Depression after masturbation?

[RickB]

Hello folks

I just wanted to float the idea of depression after masturbation. I often feel so tired and depressed that only a short nap makes me feel better. I felt that way today for example. I think that this is a result of my heavily religious upbringing. But I also have a lingering feeling that this is perhaps something to do with my sexuality.

Can anyone relate to this problem?

Regards
Richard

[Caaveman]

Well Rick, speaking just for me. I understand what you are saying, and yes IMHO it does have a lot to do with your religous upbringings. I was braught up in a holness family, and had very similar feelings. I think it's because that we are taught that it's just soooo wrong to do that, and so many other things. And it could be also partly because you have no one that will tell you that it is alright and natural . But I've found a saying that my father told me when I was just a kid... There are two kinds of men in the world, those that do masterbate and those that SAY they don't.

[RickB]

Hi Caaveman
I like that quote a lot!
In the absence of any other reply, it does look like religion is the culprit here.
Regards
Rick

[elian]

There are certainly chemical changes in the body after sex, I'm not a professional doctor so I can't really say if these amount to anything. I have on occasion had a similar emotional experience - many people probably have. I think usually it relates to cultural programming.

If you are happy with yourself as a person there is no reason to feel guilty. I still think that every one of us is a spark of the divine - if you must use religion look at it this way - if God is all loving, and we are a part of God - how can a loving God hate itself?

You dwell in those feelings not because God made you to be something other than what you are - but because men used the influence of religion to push their own short-sighted goals on the rest of humanity. The scared little boys who are uneasy with themselves enough to perpetuate patriarchy at the expense of others just can't understand how someone with a penis could give up that "male power" to become <gasp> - "a woman" .. (e.g. - "sensitive") or at least that's what the hardline twisted mentality points toward.

I draw spiritual inspiration from many sources, but I became a lot more comfortable with the Christian God when I stopped thinking of the relationship as a subservient father/child relationship and started thinking of it in terms of a loving, responsive partner. Jewish scholars who have studied for a lifetime recognize the "wholistic" nature of God in the Quabbalah - it surprised me to learn just how much these folks essentially draw similar conclusions to that of Eastern Thought.

Heard it said that "The Bible" is the word of God - but it was written by the hand of man, and I'm all too familiar with what the hand of man can do. I am sorry to offend but the more I read, and the more I read other sources. A lot of it seems fractured, distorted and designed to put the power in the hands of men. They take the humanity out of the whole process. They may preach that "Jesus is love" but they place God on a pedestal as an "angry old white guy" who is immutable, untouchable.

Sexuality is a natural part of being human - if you aren't hurting anyone else I don't think there is any shame in pleasing yourself..much better than a lot of other potential situations people get into for sex that are truly hurtful and negative anyway.

So many gay people (self included at times) fall prey to self-loathing. Grow in light, compassion and love, not fear, loathing and darkness.

Sure, maybe it's not fun being alone - maybe you recognize that you have something more than "just sex" to share with someone else - that's not a bad thing - when the time is right you will have a lot to share. But be patient with yourself. Learn to love yourself first, showing true love and compassion to yourself builds an understanding of what it means to have true compassion for others.

Hope this mess helps.

-E

[shenhe]

My view on the topic is that self-orgasm is incomplete in the absence of a love one to share it with. Thus depression. To me, it's normal to feel this way.
But there are times damn it feels great to jus slap that salami around.
Although I hate that empty feeling. When wife & I have sex, everything now is normal. No such emptiness, no such depression, but a feeling of completion. Same with thing goes having sex with same sex partner. It just ain't complete, therefore, a feeling of sadness sets in. But like masterbation,
sometimes the act or the idea of same sex feels pretty good. But afterwhich,
there's that old feeling hanging over me.

My experience - my view.

[elian]

Maybe I shouldn't rail so hard against other people's faith - sorry about that. I kinda see shenhe's point - it is meaningful to share with others - as long as the level of understanding/chemistry is mutual. I still stand by my original thought though - wouldn't be ashamed for doing something natural.

