelihood we will act on those attractions is not very high. We are too picky and have too many requirements for me to think we would ever let anyone else in to our warm little bubble.

Its still a lovely fantasy though, and every once in awhile I like to take it out and turn it over in my mind...

[elian]

I have enough trouble just dating more than one person let alone trying to sleep with more than one. If I REALLY knew that those people really loved me and felt no animosity sharing with myself and with each other then maybe I could approach it from the point of view of trying to share whatever love I had to give. It's much easier to try and please everyone for a short period of time - I think as time progresses the human mind ebbs and flows - it would have to be a pretty special relationship to be able to have energy to devote to more than one for any serious length of time (like years).

I think it's doable - but the cultural programming I have has a hard time understanding - I think the fantasy - and the fallacy come into play when you BELIEVE that you could love all equally and not have even the slightest bit of preference for one over the other - preference may breed malcontent - even if the person is NOT malicious about it there still could be hurt feelings - and I don't like hurting people I care about intimately.

So therefore I generally try to stick to single partners, it's hard enough working out the dynamics of an INTIMATE relationship with one person, let alone two or three. Maybe some of you are more free spirited - I would like to be at times but I just don't know.

[diB4u]

Fantasy and reality are totally different.

For some people they try to make their fantasies into reality- but fail. Why does a person fail, maybe because of their upbringing or their morals or more importantly - their comfort levels.

But sadly, a fantasy is all imagination- of what a person wants etc. In reality a person has to deal with embarrasment, regret and a sense of being let down.

A fantasy lover maybe Brad Pitt or Hayden Panettiere or even them both in your bed. The reality starts when a person opens there eyes and finds that their partner- might have glasses, wobbly bits, self doubt, low self estem, missing limbs, big boobs, or no boobs.


Maybe instead of relaying on an unachievable fantasies a person needs to acheive a relaible and comfortable reality.

[darkeyes]

Wetha ther is jus 2 or 22 peeps in ne relationship ther r always sum who r more needy than othas. If ya cares bout those peeps enuff shudn really matta long as they feel luffed an not shunted 2 the side. Sumtimes tho sum peeps r jus 2 needy an demandin an insecure an so it don matta how much ya try an pacify em an give em the luff an security we all shud hav it jus aint enuff.. polyamory or ne otha relationship aint impossible as such, but sumtimes ther r peeps who no matta wot ya do will neva b happy wiv ther lot... an they quite happy 2 destroy ratha than build...

We all hav dreams an fantasies Meta babes...an mayb theywill neva cum 2 pass but they r in part wot makes us who we r..an we shud hold on 2 those dreams cos wivout em wotta rite borin loada farts we r... anay neva can tell mayb jus mayb the day will cum wen those dreams jus fall inta ya lap...;)

[elian]

:) Nice choice of words at the end there Fran, hehe. one could only hope. :)

[void()]

"Preference?"

That question always bothers me. Not to sound selfish but I want it all.

In a way I guess that could become a negative way. Because a person does need to limit their definition of everything. For example I'm just not into abuse, golden showers, the dead, animals, scat or children. Some may be and more power to them. Please don't force your everything into my everything. I'll not force mine into yours.

Why limit defining everything? Go try to stare down infinity once and I think you'll understand why. "Human beings break ... Film at 11."

But I honestly find deciding a preference quite difficult. "Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't."

[Rambigent]

Meta, I think that is a great fantasy and I hope you will always be open to the possibility of it occurring. My wife and I like to talk about the fantasy as well - adding a third, or another couple, into our primary relationship would be wonderful - but only if it were the right person/people. Add to that the fact that my wife and I are separate people with different likes and dislikes, PLUS the fact that we have kids and relatives and friends and neighbors that would also be at least slightly affected by the addition of a new person(s) to our household, and it makes the fantasy a bit more difficult to realize.