[darkeyes]

... a man thing obviously....:tong:

[Bluebiyou]

Women are more like irons, men are more like light switches.
After a man cums, interest plumets.

Feelings gather thought to them, a concept more women 'get' about themselves than men.
So, what I'm saying is there is a huge natural change in feelings immediately after a man orgasms. If these feelings find fodder in 'depressed' or 'guilt' thoughts, then just realize that's what they do.
Think about your most paranoid times; perhaps the times you embraced some conspiracy theory or another. Chances are good your energy levels were high and you probably had some caffeine.
We think by feeling. What else is there to know?

[RickB]

Thanks folks

I have been wavering about whether to attend a bi convention at the end of the month. If I do go, it might help me once and for all accept my sexuality as nothing to feel guilty about.

Porn is another issue. I do rather believe that there's an unacceptable level of exploitation in hardcore straight pornography. But why should I feel guilty about it? Loads and loads of porn is made every day in the US and elsewhere. I couldn't stop that if I tried. I pay nothing so I'm not lining any pornographer's pocket.

Interesting to see some theological arguments. I am agnostic so an idea of an obligation towards a supreme being isn't an issue for me - although my parents' hammering of homosexuality and masturbation (on religious grounds) when I was growing up and an adolescent most probably was!

Regards
Rick

[elian]

Thanks folks

Porn is another issue. I do rather believe that there's an unacceptable level of exploitation in hardcore straight pornography. But why should I feel guilty about it? Loads and loads of porn is made every day in the US and elsewhere. I couldn't stop that if I tried. I pay nothing so I'm not lining any pornographer's pocket.

Interesting to see some theological arguments. I am agnostic so an idea of an obligation towards a supreme being isn't an issue for me - although my parents' hammering of homosexuality and masturbation (on religious grounds) when I was growing up and an adolescent most probably was!

Regards
Rick

Yes, it's amazing what you can tell yourself logically - and what comes out under stress that was drummed into you as a kid.

About porn - yes, some of it is exploitative I'm sure - but then again - there's a lot of at least amateur stuff out there where people sure enough as far as I can tell appear to be freely ..err.. "expressing themselves" without any other strings attached ??

[kinkyuk]

hi rick ..I used to get that alot, one side of the coin was it was such a nice high, that there was a void straight after.

another side was, i used to feel guilty, because the fanatsys often involved both men and women, and as like u, i was brought up with religion as a tool, the conflict of that made me feel guilty, and also the pretence of being 'str' to others made me feel guilty too.

now im coming to accept the huge range of my sexuality, and exploring it, i dont feel guilty after masturbation anymore, cause in my eyes, what im fanatasising about, is healthy and is an exploration of diffrent parts of myself, and now just feel relaxed with a smile afterwards :).

besides i suppose, its the acceptance of your fantasys and saying to yourself its ok, its just a part of me, that will help the guilt subside :)

[RickB]

Hi

Thanks for that Kinky and Elian.
I registered today for BiCon 2008 up in Leicester. Should be very interesting. Should help my self-acceptance big time.

R

[dafydd]

yeah i totally relate but it's not so much to do with depression but anxiety. i did not have a religious upbringing but i have a lot of expectations, and convince myself sometimes i want to be with someone, when really it's only the hormones talking. once you cum, you're rational again, and it's quite a shock and you think...wait what the hell am i doing here?
this really only happens during one night stands and not when ur with the one you want to be with.
maybe ask yourself, if you're having sex with the right people, and don't just get the urge to flee or throw them out straight away.
interesting topic.

d

[Mrs.F]

Hello folks

I just wanted to float the idea of depression after masturbation. I often feel so tired and depressed that only a short nap makes me feel better. I felt that way today for example. I think that this is a result of my heavily religious upbringing. But I also have a lingering feeling that this is perhaps something to do with my sexuality.

Can anyone relate to this problem?

Regards
Richard

What about the fact that I orgasm more by masturbation than with my husband? I don't know if it's just stress or just that I don't have the time to totally relax or I get myself more excited alone than with my husband. But I do get depressed by feeling this way. Is it my age, where I'm at in my life or is this something normal? Maybe it's just a woman thing....I don't see that my husband has this problem. :rolleyes:

[mindfinding]

It'd be easy to blame religion, but your body is going through a reaction, not a religious with drawl or guilt. I would suggest you go to your GP and ask him/her to test your testosterone levels. Anything less the 11 is not acceptable. You may have a lack of testosterone in your body.

There are many things it could be, bi polar, I suppose it could be religious though I doubt it. Talk to your GP. If a nap makes it better, then your body is reproducing something it was missing from the time you finished rubbing one out.

Cheers

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

I dont know if this helps Hon..but I used to get a tad depressed because I Had to masturbate...alone. I had a significant other, but he wasnt interested in the slightest about having sex with me. So I just got to the point when I did take matters into my own hands (So to speak) I Didnt feel depression or guilt. Its human nature to get mental And physical release no matter What your up-bringing. If you need to, do so, and do it for the sheer pleasure of it, and dont feel the depression or guilt anymore.:}
Cat

[Marquess de Sade]

Not to sound at all like a smart ass but is it possible you are just sleepy? I like to take a nap everytime I masterbate. In fact, I prob won't masterbate unless I have time to take a nap because I always feel like my body is comming home from war after I'm done, Goddess love it!:wiggle2:

[frikidiki]

I have a few questions I'd like you to ponder, even if you may have touched on them before.

How do you feel specifically about masturbation? Are you lonely, and are bad feelings associated with loneliness crashing your afterglow party? You said you get sleepy after a good squirt, which is normal; but, do you normally get depressed to any degree when you're tired? Regarding the porn, which you obviously feel bad about masturbating to, how much do you know about the porn industry, both here and abroad, and how much does this knowledge figure into your purchasing decisions?

Honestly, I love to masturbate, and not only do I disagree with prohibitions against it, voyeurism/exhibitionism, and homosexual activity or non-straight orientations, I think, fundamentally, that God meant us to be sexual creatures, by ourselves or with others. Regarding porn, I can't enjoy a scene unless I get the impression that the subject(s) of the scene are enjoying themselves as much as whoever's doing whatever to them. For example, if I see a woman begging to have it in her ass, and subsequently she looks like she's just trying to get through it, I skip to the next scene or return the movie. I like to watch people getting off, not just getting fucked, and certainly not getting hurt, humiliated, or "consumed" as some sort of commodity. Does any of this click with your situation?

[RickB]

Hi - thanks for the replies

Marquess - Yes, there is an element of tiredness but I'm pretty sure that depression is there as well. Interestingly, I found that a good half an hour session with a punchbag afterwards made me feel better when I was at home. No punchbag where I'm staying now though, sadly.

Frikidiki (nice name - reminds me of an Elmore Leonard novel) - I know a lot about the Californian straight porn industry from reading about Shelley Lubben. Now don't get me wrong - I don't subscribe to her religion but I do believe that only she provides a credible voice on how exploitative the straight porn industry is to women. I have read similar things written by Australian blogger Luke Ford.

My guilt at downloading free pornography from the Web (I haven't paid for any pornography in six years) is a little diminished by the fact that I try to avoid the really nasty stuff. But then again from what I have read, the same preformers and agents that work with the nicer-looking stuff also work with the real exploiters like Max Hardcore, Khan Tusion and Brandon Irons.

I would prefer to be in a situation where I only masturbated to girl on girl porn as there seems to be no exploitation going on in the scenes I have seen. But if I am honest I find it harder to get off to.

I suspect that it's better in the gay porno industry but I haven't really looked into it yet. At the moment, I don't get off on hardcore male porn. But I am openly bi curious and that may change.

Regards
Rick

[AFTER9]

Hi

Thanks for that Kinky and Elian.
I registered today for BiCon 2008 up in Leicester. Should be very interesting. Should help my self-acceptance big time.

R

I read an article on another site about a couple that attended this conf. They said it was powerful the sense of acceptance. They said something to the effect of it was like coming home for the first time. Good luck.