In my reality, I am perfectly happy and content in my relationship with my wife and any additions to our love life, while they're certainly valued and respected and lusted after, come second in my heart to her. Finding others we're both physically attracted to hasn't been a problem so far, and we've been pretty lucky in meeting people that we can appreciate as friends as well as lovers. But we haven't really met anyone that we want to spend more than a weekend without a break yet. Finding smart, funny, sexy friends to have dinner, catch a movie, and hop in bed with has been going fairly well for us. Finding a third or fourth or tenth person we both want to share our lives with is a bit harder to accomplish.

It's a lovely fantasy, but reality is going just fine so far. I'll keep my mind and heart open though. If Brad and Angelina fall for us and beg us to move in with them, it's worth considering...

[Vikkster230]

I don't think it's either fantasies or realities. I have some fantasies that I would like to come to fruition, but then there are fantasies that I'd like to stay just like that. I think that if every fantasy becomes a reality, then that's it... How boring would that be? ;)

[Meinbruder]

I share the fantasy of which Meta speaks; an extended family of committed adults living in harmony. My introduction to being Bi was the writings of RAH, I wonder if that was his intention; to wake up society to the possibility. Tertius is just a fantasy but I long for it too.

[void()]

"Also despite what people here will probably tell you open relationships or relationships with more than 1 person are A LOT harder and more work than a closed relationship with one person is."

Yes it is a great deal harder to not have expectations in relationships. It's more work to love freely and without conditions, too. Thus far I find it worth the effort. There are always two or more views in any mode of living. I've never denied that in discussions with anyone about open relationships.

Merely a humble two cents from someone attempting to live their convictions and dreams. All I've needed to say is said, thanks for listening.

[frikidiki]

You're talking about Utopia! This was once my fantasy, too. Why limit yourself to a few, when you could have a whole tribe on an island somewhere? I'll take up my spear and follow that one. :-D

As others here have said, humans tend to pair up first and foremost. This doesn't mean polyamory isn't feasible, though. It's just, in my view at least, exponentially harder to achieve and maintain than a twosome. And everybody has issues, differences, peeve buttons, etc. It's really these things we have to put up with that make or break any given relationship; the rest is the good times.

May this fantasy become your God-granted heavenly reward.

[wicked_game_]

"Also despite what people here will probably tell you open relationships or relationships with more than 1 person are A LOT harder and more work than a closed relationship with one person is."

I have to agree to some degree. I have an open marriage and my husband has a male partner that we live with and it can be a lot of work. Just making sure everyone is taken care of and that no one is going wanting is enough work in and of itself.

While I share the fantasy of being able to live together and love together it's not all that realistic. Finding 4 people who mesh like that would be a daunting task and would be so susceptible to falling apart at the seams it would hardly seem worth that initial effort.

So I'll mull it over in my mind, like the OP. It's not something that will ever happen in my life but it's a nice thought.

[ghytifrdnr]

I too had my mind warped at an early age by Heinlein's stories, but then later was further warped by the stories from Robert Rimmer, http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw/104-2351384-0716729?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=robert+rimmer&x=15&y=20
So now I'm really warped. :tongue:

Even at my advanced age I still have bi-poly fantasies and I'll never let them go no matter how the retarded minds around me say it can never be. You never know, it could still happen.:smilies15 :impleased

[Randypan]

Glad I'm not the Heinline warpee. Share Water Brother?:tongue:

[Natasha Kurusugawa]

I experienced a bisexual foursome FFMM and I like it.
Unfortunately I have not been able to repeat because my boyfriend does not want.
My boyfriend likes MMF threesomes and having sex with men.
I am not interested in threesomes MMF, I prefer better FFM, but my boyfriend does not like FFM threesomes.

I have had lesbian relationships hidden from him, I know that my boyfriend has sex with other men and he would not hide it, in fact he talks about his casual relationships with other men with me. But my boyfriend hates that I like women.:(
I do not understand why I have to bear submissive, he talk to me about having sex with men all the time, and he bothers with me, if I say that I like girls.

I think my boyfriend is upset with me, from the first and last time he saw me having sex with a woman, but I do not understand why. If he was having sex with a man while I had sex with a women in the same room and in the same bed.