[cuthwulf]

I do remember that when i masturbate pre 20 years old i had no problem.
I mean i could masturbate once or twice a day no problem. Now heck couldn't nor want to. But i think it has a lot to do with your hormone levels dropping suddenly which i think can also cause depression. My feeling is if the body wants to do it then its probably right . But if you were brought up in a suppressed household then guilt will always be there.Also if your in a committed relationship then society says that's not on.Which causes guilt

[chook]

Whats all this depressed bullshit.......I feel absolutely great after making wild mad passionate love to myself....and if I'm having a wank religion doesn't even come near the equation, after all I am the end result of a catholic education :tong:


Cheers Chook :bigrin:

[bhg08054]

I tend to feel both tired and sad after masturbating. The tiredness is, I think, a physiological reaction, as I have always felt the need to sleep afterwards, even when young. The sadness is because I tend to feel alone much more at that time than any other.

[sixthickcut]

I always feel great before,during and after masturbation. I masturbate at least once a day and sometimes twice a day. I luv my sexual memories that I can access to enhance the moment of orgasm:tongue:...I cannot imagine feeling depressed about a natural act. If it feels good do it babe...:three:

[rayosytruenos]

Hello folks

I just wanted to float the idea of depression after masturbation. I often feel so tired and depressed that only a short nap makes me feel better. I felt that way today for example. I think that this is a result of my heavily religious upbringing. But I also have a lingering feeling that this is perhaps something to do with my sexuality.

Can anyone relate to this problem?

Regards
Richard

Hi!

Yes, I think I can relate to that situation a lot... When I was a bit younger I used to masturbate a lot of times... DAILY! I had a very strict Catholic upbringing and at that time I thought that every sex action should conduce to have children inside the marriage, as I was told endless times by my old priest in and out of confession. Only later on, when I had the luck of having a much younger priest, just recently out of the seminary, with a lot of new ideas, my feelings were better about that issue, as he was keen on thinking that masturbation was OK, as far as a release of energy and not thinking about sex (which would be against the 6th commandment)... Eventually I just decided that God created us as animals with a reasoning power and if God wouldn't like us to behave as animals, He wouldn't have given us those feelings and needs.

I was masturbating a lot till recent times, as it relaxes me a lot and I'm a very sexual person. I remember that I enrolled in a very demanding career at the university, more following my parents' wishes than my own, and although I had very good marks through High School, all my colleagues had too, as it was an elite group, but while I had to study very hard to get those marks, many of my colleagues just studied the whole night previous to the exam, so I find it very stressful to keep up and needed a lot of release, and not having a sexual partner at the time, I used to relax myself with a lot of hands-on-the-job :bigrin: Nevertheless, I used to feel very guilty (I guess it's more guilt than depression what you feel, at least that's how I felt most of the time... or maybe you could say depressed due to the guilt). I used too to masturbate a couple of times at least before going to bed, to get some sleep, as due to the stress, I was suffering from insomnia, and it helped a bit. So yeah, I think, after masturbation, a lot of people get a bit sleepy.

Also, and a bit away from the question, I feel a bit guilty, while masturbating (or having sex) with another guy... Most of these guys once they've come, they've gone... :rolleyes: I mean, after they squirt, they just cannot go on, while I'm up for a few more times... what makes me feel very bad, as I'm just starting, and I want to be with the guy (if I really like him a lot) all night... but most of these guys, in 15 minutes or less are done and gone home... so I've developed a sort of technique not letting myself come for as long as I can, so some of these guys stay at least till they make me cum :tong: and also I try not to let them cum very soon, so in that way we can enjoy our sessions for a bit longer than just 15 minutes.

I remember that when I spoke about my masturbation routine while at the university, I went to a doctor due to my stress, and he asked me how many times I did masturbate... I told him how many, but I made him promise not to tell my parents who were waiting outside. After my session with the doc, he asked me to wait outside as he wanted to speak in private with my parents... You cannot imagine how embarrassed I was while back to the car with my parents, my father commented in front of my mother that the number of times I masturbated every day, was quite excessive!!! (Thanks for the confidentiality agreement, doc!!! :mad: )

All the best,

ray